Female Masturbation 101

[Dr_Love]

I am looking for the female perspective here. My wife and I have fantastic sex fairly frequently, however my work keeps me away for stretches at a time. During those times I highly encourage her to indulge in some self love. She does on occasion but it doesn't sound as if she is achieving the "howl at the moon" O that she is capeable of. I have purchased several toys for her such as vibes of different shapes and sizes and even an arsenal of glass dildos which she enjoys when we incorporate into our sessions, yet many times she just opts for a quickie under the shower head when she decides to have a go by herself. She rates it as a 3 or 4 on a scale of 1-10. I almost feel like that is a waste of time. I would like to be seeing her knock out some 8-10s!!

So, now that you have a little background I am hoping that you can give me your goto for intense solo O's. I think if I get some good "female perspective" ideas I can suggest them to her and have her try to put a little more zing into her solo sessions. In your experience what have you found that really sends you over the edge? Thank you and if you feel more comfortable PMing me that would be fine as well.

 

[thesweetsweetness]

Everything is more fun with a friend. Are you able to help her even if you are away? Phone sex, cyber, cam? How about instructing her on how to touch herself, either in real time or by writing a script for her to follow.

 

[bailadora]

I am looking for the female perspective here. My wife and I have fantastic sex fairly frequently, however my work keeps me away for stretches at a time. During those times I highly encourage her to indulge in some self love. She does on occasion but it doesn't sound as if she is achieving the "howl at the moon" O that she is capeable of. I have purchased several toys for her such as vibes of different shapes and sizes and even an arsenal of glass dildos which she enjoys when we incorporate into our sessions, yet many times she just opts for a quickie under the shower head when she decides to have a go by herself. She rates it as a 3 or 4 on a scale of 1-10. I almost feel like that is a waste of time. I would like to be seeing her knock out some 8-10s!!

So, now that you have a little background I am hoping that you can give me your goto for intense solo O's. I think if I get some good "female perspective" ideas I can suggest them to her and have her try to put a little more zing into her solo sessions. In your experience what have you found that really sends you over the edge? Thank you and if you feel more comfortable PMing me that would be fine as well.

With all due respect, the way you've worded this makes it sound like you've more of an issue than she does. YOU believe she's wasting her time. YOU believe she should take more time. YOU believe she should be having more intense O's. I get that you want her to have the best experience possible, but you've given no indication of what SHE thinks or how SHE feels about her solo time.

Maybe I'm missing something, but unless she's asked you for help in this arena, my advice would be to leave well enough alone. She may be perfectly happy with the way things are and may resent any attempt on your part to "fix" what is not broken.

 

[thesweetsweetness]

With all due respect, the way you've worded this makes it sound like you've more of an issue than she does. YOU believe she's wasting her time. YOU believe she should take more time. YOU believe she should be having more intense O's. I get that you want her to have the best experience possible, but you've given no indication of what SHE thinks or how SHE feels about her solo time.

Maybe I'm missing something, but unless she's asked you for help in this arena, my advice would be to leave well enough alone. She may be perfectly happy with the way things are and may resent any attempt on your part to "fix" what is not broken.

Or perhaps he was fishing for ladies to describe, in detail of course, how they masturbate.

 

[bailadora]

Or perhaps he was fishing for ladies to describe, in detail of course, how they masturbate.

I got that. And the more cynical among us (of whom I am occasionally a member) might even think this is a cleverly worded plea for wank fodder. It happens. *shrug*

The thing is, anyone who has spent any time at all on this particular forum should be aware that HT'ers are going to post what they think, not necessarily what the OP wants to hear. If an OP isn't prepared to tolerate opinions contrary to his/her point of view, then why post something on a *discussion* forum?

 

[SweetErika]

With all due respect, the way you've worded this makes it sound like you've more of an issue than she does. YOU believe she's wasting her time. YOU believe she should take more time. YOU believe she should be having more intense O's. I get that you want her to have the best experience possible, but you've given no indication of what SHE thinks or how SHE feels about her solo time.

Maybe I'm missing something, but unless she's asked you for help in this arena, my advice would be to leave well enough alone. She may be perfectly happy with the way things are and may resent any attempt on your part to "fix" what is not broken.

Well said, Bailadora!

Honestly, D_L, I read it the same way and had the same thoughts. I'd be very surprised if your wife wasn't picking up on these vibes as well and didn't feel pressured. And of course pressure never helps us relax and enjoy ourselves more.

You said you have a great sex life, she has toys and masturbates. Therefore, I'd suggest leaving the issue alone so she can explore her own body and fantasies. At most, let her know you want her to enjoy herself as much as possible and ask her to let you know if she'd like your help in any form. But then step back and let her do her own thing (including sharing her experiences IF she chooses to). I'm sure she'll bring it up if she'd like to talk about it, get your input, would like a new toy, etc. When you're gone, you can both make an effort to do things (phone sex, cyber, camming, etc.) together if you wish, in addition to enjoying masturbation separately.

