Doms vs Alphas and Living it.

[Whitewolf11]

So a year ago my wife finally realized she has submissive tendencies. Not that was a surprise to me, she had been showing them for years I had known her. That started a year long road where I was walking her down the sub road trying to find that point where her psyche was happy. It was not just exploring her sub side but exploring the dom side for me. Finally we reached a point I thought of as the Master/Slave line in the sand. Up to that point it had been degrees of D/s. Her mind and body were still asking for more so we kept on baby steps down.

Finally we found her happy place. Where she was content and at peace with our aspects of our relationship. We have a master/slave relationship but it is not to the extremes. It is difficult to explain. She is submissive as a slave, she is in the shower on her knees waiting on me when I come home from my run. But I do not have her eating out of a dog bowl...if that makes any sense.

This road had made a lot of changes to both our personalities. Good ones. I had been exceptionally careful to never cross that line into arrogance with the trust she had placed in me. I feel I have built a very solid foundation for my dom side. Confident and respectful but creating a safe space for her to give in.

So now it was about creating habits and cementing those pieces of us into place. Taking all this new stuff and making it permanent.

Which brings me to my current problem.

I have been operating under the belief we were in a D/s relationship. She was following all the patterns. I thought I was similarly following all the patterns.

I started going to the gym, eating better, packing on muscle, walking tall so to speak. Women were taking notice, men were being more respectful.

I love my wife beyond all question or doubt. I fully believe I burned every ounce of luck I was born with in life on her alone. So when I started entertaining notions of a 2nd wife...

At first I brushed it away..side effect of when you empower your instinctual side is you give it an inch and it tries to take a mile. But those thoughts just kept turning over and over. If I had wanted another wife for some stupid shallow male reason...I could reason that, just caveman psychology, own it and remain in control.

But I did not...

Every time I let those thoughts play out I knew why. She was my mate. She makes me better. I wish to see her be stronger, to grow in herself and realize dreams she thought out of her reach. Bringing in a carefully chosen 2nd wife would make all 3 of us stronger.

I did everything in my power to fight it for months. I was sitting in a meeting one day when I just gave up the fight. I can count on one hand when the will of my instinct and core personality were so perfectly aligned. And not once were they ever wrong...

Bringing in a 2nd wife was a line even she was not ready to cross. But that was part of our relationship, she trust me to do what is in the best interest of us both and rarely counters it. I still felt uneasy about it.

I have started making small suggestions and comments. I know what I am doing, this is about bringing her around to being open to the idea. If she drew a hard line in the sand and said no I would respect it. But I know she would not.

That is what has set off red flags in my mind.

Doms do not do this. They do not think of their subs as mates. They do not seek to elevate them. Worthless ones are too afraid of losing control of their subs. Strong ones justify control as empowering their subs to sink safely into their natural needs. In the same way a parent provides a loving home for their children to develop.



This is not how an Alpha approaches life. Grow stronger by building and empowering the pack.

I assumed they were two sides of the same coin. An Alpha and Dom share many of the same characteristics but look at life from different philosophies. Can you just swap like that? Or maybe I misread what I was becoming.

I saw a dom walking his sub down the street holding a leash attached to a collar around her neck. I was disgusted, imagine being so weak you need a physical leash to remind your sub she belongs to you. True strength lies in every heartbeat she takes reminding her of the leash around her soul. A true dom does not need whips or chains, just standing in your presence is enough to make her feel bound and safe.

I understand why people enjoy it and the hows and whys attached and do not begrudge them of it. But these thoughts are quickly becoming more common in my mind.

I am building and cementing everything around a D/s relationship but, while she is a submissive, she is not an alpha. Is it possible to mix the two philosophies into some pseudo relationship style?

Every ounce of me says yes. Unquestionably. Damned confidence of mine.

I do not do things by halves, when I commit I throw everything into it.

You can find plenty on the internet about living as a Dom or an Alpha. Albeit you have to sift through an ocean of bs to find kernels of truth.. but there is absolutely nothing out there about merging the two.



I came here hoping for someone to have personal experience.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

There is no such thing as a “true dom.”

