Girlfriend disobeying.

[ownedsubgal]

As to the bolded bit... I've never understood the whole command/order thing being "domly", whereas politely requesting is somehow not. If a Lover asks me to "Please do X"... it isn't a request I have the liberty to ignore. We are Lovers, I've chosen to be Lovers, I don't run the show in my relationships, therefore I do X. Thinking about it, I'm actually the sort of person who is more likely to raise and eyebrow over a demand, than request.

to me a request as opposed to a direct command implies choice, and if there is no choice, why pretend as if there is? perhaps i'm too weird and literal-minded, but that kind of thing would just screw with my head. also i like it when things are crystal clear, not when there are fuzzy gray areas and question marks. if my Master says, "do X," i know that for sure and for certain he wants me to do X, and i'm going to immediately obey. if he were to say, "would you mind please doing X, when you get a chance?" i would take to mean that it was not anything pressing and it would not be something i would feel the need to instantly do. if it's a particular Dominant's nature that he never commands and only "requests," then he would be very displeased with me because i would never be able to figure out what he wanted and when he wanted it.

 

[ownedsubgal]

A raised voice doesn't do much for me. A firm hand does though. Daddy has never yelled at me. If i'm not doing what he wants me to do he just makes me. Its not at all difficult for him and has never seemed to really be a problem. Sometimes i think people make too much fuss over this whole brat thing. i can never get my head around what the big deal is.

i thought that's what gags were for.

*smiles*...just different strokes, different folks. my Master would never tolerate brattiness or even a bit of playful feistiness. He will only accept unquestioned and unhesitating obedience. at the same time, he always exerts his control and authority. i think that some perhaps assume the two cannot coexist...complete submissiveness and non-resistance, while being firmly controlled and dominated...but they can and do.

 

[graceanne]

As to the bolded bit... I've never understood the whole command/order thing being "domly", whereas politely requesting is somehow not. If a Lover asks me to "Please do X"... it isn't a request I have the liberty to ignore. We are Lovers, I've chosen to be Lovers, I don't run the show in my relationships, therefore I do X. Thinking about it, I'm actually the sort of person who is more likely to raise and eyebrow over a demand, than request.

Me, too. Politeness is very important to me.

Some people have a need for barking and sternness as part of their idea of command, I guess. Personally, I find the idea limiting. The most powerful and effective commands are often delivered barely above a whisper.

Just because it's a demand, doesn't mean they're barking or being stern. A 'hey, sweetheart, get me a beer' is a demand, but doesn't necessarily have to be at a bark.

to me a request as opposed to a direct command implies choice, and if there is no choice, why pretend as if there is? perhaps i'm too weird and literal-minded, but that kind of thing would just screw with my head. also i like it when things are crystal clear, not when there are fuzzy gray areas and question marks. if my Master says, "do X," i know that for sure and for certain he wants me to do X, and i'm going to immediately obey. if he were to say, "would you mind please doing X, when you get a chance?" i would take to mean that it was not anything pressing and it would not be something i would feel the need to instantly do. if it's a particular Dominant's nature that he never commands and only "requests," then he would be very displeased with me because i would never be able to figure out what he wanted and when he wanted it.

Actually, I can see this. Sometimes I'll ask one of the kids to do something and they will, quite literally, say 'is that a request' because sometimes it's a request and sometimes I'm just being polite, and they'll do whatever it is whether they want to or not. I have been known to say to them, after a 'request', 'that may have sounded like a request, but it wasn't. Move.' (Like when I say 'would you pick that up, please?' not a request. Sounds like one, though.) For me, with K, the tone of voice tells me a lot about whether it's a request or a demand.

 

[eastern sun]

As to the bolded bit... I've never understood the whole command/order thing being "domly", whereas politely requesting is somehow not. If a Lover asks me to "Please do X"... it isn't a request I have the liberty to ignore. We are Lovers, I've chosen to be Lovers, I don't run the show in my relationships, therefore I do X. Thinking about it, I'm actually the sort of person who is more likely to raise and eyebrow over a demand, than request.

