Discussing kink with physicians

[IrisAlthea]

I did a quick search of the library, but didn't find what I was looking for. I am curious about others' experiences discussing kink with physicians, obgyns in particular. How have you brought it up? How did the conversation go? What suggestions would you have for someone nervous about bringing up the topic?

Really good question, but I think your experience discussing kink or even sex with your physician will depend a lot on where in the world you are, who you are and the circumstances.

In cases where the law makes it difficult to be open about certain things, the cost of being honest and open might be too high.
In many cases though, I think we keep quiet because of embarressment or shame and that we miss out, get things wrong and expose ourselves to risk for little or no reason.
I was lucky that I did decide to ask what the doctor actually ment by no sex during the problematic pregnancy. I had assumed that it was vaginal penetration that was to be avoided. It turned out to be both that and even more about avoiding contractions - hello orgasm denial.
I almost didn’t ask because I felt like an idiot. After that I asked questions and I’ve been open about sexual things that we do when I’ve thought that it might be something not assumed to be part of normal sex life and that it would be relevant to the situation.
I’ve never had any negative reaction but sometimes they admit a lack of knowledge and sometimes that there is a lack of information/research even when they try looking it up.
It probably helps that my curiosity tends to>my embarressment. I guess it’s good I’m not a cat.

Things like sexual dysfunction because of side effects from drugs are one of those things that should be more openly talked about too, but isn’t always because both patient and physician are embarrased. It will be on the package leaflet of course but probably along with most of the symptoms you were trying to get rid of with the meds and other charming things like death and skin self-dissolving. Not everyone likes to read stuff like that.

It can be super uncomfortable though.
I do remember a conversation about anal sex with a doctor where he stubbornly stared into one corner of the room, I stared as stubbornly into another and we both did our very best beet imitation. We both managed to sound very calm and detatched though.

 

[emme8]

I would not tell every doctor everything, but

It is important to discuss with a Dr, at least in general terms.

Your gastrointestinal doctor might appreciate you mentioning you occasionally use enemas, just say before anal sex.
Your obgyn needs to know some.
A dermatologist might have questions about bruises or rashes.
Definitely a cardiovascular Dr needs to know some. Intensity or bondage- blood pressure and blood clotting might be affected.
Be slightly vague and they can ask questions if needed

 

[Goldenfinger]

It was kinda a perfect storm for me. I was switching doctors because going to the VA was kinda a hassle. I knew this lady was a dr. But didn’t know where she worked. I was scrolling through the Drs that were taking new patience and came across her. I contacted her and vaguely told her how I’d met her before and if she would be open to being my Dr. She told me she would.

I do not really believe that I would need a dr because of something involving our sex life. Me and my wife both have a medical background but you can never be too carefully. I wear a chastity cage with a urethral tube. I’ve never had a issue but there are things that can happen, so being able to have someone to talk to that might be more in tune with those types of activities would be helpful.

 

[cubbyfire04]

Not an OB situation obviously but applicable...

My doctor is very much approachable when it comes to sexuality. It's never a forthright question, never creepy, or judgemental. During any physical exams, he always kind of just tosses in questions as part of his standard questionnaire...

"If you're even a little bit uncomfortable with these questions, please let me know and we'll move on... I like to ask them because people often know they should share things with me, but aren't always ready without my support."

"Do you engage in activities in your private life that you are concerned might be approaching or causing you or your wife any mental or physical harm?"

Etc. They are pointed yet optional. Obvious but not invasive I appreciate it very much. And it does allow me to be honest about my sexuality.

 

[fnchristie81]

I'm a former ER nurse, not a doctor, but in the clinical setting it's best to be direct with questions or concerns, or with statements of what happened. In the private (off duty) setting...you'd be surprised at what we've seen or might be in to lol

 

[Goldenfinger]

I'm a former ER nurse, not a doctor, but in the clinical setting it's best to be direct with questions or concerns, or with statements of what happened. In the private (off duty) setting...you'd be surprised at what we've seen or might be in to lol

My wife works in the er. I’ve heard some stories. I have no room to criticize someones erotic habits. But sometimes I say damn.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

My wife works in the er. I’ve heard some stories. I have no room to criticize someones erotic habits. But sometimes I say damn.

