Has anybody seen my happiness and joy?

[Erozetta]

You ever accidentally consult an obnoxiously happy person about feeling depressed?

Then they just giggle and say something like,

"Cheer up"

"Be Grateful"

"Think Positive"

etc.

It's like getting advice from a three year old toddler alien from another galaxy who just landed on earth, and the only thing they know about the human race is what they read on the coffee mugs at bed bath and beyond.

They mean well, they just don't realize they are often doing more damage than good.

 

[Cly_Anders]

It's probably in the same place as mine! T.T Perhaps our joys are finding joy together without us, those aholes.....

 

[PennyThompson]

back to my baseline I think. Ready to face another week.
Thank you for all the support.

I can't pretend to know or feel what you're going through, but I'll say that I enjoy seeing your posts here and in Story Ideas, and I'm glad that you're still here

 

[nice90sguy]

They mean well, they just don't realize they are often doing more damage than good.

I think that applies to un-cheerful perople too, who don't quite "get" the difference between clinical depression and unhappiness.
Depression, is not something one can rationalize away. I rarely give advice anymore, except to say how I deal with it personally (and pretty succesfully )

 

[Erozetta]

I think that applies to un-cheerful perople too, who don't quite "get" the difference between clinical depression and unhappiness.
Depression, is not something one can rationalize away. I rarely give advice anymore, except to say how I deal with it personally (and pretty succesfully )

Agreed.

"Yeah, life sucks, oh well" is about as helpful as "Cheer up, it gets better!"

"Been there, still there most days. If you want to talk, I'm open to it," is my go-to now. Giving people a chance to vent about the ills surrounding their depression is often a way in to help them understand it's not a thing they are doing, but just a state of being they are in. It ebbs and flows regardless of circumstances, usually. You don't get over it, and you don't fix it; you learn to manage it.

For me? Writing, video games, and cooking for others helps me best manage it. But sometimes writing is staring at a blank screen, and video games is playing nothing but word games or number games that keep my brain occupied, and cooking for others I can do, but I can't always cook for myself. Even if I like what I cooked, I can't always make myself eat it.

And I can be cheerful and happy while battling demons in my head. No person is all one thing or another. We are complex. We can smile and be suicidal. We can be cheerful and helpful to others but struggle to help ourselves. We're a series of convoluted plots and interconnected moments.

 

[Nightaelf]

They mean well, they just don't realize they are often doing more damage than good.

You cannot really blame happy people for not understanding it, because I do not understand happy people either.
I have heard so many times that I should just focus on the positive things and stop taking everything so seriously.

But now that I am sick and spend a lot of time in the hospital, sitting in waiting rooms with other patients, I notice that it is the happy people who struggle the most when life hits them hard. I do not say: “Come on, do not make such a big deal out of it,” of course not. But sometimes I think to myself that my depressions have prepared me better for dealing with cancer.

 

[Erozetta]

You cannot really blame happy people for not understanding it, because I do not understand happy people either.
I have heard so many times that I should just focus on the positive things and stop taking everything so seriously.

But now that I am sick and spend a lot of time in the hospital, sitting in waiting rooms with other patients, I notice that it is the happy people who struggle the most when life hits them hard. I do not say: “Come on, do not make such a big deal out of it,” of course not. But sometimes I think to myself that my depressions have prepared me better for dealing with cancer.

As fucked as it is, that's true. It can make handling negative experiences easier as you have a better grasp of life in a realistic purview, in my experience. "Yeah, this sucks and it's difficult, but I got through x, y, and z before. I can give this my best shot, too." (I do, sadly, think a small part of that is the mindset that can come about with depression, which is, "Worst that happens is I die." And in my experience, that's said with a gentle laugh, which makes everyone else uncomfortable but makes me smile.)

So, it's not living a negative life in my experience, but one based solidly within reality. It's not completely saccharine or morose; it's just kinda existing the best you can at any given moment.

(I apologize for all of the "In my experience" points. I don't want to speak for anyone but myself with this because it's such an individual thing that my own experiences are all I can really go by because they may or may not resonate with others.)

 

[sirhugs]

Managed to add 400+ words to the "swap story" this morning.
(400 words is my temporary goal per day, doubled from my usual 200 word goal because I don't want writing this story to go on forever...)

