Discussing kink with physicians

[ToPleaseHim]

I did a quick search of the library, but didn't find what I was looking for. I am curious about others' experiences discussing kink with physicians, obgyns in particular. How have you brought it up? How did the conversation go? What suggestions would you have for someone nervous about bringing up the topic?

 

[Aphro]

Why would you need to bring it up? Are you doing something that would be detrimental to your health, or require medical intervention afterwards?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

It seems a reasonable topic for discussion with the doctor who specializes in the health of one's reproductive organs. In my case, there has been some bruising on my breasts that I would probably avoid showing a doctor, not wanting to hear any judgment. I do wonder if it just makes sense to discuss proclivities towards rough sex with physicians. Do you not think it's necessary?

 

[seela]

Why would you need to bring it up? Are you doing something that would be detrimental to your health, or require medical intervention afterwards?

That's what I was wondering as well.

Any marks that I've had, I've just explained as rough sex if the obgyn has asked and that's it. They haven't been interested in the details of it at all. I've never started the conversation myself.

I have asked about piercing and nerves in the nether region, but I didn't tell why I was asking.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Aphro]

Maybe I am just not understanding. I thought you meant you were doing things that caused injury to your reproductive organs requiring the attention of a physician. In which case my first thought was well, you need to stop doing that! Which is my personal feeling, and no doubt many would disagree.

Bruises, unless severe, I don't think would make me feel like I needed to disclose. And even then only if asked.

I'm sure emergency room physicians find out all sorts about sexual proclivities when treating patients with things stuck in various orifices.

 

[SpunThings]

If you were into heavy martial arts, would you feel the need to tell your doc? If so then tell them. If not, only mention it if they ask.

 

[MeekMe]

I think this is usually a 'don't ask, don't tell' kind of situation. If the physician doesn't ask, then don't tell them. If you think you need to discuss your situation with your doctor, I think it would be fine to first ask if they know anything about BDSM. I would think most would at least be a little familiar (they come across all kinds of things). If there is an issue and BDSM practices are the cause, discuss it with your doctor.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MastersDelight]

My main concern would be any marks or bruises prompting the "do you feel safe at home" talks, or getting flagged as a possible abuse case despite my insisting that that wasn't what was happening. Although I don't go to the doctor often and can just avoid impact play before my appointment.

 

[Raingirl85]

I don't see a reason to bring it up. At my last OBGYN visit my doctor did see some of my bruising and markings, and he asked if I was experiencing domestic violence and I said "nope, this was consensual" and that was that. He didn't bat an eye about it. I also used to be an exotic dancer and did a lot of complex pole work. The pole left myriad bruising in the inner thigh area. My OBGYN at that time asked about that as well confirming that it was not a domestic violence situation. In both of these cases no doctor questioned my response and there were no follow up problems.

 

[seela]

My main concern would be any marks or bruises prompting the "do you feel safe at home" talks, or getting flagged as a possible abuse case despite my insisting that that wasn't what was happening. Although I don't go to the doctor often and can just avoid impact play before my appointment.

I've also experienced what Raingirl wrote about. Being asked if all's good on the home front. I said I just enjoy rough sex and they didn't ask anything further. I've never talked about BDSM or the details of it, rough sex seems to be a good, generic enough term for it.

I think it's a good idea to prepare yourself to answer the question if asked, so that it doesn't come as a surprise to you. If you yourself are relaxed about it, I would assume there's really a minimal chance of it getting flagged as possible abuse. Doctors see all kinds of things in their line of work. I'm sure if you don't come across as secretive and very fiddly when you answer it would be fine.

Edit: If there is something you (general you) need to discuss with a physician, maybe you could preface the whole scenario by saying that it is something sensitive you don't know how to approach. That would hopefully put the doctor in a more understanding mind set to begin with. However, I think a lot of BDSM topics can be discussed without ever pointing out that you're asking because of sexy fun times, so maybe you don't need to mention BDSM at all.

 

[richard_daily]

I don't see a reason to bring it up. At my last OBGYN visit my doctor did see some of my bruising and markings, and he asked if I was experiencing domestic violence and I said "nope, this was consensual" and that was that. He didn't bat an eye about it. I also used to be an exotic dancer and did a lot of complex pole work. The pole left myriad bruising in the inner thigh area. My OBGYN at that time asked about that as well confirming that it was not a domestic violence situation. In both of these cases no doctor questioned my response and there were no follow up problems.