I've taught safer sex sessions, with a heavy emphasis on "how to stick objects up your arse without becoming a burden on the NHS", which apparently was a weekly occurrence in many an A&E until the internet made better-designed objects easier to acquire - though many of the lost objects were sold for that purpose, just flanges weren't big enough or broke off...

The only really embarrassing time I've had was when a physio brought out various bits of leather bondage gear, only in NHS blue because they're used to hold parts of you still while they try to sort your pelvis out without touching areas "that would make you deck me for two reasons". I couldn't stop laughing - physio is too much like SM already, but the guy knew I knew...

Being the NHS, the standard of the physios and their kit is world-class, but too often you're in a large room only separated from others by curtains, so the main problem is trying not to swear too much in deference to all the elderly folk in other cubicles, while this fit young lad practically reenacts a scene from your local fetish club on you. While both of you are making veiled jokes about consent and being cheaper than 'that club down the road'...

 

[stxjimmy]

Domme takes me to the doctor She has been going to for over 15 years and she is really awesome!

She is an older woman and a Hippie. She has pictures of herself from the 60's with flowers in her hair on the wall of the examination room where she always sees me and she always has little buttons on her coat. One is a peace sign i recognized but the others she had explain, like one that looks like an American flag with green and white stripes and instead of stars its a green circley thing she says is an Ecology sign and another one that is half white on the bottom and black on top and the white part goes up into a tree with no leaves. She says it is anti-nuclear.
She has long frizzy hair and even talks like a hippie. ' Hey man, you gotta, like, take your pills, man, so you, like, get better, man'

She always makes me giggle, even tickles me when i am feeling really bad and gives me a lemon lollipop as soon as she walks in the door and always pats my head when she leaves. Sometimes i am grumpy and being a brat but she doesn't let me get away with it. When i get like that she will say 'Hmmm, I might have to give you a prescription for a good spanking three times a day for a week'

The first time i went to see her was because i had a really bad sore throat and after she looked at me she told Domme for me to use a spray she was prescribing and that for a few days try to take it easy, not to eat anything heavy, drink lots of fluids and she said there were other ways we could be intimate until my soreness went away. i was very embarrassed but she was so casual about it about and i realized that all the questions, even the personal ones were always directed at Domme and not at me so she was aware of our relationship. She's seen marks on me, will ask what they are from, Domme will tell her they are from a spanking or whatever and she doesn't bat an eye. She even gave Domme something called Tiger Balm to treat bruises.

Sounds a nice considerate doctor

 

[Goldenfinger]

I've taught safer sex sessions, with a heavy emphasis on "how to stick objects up your arse without becoming a burden on the NHS", which apparently was a weekly occurrence in many an A&E until the internet made better-designed objects easier to acquire - though many of the lost objects were sold for that purpose, just flanges weren't big enough or broke off...

The only really embarrassing time I've had was when a physio brought out various bits of leather bondage gear, only in NHS blue because they're used to hold parts of you still while they try to sort your pelvis out without touching areas "that would make you deck me for two reasons". I couldn't stop laughing - physio is too much like SM already, but the guy knew I knew...

Being the NHS, the standard of the physios and their kit is world-class, but too often you're in a large room only separated from others by curtains, so the main problem is trying not to swear too much in deference to all the elderly folk in other cubicles, while this fit young lad practically reenacts a scene from your local fetish club on you. While both of you are making veiled jokes about consent and being cheaper than 'that club down the road'...

Believe it or not sex toys still have a stigma for some people. most stories involve things that should not go in the body because they are not shaped in a way they don’t get lost. Others I just am dumbfounded. Some are from sex toys. Silicone can crack and with vigorous use will break apart.