I've always treated both demands and requests as the same. Both imply that the action should be taken. Demands tend to be more urgent, and put an end to any hesitations I might have at the time. But requests, even those "would you mind . . . if you have the time" questions, are still seeking the same result.

It's been important for me to learn that how he wants to express himself is ultimately up to him, and if he's soft and polite one day, and hard and cruel the next, it doesn't change my half of the relationship. (In the end, responding in the same fashion to all the various sides of him has also helped me learn to love the parts of him that don't fit - and even outright contradict - that first romantic "image" I hoped he would be. Even the baddest bad-ass has tenderness and weakness. And even the most nurturing, gracious gentleman can be insensitive and cold.)

 

[CuteBrat]

i NEED to be Dominated, controlled, and feel powerless to be safe\happy\fulfilled in a relationship. i do not need to willingly submit or desire to be perfectly pleasing and obedient, in fact trying to develop those traits in myself has rather made me feel quite yucky and disappeary like. Many have told me this makes me a brat. i'm finally okay with that.

i want to be comfortable being fully myself in the relationship without fear of being abandoned or discarded for being too big a pain in the ass. i want "negotiation" to happen in the moment on a very primal level. i want to feel HIM Dominating me, not me dominating me so he isn't inconvenienced and doesn't have to work too hard for a piece of ass because yeah... its just such a burden to fuck me unless i'm ultra obedient and subservient

i like men who take risks, the same kind of risks they expect me to take. i am not inclined to make it easier for them. i like takers, hunters, predators. Yes i would like them to have my best interest at heart but ultimately i really just don't want to have any power and the only way i can really feel powerless is to exercise my power and find out in the most organic way possible i am simply not as powerful as he is.

i cannot discover this through a heart to heart talk or a checklist. He either has the balls or he doesn't. i do not set limits but i also do not hold back.

i LOVED reading that....

 

[Netzach]

She's a tough girl, on the outside. She doesn't take crap from anyone She likes a man to take control.
Yes, I do need to be more dominant, and plan on giving her quite the thrill the next time we're together.

I should note, that she acts like this when she knows I'm trying to be dominant. I'm not too good at demanding things or telling/forcing women to do things. At my job I do tell people what to do, even women. But my girlfriend knows I'm not too good at it and becomes obstinate when I try to be dominant with my words. How would I make her stop doing that.

Does this matter to you or to her? Are you in fact getting anything out of it when she submits or is this something you are doing because she likes it?

I'd be at a horrible impasse with most people who need me to prove my worthiness/assertiveness/blah blah. I don't see that as MY obligation, rather theirs. This is a major stylistic difference. There's nothing wrong with people who are like this, they're just never going to work out with people like me as their Dominant.

Because when someone runs the show like that and then tells me I should be grateful and feel Dominant, I call that shitting on my ice cream and telling me it's a sundae. If she wants all these things that bore you or make you feel out of your element, then she should fuck off to get them with someone else. If she wants to submit to YOU, that means YOU.

There would be either a breakup if it were me or one beating she would never forget the likes of ever that also outlines what my expectations are or else she and her shit will be out of my apt. Which depends on my energy levels for the relationship, AND the prognosis for whether I think she'll actually get this concept or forget it immediately.

Oh, don't worry about having to become the abuse monster. A toothbrush and cayenne powder will do the trick.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i LOVED reading that....

Thank you...

