Five Stages of Subspace

[R_Clairmont]

A recent D/s podcast listed off the Five Stages of Subspace. As a virtual sub, this was completely fascinating, and I can’t stop thinking about it. My Dom and I had a great discussion, but I’d love to get your Dom/me or sub perspective.

Here are the 5 Stages as defined by Alessandra at Domsubliving.com:

Stage 1: The Submissive Mindset - this is a ritual or activity to separate the regular time from the scene.
Stage 2: The Drop In. The sub “tunes” in to the Dom/me and, if in the right mindset, other things start to fade out
Stage 3: the Lock In: this is “in the zone” where all attention is on the Dominant’s voice and actions.
Stage 4: Deep Subspace: This is the “euphoric, floaty, out of body state that most people mean when they describe Subspace.” Alessandra’s description is perfect.
Stage 5: The Surrender State: The deepest form of Subspace where they are fully held in the dynamic.

Doms and subs - does this sound accurate to you? Which stage do you think you have experienced? Is it possible to experience these stages virtually?

 

[AnnieLit]

I have never thought of the first three as subspace stages and I am not sure they should be.
As for the experience - all 5, though I am not sure about separating (4) and (5), probably because I have never stayed long enough in (4) to register it.

Yes, it is possible with online play, my first experience with subspace (I am talking about your stage 5) was online. But be very careful with what you wish for - I absolutely hated the experience! Not in the moment, of course, but afterwards. Because with online EVERYTHING that happens with your body is your own doing. If there are things that you don't like, normally you wouldn't do them, you would either say no, or tweak them to *look* right, but not be the actual thing you hate. Or you outright fake it to keep your D happy. In subspace, at least for me, this ability goes out of the window. Together with the safe word. Which is a problem because in real life play (1) your D has much better chance of noticing that something is wrong and stopping, (2) if it is something that you hate but it is not causing any real damage he might not stop, but at least afterwards you will not have to blame yourself for doing it.

 

[ProdigalTrollop]

A recent D/s podcast listed off the Five Stages of Subspace. As a virtual sub, this was completely fascinating, and I can’t stop thinking about it. My Dom and I had a great discussion, but I’d love to get your Dom/me or sub perspective.

Here are the 5 Stages as defined by Alessandra at Domsubliving.com:

Stage 1: The Submissive Mindset - this is a ritual or activity to separate the regular time from the scene.
Stage 2: The Drop In. The sub “tunes” in to the Dom/me and, if in the right mindset, other things start to fade out
Stage 3: the Lock In: this is “in the zone” where all attention is on the Dominant’s voice and actions.
Stage 4: Deep Subspace: This is the “euphoric, floaty, out of body state that most people mean when they describe Subspace.” Alessandra’s description is perfect.
Stage 5: The Surrender State: The deepest form of Subspace where they are fully held in the dynamic.

Doms and subs - does this sound accurate to you? Which stage do you think you have experienced? Is it possible to experience these stages virtually?

I have never seen this breakdown but I like it. I want to show it to my sub to see what she thinks. But it sounds accurate from my point ov fiew. I know she's gotten to a euphoric state where everything disappears for her except the pleasure she is giving me (or getting from giving me). I wonder if she would desribes it the way you describve Stage 4

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I'm in a 24/7 D/s relationship, specifically DD/lg, plus we own and operate a business. We are together A LOT. I read this same article, and I can agree with parts of it, but other parts befuddle me. Here are my thoughts, in italics.

Stage 1: The Submissive Mindset - this is a ritual or activity to separate the regular time from the scene. Separating regular time from submissive time IS a thing for us, but I don't consider it part of subspace.

Stage 2: The Drop In. The sub “tunes” in to the Dom/me, and, if in the right mindset, other things start to fade out. This is definitely a stage I go through, but is it subspace? I just consider it part of surrendering to the scene, getting my mind to let go and enjoy what's happening.

