"If all your friends and coworkers wore signs advertising their own sexual interests, no one would think a thing about it. We feel this sense of guilt because (a) society burdens us with heavy stigmas about sex, and (b) since we don't share openly about it, we think that we're the only one who has such thoughts and feelings."I'm sorry to be late to the discussion.
You are not alone, my dear! My wife and I were having this exact discussion today. We were driving past a place where we had met years ago for a raunchy rendezvous with some people we had just met, and we both looked at the place as we drove past, and both expressed almost simultaneously that we sometimes felt uncomfortable thinking about some of the things that we have done in the past.
We both work in a hospital, and therefore know a LOT of coworkers. Absolutely none of them know that we have led a kinky lifestyle, yet they are all human beings, too...and they all masturbate and have thoughts that make them feel guilty! A long time ago, before the first time I attended a house party hosted by a swinger couple, I asked a friend that I knew through the lifestyle whether he was worried about seeing people that he knew...he was a well-known professional and, well, wouldn't that be terribly embarrassing? He related the first time that it actually happened; he pointed out that you're both there for the same reason, are both on exactly the same standing as you encounter one another in such a situation, and therefore there is no power held by one over the other...no need for embarrassment and, in fact, it was a novel bonding experience.
Later, I was online with a woman who was interested in playing with my wife and me. When she sent me a nude picture I realized that it was someone I worked closely with! Yes, it felt terribly awkward, and I told her that I was embarrassed to admit that I was someone she knew very well. Of course, I had to tell her who I was (to be fair), and, to my surprise, she asked for a picture of me naked as well...to be fair! We both quickly got over our feelings of embarrassment, and were able to be completely at ease when we next worked together...it was almost a sense of relief!
If all your friends and coworkers wore signs advertising their own sexual interests, no one would think a thing about it. We feel this sense of guilt because (a) society burdens us with heavy stigmas about sex, and (b) since we don't share openly about it, we think that we're the only one who has such thoughts and feelings.
Now, I'm an older guy, a medical professional, highly educated, well respected, at the top of my profession. Now here's my guilty confession: I spend a HUGE amount of time thinking about sex, even while at work. At home I perv out a lot! But, as my late hero, George Carlin, wisely said, "Show me a guy who sits around the house stroking his penis all day and I'll show you a guy who isn't causing any fucking problems!"
You're in good company, my dear. I guarantee that you work with many folks who are far more kinky than you can imagine!
I have thought about this for some time. Lately, I have made comments or statements that would easily give my identity away to those that know me. I am actually hoping that someone picks up on this and reaches out to me. I am waiting patiently.