 

[ataxia.girl]

to me a request as opposed to a direct command implies choice, and if there is no choice, why pretend as if there is? perhaps i'm too weird and literal-minded, but that kind of thing would just screw with my head. also i like it when things are crystal clear, not when there are fuzzy gray areas and question marks. if my Master says, "do X," i know that for sure and for certain he wants me to do X, and i'm going to immediately obey. if he were to say, "would you mind please doing X, when you get a chance?" i would take to mean that it was not anything pressing and it would not be something i would feel the need to instantly do. if it's a particular Dominant's nature that he never commands and only "requests," then he would be very displeased with me because i would never be able to figure out what he wanted and when he wanted it.

i kinda feel like you learn over time what things mean. i talk about being all bratty and in your face and i am but it didn't start like that. With Mr B i was my usual desperate, ridiculously obedient self the first several times we met. i tried my hardest to always please him. The problem with me is this never lasts. i hide my thoughts and feelings, i hide the rebellion inside me and then it comes out all at once when i just up and leave and call them abusive assholes. Well... he didn't let that happen. i dunno how he did it but he made me feel okay to rebel more incrementally and in the moment. i remember the first time i got up the guts to tell him i wanted something and he said "next time" we would do it. Well... he forgot and i felt angry and confused and wounded. Its the same old psychodrama i put everyone through only Daddy didn't budge. i couldn't make him feel so bad that he would let me go and not use me anymore. That was my usual program. Pour on the guilt until they can't take it and let you control things so you can lose respect for them and walk away.

There was all this "i'm your Daddy and you're just going to have to get used to it" crap going on. i couldn't suck him into my black\white, good vs evil world. He accepted his own imperfections and then made me accept them too by being a big stubborn head. i tried so hard not to show up after that. i tried to hurt him. He just kept telling me he loved me but then kept not budging on how things were just going to be his way because little girls can't be in charge! It made me a little insane but after several visits of me acting up horribly and being very angry i just gave up. Right now i am surrendered mostly... in a resigned sort of way. i still don't have that "i live to please Daddy" thing going on yet but i see it in my future. Still kinda makes me a little mad but not mad enough to keep fighting. i'm right smack in the middle of figuring out what it means to live in the real world where Daddy really does know best but he can't just "fix" everything. He's making me accept what it is to live in the real world where things are gray and yet i still get my black\white part... its my relationship to him.

That was a lot of words to say i don't think its either bad or good for the OP's girlfriend to be doing what she is. It may just be that it is a process she has to go through. Perhaps the OP can grow a pair in the process. She's just trying to figure out who the boss really is. Its either him or its her. i say be who you are, don't hold back, and let the chips fall. Its the only way to know anything for certain.

 

[ataxia.girl]

*smiles*...just different strokes, different folks. my Master would never tolerate brattiness or even a bit of playful feistiness. He will only accept unquestioned and unhesitating obedience. at the same time, he always exerts his control and authority. i think that some perhaps assume the two cannot coexist...complete submissiveness and non-resistance, while being firmly controlled and dominated...but they can and do.

i think they can totally coexist. Had my life taken a different turn a long time ago perhaps i would not be so willful as i am but it didn't. i've learned the skill of independence and persuasion. i use my intense personality to effect change in those around me, sometimes in a very calculated way. i have a good career and a comfortable home. i have power which i have garnered by being expected to obtain it and receiving positive reinforcement with each step. my husband is proud of me. He enjoys showing me off and telling people about his successful wife. He likes the role model i am for our daughters. He even recognizes the little girl between the sheets but he does not want to "own" me.

And yet i still have a deep desire to be powerless, to live in a world with no choices. The problem is i am no longer able to feel powerless unless i have exerted all the power inside me and found it not powerful enough. Its just become a necessary part of a power exchange relationship for me. i don't do it to please, i do it to find out. i even jill off to fantasies of dominating submissive men but ALWAYS it is within the confines of a more powerful man owning me. In a way Daddy has helped me accept my own powerful nature by recognizing that i am powerful but that i need a relationship within which i am powerless without requiring my voluntary submission. He has demonstrated to me time and again that he is simply stronger and more powerful than i am. That he is willing to take more risk, is more stubborn that things will be absolutely on his terms, and that no matter what i do he is not going to just let me go.

