Getting into Anal Sex

[Sedah]

My wife and I are in our late 20s, and we've been talking about trying to spice up our love lives a bit. We're both very adventurous people in bed; we haven't yet been able to think of many things that we wouldn't try to make sex better and more fun. Recently, we've decided to try to get into group sex of some sort, preferably threesomes to start with. We're both willing to try new things, so we're not terribly picky on the gender of the 3rd. We're both willing to 'try' a same-gender sexual experience, and looking forward to it.

Here's the problem. I figured that if we were going to potentially bring in another man, then I'd want to probably perform Oral and receive Anal sex, so as to get the 'complete' man-to-man experience. So we went out and bought a strap-on, which is slightly longer and not much wider than I am (which I'm sure is fairly average). Practicing Oral on it has been no issue; but when it comes to Anal....

I just can't get the damned thing in. I've done some reading, and they recommend things like laying on your side and using lots of lube. I can get smaller toys in (finger and 2-finger widths) but when it comes to cock-sized, it gets up to the sphincter and just stops. Anyone have any advice? My wife's theory is that the strap-on is much 'harder' than a normal cock, and that I might be able to manage it when its real. To me, that seems like a pretty big risk to take, and I don't want to wuss out come orgy time.

Help?

 

[lennythelion]

I'm not an expert, but I have found that it is a lot to do with relaxing for me. The first time it worked out well for me (though not the first time I tried), I was drunk -S). That helped dispel some of the trepidation the next time, and I used some yoga relaxation techniques for that next time, though it was still not easy to get in. (And I had been "practising" with small toys by myself too which, one might think, would not be cause for trepidation.) Can't say what happened, maybe I wasn't expecting anything out of the experience (it was a submission on my part), but suddenly I was enjoying it, and wow! Since then, it has been a LOT easier, so I tend to think that even if we have decided that we are going to do something, our body can still tense up quite easily through unconscious apprehension, and the sphincter is one of the strongest muscles in the body, I believe.

So, my advice, relaxation techniques: breathe, visualise the muscle relaxing and opening.

Good luck!

 

[ples]

While I am not a fan of anal, I admire your preparation. The reason you can take a poop is that you are relaxed and normally, well lubed. The two essential points. A couple years ago I was being fucked from behind and I was really wet. He was pounding away with a lot of gusto and slipped out. In his haste to continue he rammed that hard dick up my ass. I thought I was going to pass out. This story has nothing to do with your question, but I liked to tell it.
First - loose the strap. It does not feel like a real cock. Get an old fashion dildo that is normal dick size. Lube it up, relax and slowly push it in. You will be surprised how easily your ass will take it in. If you have pre-cum while you push in and out, you're ready for the experience.
Second - taste your cum. When sucking off a guy you don't get a warning all the time if he doesn't last long.
Wow, I'm wet. Have fun.

 

[Firebrain]

I'm a girl and it took us four or five goes and loads of lube to get it in the first time. Once we'd done it I had no problem afterwards, but that was the way it went with a real cock anyway.

 

[Sedah]

So it does get easier over time? I had developed a newfound respect for gay men

 

[fuyutsuki]

So it does get easier over time? I had developed a newfound respect for gay men

It can and often does just take your time and listen to your body. From experience don't get over zealous when it comes time for the real thing take your time and allow your body to adjust slowly. Going for the gusto and trying to take it all at once can have some rather interesting side effects not limited to pain.

 

[sterculius]

My wife and I regularly enjoy strap on play, both anal and oral (my favorite), and we have gradually increased the size of dildo until now I'm able to easily accept a very large one. We started out with just fingers and a small butt plug and a LOT of lube. Start small and go slow!!

 

[Sedah]

I'll give some of these tips a try, it seems this may be more time-consuming than I had expected. Is there any truth to the theory that you should put something in and leave it there for hours to 'stretch' out the opening?

 

[auslit]

So it does get easier over time? I had developed a newfound respect for gay men

and women who take it up the bum?

 

[Sedah]

I suppose, but its always "optional", in that you can have good hard sex without it (women+anal, that is). It seems the gay guys are more... committed, though.

 

[Hoardingenergy]

Use more lub than you think you need.

 

[CaRaMeLPoleDoll]

Use more lub than you think you need.

i would have to agree that LUBE is your best friend when it comes to Anal.

i also agree that for me it is mostly a mental thing. if i'm relaxed mentally then i can handle the physical part... which is usually a good loosening up with fingers (gradually increasing the number of fingers) until i feel like i'm ready enough to go bigger.

if you are not loosened up and lubed up enough it can be painful so i think the playing with toys etc that you are doing now will definately help. I had an ex who went through an anal phase... that was the only sex he wanted from me... after the first couple of times he didn't need to loosen me up at all... he could lube me up and go for it... i assume that was mostly mental but would have stayed a little stretched too.

i'm out of practice nowadays but hopefully will change that soon...

 

[fuyutsuki]

Use more lube than you think you need.

