First time writing in English

[englishnospeak]

So..English isn’t my first language, but I use it a lot online. At first I thought about writing in my native language and then translating, but that just felt like too much work. So I wrote this first chapter directly in English. It’s only half finished tho and before I keep going, I wanted to see if any of you experienced writers here could take a look and tell me if it’s worth continuing.

My vocabulary isn’t too bad, but I get stuck sometimes when describing stuff, not sure what sounds natural. And I keep getting confused with past VS past perfect in the narrative. Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

If anyone’s interested, I can DM you the PDF..it’s very short and contains incest with some sex scenes that I think are hot but am not sure if they just come off as too much

 

[TheLobster]

It’s only half finished tho and before I keep going, I wanted to see if any of you experienced writers here could take a look and tell me if it’s worth continuing.

Well, I don't know about experienced, but English is also my second language and I've been writing in it for a few months, so perhaps I have some nuggets of advice to offer.
I'll respond to some of your specific points.

My vocabulary isn’t too bad, but I get stuck sometimes when describing stuff, not sure what sounds natural.

There is no quick and easy shortcut to overcome this problem other than just reading and writing a lot. Preferably some decent quality literature, which you can totally find in a place like this one. You don't have to crack open Ulysses or Lord of the Rings; it might actually be detrimental to your fluency to pick up too much sophisticated phrasing and vocabulary too early.

And I keep getting confused with past VS past perfect in the narrative.

I used to have some issues with this as well, thinking that any time one event is clearly after another mandates that the older one be described using past perfect.

This is definitely NOT the case. The main purpose of this odd tense, as oppose to simple past, is to establish the succession in the minds of readers. Once it's reasonably clear that you have rewound the point of view further into the past, you should go back to the regular narrative tense (i.e., simple past).

I believe that past perfect may also be used if you need, well, the perfect aspect of a verb -- to denote that something has finished completely compared to the current PoV. You'd basically use it in the same manner as you would present perfect if your narrative was in the present tense.
Just bear in mind that perfective tenses are not to be overused in general. Colloquial speech leans heavily towards simple tenses, outside of (admittedly rather numerous) set phrases like "I've got work to do".

Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

I haven't written many same-sex scenes, but I've been told this is an issue that native English writers struggle with as well. Using other monikers is one obvious technique, and I may or may not change some of my characters' physiques (hair color, body shape) to better accommodate it.

This saying, do note that English has much higher tolerance for pronoun repetition (and word repetition in general) than other languages. It also doesn't have distinct reciprocal pronouns (i.e., you have to say "She touched her own breasts" if you want to be explicit about whose boobs you're talking about). At the same time, reciprocal mode is sort of the default, so you can totally just do "She lowered a hand to her pussy" and, if you haven't *directly* talked about any other woman within the last sentence or two, it will be perfectly clear we're talking about her own pussy.

In general, this is a pretty subtle and complex topic, and I've seen many native writers get comments to the effect of "Sort your damn pronouns!" from readers. If you mess it, you'll be in good company

If anyone’s interested, I can DM you the PDF..it’s very short and contains incest with some sex scenes that I think are hot but am not sure if they just come off as too much

Feel free to drop it in my inbox (though I'd prefer plain text).

 

[StillStunned]

There is no quick and easy shortcut to overcome this problem other than just reading and writing a lot. Preferably some decent quality literature, which you can totally find in a place like this one. You don't have to crack open Ulysses or Lord of the Rings; it might actually be detrimental to your fluency to pick up too much sophisticated phrasing and vocabulary too early.

In fact, I'd say that it's better to avoid any sophisticated phrasing and vocabulary at all. There's a beauty in simple language that suits English far more than flowery sentences. It lets you add rhythm to the language, and above all it doesn't get in the way of the story.

 

[jaF0]

So..English isn’t my first language, but I use it a lot online.

Well, at least you got THAT right, which is something far too many native born English speakers fail at.


" it might actually be detrimental to your fluency to pick up too much sophisticated phrasing and vocabulary too early."

Many times I can tell when someone learned English in a school rather than growing up with it simply by the formality of tone. Frequent use of rigid structure as opposed to 'conversational informality' is a give-away.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Well, at least you got THAT right, which is something far too many native born English speakers fail at.


" it might actually be detrimental to your fluency to pick up too much sophisticated phrasing and vocabulary too early."

Many times I can tell when someone learned English in a school rather than growing up with it simply by the formality of tone. Frequent use of rigid structure as opposed to 'conversational informality' is a give-away.

Yeah, I'm guilty. I misspell a lot as alot a lot. I guess I need to allot a lot of time to fix my lot, where alot and a lot are concerned.

 

[SimonDoom]

So..English isn’t my first language, but I use it a lot online. At first I thought about writing in my native language and then translating, but that just felt like too much work. So I wrote this first chapter directly in English. It’s only half finished tho and before I keep going, I wanted to see if any of you experienced writers here could take a look and tell me if it’s worth continuing.

