Hi all. Im not sure if this is the right place to post this (mods feel free to move it)but here goes. All my life I have had a hard time reaching orgasm to the point of just giving up, when I am with a partner, regardless of type of stimulation. Even when I masturbate I cant at times. Im wondering if any other guys have had this problem and what, if anything, helped. Ladies please feel free to voice your opinions as well. Thanks to all.
Having a hard time cumming
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Darkniciad
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#1, there is probably some sort of mental issue. Shame ( having been caught with a partner by a relative, the act itself with respect to masturbation, something like that ), strict religious upbringing, worry over having experienced it a few times compounding the problem, etc.
The first thing I would look at is that. You've got to have your head on straight. Even for guys, there *are* emotional issues that can inhibit your ability to enjoy sex and reach climax. It's a larger part of the experience for women, but guys can have hangups as well.
Next, I would look at angle. I've never been able to cum when a woman is riding me, and it is nearly impossible when a woman goes down on me. It doesn't reduce the pleasure, I just never reach the point of no-return.
It's proven advantageous over the years. She gets as many orgasms as she wants/can handle riding me. And telling a girl that it's nearly impossible to get you off orally will almost always result in "That sounds like a challenge." and spur them to Herculean efforts.
The problem is the angle. Any time I'm out of the natural angle of my erection, it reduces the sensitivity just enough I can't cum. I've never had a woman achieve that angle riding me, and only a couple that can pull it off orally.
You say that you do get there masturbating sometimes. Pay attention to how you're feeling the times when you can't get there. Pay attention to any changes in technique, grip, or anything else as well.
When you're with a partner, experiment with new positions, speeds, stimulation, etc. Maybe have her talk to you like a porn star if she's game. Perhaps for you, her being on top and in control is the key, the exact opposite of my situation.
When you pull up to the self-service pump, try a different grip, a different hand, a different lube ( or none at all ) and pay attention to whether it changes things.
You've got to be careful not to start treating every sexual encounter like a scientific experiment, though. That's not exactly conductive to achieving orgasm. If something is working, by all means forget about taking notes and enjoy it.
If you can find the magical solution to your issue, and it's physical, consider yourself lucky. You should be able to make your partner cum until she can't see straight outside those boundaries, then move into the zone and get there yourself.
If it's mental, and you figure that out, just hope it doesn't go the other way and make you a minute man
The first thing I would look at is that. You've got to have your head on straight. Even for guys, there *are* emotional issues that can inhibit your ability to enjoy sex and reach climax. It's a larger part of the experience for women, but guys can have hangups as well.
Next, I would look at angle. I've never been able to cum when a woman is riding me, and it is nearly impossible when a woman goes down on me. It doesn't reduce the pleasure, I just never reach the point of no-return.
It's proven advantageous over the years. She gets as many orgasms as she wants/can handle riding me. And telling a girl that it's nearly impossible to get you off orally will almost always result in "That sounds like a challenge." and spur them to Herculean efforts.
The problem is the angle. Any time I'm out of the natural angle of my erection, it reduces the sensitivity just enough I can't cum. I've never had a woman achieve that angle riding me, and only a couple that can pull it off orally.
You say that you do get there masturbating sometimes. Pay attention to how you're feeling the times when you can't get there. Pay attention to any changes in technique, grip, or anything else as well.
When you're with a partner, experiment with new positions, speeds, stimulation, etc. Maybe have her talk to you like a porn star if she's game. Perhaps for you, her being on top and in control is the key, the exact opposite of my situation.
When you pull up to the self-service pump, try a different grip, a different hand, a different lube ( or none at all ) and pay attention to whether it changes things.
You've got to be careful not to start treating every sexual encounter like a scientific experiment, though. That's not exactly conductive to achieving orgasm. If something is working, by all means forget about taking notes and enjoy it.
If you can find the magical solution to your issue, and it's physical, consider yourself lucky. You should be able to make your partner cum until she can't see straight outside those boundaries, then move into the zone and get there yourself.