Doms can absolutely see their partners as mates.

BDSM is a continuum and you don’t need outsiders to give you permission to use specific titles.

Also, what an interesting first post for having an account for a couple of years.

 

[MiaDani80]

Absolutely love the raw honesty and hope folks who read and respond do so with humility and grace.

I'm a dom myself and I completely get where you're coming from. BUT, it's your marriage. You only get one shot at the relationship with your wife. If you fuck it up and go to a place she can't handle mentally, all of the awesomeness and trust you've experienced may evaporate.

So my advice is to tread cautiously. There is no manual for how the "alpha" is supposed to act. It's your life, your relationship, your marriage.

I'd talk to your wife about it...a lot...because once you introduce a third, all bets are off.

 

[OddLove]

The fundamental issue here is that no matter how much people pretend, the entire Alpha/Beta or Dominant/Submissive power dynamic is completely imaginary. It's play. Like two children pretending to play cops and robbers, the Alpha or Dominant pretends to be the Alpha or Dominant, and the Beta or Submissive pretends to be the Beta or Submissive.

I think there are too many people who refuse to acknowledge that, or simply fail to realize that.

Maybe it's too much of a 'boner-killer' for some. To admit that the entire Alpha/Beta and Dominant/Submissive dynamics are just two adults doing role playing would ruin the fun. It's like going to a Professional Wrestling show and pointing out how the two "Opponents" are working together to pretend-fight.

Perhaps I'm a party pooper for breaking that fourth-wall. But I felt compelled to respond to this, and I couldn't do it with a straight face because I know it's all fantasy/role-playing kink activities.

If I were to respond in a way in which I pretend this is real, I'd play along and say, "You can't be a King if you don't have a Queen." and, "A true Alpha blah blah blah." It doesn't matter.

On random side note: I truly believe most of these Andrew Tate type Alpha fantasies that men buy into have absolutely no idea that what they're really fantasizing about is having an obedient Trad-wife. And what's wild is, there's actually woman who are interested in that lifestyle. But almost none of them are interested in a self-proclaimed Alpha who would consider bringing a second Queen into their home to satisfy the "Alpha's" need for external validation from another female.

On a second random note: I think power dynamics are hot. They're just not real. It's just pro wrestling.

 

[CuriousCat89]

If you can have a second wife and she can’t have anyone else if she wants, it’s manipulation and control.

The ‘alpha men’ who do this are with weak and/or unhappy women. I watched the Louis Theroux documentary and none of those women were happy.

Someone walking a sub on a leash is not weak. It’s humiliation. That might be their thing. But it’s also making others part of your kink without their consent which is….well, yeah. Not cool to many people.

A D/s is whatever you and your partner agree to. There are no definitions or rules by some ruling organization. If your partner is happy and consents to whatever dynamic you want, even if people disagree, who cares? The problem arises when subs feel obligated to agree to things. I don’t know how you square that circle in your relationship.

 

[Whitewolf11]

True doms do exist. Its rare, this is not something you can fake. There is a very strictly defined rule book and you have to live and breathe this stuff, you have to etch that rule book into your soul. It does not require you to embrace the extremes of the world, you just have to embody it completely. Its incredibly dangerous and a lot of work. This is tantamount to brain surgery. You screw it up you could harm a lot of people around you indirectly. If you stray from that rule book even a little, do not make the full effort to imprint it on yourself, you lose it all. At best you end up with ordinary.

When you are in the presence of a true dom you will take that to your grave. You will forever remember that experience. They do not go looking for attention, they do not bother to imprint themselves on people not worth their time. So it is a rare experience and its perfectly understandable that people do not understand the standard that they will likely never encounter.

You absolutely cannot have a sub you see as a mate. Not if you are genuine. A large number of parents think themselves better than their children. Not because they do not love them, but because they have seen more of life than they have. They know better.

You can love and respect your sub asbsolutely....but there is a small piece of your mind that has to come to terms with, between the two of you, you are higher on the totem pole. No matter how much love and respect you lather on top of it. They are your sub.