 

[subish2009]

<snip>
And yet i still have a deep desire to be powerless, to live in a world with no choices. The problem is i am no longer able to feel powerless unless i have exerted all the power inside me and found it not powerful enough. Its just become a necessary part of a power exchange relationship for me. i don't do it to please, i do it to find out.
</snip>

THIS is interesting (I mean, a lot of what you've said is interesting, but this is especially so). I think this may be what some of us have been trying to get at on the bratty thread. This is how resistance can be very, very submissive. Whether it's play, an act, a rebellion, a deep-seated part of your soul, or whatever, THIS is why I may or may not be a brat, but this is the driving force behind my insolence.

Thank you for that insight.

 

[ataxia.girl]

THIS is interesting (I mean, a lot of what you've said is interesting, but this is especially so). I think this may be what some of us have been trying to get at on the bratty thread. This is how resistance can be very, very submissive. Whether it's play, an act, a rebellion, a deep-seated part of your soul, or whatever, THIS is why I may or may not be a brat, but this is the driving force behind my insolence.

i fight Daddy a lot. Like a child would fight doing something unpleasant the first 50 times or so until they internalized there really is no other choice. my daughter doesn't like to take medicine and the first 50 times she thought she had some say in the matter. Now she knows she doesn't.

Some of us just take longer to convince, perhaps because life has taught us otherwise.

 

[sfldaddy]

When my girl disobeys, if we're inthe house, I immediately grab her hand and pull her in to he bedroom and pull her pants down and spank her hard til she cries. If we're in public, I whack her ass real quick and hard. Nobody has ever said anything!

 

[ataxia.girl]

When my girl disobeys, if we're inthe house, I immediately grab her hand and pull her in to he bedroom and pull her pants down and spank her hard til she cries. If we're in public, I whack her ass real quick and hard. Nobody has ever said anything!

Exactly. Immediate correction. When you are bigger and stronger there really isn't any need to not get what you want but you have to have the balls to make it happen. That's where that whole Dominance thing comes in handy.

 

[Plasmaball]

I have a girlfriend, and found out she is very submissive and likes a very dominant man. Hey good for me! But she's disobeying me, being a smart ass, disrespecting me.
When I say she's going to pay for her insolence she laughs in my face and says I won't do shit.

So I need ideas on how to make her respect me, and obey me. I don't have a cane or paddles, or anything really of BDSM descent. But I'm sure I could improvise with some advice.
I'm also not sure what to do, how far to go.
I would like suggestions on what I could do to make her respect me and take my word when I say things. I have yet to do anything so she doesn't think I will. Surprise, surprise
She does know that I am dominant on the other hand, but has no idea what I will do. I like to keep it a secret, make her worry for her actions! She's open that she wants to be dominated, so if you guys could give me ideas I would appreciate it a lot. I think she will too

Punch her in the face

Its the cure all

 

[sfldaddy]

I'm not a sadist by any means but girls need to be kept in line or they will soon take advantage of you. They crave discipline, anyway. My babygrrl loves to be spanked immediately and sex sometimes occurs afterward.

 

[Homburg]

to me a request as opposed to a direct command implies choice, and if there is no choice, why pretend as if there is? perhaps i'm too weird and literal-minded, but that kind of thing would just screw with my head. also i like it when things are crystal clear, not when there are fuzzy gray areas and question marks.

If Mr Police Officer says, "Step out of the car, please," is it a request? It is possible to include polite language and still make it crystal clear, even to literally minded people, that this is not a request, and you do not have a meaningful choice.

 

[ataxia.girl]

If Mr Police Officer says, "Step out of the car, please," is it a request? It is possible to include polite language and still make it crystal clear, even to literally minded people, that this is not a request, and you do not have a meaningful choice.

i think its all just style. If Daddy tells me to do something it doesn't matter if comes out as a command or a request. Usually something optional is posed more as "it would be nice if you did...." or "i would like it if you did..." As yet i have not done these things much. i'm not completely sure why. i think at some point i will get to really wanting to please him and will fall all over myself to please him but i'm not really there yet. i don't even have the desire to go there that often. i am comfortable where we are for now.

