help with the husband

[mrtbear1956]

Hi

I love when my first wife and sec. onre too.sucked my cock and at times ,i went down on her as i found she loved it , i got her to shave it clean it more of a trun on to me and her , and find a bath wash you love to smell , it better that way , i love straw berry , it up to you what you want .

We found it better that way try diff,ones and find yours, you want and enjoy . and try this too , we found diff things in bed , was fun like a fast fuck just do it not playing around and them at times , outher times play around .

We tried diff, games and things and tapes we watched , like she was a freind of hers and i cheated on her and outhers things , just try things and find your trun on ,s and enjoy

Hope this helps you out let me know , later karl

 

[matureprofiles]

maybe he is gay! I feel bad for you, I have been with many women like you when their husband are not home, sure some were gay too. Find you a dirty neighborhood boy. Or get a divorce and find a man into you.

 

[subwannabe]

Sorry to say that if you have to work at it that hard the long term prospects aren't that good. Good luck anyway.

 

[sexieyoungone]

thanks for more responses....

I wouldn't say he's not into me or that he's gay its just something he's never had to deal with before.

in another conversation about it he told me that the few women he was with before he met me were just, "lets hurry and do it" so there wasn't time or the need for foreplay and he feels like he's not good at it or that I won't enjoy it.

so he's working on getting more into it, and I'm trying to be very encouraging without faking it.

 

[northboy1uk]

Hi sexieyoungone, sorry to hear of your problem with you and your husband. i hope you sort it out. Pity i live so far away from you, i love eating pussy.

take care, hopefully he'll eat you out good,

love kev x

 

[rthnck]

Thanks for all the great advice.....


UPDATE:
...he finally came down and told me that he just didn't know why he didn't, because he doesn't "get anything out of it" OMG!! I told him it wasn't about him, it was about the pleausre it gave me and all the wild things i would do to him if i was more turned on.

we're working on it. Its going to take sometime but he said he would work his way up to doing more to me, so that i'll start doing it to him again...

I am always flummoxed to read something like this. Doing whatever gives my SO the most pleasure is extremely exciting for me. And the rewards are to die for but the idea of quid-pro-quo seems to be a recipe for disaster in the long run.

I'll do you if you do me seems like a legal contract. If you enjoy sucking cock then there shouldn't be a requirement to get you on your knees. Admittedly if your man is simply selfish and doesn't want to make any effort but still get his piece of ass then you're travelling down a pretty rough road.

I can only suggest more communication.

 

[SweetErika]

thanks for more responses....

I wouldn't say he's not into me or that he's gay its just something he's never had to deal with before.

in another conversation about it he told me that the few women he was with before he met me were just, "lets hurry and do it" so there wasn't time or the need for foreplay and he feels like he's not good at it or that I won't enjoy it.

so he's working on getting more into it, and I'm trying to be very encouraging without faking it.

This is really important. Are you also teaching him what to do by giving him suggestions and communicating clearly during?

Tracing the alphabet and numbers over the clit area could be a great communication and confidence booster for you two. Ask him to try it, and then give him lots of positive feedback on what works. I even went so far as to say, "Try that last one again. YES, that's perfect! Remember that (horizontal, or whatever) motion, please!" And he did remember at least a few things that worked, and we expanded on those the next time. For us, purposeful experimentation and really explicit communication were key - hinting with positive sounds and motions didn't work at all until he got to know me better.

It takes a lot of time, patience, openness and communication, but it's well worth it!

 

[Fauna]

What about telling him how much he turns you on. Tell him you have fantasies about him licking your body, about making you moan, about how he does ((that thing you like))... Tell him how you dream about him licking your clit.

You get the picture. Put it in "guy speak." Appeal to his sexuality. We bought some books and talked about what we wanted the other to do to make us happy.

It worked for me.

 

[phelon]

2 cents

Your problem sounds almost exactly like a friend of mines

i will first say communication is important in any relationship, not just for sex but for keeping it from blowing up.

second, it sounds like you have already spent a lot of time, hoping he would catch the hint and yet it hasn't improved, with that in mind, I would offer a few suggestions to add or modify the other advice given. Talk to him about his past. One friend I worked with had a hubby who wouldn;t eat her... until we found he had a bad experience with a prev. lover that made him not want to, so we worked that out, and while not his favorite activity he was trying and doing at least on a regular basis after a couple weeks. it sounds almost like your hubby hasn;t gotten past high school backseats. so perhaps he has yet to learn to do more.

