Feedback on Mature Story

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

I've recently posted the first two installments of a story in the Mature category. It focuses on an older, widowed mother and a young male neighbor who is upset and alone.

I think the first installment, The Nurturing, Pt. 1 , is on the sweeter side and somewhat, I don't know...innocent? Maybe not the correct word but hopefully it's close enough to convey the idea. It got some good responses and nice comments.

In the second installment, The Nurturing, Pt. 2 , I take the MFC into a much deeper place that no doubt, at the least, rubs up against the actual mommy/son dynamic. I was hesitant to go there because I was concerned about how it would be received, especially by those who might not have been looking for that content. But it just felt right and it's how it came out. My wife read an early draft and she said it was a little surprising but she didn't think it was off-putting, and it fit.

But, engagement on Part 2 has fallen way off. I know people say continuations rarely carry the same audience involvement as the original so I'm sure that is a part of it but I also can't help but wonder if the story direction? I'd appreciate your thoughts.

I don't regret the direction at all and I had a lot of fun writing it and plan to continue with it but I am curious if people think that, even though it is not actual I/T, if it goes too far into that realm for a lot of readers.

I also see a gillion writing errors whenever I read my stories. Hopefully they are not overly distracting and I appreciate feedback on that as well.

Well, I welcome whatever feedback actually.

Thanks in advance,

TIB

 

[annabellebrito]

I'll give it a read. Sounds like my kind of story

 

[Duil2]

Hi, I partially read both parts of your Nuturing series and the main thing that came to mind, and it may be a personal preference, was that in the older younger dynamic, I much prefer it when its the younger person is driving the coupling with the older person. For me there's still something a little off about an older person using their greater experience to seduce the younger less experienced and mature person especially when they're barely eighteen. It's a possible explanation.

 

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

Hi, I partially read both parts of your Nuturing series and the main thing that came to mind, and it may be a personal preference, was that in the older younger dynamic, I much prefer it when its the younger person is driving the coupling with the older person. For me there's still something a little off about an older person using their greater experience to seduce the younger less experienced and mature person especially when they're barely eighteen. It's a possible explanation.

Thank you. Totally fair.

 

[annabellebrito]

Okay, where do I start. I liked the intimate scene between Janice and Charlie. That was shocking a bit. I did like how you stated that Charlie didn't know what to do after graduating. A very real trauma for many young people. I have seen it first hand. The hand job was done well. The breast sucking was good. But Im not a fan of the over explaining, I prefer much more where moments happen and are not overly explained such as the nurturing aspect of Janice being stated. I did like the gardening Metaphor, but it didn't need to be stated for the reader, leave something for us to connect. I liked the handjob scene, but it just surprised me as to how older mature mother Janice turns into a milf slut bimbo. It became a porn movie all of sudden.

 

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

Okay, where do I start. I liked the intimate scene between Janice and Charlie. That was shocking a bit. I did like how you stated that Charlie didn't know what to do after graduating. A very real trauma for many young people. I have seen it first hand. The hand job was done well. The breast sucking was good. But Im not a fan of the over explaining, I prefer much more where moments happen and are not overly explained such as the nurturing aspect of Janice being stated. I did like the gardening Metaphor, but it didn't need to be stated for the reader, leave something for us to connect. I liked the handjob scene, but it just surprised me as to how older mature mother Janice turns into a milf slut bimbo. It became a porn movie all of sudden.

No arguments. It was a bit sudden. I'm a little rusty. I used to have a terrible habit of over-explaining and causing loss of interest. I guess in my editing I got a little too choppy. But obviously still need some snipping. in the right places.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond.

 

[annabellebrito]

No arguments. It was a bit sudden. I'm a little rusty. I used to have a terrible habit of over-explaining and causing loss of interest. I guess in my editing I got a little too choppy. But obviously still need some snipping. in the right places.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond.

I just read Birthday Party today it was a very quiet story. Very little over explaining. Maybe it's on me to make the mental switch. But I saw "Mature" story and thought it would be a story about a mature woman helping a younger man and working out their flaws through intimacy. For me less is more. Janice masturbating young Charlie was good. Her placing her breasts in his mouth had symbolism there. But it was a bit over the top. I'm in no way saying it's bad story at all. By the way I love handjob scenes in movies when done right. This one almost had it for me. I did love how Janice controlled the situation.

 

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

I just read Birthday Party today it was a very quiet story. Very little over explaining. Maybe it's on me to make the mental switch. But I saw "Mature" story and thought it would be a story about a mature woman helping a younger man and working out their flaws through intimacy. For me less is more. Janice masturbating young Charlie was good. Her placing her breasts in his mouth had symbolism there. But it was a bit over the top. I'm in no way saying it's bad story at all. By the way I love handjob scenes in movies when done right. This one almost had it for me. I did love how Janice controlled the situation.

Yeah, I very much could've went deeper into the characters without over-explaining. Part 2 could've delved into Janice's and Charlie's emotions/reactions over what had happened but I kept the smut rolling. I still need to work on balance. Again, I really appreciate the feedback!

 

[annabellebrito]

Please don't think I'm trying to discourage you. You have imagination. The comfort seduction of Charlie contrasted with how she found him was well contrasted. The older mature confident woman contrasted with the inexperienced younger insecure male is a favorite theme of mine.

 

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

Please don't think I'm trying to discourage you. You have imagination. The comfort seduction of Charlie contrasted with how she found him was well contrasted. The older mature confident woman contrasted with the inexperienced younger insecure male is a favorite theme of mine.

I don't take it that way at all! For the past twenty-odd years, the bulk of my writing has been reports, procedures, and presentations. I haven't exercised my erotica muscle (pun intended?) in a long time and it feels good just to do it.

I have scenes popping in my head and I'm working on filling in the in-between of those individual events. I always do better seeing it in my mind than transcribing it into words.

Also, it's weird actually being in the Mature category now. Age aside, I still relate more to Charlie than Janice.

I sincerely appreciate your feedback.

 

[annabellebrito]

I'm happy to hear that. Be well.

 

[Ianus4]

But, engagement on Part 2 has fallen way off. I know people say continuations rarely carry the same audience involvement as the original so I'm sure that is a part of it but I also can't help but wonder if the story direction? I'd appreciate your thoughts.

I don't regret the direction at all and I had a lot of fun writing it and plan to continue with it but I am curious if people think that, even though it is not actual I/T, if it goes too far into that realm for a lot of readers.

I also see a gillion writing errors whenever I read my stories. Hopefully they are not overly distracting and I appreciate feedback on that as well.

Well, I welcome whatever feedback actually.

Thanks in advance,

TIB

I think, feel free to take it in a romantic direction; you don't have to stay on the purely sexual level. Charlie needs some gentle guidance, and Janice needs to be loved and to be able to take care of someone. It could add some extra tension if Janice struggles with her feelings, afraid that she’s too old for someone like Charlie.

 

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

I think, feel free to take it in a romantic direction; you don't have to stay on the purely sexual level. Charlie needs some gentle guidance, and Janice needs to be loved and to be able to take care of someone. It could add some extra tension if Janice struggles with her feelings, afraid that she’s too old for someone like Charlie.

Thank you.