Ticklish Girl
Bloody but unbowed
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2000
- Posts
- 1,161
Sister Therese
The girl’s flippancy horrifies me. I know I should say something, but before I can open my mouth she laughs at me and accuses me of jealousy, of desiring the captain. Her first comment stunned me, but this one leaves me dumbstruck. I feel as if she has hit me in the stomach. My mouth drops open, but nothing comes out. She flashes me a triumphant smile as if I have confirmed her accusation, then returns her attention to the two captains. I follow her gaze helplessly. My mind churns.
Dear God, is she right about me? Am I guilty of lusting after the captain? But those feelings I had were caused by the aphrodisiac, weren’t they? Weren’t they?
I shut my eyes tightly and the scene replays itself in my mind: she and the captain blatantly fondling each other. Mocking me. Tempting me. How they angered me! And yet, underneath the anger was another feeling, one that I knew quite well. I had it every time the suitors came calling for my sister Madeleine. Always for her. Never for me. How I had longed for a man of my own! A deep, painful longing that had ceased to trouble me once I joined the nunnery…until now.
I open my eyes once again and sigh. My shoulders slump in defeat. The lass saw right through me. I warned her because I thought she was a silly, naïve girl indulging in a dangerous fantasy. How wrong I was! Not only is she is aware of the type of game she is playing, she is eager to learn its rules. I have been the silly, naïve one.
No…I cannot blame the potion. Those feelings came from the depths of my soul. They are mine alone. But what am I to do with them?
The girl’s flippancy horrifies me. I know I should say something, but before I can open my mouth she laughs at me and accuses me of jealousy, of desiring the captain. Her first comment stunned me, but this one leaves me dumbstruck. I feel as if she has hit me in the stomach. My mouth drops open, but nothing comes out. She flashes me a triumphant smile as if I have confirmed her accusation, then returns her attention to the two captains. I follow her gaze helplessly. My mind churns.
Dear God, is she right about me? Am I guilty of lusting after the captain? But those feelings I had were caused by the aphrodisiac, weren’t they? Weren’t they?
I shut my eyes tightly and the scene replays itself in my mind: she and the captain blatantly fondling each other. Mocking me. Tempting me. How they angered me! And yet, underneath the anger was another feeling, one that I knew quite well. I had it every time the suitors came calling for my sister Madeleine. Always for her. Never for me. How I had longed for a man of my own! A deep, painful longing that had ceased to trouble me once I joined the nunnery…until now.
I open my eyes once again and sigh. My shoulders slump in defeat. The lass saw right through me. I warned her because I thought she was a silly, naïve girl indulging in a dangerous fantasy. How wrong I was! Not only is she is aware of the type of game she is playing, she is eager to learn its rules. I have been the silly, naïve one.
No…I cannot blame the potion. Those feelings came from the depths of my soul. They are mine alone. But what am I to do with them?