Helping wife explore her submissive side

[SilverErotic]

41, m looking for advice on helping my wife explore her submissive side. We dabbled a bit and she enjoyed it. I could use some ideas on helping her (and me as a dom) become more serious.

 

[average_red]

If she is into it, try https://bdsmtest.org/ thinking about my test scores showed me some things I had not considered.

I have no experience, so you shouldn't listen to me, but there seems to be two sides to the dom/sub relationship. sex and life. Try playing with both. The closest thing I ever had was one past relationship, she would wear chokers and tap them any time she wanted me to be more dominant/just make decisions for her, which made my life so much easier.

 

[SilverErotic]

If she is into it, try https://bdsmtest.org/ thinking about my test scores showed me some things I had not considered.

I have no experience, so you shouldn't listen to me, but there seems to be two sides to the dom/sub relationship. sex and life. Try playing with both. The closest thing I ever had was one past relationship, she would wear chokers and tap them any time she wanted me to be more dominant/just make decisions for her, which made my life so much easier.

Thanks, that’s helpful

 

[Kevinjkson]

41, m looking for advice on helping my wife explore her submissive side. We dabbled a bit and she enjoyed it. I could use some ideas on helping her (and me as a dom) become more serious.

It would be helpful if you could share a bit more about what you are hoping that we might be able to answer for you...

It sounds like neither of you are experienced at all with kink or with power dynamics - is that right? The most important thing to remember is that we all started where you are right now. None of us were born experts in kink or bdsm or power dynamics. We all had to learn, just as you and your wife do.

If so, then for you, assuming that you are comfortable with the idea of being more Dominant, I would suggest a few things:

1) Watch a bunch of porn. I know this sounds absurd, but there is much to be learned by watching others. If you DM me, I can give you some more concrete suggestions, but generally just watching and getting comfortable with the behavior of Dominants (of both sexes) will open your mind and give you lots of ideas. Remember, of course, that the actors are depicting a much more advanced level of power exchange than you will want to explore initially...

2) Sort through the many responses that you will get here, and reach out to a few of the people that seem most knowledgeable or that you feel like you would connect with. Ask if they will mentor you and/or your wife. Ask them the one million questions that you have about things that you have heard, or read, or seen.

3) Consider some kind of online experimentation with a Dominant of either sex. One way for you to learn how to be Dominant is to submit to someone for a while, watch how they interact with you, learn from them. One way for your wife to explore her submissive side, if you are ok both with it, is to do so with an experienced Dominant online - with you watching and learning.

4) The quality is highly variable, but there are lots of good stories here on Lit that you can read. Similar to watching porn, you can get some sense of how others behave by reading them. I find it is harder than watching, because you need some level of knowledge and experience to understand what you are reading (what is a flogger?!?) - but again it can be a very helpful way to understand some things that you may not yet understand clearly.

For your wife, she is going to need to explore, and that is going to require a D partner of some sort, either in person or online. My suggestions above assume that that partner will be you, and so you learning is the critical first step.

Most of all, good luck. And if I haven't answered your actual question, feel free to try again

 

[Playfulsteph]

Follow what she likes, what really turns her on and go slow. Hook her. If she is submissive, she will not be able to deny it and she will crave it more and more.

 

[SmilingLez]

41, m looking for advice on helping my wife explore her submissive side. We dabbled a bit and she enjoyed it. I could use some ideas on helping her (and me as a dom) become more serious.

I suggest you both read the following books. The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book. You might also find The Heart of Dominance helpful. HTH

 

[BiBunny]

I can't help you and her

The perfect typo.