Europe.. Where for art thou Europe?

[Cutie Lillie]

I stopped midtrack when Jim said that this was the last of the order of this beautiful heavenly music. I then came close to whisper to him."that cannot be so...there is no one to take up the Call? Is there no one to let the world know of this? I'm sure there would be someone somewhere would delight in their heart to sing these beautiful chants..."

Jim just raised his eyebrow at me... I recognized the world educated look of a healthy acceptance to the state of mankind. Yes. I would end as all things do... but I didn't have to like it.

I sighed and pushed him on our way, where he continued to enthrall me with lessons of historical consequence and natural wonders. Some of the manmade wonders were just as rapturous.

After all was said and done there we stood. Two new friends acting like long lost lovers.. oh this was too much for me. True I stood there just as nervous as he, like the teenager waiting for her father to turn on the porch light to make her come in from a long overdue return on a date.

I giggled when we both spoke at the same time.

"No, Rachel, you go first."

"Ok" I giggle "Thank you for all of this Jim. I honestly feel that words would fail to express not only how wonderful of a time I've had...again...with you, but also how grateful. I'm not sure I will get to sleep tonight except that I'm so very tired that my body will be sure to subdue be before I feel the pillow. I can't wait for tomorrow... and all that you have in store for me."

I know it was awkward but it was the best I could produce, and in my shy state alone with him I lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

"Good Night, Jim."

 

[cgraven]

"Ok" Rachel giggle "Thank you for all of this Jim. I honestly feel that words would fail to express not only how wonderful of a time I've had...again...with you, but also how grateful. I'm not sure I will get to sleep tonight except that I'm so very tired that my body will be sure to subdue be before I feel the pillow. I can't wait for tomorrow... and all that you have in store for me."

Their was a closeness and yet an awkwardness, to as this feeling of ease in each other’s company, it had coming on fast. We spent a lot of time looking at our shoes, the common room of the Inn, anything but each other’s eyes.

The quick kiss on my cheek caught me completely by surprise and Rachel was off with,

”Good Night, Jim."

As she hurried off to her room. I called after her

“Breakfast is between 7 and 9; we needed to be ready to go by 10 Am if we are going to catch our train.”

I went to my room. Damn why was I so attracted to this near stranger? Why did she move me as no other woman had in many a year?

I chided myself “steady Lad” this is just a holiday for the both of you. Nothing more.

As I fell asleep the question still kept running through my mind. Why her, Rachel Bridgewater? Why now?

 

[Cutie Lillie]

Lying there in bed I just couldn't fall asleep. The days sites, sounds and smells replayed through my mind. The energy of all the people I met and conversed with.. well... Jim conversed while I listened intently trying to interject whenever English was spoken or some broken French seemed familiar to my ear.

He bothers me this guy.. but in a good way. He's smart, educated and intuitive about people. He's in the perfect profession which is why I better be careful about how I'm starting to feel about him.

I mean, its only natural to feel close to someone like him under these circumstances. He's a professional. He knows how to give the right amount of attention to his clients to make them feel special. Don't go misreading this, Rach..... he is only doing his job. It doesn't matter that you like him as a person. Ok, admit it to yourself... you like him as a man.

With that admission, I felt I finally could fall asleep. I had myself, my emotions under control once again with the resolve not to be fooled by a unique and overwhelming experiences on a surprise trip of a lifetime with the confused stirrings of a heart long silent and alone.

No, I will not make a fool of myself and lose his company by being a foolish female. I'm sure all of his single women clients throw themselves at him.. and I won't run him off by being one of them.

I cross my fingers under my pillow and let the soft frangrence of lavender in my bedding send me to dreams of castles, Saints and the lullabye of Benedictyne chanting.

 

[cgraven]

Morning cane quickly I met Rachel for breakfast Then it was bags out, the car and the mad dash for the local train at Cancale and on to the central Loire Valley and “Chateau de la Voute” a private residence built in the 17th and 18th centuries, now a B&B. I lay out the itinerary for our three day stay.

