Do you feel stuck?

[Biggs_Darklighter]

I'm in a suburb and I like it. Fuck living in the city. The country is nice but being too remote makes life more difficult than it needs to be. I've found a happy medium in terms of location.

 

[CandiCame]

I feel trapped for the exact opposite reason. I'm trapped by wilderness. I live in the middle of nowhere. You really can feel the woods closing in on you. It's me, my family, and that's fucking IT. Working from home like I do right now until after my surgery, I can go, without exaggeration, for months without seeing civilization, without seeing a new person.

It can feel like you're all alone out here. I mean it can get cabin fevery, in the most medical sense. I make myself go to town even when we don't need anything, for no reason, because I will go batshit crazy.

I take my gramps to dialysis sometimes (a town away) and just hang out the whole like 4 or 5 hours walking around stores and stuff just to feel connected to civilization. I miss the city a lot. I've thought about moving a lot. But I have to be here. I have a life here. And if I leave my grandparents will straight up die.

But yeah, I feel really, really trapped. In the middle of nowhere. My life is a literal horror movie- you know that genre 'Hillbilly Horror' like Rob Zombie makes, where people get lost on a backroad and then get stuck there and everyone around them is just real fucked up? That's how I live.

Also, trapped by responsibility. I am the caregiver for my grandparents and it's... kind of a lot. Like my brother tries to help me but he's not even 20 and he's not the one on the paperwork so he can't do a lot, legally. And he's definitely not the one doing meal plans/nutrition charts/meds and shit. Like he just... I don't know he probably could but I don't trust him with it. Like if I have to be gone he'll feed my kid three meals of canned pasta and I just don't think it'd translate well.

Having said that I do get out. Like I just got back from a trip. So it's not as bad as I'm making it seem.

It's just that it can seem pretty bad. Especially because like... the last time I had to call the cops, when I got in that wreck, it took them over two hours to get there, and I was closer to town than the house is. If something happened and we have to call, say, an ambulance, what the fuck is that going to do? Like realistically what will that do? Nothing.

We're all alone out here. And it can get scary if you let it. And anybody out here who can't drive, like my granny? I don't know how she stands it.

That's also not great for somebody like me who's the kind of neurodivergent I am. Like when you see shit moving around on the cameras at night and just... it's really easy to get freaked out. Especially because I do live in a horror movie, and if the vehicles break down we really are just fucked. There wouldn't really be anything we could do.