If masturbation (or anything else) is a concern for your wife, why don't you point here here so she can ask about it directly if she'd like to? She'll get much better advice by describing the situation from her standpoint and her own views.

 

[Dr_Love]

Wow tough crowd... Perhaps my request for advise from females has not come across as I intended it to. While I must admit I think it is a huge turn on when a woman knows how to take care of business, I was not looking for "wanking" material.

The bottom line is I know how to please her when we are together but she is sometimes a little less adventurous than I on the solo flight. I can come up with ideas from a mans perspective but really I was just seeking some advise from a more adventurous female point of view. Directives that I could give to her that would be what a woman would want to do, not necessarily what a man would want her to do.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Etaski]

Mm. Even before reading the replies, I thought the same: PRESSURE!! If she wants to ask here herself for advice, let her. Otherwise, leave her be.

My "howl at the moon" stuff comes from freakin' day-dreaming on a bed or reading. The toys are included only in the last 10%, just to help give me that final boost over the fence. No one would even know how much I was aching until "it was time!" and I grabbed my trusty joystick.

I certainly couldn't tell another woman how she should do it...

 

[bailadora]

Wow tough crowd... Perhaps my request for advise from females has not come across as I intended it to. While I must admit I think it is a huge turn on when a woman knows how to take care of business, I was not looking for "wanking" material.

So noted. Unfortunately, many a thread has been started under the pretense of seeking advice when it's clear the OP is merely looking for new fodder for the spank bank. Hence, requests made of the Lit ladies to provide (in detail) specifics of their sexual habits are met with deep suspicion. It's not necessarily fair to those who are genuinely seeking advice, but there you have it.

The bottom line is I know how to please her when we are together but she is sometimes a little less adventurous than I on the solo flight. I can come up with ideas from a mans perspective but really I was just seeking some advise from a more adventurous female point of view. Directives that I could give to her that would be what a woman would want to do, not necessarily what a man would want her to do.

I don't mean to bust your chops, so please don't take this the wrong way - but look again at the phrases I bolded. You come across as critical and judgmental of your wife's masturbatory habits. So what if she's not as adventurous as you would be? Since it's, ya know, HER time - shouldn't SHE be the sole arbiter of how satisfied she is?

I can't speak for everyone, of course, but my solo time is intensely private and unless I INVITE someone into that space (literally or figuratively), I sure as hell would be resentful of outside interference.

 

[satindesire]

You're trying to fix a non problem.

That's a good way to break something that's not broken.

Leave her to her masturbation sessions and let her do her own thing. So what if she has more fun with you than alone? I can't believe you're complaining about that!

 

[Dr_Love]

Thanks for your advise ladies, I appreciate your feedback! I will just leave it alone then. It seems to be overwhelmingly taken as me pressuring her. That is the last thing I would want.

 

[bailadora]

Your heart is in the right place, it's just your methodology that's all screwed up. Let her lead you, instead of the other way around.

 

[subbygirly]

In my experience, using the shower head can be fun but I understand why she is rating it so low. I only use the showerhead on occasion because if I do it routinely I'm just not as sensitive down there. Sounds like she likes clitoral stimulation though (as far as masturbation goes, and from what I've read)... so maybe get her a hitachi magic wand? I've found that they're even more powerful than using a showerhead and might be a nice switchup.

Maybe you could also try masturbating with each other on Skype webcam if that's at all possible. I used to really enjoy putting on a show for my guy... maybe she'd want to give that a try too? Or you could try phone sex. Just a few thoughts.

 

[Dr_Love]

Subbygirly- Thank you, those are very nice suggestions! I may have to check out the Hitachi for her! Never skyped but may have to check into that too

Bailadora- Yes, honestly just want to make sure she is enjoying herself to the fullest. Research shows that there are many positive benefits to orgasms (besides feeling fantastic), so my initial thoughts were to give her suggestive direction to enhance her alone time. I can assure that I have never been pushy about anything and have helped her discover some of the various other types of orgasms available to her when we are together ie. g spot and multiples. She just seems to have trouble finding those methods by herself. I don't want it to be misunderstood that I am trying to completely control her time. Just trying to help her get the most out of it which is why I sought female perspective.

Satindesire - You are 100% correct. This is NOT a problem. It is like this. If you tell me you love cherry pie. I may say "ooh if you like cherry pie you should try it warmed up with a little ice cream on the side". Just trying to enhance the flavor experience in a suggestive fashion.

Etaski - You know you just gave me an idea. Reading... I could download some erotic stuff on her Kindle to get her thinking...

JtohisPB- Thank you for your comments! It really is good to know that it doesn't have to be an 8 or a 10 to be enjoyable. You are right woman can be complex. Like a car, just because I know how to drive it does not mean I know how the thing was made...

SweetErika- You are a very wise woman and have a much respected "woman's perspective" with me. I appreciate your feedback!!

TheSweetness- Good stuff! I like the script idea. I could make a fun game of it...