My vocabulary isn’t too bad, but I get stuck sometimes when describing stuff, not sure what sounds natural. And I keep getting confused with past VS past perfect in the narrative. Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

If anyone’s interested, I can DM you the PDF..it’s very short and contains incest with some sex scenes that I think are hot but am not sure if they just come off as too much

Judging from this post, you've nailed the language pretty well, because you not only know the grammar but have a feel for the rhythm and phrasing of casual speech and writing.

With respect to past v. past perfect, one way authors deal with this is to minimize past perfect and rework it as past. With a little care it can work just fine that way.

With respect to the pronoun issue, I'd recommend mixing it up to make it clear. Use names and descriptions along with the pronouns to keep things clear.

 

[alohadave]

Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

It takes a little bit of everything, depending on the scene and how long it is.

If anyone’s interested, I can DM you the PDF..it’s very short and contains incest with some sex scenes that I think are hot but am not sure if they just come off as too much

I'll take a look at it.

 

[Omenainen]

So..English isn’t my first language, but I use it a lot online. At first I thought about writing in my native language and then translating, but that just felt like too much work. So I wrote this first chapter directly in English. It’s only half finished tho and before I keep going, I wanted to see if any of you experienced writers here could take a look and tell me if it’s worth continuing.

My vocabulary isn’t too bad, but I get stuck sometimes when describing stuff, not sure what sounds natural. And I keep getting confused with past VS past perfect in the narrative. Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

If anyone’s interested, I can DM you the PDF..it’s very short and contains incest with some sex scenes that I think are hot but am not sure if they just come off as too much

Welcome! There’s many non-natives here doing this, including myself. I’m happy to see people have already offered to read yours, so I’ll just say, go for it! And if an error or five slip through, it’s not so serious, it’s not like they dock it off your pay or anything.

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

I hear you on past perfect. I too wonder if I'm ever using it right or too much (and I am an English speaker). Sometimes I'll use the contraction for she'd or he'd instead of spelling out had because it "sounds" smoother in my head.

I remember reading Harry Potter and seeing Rowling's repeated use of "had had," and thinking to myself, "Is that correct? Can she put two of the same words together like that? Sounds okay and makes sense though..."

 

[TheLobster]

Can she put two of the same words together like that?

Oh, you sweet summer child…

 

[KittyOfSteele]

Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

You can use the pronoun after a character's been named. To avoid using the name a lot, you can bring it back up with a title, or a descriptor. This is more about decluttering and identifying a paragraph that's bloated with characters rather than a language problem. When I write in my native language (English is also my second language), I do find this very same issue, so I try to focus the pronoun on a single character until I bring up another one, then focus the pronoun on it, and keep going like that. It sounds weird to say it like this, but it can be done. With the proper editing it ends up good too.

I remember reading Harry Potter and seeing Rowling's repeated use of "had had," and thinking to myself, "Is that correct? Can she put two of the same words together like that? Sounds okay and makes sense though..."

Yes, you can. The thing about English is that it is a very contextual language. Nevertheless, I always feel like I'm being slapped on the face when I see a word that's copied and pasted right next to each other.

 

[jaF0]

Even when talking I try to avoid had had and that that, among others.

 

[Agent0069]

Well, I struggle with writing in English too sometimes, there’s no easy way around it. But I feel like with practice you should get better.

And remember: writing may be hard for you alone, but a published story will inflict a psychological damage upon hundreds and hundreds of natives with your bad grammar. Don’t give up, and keep writing!

 

[TheLobster]

And remember: writing may be hard for you alone, but a published story will inflict a (sic) psychological damage upon hundreds and hundreds of natives with your bad grammar.

An appropriate payback for subjecting us to their own deficient grammar they should of learnt in elementary school!

 

[jaF0]

Well, I struggle with writing in English too sometimes, there’s no easy way around it. But I feel like with practice you should get better.

Me too. And I grew up with it.

And remember: writing may be hard for you alone, but a published story will inflict a psychological damage upon hundreds and hundreds of natives with your bad grammar. Don’t give up, and keep writing!

What about Bad Grampar? Why leave him out?

 

[Audiflex]

So..English isn’t my first language, but I use it a lot online. At first I thought about writing in my native language and then translating, but that just felt like too much work. So I wrote this first chapter directly in English. It’s only half finished tho and before I keep going, I wanted to see if any of you experienced writers here could take a look and tell me if it’s worth continuing.

My vocabulary isn’t too bad, but I get stuck sometimes when describing stuff, not sure what sounds natural. And I keep getting confused with past VS past perfect in the narrative. Another problem I have is handling pronouns when multiple same sex characters are in the same scene. Like should I keep using “she” for all of them or should I mix in their names or should I use titles (like “her daughter” or “her mother”) to make it clearer?

If anyone’s interested, I can DM you the PDF..it’s very short and contains incest with some sex scenes that I think are hot but am not sure if they just come off as too much

Your English is not bad, just mix in names/titles to avoid pronoun confusion. Past perfect is rare; stick to simple past unless clarity demands it. If you like the scenes, others will too.