They

Serve

You

if you reject that, then you can never be a dom. But maybe they do not want you to be either. They just want pretend. Nothing wrong with that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In terms of feedback, when this first started, I desperately wanted feedback from her. I wanted to give her the experience she desired.

And I got nothing...

And I got annoyed....

Then I realized the reason I was getting nothing, this was all new to her. My wife is a strong willed Latnia. If you stick her in a prison cell with 10 death row inmates, I fully expect her to come out of that cell bloody and alone. When I mentioned her submissve tendencies in the past she was "I am a strong willed latina, I take orders from no man."

Ok...

Then one day years later I call her a "good girl" out of the blue and her cute little latina brain melted down. It broke her mind how that affected her so much, she went from Romance Novels to Good Girl with no transition. So we took baby steps, but she had nothing to go off of. I had to plow the road watching her reactions like a hawk. Now I get feedback but that feedback is shaped by the road I already laid down and she already traveled. She is a dyed in the wool submissive. She does not travel off the path I make. She explores what is already laid down, but thats as far as she is willing to stray.

So while I would love feedback from her, at the end of the day I made my peace with I have to study her and predict whats good for us. Which is why this bothered me so much. I went from my carefully laid path to this suddenly. If it was just me I would bulldog my way though it, but once she is brought into the mix it takes on a whole new level of guarded.

--------------------------------------------------------------
You are right.. most of the people who go down this D/s Alpha bit...are just fakes. Even when they tell people they are, even if they believe themselves to be...it's still a lie.

I know because I used to be one of them. I had ex's that wanted a dominant man and I was raised a relationship is 50/50. I could play pretend in bed for a weekend....but I was never really that. It unsettled me when I did.

My wife is what broke that in me. She needed someone in control. Submissves and Dominants are a little broken inside for one reason or another.

I realized very early on she was not looking for this to be pretend for a weekend. She needed this to be a blanket around her she could wear all day every day. Not something that was loud...just present. To be what she needed I could not fake this. I had to live and breathe it. I created an account here a while back because I was looking for advice. I started flipping through threads and realized most of the people here are just weekend warriors. I do nothing in halves, I was looking for someone who enjoys mastering their craft to the point of an art form. So I never did anything with the account till now. I put my head to the grindstone, learned from other peoples experiences, learned from my own, had a long conversastion with my instinctual side, and found my own way.

I know I did right, when her consciousness slips from her mind and her body is completely on autopilot alone like breathing or a heartbeat, she still calls me perfect. Whatever stress or tension or worries I carry, if she was the only thing I did right, I would be happy with that.


I had this client I was meeting for dinner. He introduced me to the woman he was there with. "Oh this is my maid' That was it, no name, just My Maid. Ok... So we were all seated, I very nearly bought into this guy. He was dressed to the 9's. He came off as a Dom, she was overwhelmingly acting the part of a slave. She never spoke unless spoken too, laughed at dry jokes I made, and when I spoke to her she gave a very polite answer and passed the conversation back to him. I almost bought it. She got up to go to the wash room and I saw her passing through tables stopping to adjust her heel and I saw the ankle D ring cuff on her hidden by her dress, When she returned I saw the other one on her other ankle.

True doms understand commuication is an art form to be mastered, especially body language. You never really reach the end until you can intentionally inject mistakes into your communication without people noticing. No real dom would have allowed her to this dinner with those on. She was too well trained to leave them on accidentally. That is when I began studying him in depth. That is when the flags started to show. The way he sat, the way she reacted to things he did. I was so eager to meet someone genuine for once, I overlooked it all. That was my mistake.

He was fake. Did a very good job of hiding it, but still fake.

If that was what made them happy, good on them. But a relationship built on a lie.