Stage 3: the Lock In: this is “in the zone” where all attention is on the Dominant’s voice and actions. I consider this the entry point to subspace. Sometimes I don't get beyond this stage, for a variety of reasons.

Stage 4: Deep Subspace: This is the “euphoric, floaty, out of body state that most people mean when they describe Subspace.” Alessandra’s description is perfect. Yeppers, this is it.

Stage 5: The Surrender State: The deepest form of Subspace, where they are fully held in the dynamic. Fully held in the dynamic? What does that mean?

For what it's worth, I enjoy her posts, and I follow her on Instagram, but just like every other creator/influencer, she needs content. I don't think this is among her best.

 

[SmilingLez]

Subspace

The ritual begins.
Time splits.
Here. Not-here.

The submissive mind
settles.
Turns inward.

The world softens.
Fades.
Only the Dominant's voice.
Only their presence.

Everything else -
gone.

In the zone now.
Locked.
Attention narrows
to a single point of light.

The voice.
The hands.
The command.

Deeper.
The body floats.
Euphoria blooms
like color spreading through water.
Out of body.
Untethered.

This is what they meant.
This.

And then -
the deepest fall.
Surrender complete.
Held entirely
in the dynamic.

No self.
Only the space between
two people.

 

[AnnieLit]

Stage 5: The Surrender State: The deepest form of Subspace, where they are fully held in the dynamic. Fully held in the dynamic? What does that mean?

For me stage 5 (it is the only one I define as a subspace for me) is a complete surrender in the sense that command is not only not questioned, but the whole idea that it CAN (and in some situations should) be questioned becomes completely foreign. There is no saying "no" because there is no free will, it just doesn't exist anymore.

But as far as I know this is not the most common state, a coupled Doms I talked about this with were not exactly happy to learn that I can get there because it is rather dangerous. It effectively gets rid of the safe word, combine it with restraints or impact play and it can end badly.

 

[R_Clairmont]

As a virtual sub, I have never been in Stage 5, although I have gotten to 4 a few times when we played live video. I suspect that kind of almost meditative state needs a very active Dom who is working hard to achieve that kind of control.

Or maybe I just get distracted too easily!!

 

[AnnieLit]

As a virtual sub, I have never been in Stage 5, although I have gotten to 4 a few times when we played live video. I suspect that kind of almost meditative state needs a very active Dom who is working hard to achieve that kind of control.

Or maybe I just get distracted too easily!!

Going by the comments from the two Doms I mentioned above (both were pretty active in the community and as far as I know have never played online) it is not something they have much control over. Sure, they can prevent it from happening if they make it a point to constantly bring you back to the ground, but then you are not going to reach stage 4 either. There is no way for them to hold you in stage 4 and not let slip further if you have a tendency of doing that. Which is a big IF.

There is a chance though that the author of that list meant something else by Stage 5. Because if hers and mine descriptions are the same it is very unfair to list it like that and not mention that not all subs are capable of getting there. Not because their Doms are not dominant enough, or because they themselves are not submissive enough, or anything else like that.

She might have some sort of authority on the subject, but this is why I don't like phycologists, both real and pretend ones. We are all created a bit differently, our bodies and minds work in slightly different ways and there is absolutely nothing wrong with stopping at the floaty part and enjoying it. Listing it like that just gives subs one more thing to obsess about It's a bit like saying "look at me! I am 6'2" and can easily throw a ball in the basket" and all 5'2" girls are supposed to cry in the corner because there is no way for them to compete with that.

 

[R_Clairmont]

@AnnieLit Great points. All of our bodies and minds are different and each of our relationships are unique.

The original author did mention that most subs don’t reach the higher stages, at least not until they find a Dom where there is a solid foundation of trust. She also added that aftercare is a big part of this, no matter what stage you get to.

Would you agree with this? In my limited experience the first three stages move faster with a long-term dynamic, but still I don’t usually make it to 4 unless we are not rushed.