The picturesque troglodytical village and exposition caves, just for funof it, Trôo Montoire-sur-le-loir with its roman frescoes in Saint Gilles Chapel, Couture sur le Loir Manoir de la Possoniere, where the poet Ronsard has lived, and that was the first day.

“Oh Rachel so much to see, feel and taste “

We have four full days to explore the region and that is not nearly enough time.”

My resolution of the night before to be the detached professional was out the window with Rachel’s smile at Breakfast. Her pure joy at all she saw, there was an insight full quality at some of her more serious questions. The quizzical look when she asked the manager the history of “Chateau de lla Voute” and Jean launched into it with pride,

“Le château de La Voûte est une demeure privée des XVII et XVIII ème siècle……….”

The shock when Jean announced are room was ready. I though Rachel was going to faint dead away as Jean opened the door to this single bed room. It was beautifully appointed, but if you swung a cat you would hit all four walls.

“Mademoiselle your closet…..and Jean swung the door open to the second room of this suite furnished in the empire style.”


http://always.bravepages.com/images/photo6.jpg

Jean smiled at Rachel’s reaction.

“M. Colin you never bring clients so is this a special young lady?”

“I could have a special supper prepared and sent up.”

I could feel my self turning crimson as poor Jean went on.

“Ah “Excuse est moi a family member, Mademoiselle you do not have the strong family resemblance of M. Colin sister.”

I new I was just going to die on the spot when Rachel spoke up.

 

[cgraven]

Le château de La Voûte

http://always.bravepages.com/images/photo4.jpg

 

[Cutie Lillie]

"OH! Gosh! No.. I'm just a client....Mr. Colin's just showing me around France.. gee.. its .." I hear my voice trail off nervously as the fire starts in my neck and cheeks. What is this guy thinking??? I almost died when we walked into that first bedroom and now..well.. I don't know what is now.. but I have to set it right...

"Really! Its so beautiful here, and he's just been so gracious to show me the place of France that are off the beaten tourist trail you might say."

I hope my smile will disarm the obviously awkward moment. Even the usually composed Jim is looking away and a bit caught offguard.

Now all three of us stand there looking at each other for what seems like hours in the few seconds it takes for our host to retrieve the moment from utter doom.

"Well then, if you would like to meet the other guests dinner will be 8. And Mademoiselle if you would like to explore the grounds, please feel free. I am sure that M. Colin would be able to fill in the rest of our our beautiful chateau's history for you. He is quite the regular here.. and much a part of our family and friend. Jusqu'à plus tard alors, au revoir."

With Jean gone the awkward moment turned into a new awkward moment as Jim and I stood there neither one of us sure who should speak first or move to unpack our bags.

I throw my bad onto the incredible bed.. that I'm assuming is mine, I'm sure he said this was mine.. and wondering why Jim is still standing there.

 

[cgraven]

I am crimson and this is too much. What had I been thinking?
You fool I chide myself; she hired you as a guide not a gigolo, or lover. Oh yes I had, had older women fall for me on tour, far away from home the romance of the place and all, but me ? What was there in me a balding guy in his mid 40's that could possible attract a woman like Rachel.

Rachel heads for the double bed, as Jean retreats.

"Pas problem Jean"

"Yes this is your room; I'll be in the other........ There is a lock on ...........your side Rachel........... I am sorry but I will not be able to join you for dinner.......... I am sure you will find the staff very helpful."

I make a hasty retreat before I embarrass myself or Rachel any further.
*************************

Jean Phillip is in the lobby he is a cutely embraced as he comes up to me.

“M Colin I did not know, you never take clients to stay here. You said If……..”

“Jean Phillip It is all right. How where you to know, It seems we both have made a mistake old friend.”

***************************


Well old man, I mutter to myself, she is at least being professional.

I make my way out to the Château’s gardens and to the stables. I walk over to big gray hunter.

"Well boy, you know we men are such fools, misreading all the signals. Just looking for what we want to see, what we hoped for."

