Resuming BDSM activities after surgery

[ColtonWrites]

So I have a question and maybe someone here can tell me their experience.
I recently (12/2) had a outpatient laparoscopic abdominal surgery. Unfortunately I had significant complications and was discharged yesterday after spending a week in the hospital (infected abscess).
I can't bottom for penetrative sex for another 4 weeks at minimum.

My wife and I also do mild-to-moderate BDSM (mostly impact play with me as the sub). Right now I have a transgluteal drain (essentially a big reverse IV from the back of my hip to the abscess) and obviously we arent doing any of that right now. But how long after the drain removal before we can start doing that again?

How do I even word this to my doctor???? "Hey doctor, so I know I just had major surgery followed by even more major complications but I gotta know - how long before I can let my wife hit me again?"

Complicating this is the fact that in my state I cant technically "consent to being assaulted" so all BDSM is technically illegal.

 

[Britva415]

How do I even word this to my doctor???? "Hey doctor, so I know I just had major surgery followed by even more major complications but I gotta know - how long before I can let my wife hit me again?"

That's a little much. You should preface it with "OK so we're in to BDSM, see, and I have a question."

For real: Just talk about it like it's a normal subject nobody would be self-conscious about. Set the tone yourself and the doctor will match it.

They've seen and heard it all already anyway.

 

[LeSabreur]

As a healthcare professional, I acknowledge that such subjects are very difficult. And yes, while we've seen it all, it doesn't mean that a given provider will be comfortable or even helpful discussing such things.

As far as the surgeon goes, they're going to be ultra conservative about physical activity. Everyone heals a bit differently, and in general it's safe to say that the more time goes by, the safer you will be from post-op complications. Abscesses in particular are very tricky, and the fact that you have the drain says that it's way too soon to be even considering anything of a high impact nature. I like to talk to my patients about sex after illness, injury or surgery (and am in the minority by far) because sex is such an important part of our lives and everyone has questions that they're afraid to ask.

One thing I often suggest is alternative play, changing things up to allow for temporary activity restrictions. Face slapping, nipple play, CBT, pinwheel or electrical play all come to mind. Give yourself a LOT of time to heal...if such infections get really entrenched they can change your life significantly. When you're ready to ask about activity, I might suggest asking about other high-impact stuff such as dirt bike or horseback riding, which will certainly be more likely to allow your surgeon to have a useful discussion rather than risking him or her just shutting down. I don't know what your situation is, but keep in mind that we do see a steady supply of people who seek medical care because they've had an unfortunate misadventure with a sex toy or sexual practice. It can give providers a skewed perspective of kinky folks, certainly an unfair generalization but it's a human nature kind of thing.

I wish you speedy healing!

 

[jchtlit]

That's a little much. You should preface it with "OK so we're in to BDSM, see, and I have a question."

For real: Just talk about it like it's a normal subject nobody would be self-conscious about. Set the tone yourself and the doctor will match it.

They've seen and heard it all already anyway.

Good advice, believe me you would not believe what doctors (and nurses) hear about post op activities.