If it's mental, and you figure that out, just hope it doesn't go the other way and make you a minute man
TBKahuna123
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I've had this problem a time or two. It always seems to be tied to my level of exhaustion. If I am over tired, it's almost like my body gives up after a while and can't process the stimulation anymore. If I do have an orgasm it is extremely weak.
i know that men who masturbate by laying on their hand, palm down, and rubbing against the backside of the hand, will often develop issues achieving orgasm.
basically they get too used to all that pressure and friction, and also calluses build up, reducing penile sensitivity.
that's the only physiological reason I've read about for inability to orgasm.
if you could orgasm but not produce ejaculate, that's a whole different ball of wax, and you'd need to see a doctor.
if you just can't get off, it's most likely mental.
Now, you do say 'partner' and not 'woman' or 'man'. are you str8? bi? gay?
i don't wanna insult you, but a mental block because you're a gay man living as a straight man could cause something like this. denial and guilt about 'improper thoughts' wreck havoc on the psyche.
basically they get too used to all that pressure and friction, and also calluses build up, reducing penile sensitivity.
that's the only physiological reason I've read about for inability to orgasm.
if you could orgasm but not produce ejaculate, that's a whole different ball of wax, and you'd need to see a doctor.
if you just can't get off, it's most likely mental.
Now, you do say 'partner' and not 'woman' or 'man'. are you str8? bi? gay?
i don't wanna insult you, but a mental block because you're a gay man living as a straight man could cause something like this. denial and guilt about 'improper thoughts' wreck havoc on the psyche.
Thanks to Dark, TBK and Sub for their thoughts. I know alot of times I have the feeling of being too analytical, and that does mess me up. The hardest time I have is with me on top. Her on top and especially doggie I dont usually have a problem with, in fact doggie is just about a given, possibly the deeper pemetration. I dont think I have any shame issues or anything like that. Im bi-curious and earger, so while that might be something, I dont think so. But you have all raised valid points and I thank you again. Just something I need to deal with with the right partner I guess.
Some months ago I had the same problem of not being able to climax even after a long session; in fact I started a thread here and received good suggestions.
Like you my problem was psychological and like you I was just too "analytical" about it.
What worked for me was simple as can be:
1) Make sure you have plenty of time available so there is no pressure.
2) Have sex in whatever way gives YOU most pleasure, which may be after you have satisfied your partner so that she is happy.
3) Get into the mindset that even if you do not climax it can still be a wonderful experience. Avoid the "I gotta do it. I gotta do it" mindset. Think more like "whatever happens, will happen".
4) Most Importantly: Because you have picked a position that gives you pleasure simply tell yourself that you want this to LAST FOREVER. Enjoy. Enjoy Enjoy. Think about and concentrate on the wonderful pleasure RIGHT NOW. That is the key. Do NOT think about whether or not you will climax. If you become "goal oriented" you will not reach your climax. Your system will cramp up; nothing will happen; and you may even panic.
Once I got into the described mindset and had adopted a more carefree attitude, it is the exception that I do not orgasm.
Like you my problem was psychological and like you I was just too "analytical" about it.
What worked for me was simple as can be:
1) Make sure you have plenty of time available so there is no pressure.
2) Have sex in whatever way gives YOU most pleasure, which may be after you have satisfied your partner so that she is happy.
3) Get into the mindset that even if you do not climax it can still be a wonderful experience. Avoid the "I gotta do it. I gotta do it" mindset. Think more like "whatever happens, will happen".
4) Most Importantly: Because you have picked a position that gives you pleasure simply tell yourself that you want this to LAST FOREVER. Enjoy. Enjoy Enjoy. Think about and concentrate on the wonderful pleasure RIGHT NOW. That is the key. Do NOT think about whether or not you will climax. If you become "goal oriented" you will not reach your climax. Your system will cramp up; nothing will happen; and you may even panic.