I've also noticed that some lubes are better then others for anal sex. There have been many discussions about water vs. silicon based lubes. We prefer the silicon lubes simply because they aren't absorbed by the body as easily (they stay slicker longer) but there is some discussion about this being a bad thing (IE possibly harboring bacteria and such longer.) I've know people that swear by anal-ez or some such. Personally I wish we still had some stuff called "Butter up" it was sold at a in home adult toy party and is apparently no longer available.

 

[HockeyShark]

Personally I wish we still had some stuff called "Butter up" it was sold at a in home adult toy party and is apparently no longer available.

Ahhh, yes, the Marlon Brando Special

 

[MaleThonger]

There are many factors that can contribute to having a good time with anal. Lube is definately important. Use a lot, and when you think you have enough, add more. Size and flexability of the dildo play a part, as does possitioning. Sometimes I can take one lying on my back, sometimes I squat over it and lower myself onto it, sometimes I stick my ass in the air and let my girl pound away. With more regular play, your anus will adapt and be more prepared to take something, if you leave it be for a while, you gotta start over.

But the number one tip: GO SLOW! No matter what the porn actors and erotic fiction writers will tell you, you do NOT jam it all the way home on the first entry. (not without some major issues.) OUCH. Build up to it with fingers and smaller probes then work in the big guy.

 

[infinity706]

So it does get easier over time? I had developed a newfound respect for gay men

Gay men deserve no special consideration. I've fucked well over a hundred gay/bi guys and overall, they have no more interest in anal than the general population. Infact, I know more lesbian/bi women that do anal.

 

[jpccusa]

As a gay guy I have some tips for you (not necessarily in the enumerated order).

1- Start small
2- Lots of lube
3- Relax
4- Be aroused and wanting it
5- If it hurts like hell, stop, remove, breath until the pain gets better (5 to 10 seconds) and re-start
6- Be on top (so you can control speed, depth, etc.)
7- Play a lot with the hole (fingers, tongue) before sticking anything inside. This will make you relax and want to go further.

As for leaving something inside, that's a myth. As soon as you remove the object, your sphincter will close as tight as before.

Good luck and keep us posted.

PS: Kuddos for having an open mind and exploring a new way for pleasure.

 

[blondebabydoll]

Lots and lots of lube!

 

[saskatuna]

one thing i can say is that it took me (the first time i used a strap-on) way longer to actually work it in than i thought, and i was up to three fingers, no problem. so i mean, if you're getting stuck, so to speak, on the toy, don't worry or rush it. it took me an easy 20 minutes to work the head of a dildo in the first time, but once it slid in...

 

[braincum]

I's not a secret, but...

...does work.

In addition to the suggestions above about copious amounts of lube and a relaxed environment, there are two other, key componenents of successful anal entry.

Both were related to me by my first, Nordic girlfriend who wished to explore anything sexual, as did I in my early 20s. After we had first consummated this wondrous event, she told me that she was finally able to relax her wicked tight sphincter only because I had cooed sweet, enouraging words in her ear. As I talked her into relaxing so we could both enjoy a new experience, I could feel her anus loosen markedly.

The other component was to use my indiex finger to probe deep into her well-lubed butthole, both acclimating her to my presence within her beautiful, spongy butt and actually feeling the contractions of her anus loosen, allowing me to quickly replace my finger with my large, throbbing cock. As we both bucked wildly to this new sensation, I reached around to her blood-gorged lips and touched her almost-bursting clitoris and we both came like Armeggedon!

 

[Sedah]

Gay men deserve no special consideration. I've fucked well over a hundred gay/bi guys and overall, they have no more interest in anal than the general population. Infact, I know more lesbian/bi women that do anal.

... See, now I'm confused. How else do they do it? Just oral all the time?

 

[infinity706]

... See, now I'm confused. How else do they do it? Just oral all the time?

Gay guys do everything straight couples do and a few other things like a double handjob where you have both dicks in your hand at once. There's also a lot more rubbing up against each other and stuffing cocks in places straight couples rarely do. They fit nicely in armpits, between your thighs, and of course, tittyfucking for some guys. Of course, as for oral, there's plenty of that regardless of orientation. The main difference, though, is that non straight sex is a lot less centered on penetration.

 

[Sedah]

Hadn't realized that. Good to know.

 

[halsfield]

I didn't see anyone else mention it, but they do make lube specifically for anal sex. I've found a lot of regular lubes get hot (usually because they have glycerin in them) and this increases the discomfort for the receiver. I could also recommend using a buttplug left in overnight or whenever you have a couple hours to use it to stretch yourself out. You can start small and work your way up to larger sizes.

I've also found through trial and error with my special lady that lying on her back at the edge of the bed or doggy style with her legs off the bed(ie standing but bent over at the waist with her arms/body resting on the bed) are the best positions. They just allow you to put enough pressure to get in (which can be hard with slippery lube all over) while allowing enough control to stay centered and not start pushing in a direction that hurts.

Good luck. I've done anal sex pretty much every night my gf and I have had sex or any kind and this has worked for us since the beginning. She has massive vaginal orgasms from just the anal stimulation though, so maybe she has a body/nerves that make this easier for her.