I suspect you have been dating enough fakes to be tired of being burned. Too much resentment in your message that drips with sorrow. I can understand that. Your mistake was in reading what I wrote and still telling yourself I wanted this just to prop up my ego. I am sorry he/she hurt you as they did. It is easy to recognize someones pain after having endured it yourself.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

True doms do exist. Its rare, this is not something you can fake. There is a very strictly defined rule book and you have to live and breathe this stuff, you have to etch that rule book into your soul. It does not require you to embrace the extremes of the world, you just have to embody it completely. Its incredibly dangerous and a lot of work. This is tantamount to brain surgery. You screw it up you could harm a lot of people around you indirectly. If you stray from that rule book even a little, do not make the full effort to imprint it on yourself, you lose it all. At best you end up with ordinary.

When you are in the presence of a true dom you will take that to your grave. You will forever remember that experience. They do not go looking for attention, they do not bother to imprint themselves on people not worth their time. So it is a rare experience and its perfectly understandable that people do not understand the standard that they will likely never encounter.

You absolutely cannot have a sub you see as a mate. Not if you are genuine. A large number of parents think themselves better than their children. Not because they do not love them, but because they have seen more of life than they have. They know better.

You can love and respect your sub asbsolutely....but there is a small piece of your mind that has to come to terms with, between the two of you, you are higher on the totem pole. No matter how much love and respect you lather on top of it. They are your sub.

They

Serve

You

if you reject that, then you can never be a dom. But maybe they do not want you to be either. They just want pretend. Nothing wrong with that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In terms of feedback, when this first started, I desperately wanted feedback from her. I wanted to give her the experience she desired.

And I got nothing...

And I got annoyed....

Then I realized the reason I was getting nothing, this was all new to her. My wife is a strong willed Latnia. If you stick her in a prison cell with 10 death row inmates, I fully expect her to come out of that cell bloody and alone. When I mentioned her submissve tendencies in the past she was "I am a strong willed latina, I take orders from no man."

Ok...

Then one day years later I call her a "good girl" out of the blue and her cute little latina brain melted down. It broke her mind how that affected her so much, she went from Romance Novels to Good Girl with no transition. So we took baby steps, but she had nothing to go off of. I had to plow the road watching her reactions like a hawk. Now I get feedback but that feedback is shaped by the road I already laid down and she already traveled. She is a dyed in the wool submissive. She does not travel off the path I make. She explores what is already laid down, but thats as far as she is willing to stray.

So while I would love feedback from her, at the end of the day I made my peace with I have to study her and predict whats good for us. Which is why this bothered me so much. I went from my carefully laid path to this suddenly. If it was just me I would bulldog my way though it, but once she is brought into the mix it takes on a whole new level of guarded.

--------------------------------------------------------------
You are right.. most of the people who go down this D/s Alpha bit...are just fakes. Even when they tell people they are, even if they believe themselves to be...it's still a lie.

I know because I used to be one of them. I had ex's that wanted a dominant man and I was raised a relationship is 50/50. I could play pretend in bed for a weekend....but I was never really that. It unsettled me when I did.

My wife is what broke that in me. She needed someone in control. Submissves and Dominants are a little broken inside for one reason or another.

I realized very early on she was not looking for this to be pretend for a weekend. She needed this to be a blanket around her she could wear all day every day. Not something that was loud...just present. To be what she needed I could not fake this. I had to live and breathe it. I created an account here a while back because I was looking for advice. I started flipping through threads and realized most of the people here are just weekend warriors. I do nothing in halves, I was looking for someone who enjoys mastering their craft to the point of an art form. So I never did anything with the account till now. I put my head to the grindstone, learned from other peoples experiences, learned from my own, had a long conversastion with my instinctual side, and found my own way.

I know I did right, when her consciousness slips from her mind and her body is completely on autopilot alone like breathing or a heartbeat, she still calls me perfect. Whatever stress or tension or worries I carry, if she was the only thing I did right, I would be happy with that.


I had this client I was meeting for dinner. He introduced me to the woman he was there with. "Oh this is my maid' That was it, no name, just My Maid. Ok... So we were all seated, I very nearly bought into this guy. He was dressed to the 9's. He came off as a Dom, she was overwhelmingly acting the part of a slave. She never spoke unless spoken too, laughed at dry jokes I made, and when I spoke to her she gave a very polite answer and passed the conversation back to him. I almost bought it. She got up to go to the wash room and I saw her passing through tables stopping to adjust her heel and I saw the ankle D ring cuff on her hidden by her dress, When she returned I saw the other one on her other ankle.