Once I got into the described mindset and had adopted a more carefree attitude, it is the exception that I do not orgasm.
Darkniciad
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SI_Guy said:
I've never understood how missionary is considered the standard vanilla position myself. Unless her knees are pushed back almost to her ears, the angle is uncomfortable on the whole body no matter your stance, you can't hit her deep for anything, it's harder to put any speed or strength into the thrust when she wants it...
It's just all around a B-class position to me, unless she's flexible enough to get those knees way back and likes it that way.
If you can't get off in that position, but she can, take advantage of it. Drive her to breathless panting and a fog of orgasm she can barely see through, leaving her enough energy and breath for the finale of course, then roll her over and get your release.
emzthebitch
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it can definately be down to stress.
thanks doncarlos, vanelane and em....all great advice. Don I did what you suggested in one relationship and things were much better...hardly a problem for over 2 years we were together.
vane, while I was on meds for while, this has been a problem I have had right from the start so it isnt meds as a primary source. Maybe a secondary, although Im off them now and still experiencing it.
I do have a small one so that is a problem too
vane, while I was on meds for while, this has been a problem I have had right from the start so it isnt meds as a primary source. Maybe a secondary, although Im off them now and still experiencing it.
I do have a small one so that is a problem too
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missdelight
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Cumming
Hi,
Relax, and let it go, fantasize, just go with the flow
missdelight
Hi,
Relax, and let it go, fantasize, just go with the flow
missdelight
Hisbabydoll26
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SI_Guy said:
I just heard this same topic on the PLayboy Sirus channel...seems you are not alone.
wootwootwoot
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I don't mean to hijack your thread in anyway, but this thread caught my interest because i'm experiencing the same problem, although slightly different:
My problem is that I cannot, no matter which way my partner (female) and I try, climax while she's on top. I don't ever pressure myself while we're having sex and she's on top or anything, I just simply can't.
It isin't an issue of it being pleasurable for me, since it definitely is, it just never seems to escalate to the point where I come, I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me or reasons why it happens?
Confused
My problem is that I cannot, no matter which way my partner (female) and I try, climax while she's on top. I don't ever pressure myself while we're having sex and she's on top or anything, I just simply can't.
It isin't an issue of it being pleasurable for me, since it definitely is, it just never seems to escalate to the point where I come, I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me or reasons why it happens?
Confused
FurryFury
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wootwootwoot said:I don't mean to hijack your thread in anyway, but this thread caught my interest because i'm experiencing the same problem, although slightly different:
My problem is that I cannot, no matter which way my partner (female) and I try, climax while she's on top. I don't ever pressure myself while we're having sex and she's on top or anything, I just simply can't.
It isin't an issue of it being pleasurable for me, since it definitely is, it just never seems to escalate to the point where I come, I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me or reasons why it happens?
Confused
Maybe you need to be in charge?
My husband always eventually grabs my hips and controls pace of the fucking when he wants to get off this way or rolls me over so he is on top.
Fury
SouthernDom
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My orgasm problems of the past involved not being able to turn off my true emotions.
If i knew deep inside she was not ''the one'' and near the end of a relationship. but still fucking like drunk monkeys, i had problems orgasming.
I was terrified an unwanted pregnancy might trap me with this person forever.
Made me look like a porn star in bed but i found that frustrating as hell!
Also...if sex was ever used as any form of control against me i found it impossible to let myself........if i'm emotionally turned off it just does'nt work right.
Take those two things out of play and i can let it fly at will.
If i knew deep inside she was not ''the one'' and near the end of a relationship. but still fucking like drunk monkeys, i had problems orgasming.
I was terrified an unwanted pregnancy might trap me with this person forever.
Made me look like a porn star in bed but i found that frustrating as hell!
Also...if sex was ever used as any form of control against me i found it impossible to let myself........if i'm emotionally turned off it just does'nt work right.
Take those two things out of play and i can let it fly at will.
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