Getting my gf interested in me again

[irvine6]

Hi all

Just after abit of advice

I was in a relationship for 6 years which ended last year, i was very hurt and took me a while to trust again. A girl i known for a long time found out i was single soon after and sent me alot of texts flirting and saying what she would like to do to me and sending me pics etc...

Eventually we got together and weve been together for 9 months .
I love her to bits but im finding out now shes nothing like how she said, she only wants sex when she says and doesnt like doing naughty things and shouts at me to shut up when i even mention sex.

How can i get her to relax and do all these things she wanted to do? Or was she just been like that to get me. Im getting kinda bored now i have a high sex drive and like flirty txts once in a while to turn me on.

Thanks

 

[bailadora]

There could be a variety of reasons for her change of behavior. Unfortunately, the only one who can tell you what's going on in your gf's head is...well, your gf.

Open and honest communication is one of the key factors of a healthy relationship, so my advice to you would be to sit down with her at a time when you are both calm and relaxed and try to talk about what is going on. You should try to keep the conversation non confrontational and non accusatory when you bring up your concerns. I'm not saying that you are consciously combative, but often times, the message people think they are communicating and the message that is being received are two entirely different things. That might be the reason she gets so defensive when you bring up sex. Although - the fact that she tells you to shut up is a bit of a red flag for me. That just seems very disrespectful of one's partner.

If you find that verbal communication just isn't working, maybe you could write a letter to her, expressing your concerns. I use this method when I have something very important I need to discuss with my spouse. I find that it really gives me time to think about what I want to say and to carefully consider my word choices. I find that I can more clearly express myself without the heat of emotions distorting my meaning.

In any case, if this girl truly cares for you, she should be concerned that you are unhappy. She should be willing to hear you out and she should also be willing to work with you in finding a solution that is agreeable to you both. If she doesn't, then I think you need to seriously consider getting out.

 

[nakdsub]

I'm sorry but...

To me, it doesn't sound like she was very honest with you in the beginning of the relationship. Without honesty there is no relationship.

Of course, without all the details of the other aspects of your relationship, its hard to give advice, but...

You've only been together for 9 months. I think I would start looking at cutting ties now before you look around and find you've invested another 6 years in a bad relationship.

Sorry, but to me it sounds she did everything she could to get you, but now that she has you she's determined to control you.

 

[irvine6]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it helps to hear other peoples views sometimes.

Think i might take a step back and see how she is. Might make her realise i cant go on like this

 

[SweetErika]

Think i might take a step back and see how she is. Might make her realise i cant go on like this

You really need to let her know why you're taking a step back, in the in-person, relaxed, non-confrontational way Bailadora described.

Just disengaging is going to force her into guessing, just as you're guessing why she's not into the things she said she was when you initially started talking.

Let her know how you feel when she declines sex frequently and yells at you to "shut up" when you bring the topic of sex up. Let her know that while you hope otherwise, you believe it's possible that you two aren't the kind of match you originally thought you were before/right after you started dating, and you'd like to take a step back to see if this is the best relationship for BOTH of you. Emphasize your desire for her to be happy and healthy in your relationship as well, rather than your own wants and needs. Ask her for suggestions on communicating better and proposing intimacy. Be fair and give her the chance to make changes if she wants.

 

[bailadora]

Think i might take a step back and see how she is. Might make her realise i cant go on like this

Uh-huh. And exactly how is she going to figure that out? Did you miss the part about open and honest communication being a key component of a healthy relationship? That applies to both parties.

Dude - whether you stay in this relationship or not, you have got to learn to talk to your partner. Otherwise problems will never get resolved. Running away is not an option. Well, technically it is, but expect to end up being alone.

 

[irvine6]

I always do try to talk bout everything but ive learned shes not into talking, i always get the same thing, either tells me to shut up or she doesnt want to talk and i get the silent treatment.

I spoke to her last night and give her my reasons for stepping back and that maybe a weekend apart would do us good and i got the reaction i was expecting, she replied "whatever,got stuff to do anyway and i didnt wana see you saturday night because im going out with my mates..."

Not really sure shes ready for a relationship. ive thought about this before as if we arange to go out together on a friday or sat night 98% of the time she will say just before actually im going with my mates i dont want you to come.

Anyway thanks for your replies.

 

[Que]

Plain and simple shes cheating. Probably too late to salvage but if you really care for her (and I get the impression you do) look up athol kaye 's blog "mmsl" read, read read. It will open your eyes.

 

[satindesire]

I always do try to talk bout everything but ive learned shes not into talking, i always get the same thing, either tells me to shut up or she doesnt want to talk and i get the silent treatment.

