Etiquette question

[Chemscout]

Hello all, I need some advice. I was married for all of my 20's and most of my 30's and am now dating another woman. This is my first relationship with a new person since I was 17, so it's a new experience for me. I recently started a job with a company that she used to work for. In the past, two of the other employees are men she dated and has had sex with. At some point, I will come into contact with them, since it's a relatively small company. This is something I've got no real idea how to handle. Can anyone tell me what the appropriate way to handle this is? What about when she and I are at a company function and come into contact with them?

I hope this doesn't sound sophomoric, but it's something that bothers me. Anyone tell me how they would handle it?

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Hello all, I need some advice. I was married for all of my 20's and most of my 30's and am now dating another woman. This is my first relationship with a new person since I was 17, so it's a new experience for me. I recently started a job with a company that she used to work for. In the past, two of the other employees are men she dated and has had sex with. At some point, I will come into contact with them, since it's a relatively small company. This is something I've got no real idea how to handle. Can anyone tell me what the appropriate way to handle this is? What about when she and I are at a company function and come into contact with them?

I hope this doesn't sound sophomoric, but it's something that bothers me. Anyone tell me how they would handle it?

Was it a threesome?

 

[parodyluvr75]

Hello all, I need some advice. I was married for all of my 20's and most of my 30's and am now dating another woman. This is my first relationship with a new person since I was 17, so it's a new experience for me. I recently started a job with a company that she used to work for. In the past, two of the other employees are men she dated and has had sex with. At some point, I will come into contact with them, since it's a relatively small company. This is something I've got no real idea how to handle. Can anyone tell me what the appropriate way to handle this is? What about when she and I are at a company function and come into contact with them?

I hope this doesn't sound sophomoric, but it's something that bothers me. Anyone tell me how they would handle it?

Act like you don't know and you don't care.

 

[lovetoread]

Act like you don't know and you don't care.

This.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Do have any reason to suspect they will be dicks about it?

 

[parodyluvr75]

This.

It works for most potential social awkwardness, it's kept me out of drama more than once.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Was she an exotic dancer?

 

[eyer]

Acquire a taste for foreign creampie just in case...

...in the meantime, the Playground awaits.

 

[Dream59]

Hello all, I need some advice. I was married for all of my 20's and most of my 30's and am now dating another woman. This is my first relationship with a new person since I was 17, so it's a new experience for me. I recently started a job with a company that she used to work for. In the past, two of the other employees are men she dated and has had sex with. At some point, I will come into contact with them, since it's a relatively small company. This is something I've got no real idea how to handle. Can anyone tell me what the appropriate way to handle this is? What about when she and I are at a company function and come into contact with them?

I hope this doesn't sound sophomoric, but it's something that bothers me. Anyone tell me how they would handle it?

You have her now and they don't. Obviously she prefers you and not them or she would have stayed with them or gone back at later time. I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Blue collar or white collar?

 

[Noor]

Be polite to them. Remember she has chosen you not them. What activities happened before are really not your concern.

 

[Cathleen]

It's your personal life, no need to make it a public one. Being courteous usually works in most situations.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

This isn't really a matter of etiquette, is it? I smell bullshit.

 

[Chemscout]

I don't have any reason to suspect they would be dicks about it, honestly. I suspect that it has more to do with my own knowledge that these two have fucked my girlfriend and it rubs me the wrong way. Probably, it's just ego on my part. Our relationship is great, and I have no reason to suspect that she would want to go back to them. In fact, I haven't mentioned my discomfort to her as I don't want her to be unhappy.

The etiquette confusion comes from this being a civilian job and I spent the last ten years in the military---in that context it would be something familiar to me. This is a corporate environment, so different rules apply.

Ms_Ann_thorpe: No...she wasn't an exotic dancer. She works in IT and these are just two men that she dated since she came here. One was for a few months and the other was for a year or so. Though I'm not sure what you mean by the "bullshit" comment.

 

[bronzeage]

Hello all, I need some advice. I was married for all of my 20's and most of my 30's and am now dating another woman. This is my first relationship with a new person since I was 17, so it's a new experience for me. I recently started a job with a company that she used to work for. In the past, two of the other employees are men she dated and has had sex with. At some point, I will come into contact with them, since it's a relatively small company. This is something I've got no real idea how to handle. Can anyone tell me what the appropriate way to handle this is? What about when she and I are at a company function and come into contact with them?

I hope this doesn't sound sophomoric, but it's something that bothers me. Anyone tell me how they would handle it?

Been there, done that.

You are in your 30's. Every woman you meet will have exboyfriends or exhusbands. Unless they have naked pics of her on their desk, don't worry about it.

What are your options, besides being courteous to your co-workers?

 

[RunningJib]

Be a Gentleman

Hello all, I need some advice. I was married for all of my 20's and most of my 30's and am now dating another woman. This is my first relationship with a new person since I was 17, so it's a new experience for me. I recently started a job with a company that she used to work for. In the past, two of the other employees are men she dated and has had sex with. At some point, I will come into contact with them, since it's a relatively small company. This is something I've got no real idea how to handle. Can anyone tell me what the appropriate way to handle this is? What about when she and I are at a company function and come into contact with them?

I hope this doesn't sound sophomoric, but it's something that bothers me. Anyone tell me how they would handle it?

Being a gentleman is timeless and is no different from twenty years ago. Regardless of what gossip is being pushed in your face, ignore it, don't listen and certainly don't engage in it.

I'm certain if your lady friend wants you know her history, she'll share it with you. Further, I'm equally certain she doesn't want to be the flotsam of water cooler banter.

 

[Chemscout]

Bronzeage/Running Jib: I think you're both spot on. Just got to internalize that and put it into practice when it inevitably comes up.


Thanks.

 

[Wings]

Have you considered how she is feeling about her current boyfriend and two exes working together? I'm sure she's not completely comfortable with the situation either but you're all adults and apparently live in a very small world.

If it really bothers you, you should discuss it with her. If it's just one of those things that's weird and a little awkward but you won't lose sleep over than try to stop dwelling.

How would you like your girlfriend to act if she had a job with your ex? Calm, polite and civil...right?

 

[Chemscout]

You know, Wings, I actually hadn't considered that. That's a solid point.

 

[horny8191988]

Wings makes a good point (which you have already commented on) regarding how she feels about you working with two former flames. For all you know she could be dreading the idea more than you... The idea that two of her ex's could share stories or talk shit or whatever to her current boyfriend...that could be a 'yikes' moment.

I think honestly, your 'fears' are 100% normal. No one likes to think of their current significant bumping uglies with someone else. Much less have to work with them and or see them socially. So, I think just don't cause a scene about it and try to remind yourself that she is no longer with them and IS with you.

Maybe the more you are exposed to them the less awkward it will become. You will start to see them as Bill from accounting and Jim from the corner office rather than her ex's...