Edward Teach
Mellow
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2003
- Posts
- 3,157
Congratulations to the winners - especially TK! Good work!
Halloween Contest Support Thread
- Thread starter oggbashan
- Start date
oggbashan
Dying Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2002
- Posts
- 56,017
The Winner is...
THE WINNER OF THE AUTHORS' HANGOUT LAST PLACE (tm) CONTEST HALLOWEEN 2008 is:
DeeZire
That works out as 3.95 x 22/25 = 3.476
Jeanne D'Artois and Og are permanently disqualified - I can't win my own contest!
DeeZire can now add a suitably modest glaring announcement.
Congratulations!
Og
THE WINNER OF THE AUTHORS' HANGOUT LAST PLACE (tm) CONTEST HALLOWEEN 2008 is:
DeeZire
That works out as 3.95 x 22/25 = 3.476
Jeanne D'Artois and Og are permanently disqualified - I can't win my own contest!
DeeZire can now add a suitably modest glaring announcement.
Congratulations!
Og
D
DeeZire
Guest
Thank you Og. I am humbled by this great honor. Unfortunately, I feel it is undeserved. Surely other stories have scores worse than mine. I will gladly relinquish my crown in the event of another author stepping forward with a crappier story, or at least a crappier story score.
For any writers who might be envious of my amazing achievement, here are a few tips on how to win last place in a story contest:
1. Ignore the desires of your readers. Readers can be fickle and demanding. Screw 'em if they can't take a joke.
2. Don't glorify sex. Make it as real as possible. Ten minutes of steady fucking? Thirty? An hour and a half? How about thirty seconds? And don't forget to dwell on the mess. (Of course in real life, I make sure 'she' gets her orgasm, but this isn't real life, it's fiction, fer chrissakes!)
3. Don't glorify love. Love is doomed - at least fifty percent of the time. Sure, we all want a happy ending (especially on the massage table) but happy endings are phony. I refuse to portray my characters in a phony light.
4. Write to your strengths. I have integrity. I have standards. What I don't have is good taste, so why not revel in my lack of good taste?
5. Make a political statement. It can be subtle, but if you succeed in this endeavor, you can alienate roughly half your readers. Alluding to social or environmental issues can have a similar affect.
6. Feature flawed characters. No one wants to root for a jerk (except conservatives who voted for GWB and still support him.) If you can introduce a character but not show the flaws right away, when the flaws finally do show up, the reader will be so pissed off, they'll not only back click, they'll put you, the writer, on their shit list and never read another one of your stories again. Ever. (This particular technique has been working really well for me lately.)
7. Make sure your guy characters have little weenies and don't fuck too well.
8. Write stilted dialogue. I really regret not getting an MBA, so that I could write stilted-er dialogue, but I'm working on it. (Not the MBA, the stilted dialogue.)
9. Have a plot. Plots require logistics, and logistic detract from a sex story, so the more logistics you can put into your story, the lower the score will be.
10. The surprise ending. If you can actually hold the reader's attention clear to the end of the story, putting in a real bummer of an ending can have the same affect as #6. I try to do this on all my stories, although sometimes I cop out and tack on a happy ending, just to see if I can surprise myself.
If anyone would like to add suggestions to this list, feel free. I am always trying to improve my low scores (aiming for even lower scores) and I don't claim to know enough about writing to actually succeed in this endeavor without knowledgeable feedback from other writers.
Thank-you-very-much *Elvis voice*
For any writers who might be envious of my amazing achievement, here are a few tips on how to win last place in a story contest:
1. Ignore the desires of your readers. Readers can be fickle and demanding. Screw 'em if they can't take a joke.
2. Don't glorify sex. Make it as real as possible. Ten minutes of steady fucking? Thirty? An hour and a half? How about thirty seconds? And don't forget to dwell on the mess. (Of course in real life, I make sure 'she' gets her orgasm, but this isn't real life, it's fiction, fer chrissakes!)
3. Don't glorify love. Love is doomed - at least fifty percent of the time. Sure, we all want a happy ending (especially on the massage table) but happy endings are phony. I refuse to portray my characters in a phony light.
4. Write to your strengths. I have integrity. I have standards. What I don't have is good taste, so why not revel in my lack of good taste?
5. Make a political statement. It can be subtle, but if you succeed in this endeavor, you can alienate roughly half your readers. Alluding to social or environmental issues can have a similar affect.
6. Feature flawed characters. No one wants to root for a jerk (except conservatives who voted for GWB and still support him.) If you can introduce a character but not show the flaws right away, when the flaws finally do show up, the reader will be so pissed off, they'll not only back click, they'll put you, the writer, on their shit list and never read another one of your stories again. Ever. (This particular technique has been working really well for me lately.)
7. Make sure your guy characters have little weenies and don't fuck too well.
8. Write stilted dialogue. I really regret not getting an MBA, so that I could write stilted-er dialogue, but I'm working on it. (Not the MBA, the stilted dialogue.)
9. Have a plot. Plots require logistics, and logistic detract from a sex story, so the more logistics you can put into your story, the lower the score will be.
10. The surprise ending. If you can actually hold the reader's attention clear to the end of the story, putting in a real bummer of an ending can have the same affect as #6. I try to do this on all my stories, although sometimes I cop out and tack on a happy ending, just to see if I can surprise myself.
If anyone would like to add suggestions to this list, feel free. I am always trying to improve my low scores (aiming for even lower scores) and I don't claim to know enough about writing to actually succeed in this endeavor without knowledgeable feedback from other writers.
Thank-you-very-much *Elvis voice*
oggbashan
Dying Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2002
- Posts
- 56,017
Thank you DeeZire for that impressive statement.
However you ARE the winner because no one who might have had a lower score dared admit their claim.
The Authors' Hangout Last Place (tm) Contests celebrate good stories that are undeservedly low rated. The criterion is that the author must have attempted to WIN THE MAIN CONTEST.
There are many stories on Literotica that will never have an H but are worth reading. The Last Place (tm) Contest attempts to show that quality isn't always popular.
I won't write my detailed advice on how to win the Authors' Hangout Last Place (tm) Contests. My rating as Og and as Jeanne show that I have an infalliable method for reaching the depths with a contest story. What is it?...
...Submit it under my name.
Congratulations again for being such a worthy winner.
Og
However you ARE the winner because no one who might have had a lower score dared admit their claim.
The Authors' Hangout Last Place (tm) Contests celebrate good stories that are undeservedly low rated. The criterion is that the author must have attempted to WIN THE MAIN CONTEST.
There are many stories on Literotica that will never have an H but are worth reading. The Last Place (tm) Contest attempts to show that quality isn't always popular.
I won't write my detailed advice on how to win the Authors' Hangout Last Place (tm) Contests. My rating as Og and as Jeanne show that I have an infalliable method for reaching the depths with a contest story. What is it?...
...Submit it under my name.
Congratulations again for being such a worthy winner.
Og
D
DeeZire
Guest
Og, you are too kind, talking about quality and all that. Of course, I do try to write good stories, but I also accept the fact that my world view is a bit skewed compared to normal people.
Thanks again for sponsoring the last place contest.
Thanks again for sponsoring the last place contest.
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