Do Conservative Have Better Sex?

[DeeZire]

Now that I’ve converted from Liberal to Conservative, I’m wondering, will the sex be better?

I’ve always been attracted to lily-white women with buttoned-up blouses and their hair in a bun. (Although I can do without that stinky Walmart perfume.) I would think the sexually repressed would be much more exciting in the sack - once they get over their hangups and cut loose.

But will I have to marry one to actually find out? And will we be allowed to use condoms, or will we be doomed to the rhythm method? (In other words: parenthood.)

Is there a handbook, besides the Ann Landers stuff? I’ve already read ‘I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass - Hard’ several times, but I’m afraid that particular article might not be representative of the typical Conservative woman.

In fact, it is occurring to me that I may be stereotyping Conservative women. But now that I actually am a Conservative, shouldn’t I be allowed to do this?

One last question: If I am having sex with a Conservative women, say at the Republican National Convention, must I keep my black socks on? (Shoot. I don't even know if I own any black socks.)

There is so much to learn, I fear I may be in over my head.

 

[Carnevil9]

I'll give you my take, which is no more or less accurate than anyone else's. I've had sex with liberal women, conservative women, and completely apolitical women. In my experience, the women with no political leanings at all are the best in the furs. They don't waste any brain cells on saving the whales or defeating encroaching socialism; they just take off their clothes and FUCK........Carney (YMMV)

 

[sr71plt]

I think conservatives have good sex--but that it's usually a solitary action and involves more talk than action.

 

[neonlyte]

Push the limits... get yourself a convent educated Conservative.

You won't need black socks... Conservatives always have sex with the lights off.

 

[DeeZire]

Push the limits... get yourself a convent educated Conservative. .

On my last DVD buying binge, I got, like, six nun-slut movies, most of them made in Italy in the late 70's.

On a more serious note - I must admit, I am already feeling a little guilty about posting this thread. I mean, how would a liberal feel if he saw a thread titled 'Do Liberals Have Better Sex', with statements like "does the patchouli oil scent wash off with soap?" and "do they want the lights on and the window shades open too?"

I think I'm a little confused right now. I apologize for being tacky and uncool. It appears as though I am, indeed, over my head. Can anyone loan me a snorkel? Or at least some underwater goggles, so I can better enjoy the view down here?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I dunno, Dee-- I think you're screwed.

 

[Liar]

Sex is always better if it's a little bit taboo, if it pushes the envelope just a bit.

Conservatives can have some really fucking small envelopes sometimes.

 

[jomar]

Conservative women are wild in bed. You just have to get them a bit drunk so they can pretend to not remember.

 

[Guest]

Conservative women are wild in bed. You just have to get them a bit drunk so they can pretend to not remember.

And they can't have sex standing up.

Because it might lead to dancing.

 

[rengadeirishman]

And they can't have sex standing up.

Because it might lead to dancing.

for the win.

 

[sr71plt]

Sex is always better if it's a little bit taboo, if it pushes the envelope just a bit.

Conservatives can have some really fucking small envelopes sometimes.

Ah taboo. I guess that's why so many conservative congressmen and ministers are caught fiddling with their male subordinates and little boys.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Sex is always better if it's a little bit taboo, if it pushes the envelope just a bit.

Conservatives can have some really fucking small envelopes sometimes.

It's the small envelopes that make the intrusion more satisfying than for the well-stretched Liberals.

 

[Tricialen]

Ok...speaking as a conservative.....we are wild in bed...on the stairs...all over the house and even ...public places......we just like to hide all of the passion under nice conservative clothes...but ummm what we wear under them...can make you drool......

 

[Anna_Malia75]

And once you get the basics down, you'll be set for life! Because God forbid we should actually change anything.

 

[TE999]

Ok...speaking as a conservative.....we are wild in bed...on the stairs...all over the house and even ...public places......we just like to hide all of the passion under nice conservative clothes...but ummm what we wear under them...can make you drool......

That can't possibly include K-Mart Bra and panty sets or 3 for $8.00 baggy white boxer shorts!

 

[R. Richard]

Sex with the window shades open? ARE YOU PEOPLE NUTS???

What if her husband peeks in the window?

 

[DeeZire]

Sex with the window shades open? ARE YOU PEOPLE NUTS???

What if her husband peeks in the window?

Just guessing - if the husband was a liberal, he'd get a video camera and a beer, if he was a conservative, he'd get a gun.

 

[sr71plt]

if he was a conservative, he'd get a gun.

Or he might pontificate them to death from boredom.

 

[DickyCheung22]

I think conservatives have good sex too. http://11words.com/girlphoto/amy/amy.jpg

 

[Frank Noir]

I've never been so rich that a conservative woman would want to sleep with me...

 

[NoJo]

It's abundantly clear to me that if Deezire is now Conservative, he needs to find a radical Trotskyite woman. Then you'll see some hot sex with plenty of teethmarks.

 

[sr71plt]

I've never been so rich that a conservative woman would want to sleep with me...

Got a good laugh out of this. Thanks.

 

[SlickTony]

Conservatives may have good sex, but their politicians sure can't write about it--judging from the excerpts I've read, they should contract those parts out.