 

[sirhugs]

another 400 word plus segment. Still in the BDSM scene. Can't recall the last time I wrote BDSM, it has a liberating feeling. Now, not to get too wrapped up in it and keep moving.

keep moving. a good mantra for the day.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

another 400 word plus segment. Still in the BDSM scene. Can't recall the last time I wrote BDSM, it has a liberating feeling. Now, not to get too wrapped up in it and keep moving.

keep moving. a good mantra for the day.

All the coolest people write BDSM.

Powerplay has always been one of the most interesting aspects of sex for me.

 

[sirhugs]

added over 200 words so far today. Still in the BDSM scene. Wondering whether I have to focus to make 400. Another busy day ahead.
400 words accomplished.

 

[sirhugs]

I've added 200 words, was headed for 400, but stuck on the mechanics of a lesbian scene. I've written lesbian bits before, but not really my wheelhouse. Sometimes i feel like I'm committing cultural appropriation.

 

[sirhugs]

Still not done the lesbian scene, but I skipped ahead and added 400 words, though I'm afraid most of them are just wheel spinning - I justify them as character development.
Time to set some traps for the plot bunnies.

 

[sirhugs]

added 250 words to the story. not yet my target of 400 plus, but more than expected when i woke up today.

 

[nice90sguy]

added 250 words to the story. not yet my target of 400 plus, but more than expected when i woke up today.

 

[sirhugs]

another fast 250+ words this morning. neve did addon and get to 400 yesterday. so I guess today's goal is to find the time and energy to addon 300 more words.
Wish me luck.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

That story seems to be coming along fine. You're what, 5k words in?

 

[sirhugs]

That story seems to be coming along fine. You're what, 5k words in?

15000ish

 

[sirhugs]

topped up today's word count. now I only owe about 150 words.

 

[sirhugs]

knocked off over 400 words in one quick early shot. just pausing to contemplate where to go next. hoping to make up the early wek deficit this morning.
Am told by my morning DM friends that I seem more bouyant today.
This is good.
not "killed the depression and anxiety" good. But "starting the day from better than the usual baseline" good.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

True story. I was in a pretty bad place for about five years. My wife finally talked me into seeing a shrink, who asked if I was willing to try anti-depressants. Best decision I ever made. If you're in a pretty bad place and have insurance or financial means to consider that, I'd recommend talking to a doc.

 

[sirhugs]

True story. I was in a pretty bad place for about five years. My wife finally talked me into seeing a shrink, who asked if I was willing to try anti-depressants. Best decision I ever made. If you're in a pretty bad place and have insurance or financial means to consider that, I'd recommend talking to a doc.

I see a shrink regulartly, and meet weekly with her resident for psychotherapy. Funded program. not sure who funds it, but not me. it keeps me from staying in the pit, but i still ride the rollercoaster. the other health problems don't help.

glad to hear that your treatment helped you.

 

[DeMont]

@sirhugs,
My dear, dear colleague... I am a relatively private person and although I could list what is happening with me at this time I can't, not here in Lit.
I cannot seek sympathy from those that I admire and respect, even from those within my RL close circle but suffice to say I empathise with what you are feeling. For me Lierotica is my portal to an outside world where such things have no effect because when I am here I know I am among my peers and, I would hope, somewhat respected for what I bring here. It is my link to sanity, self-affirmation and a wider outside world than I can access IRL.

Please, don't give up. Reach out for help and allow yourself to be supported. You would be surprised at the number of people who are in very much the same place as yourself and they will rally to you as they would hope you would to them.

We ALL need help, empathy and a helping hand at times - we do not need sympathy for that just drives the machine that pushes us down.

I have a phone wallpaper that says;

"Talk your talk, Walk your talk"
"No retreat, No surrender"
and
"Stay frosty!"

Everyday it serves to remind me what I need to do to stay strong.
Deepest respects, always.
D.

 

[sirhugs]

Blasted 450 words into the rock wall that is the story making its way into the shape of a sculpture. so 50 words ahead today. Or only 100 words short for the week, if you prefer.

 

[sirhugs]

Kill me​

You stuck me,
with your unbarible touch,
took me down,
killed me,
with your love,
you hurt me,
broke my heart,
I hate you,
go kill yourself,
look what you've done,
tore me appart,
now Im bruised by defeat,
I can't stand,
hurt and depressed,
I hate who I am
© Mar 2007, Emily Suzanne