Fuckety-fuck-bollocks-shit-wank-cunt

[Guest]

Peter Cook has just come top of Chanell 4's "Comedian's comedian" top 50 list.

This is the man who said

"I called up the fucking pope and fucking told the cunt: That fucking bible don't half give me the horn."

Classy bloke he was.

 

[Guest]

you gave head to whom?

Freddie Mercury, Brian May and John whatisname.

 

[Guest]

Didn't that hurt ??

No, she had the sense to remove her crown.

 

[NoJo]

I think she tried to send her cunt to a friend by parcel post once, but she couldn't fit in the post box, so she just kept the stamp. That's what I imagine.

 

[Guest]

I think she tried to send her cunt to a friend by parcel post once, but she couldn't fit in the post box, so she just kept the stamp. That's what I imagine.

You could get be-headed for saying things like that.

 

[minsue]

No, she had the sense to remove her crown.

Oh sweet jesus....laughing so hard I'm crying over here

 

[NoJo]

It's staggering to think how many people have licked the Queens head in Britain.

 

[Guest]

Oh sweet jesus....laughing so hard I'm crying over here

And I'm trying so hard to hold it together, my cheeks hurt.

 

[Guest]

It's staggering to think how many people have licked the Queens head in Britain.

I bet that's Phillip's number one wank thought.

 

[NoJo]

Just relax your muscles, you'll only hurt yourself

 

[Guest]

Just relax your muscles, you'll only hurt yourself

That's what the doc said, before he gave me the cream.

 

[NoJo]

I thought you preferred to give yourself the cream

 

[Guest]

What do you think I am, kinky or sommat?

 

[NoJo]

Well , after all, you do like rubbing chilli oil on the head of a petard...

 

[matriarch]

Oh sweet jesus....laughing so hard I'm crying over here

mmmmmmmwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Guest]

Well , after all, you do like rubbing chilli oil on the head of a petard...

Shhh, don't tell everyone my secret tricks.

 

[NoJo]

When you say "secret tricks" I hope you're not referring to your extra cash income -- because as a chartered accountant I feel you real ought not to mention it in case any tax inspectors read this...

 

[Guest]

When you say "secret tricks" I hope you're not referring to your extra cash income -- because as a chartered accountant I feel you real ought not to mention it in case any tax inspectors read this...

too late
im not chartered
but i can be booked.

 

[Guest]

When you say "secret tricks" I hope you're not referring to your extra cash income -- because as a chartered accountant I feel you real ought not to mention it in case any tax inspectors read this...

S'ok, I have ways of keeping them quiet.

 

[upfront]

Three cheers for vella ...

and all who sail in her.

 

[NoJo]

Three cheers for vella ...

and all who sail in her.

I really fancy a delayed fuck.

 

[Guest]

Three cheers for vella ...

and all who sail in her.

Hip-hip-HO-ray!

Hip-hip-HO-ray!

Hip-hip-HO-ray!

 

[EnglishWimp]

Vagina!

So you're responsible for that monologue...

 

[carsonshepherd]

So you're responsible for that monologue...

As a matter of fact - I have my suspicions (on your sig line that is)

 

[Guest]

So you're responsible for that monologue...

I deny all responsibilty. Far too decent for me.

(Yes, Carson, me too!)