Exactly the way it should be...

However, if anyone does face any issues, the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is a resource that might help.

https://nationalcoalitionforsexualfreedom.wildapricot.org/

 

[cookiecat]

In my state, my doctor is a mandated reporter - someone who is required by law to report suspected abuse. I had to go to the ER and had some fairly amazing bruises and had to convince the ER nurse, an x-ray technician and the doctor it was consensual.

From then on, I discussed it briefly with my doctor just to be on the safe side.

 

[Farawyn]

In my state, my doctor is a mandated reporter - someone who is required by law to report suspected abuse. I had to go to the ER and had some fairly amazing bruises and had to convince the ER nurse, an x-ray technician and the doctor it was consensual.

From then on, I discussed it briefly with my doctor just to be on the safe side.

This. As a mandated reporter myself, I would have to ask/follow up about any bruises upon assessment.
As a patient? I don't tell my OBGYN a damn thing about my sex life.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've told my primary care doctor, GI specialist and my GYN that I am poly. I have had significant discussions with a couple doctors about anal sex.

I never discuss bruises. I always say I feel safe at home and that seems to be all they need to hear.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Thank you for all your well thought out responses.

And HI ECSTATIC SUB!

 

[luci_smith]

I guess it depends on your physical complaint. I don't bring up my sexual practices with my gyn generally however there was a time when I caught a raging case of BV and had to explain that anal sex was possibly the culprit. She didn't blink. I imagine she's heard more kinky stuff than that. She gave me medicine and didn't say a word about anal sex.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

This thread disappoints me, because I thought it was going to be a discussion of engaging in kink with physicians.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Farawyn]

Can I ask a question about this 'mandated reporter'? This is not something I am familiar with.

What happens if the patient has a condition that makes bruising very easy? Right now G and I are not having any spanking or flogging yet I am being bruised from normal sex. I am also bruised on my legs from daily life, on my arm from where my dog put her paw........this is accepted as a side effect of a condition I have, would you still have to report some one like me?

I have twice in uk been questioned about domestic violence in my relationship, both before engaging with bdsm, in non violent relationship, and my partner thought it was great they Intervened. This was before the reason for propensity to bruise was picked up, but was based, I was told, on that my partner came with me to doctor appointments.

There are a series of screening questions we would ask, and if we truly thought there was abuse, we would try to get a SW in with the patient. We would also evaluate body language, whether the patient in question answers her own questions, if stories vary or change, etc.
I worked with a low economic population where abuse was more common (not that it's only common in this group, but it was often a rape situation, or incest) and we escalated all the time. If DSS or CPS finds nothing, then we have nowhere to go.
To my knowledge, we did not over report, or report incorrectly.
I would say there was under reporting, if anything.

If you do bruise easily, I would maybe have a consult with your doc, or at least have your husband go with you so they have no cause for suspicion. Of course, they can also test for any medical condition that does make you bruise easily, such as anemia or being on anticoagulants, so you probably would have no problems at all!

 

[Farawyn]

This thread disappoints me, because I thought it was going to be a discussion of engaging in kink with physicians.

You first.

 

[cascadiabound]

Can I ask a question about this 'mandated reporter'? This is not something I am familiar with.

What happens if the patient has a condition that makes bruising very easy? Right now G and I are not having any spanking or flogging yet I am being bruised from normal sex. I am also bruised on my legs from daily life, on my arm from where my dog put her paw........this is accepted as a side effect of a condition I have, would you still have to report some one like me?

I have twice in uk been questioned about domestic violence in my relationship, both before engaging with bdsm, in non violent relationship, and my partner thought it was great they Intervened. This was before the reason for propensity to bruise was picked up, but was based, I was told, on that my partner came with me to doctor appointments.

"Mandated reporter" is a particular legal term in the US. Certain professionals are mandated reporters including health care professionals. The specifics vary a bit from state to state but have to do with reporting abuse or neglect of vulnerable populations - children, elderly, disabled, institutionalized folks, people with other diminished capacity. Also concerns abuse - domestic, and family abuse situations. Mandated reporters are typically cautious about reporting - they do not want to throw a red flag unless there is good cause or evidence to do so. However, often people who are in the category of "mandated reporters" are in the best position to be able to see and evaluate possible situations where people are in peril and need assistance or intervention from social work or law enforcement.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]