True doms understand commuication is an art form to be mastered, especially body language. You never really reach the end until you can intentionally inject mistakes into your communication without people noticing. No real dom would have allowed her to this dinner with those on. She was too well trained to leave them on accidentally. That is when I began studying him in depth. That is when the flags started to show. The way he sat, the way she reacted to things he did. I was so eager to meet someone genuine for once, I overlooked it all. That was my mistake.

He was fake. Did a very good job of hiding it, but still fake.

If that was what made them happy, good on them. But a relationship built on a lie.

I suspect you have been dating enough fakes to be tired of being burned. Too much resentment in your message that drips with sorrow. I can understand that. Your mistake was in reading what I wrote and still telling yourself I wanted this just to prop up my ego. I am sorry he/she hurt you as they did. It is easy to recognize someones pain after having endured it yourself.

Have you invited the One True Dom into your life as your lord and savior? Until you have a personal dynamic and leash-walk with him, you are not truly saved.

 

[kitten_needs]

I saw a dom walking his sub down the street holding a leash attached to a collar around her neck. I was disgusted, imagine being so weak you need a physical leash to remind your sub she belongs to you. True strength lies in every heartbeat she takes reminding her of the leash around her soul. A true dom does not need whips or chains, just standing in your presence is enough to make her feel bound and safe.

This paragraph is everything. Agree 100%. im happy to see someone understands this.

 

[Primalex]

I saw a dom walking his sub down the street holding a leash attached to a collar around her neck. I was disgusted, imagine being so weak you need a physical leash to remind your sub she belongs to you.

Or she just fucking loves public humiliation.

I have started making small suggestions and comments.

Your bond is so strong that you are afraid to ask:"Mind if I get a new wife? Because now that I'm hot I think I can do better."

Oh, no, I think I misread - she is too dumb to properly understand how this will benefit her. The word I had in my mind is "sleazy", but then again, I don't call myself alpha male either, so what do I know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Whitewolf11]

Or she just fucking loves public humiliation.

See there is nothing wrong with that if that is her thing. But that is just surface level stuff, just kids splashing around in the kiddie end of pool.

A true dom digs down into the psyche and ask "where does this come from?" "what are you getting out of this, why did this start?"

You find out where that humilation comes from and that is what you attack. That is what feeds a subs soul. She likes being humiliated because her parents pressured her to be perfect and her first boyfriend made her to feel worthless. For the first time in her life, free from that pressure. A true dom says "she needs to feel free from the burden of responsibility, give her a structured environment with fixed expecations that the dom sets." you can throw in a little humiliation behind closed doors.

You feed her soul, not just piddling around in the kiddie end of the pool. And maybe, you heal old scars in the process.

Your bond is so strong that you are afraid to ask:"Mind if I get a new wife? Because now that I'm hot I think I can do better."

Oh, no, I think I misread - she is too dumb to properly understand how this will benefit her. The word I had in my mind is "sleazy", but then again, I don't call myself alpha male either, so what do I know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

First 4 words in all of human wisdom is "I do not know". Once you ackowlege you do not know anything, thats how you start to learn. Too many people miss that lesson. You do not call yourself a alpha because you know you are not one. It is a lot better than the plethora of fakes out there who do and are just empty shells. Techincally I do not call myself one either, comparing myself to anyone is a non-starter but when talking about the subject matter, these terms are the fastest way to bring people inline with what I am discussing, loathe as I am to use those terms Alpha and Doms.

Part of my wifes submission comes from personal trauma done to her in her past, not by just one person but multiple ones who are still in her life. I have spent everyday of 5 years trying to show her that one act does not define her.

By the time I came along, that act had turned into her personal demon. Everyone has one. Knowingly or not, everyone works to avoid them at all cost. It is fear personified. If you have never had to encounter yours, there is nothing that can be read or spoken to make you begin to comprehend the terror of standing before yours. This is not the kind of thing a therapist and drugs can fix. I talked to one once about it. He recognized what I was speaking about. He said he never pushed his patients to break down that particular wall. Just to learn to live with it.