 

[ownedsubgal]

If Mr Police Officer says, "Step out of the car, please," is it a request? It is possible to include polite language and still make it crystal clear, even to literally minded people, that this is not a request, and you do not have a meaningful choice.

your police officer example is a good one, but for me personally in a personal/intimate relationship i would find commands phrased as requests very confusing. also, one can command politely. it doesn't need to be all barking and yelling. to me a polite command would be Daddy telling me, in his normal tone of voice, "sweet, get me a glass of water." He never has a need to shout out a command, he knows i will obey. but "please" or "would you.." coming from him would totally throw me off. if you want something of me, just tell me what and when. i'll do it. but don't ask and put me in a state of awkwardness by letting me think i have a choice.

maybe some folks just respond better to questions and pleases and thank yous, but i just don't.

 

[Homburg]

i think its all just style. If Daddy tells me to do something it doesn't matter if comes out as a command or a request. Usually something optional is posed more as "it would be nice if you did...." or "i would like it if you did..."

I agree. It is a matter of style. I think the gist of this particular line of discussion is to illustrate to the inexperienced OP that commands can be given in different ways. Hopefully. As in I hope that it comes across that way.

--

your police officer example is a good one, but for me personally in a personal/intimate relationship i would find commands phrased as requests very confusing. also, one can command politely. it doesn't need to be all barking and yelling. to me a polite command would be Daddy telling me, in his normal tone of voice, "sweet, get me a glass of water." He never has a need to shout out a command, he knows i will obey. but "please" or "would you.." coming from him would totally throw me off. if you want something of me, just tell me what and when. i'll do it. but don't ask and put me in a state of awkwardness by letting me think i have a choice.

maybe some folks just respond better to questions and pleases and thank yous, but i just don't.

*nod* I understand. I just wanted to use that example. Again, trying to make clear the point to the OP.

And I don't think that I've ever gotten the impression that he is a shouter. You've never described him even remotely in that way. He sounds like the sort of person that doesn't generally need to raise his voice.

 

[ecstaticsub]

your police officer example is a good one, but for me personally in a personal/intimate relationship i would find commands phrased as requests very confusing. also, one can command politely. it doesn't need to be all barking and yelling. to me a polite command would be Daddy telling me, in his normal tone of voice, "sweet, get me a glass of water." He never has a need to shout out a command, he knows i will obey. but "please" or "would you.." coming from him would totally throw me off. if you want something of me, just tell me what and when. i'll do it. but don't ask and put me in a state of awkwardness by letting me think i have a choice.

maybe some folks just respond better to questions and pleases and thank yous, but i just don't.

I respond to thank yous but requests or hints just confuse me, too. They have also ended up getting him angry with me when I don't respond quickly enough. Things like "I really like X, it would be nice if you did X". make me just put it to the make of my mind for future reference. But if he simply said "Do X for me now" then I know he expects it now. It's very clear then. I admit to enjoying the warm fuzzys I get when he says "thank you".

 

[ataxia.girl]

I respond to thank yous but requests or hints just confuse me, too. They are also ended up getting him angry with me when I don't respond quickly enough. Things like "I really like X, it would be nice if you did X". Make me just put it to the make of my mind for future reference. But if he simply said "Do X for me now" then I know he expects it now. It's very clear then. I admit to enjoying the warm fuzzys I get when he says "thank you".

When my Daddy says these things it is not at all a command. He would never get angry with me or punish me because i failed to fulfill a hint or suggestion. He floats them out there but they are totally up to me on whether or not i fulfill them. If i do fulfill them then he knows i am in a good place, that i am actively thinking about pleasing him and wanting to find ways to do so.