 

[Cutie Lillie]

Standing by the bed, I try to keep my composure, but when I hear the words.."There is a lock on ...........your side Rachel".. my stomach drops into my feet and I feel like fainting..

Oh.. no! He's not thinking I'm afraid of him or anything!

At the sound of the door clicking behind him, I throw myself onto the bed and scream into the mattress.

I lay there for the longest time with my face buried.. almost wanting to cry at one point...but mostly just lying there. Waiting in the quiet. Not even sure what I was waiting for..maybe my thoughts to come clear, my feelings, an idea of how I can face Jim again?

Laboriously pulling myself off the bed I go and stand at the open window breathing in the scented air from the surrounding gardens. So beautiful. So warm and lovely. And why am I so darn lonely standing here.

Leaning against the sill I lose myself in the trees and flowers not really focusing on any of them but letting my mind drift on their shapes.

 

[cgraven]

Jean Phillip came down to the stables dressed in his riding habit. He watched Jim with the big gray hunter. Always when Jim was troubled he cams down here to visit Chris’s horse.

This had been there special place, “Le château de La Voûte” She must have been eleven when they first came. They had so loved the Chateau and soon Chris had won all there hearts. Jean remembered the day When Claude had given her the three year old to be hers. He also remembered the day four months ago when he heard how she had suddenly taken sick and died.

Those where “Noir Jours” as Jim would tear off across the countryside on the chestnut charger. There had been no consoling him, but who could N’est pas?

That is when he had moved to Paris to escape the memories. Who was this Ms. Rachel Bridgewater who could temp him back here.

“Come Mon Ami we will ride……..I will not take no for an answer………Your boots are in the tack room……….Claude the horses.”

They rode as always at break neck speed over the surrounding country side. It was dusk as they returned.

“Again I ask you why not just tell her you have feelings for her Jim?..... I know you have said all that you are going to say……..Damn you Canadians are so stubborn…. I must return to work, the evening meal and my guests……….Would you help Claude with the horses he is not as young as he thinks.”

”Pas problem Jean Phillip”

*******

Jean Phillip had made a decision. They where both fools. He had seen the looks, in both of their eyes, the blushes, the stolen glances, even if they had not, or pretended not to have.

He knocked on Rachel’s door and when it opened he entered.

“Ms Bridgewater you asked me the history of the Chateau. I only gave you the ancient history but there is more.

Jean Phillip told Rachel the story of Jim , Chris, and the chateau.

“Mademoiselle Rachel Jim told me he would never bring just a client here but only someone very special to him. I think he has deep feelings for you. I know he does I can see it in his eyes the way he steals little glances at you. I beg you Mademoiselle if you feel nothing for him please go he has been hurt to much already.”

 

[Cutie Lillie]

Rachel

As Jean talked the more I felt a fear grip my chest and my stomach. What was he telling me!!! Was this for real ???

I didn't say a word, but sat there on the side of the bed while he poured out the reality of Jim's situation. The adrenalin rush created an overwhelming fight or flight need in me that I pushed down.. keeping my exterior cool and calm. I did not want this suave French Innkeeper to see what a foolish and flightly woman I really was....

Taking a few deep breaths, I smiled and thanked him for letting me know of the situation.. and after Jean left the room I just sat still in place my mind whirling in confusion.

What is happening to me ?????

Stretching out on the bed, I let the whirlwind wash over me. Do I go talk to Jim? Get things out in the open? Do I leave him so he can deal with his life? Just why in world did he bring me, of all people, here? My head starts to hurt and then the panic set in.

I can't do this! I'm halfway around the world and suddenly my whole life is thrown into a storm of confetti.. wonderful, fun, confusing and darn scary.

In a panic, ignoring my rational mind, I thow my clothes into my bag. I forget the ones in the closet.. I don't really need them anyway and they would slow my escape.

Forgetting everything all I can think of is "I need to get away from here....now."