If you face your demon down and win. Amazing things happen. Life gets better.

If you lose, it does unimaginable amounts of damge to you. Even with someone having your back.

There is no way to predict if someone is ready. You just have to give them the courage to try and hope for the best. For many, the best option is just to run from it, rather than risking the fallout from losing.

My wifes demon keeps her from taking that female alpha stance. And I cannot bring my self to push her to confront hers. I do not know if she could win. I have already explained why I wanted another in our life. And I hate to admit, this is part of it.

I have seen the fallout of people who tried and failed. Blown their brains out months later. Sank into an endless cycle of drepression. Lost the light of who they are.

For an Alpha...

I am afraid

If you cannot comprehend why thats a near impossible thing for me to say. You will never be able to have an opinion worth listening to on merging a sub into an alpha relationship and bringing a 2nd wife in.

 

[Primalex]

You started the comment by explaining that people who simply enjoy humiliation are "kids splashing around in the kiddie end of the pool," while a "true dom" digs into why they enjoy it, finds the psychological wound underneath, and "attacks" it. And just a few sentences later, you tell me that you are specifically dealing with trauma so severe that, by your own account, confronting it can result in catastrophic psychological damage or even suicide; that an actual therapist you spoke to would not push patients through that particular wall; that there is "no way to predict if someone is ready"; and that your method is essentially to give them the courage to try and "hope for the best." And somehow, after laying out all the reasons why fucking around with someone's trauma can go horribly wrong, the conclusion you have drawn is that you, the self-appointed "true dom" should be poking around in those wounds.

That's not the deep end of BDSM. That's amateur trauma therapy with a dominance kink and a heroic narrative wrapped around it.

By your very own description, you don't know whether someone is ready, you don't know whether they will "win" and you think losing can literally destroy them. Yet apparently simply accepting that a woman knows what turns her on is "surface level", while inventing a psychological origin story for it, digging around in her trauma, and appointing yourself the person qualified to "heal" and "attack her trauma" is "depth".

Yeah, no. You don't need to excavate someone's childhood to validate their kink. You don’t become a "true dom" by appointing yourself as someone’s trauma therapist; you just become a megalomaniac who thinks dominance somehow qualifies you to fix people.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

True doms do exist. Its rare, this is not something you can fake. There is a very strictly defined rule book and you have to live and breathe this stuff, you have to etch that rule book into your soul. It does not require you to embrace the extremes of the world, you just have to embody it completely. Its incredibly dangerous and a lot of work. This is tantamount to brain surgery. You screw it up you could harm a lot of people around you indirectly. If you stray from that rule book even a little, do not make the full effort to imprint it on yourself, you lose it all. At best you end up with ordinary.

When you are in the presence of a true dom you will take that to your grave. You will forever remember that experience. They do not go looking for attention, they do not bother to imprint themselves on people not worth their time. So it is a rare experience and its perfectly understandable that people do not understand the standard that they will likely never encounter.

You absolutely cannot have a sub you see as a mate. Not if you are genuine. A large number of parents think themselves better than their children. Not because they do not love them, but because they have seen more of life than they have. They know better.

You can love and respect your sub asbsolutely....but there is a small piece of your mind that has to come to terms with, between the two of you, you are higher on the totem pole. No matter how much love and respect you lather on top of it. They are your sub.

They

Serve

You

if you reject that, then you can never be a dom. But maybe they do not want you to be either. They just want pretend. Nothing wrong with that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In terms of feedback, when this first started, I desperately wanted feedback from her. I wanted to give her the experience she desired.

And I got nothing...

And I got annoyed....

Then I realized the reason I was getting nothing, this was all new to her. My wife is a strong willed Latnia. If you stick her in a prison cell with 10 death row inmates, I fully expect her to come out of that cell bloody and alone. When I mentioned her submissve tendencies in the past she was "I am a strong willed latina, I take orders from no man."

Ok...