 

[SissySalina]

Have been going to Her Doctor (a Woman) for years, started back in 2000, and everything is up for discussion. She is usually in the room during the exam and will remind sissy of things that should be discussed with the Doctor. The sexual component is very important to share with the Doctor to ensure that no harm is being done.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Have been going to Her Doctor (a Woman) for years, started back in 2000, and everything is up for discussion. She is usually in the room during the exam and will remind sissy of things that should be discussed with the Doctor. The sexual component is very important to share with the Doctor to ensure that no harm is being done.

Having a partner/etc. along can be great, and sometimes it's really helpful to have an advocate in the room. (In particular, some doctors have trouble hearing the higher frequencies of female voices, and having a guy around to repeat what the woman's saying can improve the chances of it being heard...)

But at some point, a doctor who's covering all the bases may want to talk to the patient alone, so they can ask the "are you being abused?" type questions in privacy.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Having a partner/etc. along can be great, and sometimes it's really helpful to have an advocate in the room. (In particular, some doctors have trouble hearing the higher frequencies of female voices, and having a guy around to repeat what the woman's saying can improve the chances of it being heard...)

But at some point, a doctor who's covering all the bases may want to talk to the patient alone, so they can ask the "are you being abused?" type questions in privacy.

I think the dr would talk to the patient along to ask those questions.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

It never occurred to me to not talk to my doctor about my sexual Proclivities. I remember my first physical in the United States with my husband's family doctor from childhood. I couldn't complete my series of the HPV vaccine after an adverse reaction to the second and as he's narrating his chart notes into his dictaphone, he remarks "Aussie is in a monogamous relationship and therefore at lower risk for disease". I looked him straight in the eyes and corrected his assumption. I'm not monogamous. Yes, I'm married.

That was fun.

My current medical team and I are talking in depth about my desire to orgasm, have anal sex and other parts of my sexuality as we design my treatment plan. Not one of them has flinched at my directness and have answered everything with my considerations in mind.

Every time (and I mean every time) I go to the ER I am questioned about domestic violence. I shrug it off. I don't mind. I'll happily shoulder some discomfort to allow women with non consensual markings a chance to speak up. I do worry about those who don't possess my privilege, though. As demonstrated early on to me, physicians make a lot of assumptions and when they're not checked, things can get dangerous.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I did a quick search of the library, but didn't find what I was looking for. I am curious about others' experiences discussing kink with physicians, obgyns in particular. How have you brought it up? How did the conversation go? What suggestions would you have for someone nervous about bringing up the topic?

I have told my GYN that I have multiple partners and don't always use protection. They need to know for testing purposes.

My counselor knows about most of my kinks.
I chose this counselor because she advertised as sex positive.
She is married to a woman and they share a child.
She is also poly so she gets me.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Having a partner/etc. along can be great, and sometimes it's really helpful to have an advocate in the room. (In particular, some doctors have trouble hearing the higher frequencies of female voices, and having a guy around to repeat what the woman's saying can improve the chances of it being heard...)

But at some point, a doctor who's covering all the bases may want to talk to the patient alone, so they can ask the "are you being abused?" type questions in privacy.

Yep, it’s good to have someone by your side.
I’m fairly good at making my voice heard, but when I’m sick or in pain I get a bit like cats do - not to the point of hiding under furniture, but I do want to be left alone and not be messed with. That isn’t always in my best interest.
In an ER setting I can also usually see people that need the help just as much or more than I do.
Having someone else with me, who is up for taking over the advocating, means that I don’t have to spend energy on being mindful of those tendencies and keeping them in check. That is a good feeling.
A few times I have had doctors who kind of ”got me” to a point where I felt I could let go of those things. That is a true relief when you can find it.

 

[Downfor]

finding a new doctor is more easy in cities than on the countryside

I know exactly what you mean.