Help with developing existing M/F story

[txstanford]

I've been trying to escape the quagmire of "The Back Story" by taking the sort-of existentialist route. This has led to the creation of two characters who explain themselves via their own words, and their own behaviour, rather than through clumsy -- and long-winded -- intervention by the narrator.

The result was two characters -- a woman, and a man -- who appear here:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=373607

The story was primarily written for the 'Nude Day' contest but missed the deadline, though that's not the point -- it's the next part I'm slightly (!) stuck with.

With the characters established and their relationship underway, I'm trying to decide just what would be in character for them in the progression of their sexual relationship -- and it is sexual: the point of this writing exercise is to strip out as much non-sexual material as possible, yet without turning the entire thing into a mechanistic odyssey of what Katy did next (or whatever her name might be.)

The story went into the 'voyeur' category because I'm intrigued by the nature of the observer / the observed relationship (and the fact that this relationship is in any event bound up with the reader / writer relationship on Literotica.)

Having now had the female character give as much as she can for the benefit of the male character (and the reader, hopefully) I now need to have the male character reciprocate. Unfortunately, I'm still a little stuck -- by virtue of authorial provenance -- on the male conduct in terms of what he might do / might be expected and / or required to do.

I have some ideas but any others from more imaginative / creative minds here would be appreciated.

Thank you.

* incidentally, I'm stuck for space as much as anything else. I don't enjoy any 'short' story that exceeds 2 pages!

 

[VoyageToBeyond]

Very intriguing story! well crafted dialogue... and i like how she is open but it isn't about the intercourse, wham bam, moan groan orgasm, lets go home now...

I can see how you are stuck with him though - he's a bit of a stuck in the mud. Mr. Joe Average, a fumbler; not really sure what he is getting himself into. Can he even live up to her expectations/desires?

Personally, I don't see him doing this, but one scene that came to mind was something like the part of Henry & June where Anais and her husband Hugo go to a brothel and hire two prostitutes to have sex with each other, while they watch. Can your guy hire a prostitute to fuck while the girl watches? Is he that creative and comfortable enough to do it?

 

[txstanford]

Very intriguing story! well crafted dialogue... and i like how she is open but it isn't about the intercourse, wham bam, moan groan orgasm, lets go home now...

I can see how you are stuck with him though - he's a bit of a stuck in the mud. Mr. Joe Average, a fumbler; not really sure what he is getting himself into. Can he even live up to her expectations/desires?

Personally, I don't see him doing this, but one scene that came to mind was something like the part of Henry & June where Anais and her husband Hugo go to a brothel and hire two prostitutes to have sex with each other, while they watch. Can your guy hire a prostitute to fuck while the girl watches? Is he that creative and comfortable enough to do it?

Voyage: you've hit the nail on the head.

Many thanks for taking an interest, it's frustrating when you try to ground your characters as close to reality as possible but then suddenly realise (!) that the reality is going to undermine the fiction.

Your suggestion is a good one and I'll play around with it because it provides a narrative avenue I definitely hadn't thought of.

I had though wanted him to explore / demonstrate his own sexuality to her via some kind of masturbatory display in response to her masturbatory display as that would be consistent with the underlying theme of the stripping away of everything (pretence, inhibition, convention etc.)

But as you say, he isn't coming across (pun unintentional) as a sexually creative individual so I'm back where I started.

And though I like your scenario where he fucks another woman while she watches, I'm wondering if he might in such circumstances be so overwhelmed by the event as to be unable to perform at all.

Bah, men!

 

[VoyageToBeyond]

And though I like your scenario where he fucks another woman while she watches, I'm wondering if he might in such circumstances be so overwhelmed by the event as to be unable to perform at all.

Bah, men!

I got a good laugh with that! I can actually see that happening. Maybe the prostitute would be something for down the road. Maybe someone she introduces into the mix - sounds more like something she would do.

He's male and not very sexually creative = porn! Maybe he brings along some porn for them to watch and in watching it is able to masturbate for her...

 

[txstanford]

I got a good laugh with that! I can actually see that happening. Maybe the prostitute would be something for down the road. Maybe someone she introduces into the mix - sounds more like something she would do.

He's male and not very sexually creative = porn! Maybe he brings along some porn for them to watch and in watching it is able to masturbate for her...

Brilliant, Voyager. I'll draft it with him bringing along some suitable visual stimulation (!) and an alternative draft with her bringing some material, I think she might be better at the ideas than him. So long as it's an improvement on his previous performance on and into the sand which would definitely have bored the heck out of me had I been sitting there watching <g>

 

[VoyageToBeyond]

maybe she could bring along some stories she printed off literotica - start to open his mind a little. makes him go home and read up, starts creating fantasies and seeing his own sexuality in a new light...

 

[txstanford]

maybe she could bring along some stories she printed off literotica - start to open his mind a little. makes him go home and read up, starts creating fantasies and seeing his own sexuality in a new light...

Voyager: I'm beginning to appreciate, why you're a Literotica "guru"!

 

[Fantasies_only]

The story went into the 'voyeur' category because I'm intrigued by the nature of the observer / the observed relationship (and the fact that this relationship is in any event bound up with the reader / writer relationship on Literotica.)

Although I haven't read it yet, I would say to keep it as exhibitionism and voyeurism, as long as you can to build up an explosive ending, but if you want it more sensual than sexual, you could have things like a bare breast be frequent nipple slips, accidental crotch showing, or standing on a ladder with a fan turned on, blowing a portion of her skirt.
This is when a voyeur teases himself with how much he can get away with without her knowing and is SUPER HOT!

Get a pair of stockings in there somewhere.

 

[txstanford]

Although I haven't read it yet, I would say to keep it as exhibitionism and voyeurism, as long as you can to build up an explosive ending, but if you want it more sensual than sexual, you could have things like a bare breast be frequent nipple slips, accidental crotch showing, or standing on a ladder with a fan turned on, blowing a portion of her skirt.
This is when a voyeur teases himself with how much he can get away with without her knowing and is SUPER HOT!

Get a pair of stockings in there somewhere.

Thanks, Fantasies! I may as well admit it, I have problems with "sensual" as distinct from "sexual", because though in my own life I enjoy both, when writing I'm drawn to explicit sex and want the characters to get into that as quickly as is possible for narrative credibility.

The story I'm having difficulties with is complicated because I'm playing with the concept of "double voyeurism" where the character is both an observer (of the other character) but is also acting as a proxy for the Lit. reader, i.e., what each character wants to watch the other do represents both a specific expectation / desire of that character and a specific expectation / desire of the Lit. reader.

The story has already featured the female character's sexual performance for the benefit of the male character / for the benefit of the story reader, but now the female character / the story's reader is to enjoy the male's sexual performance. Except, as Voyage so accurately discerned, the male is currently so stuck-in-the-mud that I can only think he'll manage nothing more than a quick jack-off into a Kleenex, about as mundane as it can get.

I'm combing through various stories on Lit. (this could take forever!) to find inspiration but have had more laughs than anything else -- my fault, not the various authors: I was tempted to emulate one story where the male masturbates with his cock between two halves of a bread roll (a la hot dog), complete with ketchup along the length of his shaft, but I quickly realised that if my male character was to do the same, both he and the woman would collapse in giggles. <g>