What I am igoring are the feelings that want to stay, that want to hear and learn and love everything about Jim Colin's life.. but its too much. I know I'll screw it up.. I always do.. I can't do this!!!!

Slipping out the door, I make my way downstairs and to the front door without anyone seeing me. I rush outside and down the driveway.. hoping no one saw me..that would me more embaressement and shame.. and I can't deal with that right now.. though I would deserve it.. sneaking away like a thief..

Out on the road I try to figure out which direction did we come from.. it didn't seem very far from the train stationl...but in my state.. I'm not sure of anything right now.

I start my way down the road... my heart pounding.. refusing to listen to my mind.

 

[cgraven]

I had finished helping Claude with the horses and was heading back up to the Chateau when I met Jen Phillip.

He had a very long face on. This was quite unusual for he by nature had an irrepressible joy in life.

“Jim my friend I am afraid I have made a terrible mistake?”

‘’What do you mean Jean?’

Jean Phillip then told me of his decision to help cupid and of how he had spoken to Rachel. How Claudine had seen her going quickly down the paving suitcases in hand.

“My friend I was only trying to help.”

There was a tear in his eye. I could not help but feel sorry for my incurably romantic friend. All my initial anger at his meddling was washed away by that tear.

“Jean It is not your fault. I guess I felt something that she did not. It happens you know.”

“You can not make a list of why he loves her and she does not because of age, looks , whatever. The simple answer is she does not.”

“It just I have never felt so at ease with anyone, never mind a woman, so quickly. It was if we where soul mates.”

“May it was only what I wanted to see. Not really there at all.”

There where no more words to say as we walked slowly back to the chateau.

 

[Cutie Lillie]

Rachel

About a quarter of a mile down the road a neighboring farmer stopped and gave me a lift to the train station....

Still working on adrenline I bought a ticket for Paris and went and sat on the landing.... to wait.

The train wasn't due for another two hours....

I sat, and stared.. up the line, over the village, off into space..

Sitting.. waiting...

 

[cgraven]

I sat at the bar and heard the evening train for Paris as it sounded its’ horn for the grade crossing. Rachel would be on that train soon heading back to Paris and then home.

Home back to the states and a big guy she loved no doubt. Better this way a quick break no lingering awkward moments of friendship, and shared joys at their travel experiences.

Yes better this way, no more longing to hear her voice, to see the way she moved, the way she touched my heart without even knowing it.

Hell who was I kidding, I would run to her in a moment if I where free to and then what? Ah yes the friend, confidant, buddy, pal, but never the lover.

Hell Jim your to old for this, she is younger than you where lead to believe. She is just a kid out in the world on her own for the first time all you can do is muck up her life.

“Jean Phillip another double scotch.”

 

[Cutie Lillie]

Rachel

Sitting there I watched the train pull in.. I didn't exactly jump to the door.. in fact, I stayed sitting there for the longest time..

What was I doing? Did this guy scare me? Was he scary? Was he a freak I couldn't trust? Or was that just me.. thinking that running away was always the best answer. He'll figure it out afterall...

Picking up my bags I walk slowly to the car door... again I stop. There were no other people still standing at the station and I could feel the pressure of the train wanting to leave.

But I couldn't get on.

So I backed away and the train pulled out.. longingly I watched it pull away and down the tracks, realizing I was going to have to face this situation.. come hell or high water, or however it might change me. But I won't be a coward..not this time. Running away would only make me the bad guy..

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my bags and start the long trek back to the Chateau running hundreds of different scenerios through my mind of what I was going to say to Jim when I saw him.

 

[cgraven]

Drinking was not the answer and I knew it. I toy with the second sctoch and fianlly pushed it aside as a lost caused. The bar was suddenly depressing and I felt the need to be alone. Wandering about I found myself when all was said an done back at the suite.

Yes Rachel was gone but her fragrancey lingred in the room. I felt a tightness in my throat and a tear trickel down my cheek . ' Jim you are a fool . What made you think she could have feelings for you`¸

As I was feeling sorry for my self I heard a key in the lock and the door slowly opened.