I spoke to her last night and give her my reasons for stepping back and that maybe a weekend apart would do us good and i got the reaction i was expecting, she replied "whatever,got stuff to do anyway and i didnt wana see you saturday night because im going out with my mates..."

Not really sure shes ready for a relationship. ive thought about this before as if we arange to go out together on a friday or sat night 98% of the time she will say just before actually im going with my mates i dont want you to come.

Anyway thanks for your replies.

Dude, she's a bitch.

DTMFA.

 

[irvine6]

Plain and simple shes cheating. Probably too late to salvage but if you really care for her (and I get the impression you do) look up athol kaye 's blog "mmsl" read, read read. It will open your eyes.

i dont think shes cheating because she doesnt really get the time to cheat, she works long hours so i see her for abit in the evenings and then she goes to bed, and normaly when she does go out because its to late for me to find a mate to go out with i stupidly say ill drop her off to save getting a cab and i also pick her mates up. i know there out together.

 

[SweetErika]

i dont think shes cheating because she doesnt really get the time to cheat, she works long hours so i see her for abit in the evenings and then she goes to bed, and normaly when she does go out because its to late for me to find a mate to go out with i stupidly say ill drop her off to save getting a cab and i also pick her mates up. i know there out together.

So, basically you're a chauffeur whom she occasionally fucks and treats like shit A LOT of the time.

Stop playing that role, dump her ass, work on your self-esteem so you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future, and then eventually find yourself a girlfriend who actually wants to be your best friend, lover and treats you really well.

This "relationship" can NOT be saved, so it's time to move on. NOW.

 

[silverwhisper]

irvine, time to move on. this is obviously a rebound relationship for you and she's apparently not interested even in that.

it makes me curious to know why she pursued you in the first place--but honestly, any attempt to learn that will ultimately lead either to her shouting at you to shut up* or her shutting down.

time to resume dating. with someone else.

ed

*if this is typical behavior, you really need to rediscover your self-respect, man.

 

[irvine6]

No its not rebound for me i was single for a while before we got together and ive known her for years (as a friend).

Thanks for all the help sometimes its best to get some advice from other people like yourselves.

Its going to be hard but think ive realised its time to call it a day

Many thanks

 

[unregistered]

 

[Eilan]

Dude, she's a bitch.

DTMFA.

+ 1,000,000

 

[NeonKnickers]

How frustrating.

What if you had a night...no! Not a night. Everyone is way too dramatic at night. How about you have a morning where you sit down and hash it all out? Peel back all the onion-y layers and figure out what it is that is going on. No games or lies or sugar coating.

You guys might just need to get back to basics and be actual people, real people that talk. People change all the time. If you can't change together and appreciate the growth in one another (I can't type that seriously on this forum) then it could be time to move along.

I'm notoriously bad/good at believing the best in people, and sometimes people will surprise you, for the better or not. Good luck.

 

[bailadora]

Its going to be hard but think ive realised its time to call it a day

Many thanks

*nods*

After reading your follow up posts, I concur. At least you leave knowing you were more than fair and gave her a chance. It's not your fault she turned out to be a user.

Best of luck to you in the future.

 

[1sickbastard]

Everything I had to add was already covered.


Good Luck!

 

[satindesire]

+ 1,000,000

/offtopic

That's quite a furry Richard, my friend.

/endofftopic

 

[night&day]

Ok Heres What You Need To Do!

Send me her pictures and contact information. A woman that is only interested in sex..I'm shocked....

 

[havsumfun1]

the thing is

A woman does not want to tell you what she wants. If you are chasing her down, nagging her to communicate, or telling her you'll do whatever it takes to make things work then the game is over. She does not respect you anymore and now finds you contemptible.

So much for being a nice guy.

Now to win her back. First be a man, respect yourself and stop accepting mistreatment from her. Bad behavior should never be rewarded unless you want to create a monster. Second, start dating other women ASAP, the more women you have the less time you waste pining over a bad one. Third, treat her politely but with indifference, your valuable time is now being spent on women who treat you right and deserve your rewards.

If you can do all that she will drive herself crazy wanting you back. By the time that happens you will no longer even care about this girl because you will have others.

Good luck, man, this is easier than you think.

 

[silverwhisper]

havsumfun is obviously the type of person to reply to all to the first e-mail in a 20 message conversation.

ed

 

[havsumfun1]

yes?

I'm obviously the type to reply to all to the first email? Not sure what that means, can you clarify please? I chimed in with advice so the OP doesn't repeat any mistakes with his next woman...

 

[silverwhisper]

my point was that you seemed not to have read the OP's subsequent posts in which he mentioned he's moving on. this conclusion was drawn on the basis of your spending a paragraph observing how to get the gf back.

ed