Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Hope everyone has a safe and warm day. I am going to work again. Have a wonderful day! 
Georgia directory?
- Thread starter heterotic
- Start date
- Status
italiansweets
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2003
- Posts
- 83
work? bah. well i called in sick cause my daughter doesnt feel well..so i guess im home for the day yahyahyahyahyahyah!
have a good day everyone
have a good day everyone
GOLF
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife told me it was about time that I learned to play golf. You
know, golf...that's the game where you chase a little ball all over
the
country when you are too old to chase women. So, I went to see Mr.
Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play.
He said, "Sure, you've got balls don't you?"
"Yes, but sometimes on cold mornings they are hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow morning and we will tee
off."
"What's tee off?"
"It's a golf term and we have to tee off in front of the
clubhouse."
"Not for me" I said, "you can tee off in front of the
clubhouse if you
want, but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no, a tee is a little thing about the size of your
finger."
"Yeah, I've got one of those."
"Well, you stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of
it."
"You play golf sitting down? I always thought you stood up and
walked
around."
"You do, you're standing up when you put your ball on the
tee."
Well folks, I thought that was stretching things a bit too far and I
said so.
He said, "You've got a bag haven't you?"
"Sure"
"You're balls are in it, aren't they?"
"Of course," I told him.
"Well, can't you open your bag and take one out?"
"I suppose I could, but I'll be damned if I am going to."
"Don't you have a zipper on your bag?"
"No, I am the old fashioned type."
"Do you know how to hold your club?"
Well, after 65 years, I should have some sort of an idea
and I told him so.
He said, "You take your club in both hands..."
Well folks, I knew right then that he didn't know what he was talking
about.
Then he said, "Swing it over your shoulder..."
No, no, that's not me at all. That's my brother he's talking about.
He asked, "How do your hold your club?"
And before I thought about it, I said "With two fingers".
He said that wasn't right, got behind me, put two arms around me, and
said for me to bend over and he would show me.
Well, he couldn't catch me there for nothing. I didn't spend four
years
in the Navy for nothing.
He said, "You hit the ball with your club and it soars and
soars..."
I could well imagine that.
"... and when you're on the green..."
"What's the green?"
"That's where the hole is."
"Sure you're not color blind?"
"Then you take your putter in your hands"
"What's a putter?"
"That's the smallest club made."
"That's what I got, a putter."
"And with it, you put your ball into the hole."
I corrected him, "You mean the putter."
"No, the ball. The hole isn't big enough for the ball and
putter too."
Well, I've seen holes big enough for a horse and wagon.
"Then," he said," after you finish with the first
hole, you go on to the
next 17."
Well, he certainly wasn't talking about me. After two holes I'm shot
to
hell.
"You mean you can't make 18 holes in one day?"
"Hell no! It takes me 18 days to make one hole! Besides, how
do I know
when I am in the 18th hole?"
"The flag will go up!"
Uh, huh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife told me it was about time that I learned to play golf. You
know, golf...that's the game where you chase a little ball all over
the
country when you are too old to chase women. So, I went to see Mr.
Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play.
He said, "Sure, you've got balls don't you?"
"Yes, but sometimes on cold mornings they are hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow morning and we will tee
off."
"What's tee off?"
"It's a golf term and we have to tee off in front of the
clubhouse."
"Not for me" I said, "you can tee off in front of the
clubhouse if you
want, but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no, a tee is a little thing about the size of your
finger."
"Yeah, I've got one of those."
"Well, you stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of
it."
"You play golf sitting down? I always thought you stood up and
walked
around."
"You do, you're standing up when you put your ball on the
tee."
Well folks, I thought that was stretching things a bit too far and I
said so.
He said, "You've got a bag haven't you?"
"Sure"
"You're balls are in it, aren't they?"
"Of course," I told him.
"Well, can't you open your bag and take one out?"
"I suppose I could, but I'll be damned if I am going to."
"Don't you have a zipper on your bag?"
"No, I am the old fashioned type."
"Do you know how to hold your club?"
Well, after 65 years, I should have some sort of an idea
and I told him so.
He said, "You take your club in both hands..."
Well folks, I knew right then that he didn't know what he was talking
about.
Then he said, "Swing it over your shoulder..."
No, no, that's not me at all. That's my brother he's talking about.
He asked, "How do your hold your club?"
And before I thought about it, I said "With two fingers".
He said that wasn't right, got behind me, put two arms around me, and
said for me to bend over and he would show me.
Well, he couldn't catch me there for nothing. I didn't spend four
years
in the Navy for nothing.
He said, "You hit the ball with your club and it soars and
soars..."
I could well imagine that.
"... and when you're on the green..."
"What's the green?"
"That's where the hole is."
"Sure you're not color blind?"
"Then you take your putter in your hands"
"What's a putter?"
"That's the smallest club made."
"That's what I got, a putter."
"And with it, you put your ball into the hole."
I corrected him, "You mean the putter."
"No, the ball. The hole isn't big enough for the ball and
putter too."
Well, I've seen holes big enough for a horse and wagon.
"Then," he said," after you finish with the first
hole, you go on to the
next 17."
Well, he certainly wasn't talking about me. After two holes I'm shot
to
hell.
"You mean you can't make 18 holes in one day?"
"Hell no! It takes me 18 days to make one hole! Besides, how
do I know
when I am in the 18th hole?"
"The flag will go up!"
Uh, huh...
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norse old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norse firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Olle Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve do is fix da brakes on dat fricking truck!"
The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norse old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norse firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Olle Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve do is fix da brakes on dat fricking truck!"
SpankMyMonkey
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2002
- Posts
- 457
Im so glad to be back......
Damn FL is such a long state. Its like the cock of the USA. It just hangs down there and you really don't know how big it is till you start riding on it. *LOL*
Welcome to all the new Peaches.