Then one day years later I call her a "good girl" out of the blue and her cute little latina brain melted down. It broke her mind how that affected her so much, she went from Romance Novels to Good Girl with no transition. So we took baby steps, but she had nothing to go off of. I had to plow the road watching her reactions like a hawk. Now I get feedback but that feedback is shaped by the road I already laid down and she already traveled. She is a dyed in the wool submissive. She does not travel off the path I make. She explores what is already laid down, but thats as far as she is willing to stray.

So while I would love feedback from her, at the end of the day I made my peace with I have to study her and predict whats good for us. Which is why this bothered me so much. I went from my carefully laid path to this suddenly. If it was just me I would bulldog my way though it, but once she is brought into the mix it takes on a whole new level of guarded.

--------------------------------------------------------------
You are right.. most of the people who go down this D/s Alpha bit...are just fakes. Even when they tell people they are, even if they believe themselves to be...it's still a lie.

I know because I used to be one of them. I had ex's that wanted a dominant man and I was raised a relationship is 50/50. I could play pretend in bed for a weekend....but I was never really that. It unsettled me when I did.

My wife is what broke that in me. She needed someone in control. Submissves and Dominants are a little broken inside for one reason or another.

I realized very early on she was not looking for this to be pretend for a weekend. She needed this to be a blanket around her she could wear all day every day. Not something that was loud...just present. To be what she needed I could not fake this. I had to live and breathe it. I created an account here a while back because I was looking for advice. I started flipping through threads and realized most of the people here are just weekend warriors. I do nothing in halves, I was looking for someone who enjoys mastering their craft to the point of an art form. So I never did anything with the account till now. I put my head to the grindstone, learned from other peoples experiences, learned from my own, had a long conversastion with my instinctual side, and found my own way.

I know I did right, when her consciousness slips from her mind and her body is completely on autopilot alone like breathing or a heartbeat, she still calls me perfect. Whatever stress or tension or worries I carry, if she was the only thing I did right, I would be happy with that.


I had this client I was meeting for dinner. He introduced me to the woman he was there with. "Oh this is my maid' That was it, no name, just My Maid. Ok... So we were all seated, I very nearly bought into this guy. He was dressed to the 9's. He came off as a Dom, she was overwhelmingly acting the part of a slave. She never spoke unless spoken too, laughed at dry jokes I made, and when I spoke to her she gave a very polite answer and passed the conversation back to him. I almost bought it. She got up to go to the wash room and I saw her passing through tables stopping to adjust her heel and I saw the ankle D ring cuff on her hidden by her dress, When she returned I saw the other one on her other ankle.

True doms understand commuication is an art form to be mastered, especially body language. You never really reach the end until you can intentionally inject mistakes into your communication without people noticing. No real dom would have allowed her to this dinner with those on. She was too well trained to leave them on accidentally. That is when I began studying him in depth. That is when the flags started to show. The way he sat, the way she reacted to things he did. I was so eager to meet someone genuine for once, I overlooked it all. That was my mistake.

He was fake. Did a very good job of hiding it, but still fake.

If that was what made them happy, good on them. But a relationship built on a lie.

I suspect you have been dating enough fakes to be tired of being burned. Too much resentment in your message that drips with sorrow. I can understand that. Your mistake was in reading what I wrote and still telling yourself I wanted this just to prop up my ego. I am sorry he/she hurt you as they did. It is easy to recognize someones pain after having endured it yourself.

No.

It would behoove you to read more and not consider yourself all-knowing.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Bringing in a 2nd wife was a line even she was not ready to cross. But that was part of our relationship, she trust me to do what is in the best interest of us both and rarely counters it. I still felt uneasy about it.

I have started making small suggestions and comments. I know what I am doing, this is about bringing her around to being open to the idea. If she drew a hard line in the sand and said no I would respect it. But I know she would not.

So, you keep bringing it up and eventually you hope to wear her down? When she complies to your wishes to make you happy, not because it's her desire to add someone to your relationship, will that feed your ego? Will that make you a bigger, better, truer dom?

That is what has set off red flags in my mind.

It sets off a lot of red flags for me, too.