Naples was beautiful...I do however have one major oberservation: I continue to get older, but the girls on the beach at still the same age.
The other observation i had was that breasts in general are getting larger! Damn
Whats up with that?
I'm home and glad to be back. Now I get have to get ready of my trip the Brazil. One week and counting.
I now have an appreciation for how large GA is as well. I did not realize how for south Valdosta is in respect to my house.
So anything new? Any new news on the get-together? Any rumours?
Oh and what is up with all this snow? It makes my sun burn hurt more.
Ill stop back later.
Spank
Damn FL is such a long state. Its like the cock of the USA. It just hangs down there and you really don't know how big it is till you start riding on it. *LOL*
Welcome to all the new Peaches.
Naples was beautiful...I do however have one major oberservation: I continue to get older, but the girls on the beach at still the same age.
The other observation i had was that breasts in general are getting larger! Damn
Whats up with that?
I'm home and glad to be back. Now I get have to get ready of my trip the Brazil. One week and counting.
I now have an appreciation for how large GA is as well. I did not realize how for south Valdosta is in respect to my house.
So anything new? Any new news on the get-together? Any rumours?
Oh and what is up with all this snow? It makes my sun burn hurt more.
Ill stop back later.
Spank
italiansweets
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2003
- Posts
- 83
florida is sweet...everyone asks me everyday, why ya moving? im like CHANGE but im sure i will get a tiny bit of homesickness..
but i really wish i was there NOW. ill be in GA in april and hopefully once i come back, ill know for sure when im going. *crosses her fingers in hopes that its sooner then june*
hows everyones day? good i hope. its a lil windy n chilly down here in s fla today...hope everyone has a good day and its the weekendddddddddddddddddddddddddd BABY...
jay, find the thread yet? i just posted another one.. hahaa..
see ya guys later,
-sweets-
but i really wish i was there NOW. ill be in GA in april and hopefully once i come back, ill know for sure when im going. *crosses her fingers in hopes that its sooner then june*
hows everyones day? good i hope. its a lil windy n chilly down here in s fla today...hope everyone has a good day and its the weekendddddddddddddddddddddddddd BABY...
jay, find the thread yet? i just posted another one.. hahaa..
see ya guys later,
-sweets-
Silverlyn
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2003
- Posts
- 1,314
Hey Ya'll..
I am on my way to Gatlinburg.. heard that they have a foot of snow up there.. that should be fun.. I bought a Truth or Dare Adult style Board game for us to play.. so we're gonna have fun!! Just went and spent a ton on alcohol too This is gonna be a fun weekend!!! 
I hope everyone else has a great weekend and stays warm!! I'll talk to ya'll when I get back!!!
TO ALL!!!!
-Silver
I am on my way to Gatlinburg.. heard that they have a foot of snow up there.. that should be fun.. I bought a Truth or Dare Adult style Board game for us to play.. so we're gonna have fun!! Just went and spent a ton on alcohol too
This is gonna be a fun weekend!!! I hope everyone else has a great weekend and stays warm!! I'll talk to ya'll when I get back!!!
TO ALL!!!!-Silver
italiansweets
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2003
- Posts
- 83
whats going on? a Lit party w/out me?
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Hey everyone! Hope everyone is having a good friday..
Bama.. hey sweetie.. how are you?
Gator...
sga... staying warm?
sweets.. how are ya?
Silver.. have fun!
Spank... welcome back sweetie
Bama.. hey sweetie.. how are you?
Gator...
sga... staying warm?
sweets.. how are ya?
Silver.. have fun!
Spank... welcome back sweetie
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . You wear pants, don't you?
**********************
He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
**********************
He said . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
************************
On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . " I do not"
***********************
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
***************************
Q What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
********************************
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
********************************
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
********************************
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
*********************************
Q What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
***********************************
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
************************************
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
***********************************
She said . . You wear pants, don't you?
**********************
He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
**********************
He said . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
************************
On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . " I do not"
***********************
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
***************************
Q What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
********************************
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
********************************
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
********************************
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
*********************************
Q What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
***********************************
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
************************************
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
***********************************
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
bamagirl said:Hi DA
I am good sweetheart how are you??
I have tonight and tomorrow night off,so that makes me even better
I am doing good. Bored silly. I would be doing good if I had two days off. Enjoy them.
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Goodmorning everyone. Hope you have a wonderful Saturday.
Jayzan
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2003
- Posts
- 711
Morning all,
Hope the weekend is good for all. I got to work half a day, then I'll start mine.
Bama, now that was funny. I guess your right about most of it.
Sweets, I'm getting there, just havent made it yet. I know the suspense is killing me.
Everyone please have a great day!!
Jay
Hope the weekend is good for all. I got to work half a day, then I'll start mine.
Bama, now that was funny. I guess your right about most of it.
Sweets, I'm getting there, just havent made it yet. I know the suspense is killing me.
Everyone please have a great day!!
Jay
italiansweets
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2003
- Posts
- 83
u havent seen yet??!!!! oh man..its ok..they r nothing big..
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE
AN ESCAPED CONVICT ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED.
HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.
WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK.
IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.
SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM. BE STRONG HONEY.
I LOVE YOU TOO!!"
HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.
WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK.
IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.
SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM. BE STRONG HONEY.
I LOVE YOU TOO!!"
man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs -- I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
**********
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
**********
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
**********
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
**********
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
***********
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
**********
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
***********
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow
the lawn."
**********
and Finally . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had consciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked
up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
-- Dr. wouldn't admit his name
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs -- I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
**********
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
**********
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
**********
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
**********
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
***********
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
**********
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
***********
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow
the lawn."
**********
and Finally . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had consciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked
up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
-- Dr. wouldn't admit his name
- Status
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