Tie him up, blind fold him and then touch him.. then afterwards, talk about it... it can be a wonderful and fun introduction to touch and taste as a part of sex..
other things you can do are finger yourself when your real wet and put the fingers in his mouth to get him to taste you.

if he avoid the conversations... get help. thats why there is such a big business in couples counseling.. get someone to be a middle person and help you learn to talk on the same page.

another great option is... the fantasy... write small fantasy tidbits up, or crib them from lit stories and then use those for a 'roleplaying' night...
be the princess he has to tie up, and slowly strip and do things to by 'script' so he knows whats expected..

 

[blueyz22]

This is said from a mans prespective and a husbands prespective. I have to say to you that you should never feel as if your asking for too much. Never. Do you know how many men are looking for a woman like you. A woman who is not inhibited. So allow yourself to sexually curius and want to be plesured. That is perfecitly normal. You will never be asking for too much.


If he does not understand you or does not want to understand and does not want to please you, well then you have a problem.

This is really good advice. Younreally have to speak up about what you want/need. Of course he may still say no. My husband is not into everything I would like him to be however, we do go have a great sex life and he does make an effort to honor requests. Clear this up now or you'll be miserable for many years.

 

[lovebored]

Hello all. I agree that communications is important. Seems like he is willing to talk and you have put some tears and effort into this. Stay with it. He will be worth it. Try watching some adult movies. I say an opra show and there were a few couples who used the movies as how to videos. Nothing to wild at first but more on how you would like to have him please you. Make a goodie jar or box with suggestions on what he does for you and what you will do for him. Seeing you make the goodie jar you get to stack the goodies. But be fair.
If you need more ideas just PM me. I have helped many couples into a great erotic life.

 

[SlickTony]

thanks for more responses....

I wouldn't say he's not into me or that he's gay its just something he's never had to deal with before.

in another conversation about it he told me that the few women he was with before he met me were just, "lets hurry and do it" so there wasn't time or the need for foreplay and he feels like he's not good at it or that I won't enjoy it.

so he's working on getting more into it, and I'm trying to be very encouraging without faking it.

If he's willing to be taught, there's hope.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

so we fought, i cried, i reexplained the problem and why it made me feel so bad and he finally came down and told me that he just didn't know why he didn't, because he doesn't "get anything out of it" OMG!! I told him it wasn't about him, it was about the pleausre it gave me and all the wild things i would do to him if i was more turned on.

we're working on it. Its going to take sometime but he said he would work his way up to doing more to me, so that i'll start doing it to him again.

Thanks again for all your advice guys. I don't post much, but lurk alot and know you guys are a great bunch!

See, this bolded part here is your problem in my opinion. The fact that he has only done things that give himself gratification throughout your whole relationship so far shows that he's selfish, lazy and completely inconsiderate of your feelings. Is he an otherwise attentive husband? Why did you marry this man? I just can't believe that his arrogant and insensitive attitude doesn't extend to other aspects of your life together. If there are other things that he is doing that damage your self esteem it may be time for a full on relationship overhaul.

By letting him get away with this for so long, you may have created a rod for your own back. I think that a quid-pro-quo approach is definitely the way to go. If he complains that going down on you doesn't do anything for him, point out that giving him a blowjob isn't exactly your idea of sexual nirvana. Don't let him make a half assed effort for a short while and then revert straight back to type. Young men are often like spoiled children; they expect to be the centre of your universe, they need feeding and cleaning up after, they sulk or throw tantrums if they don't get their way and in this case, they do the bare minimum required to get them what they want in the bedroom. For as long as you let this guy have his cake and fuck it, he has absolutely no incentive to alter the status quo in the long term.

So persevere. Spoilt kids need lots of discipline and clear boundaries. Make an agreement with him and then hold him to it. For example - he does not get penetrative sex with you until you've had at least one orgasm during foreplay. Show him how and where to touch you, praise him when he gets it right and then reciprocate to the same degree. Use the carrot and the stick for long enough and with a bit of luck, you'll successfully retrain your husband.

Persevere. It'll be a very long and unsatisfying 'till death do us part' otherwise.

 

[sexieyoungone]

Velvet:

Otherwise this "problem" my husband is very attentive and caring. In all other aspects my needs come before his due, that's why this is so frustrating for me because I know he's not a selfish man so i don't really understand this.

Its getting better, though we haven't had much time for messing around lately (late nights, early mornings I'm just completely exhausted)

 

[curiousgeo62]

In the meantime, I can be in Texas in about 9 hours. Can you wait?

Seriously, as a guy, he doesn't understand that by doing those things for you, he WILL get something out of it. There is nothing hotter than to experiance a woman cumming from anything that I do. Plus, I get the satisfaction of knowing that I satisfied you (well, at least helped anyway) Isn't that what a relationship is about?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Velvet:

Otherwise this "problem" my husband is very attentive and caring. In all other aspects my needs come before his due, that's why this is so frustrating for me because I know he's not a selfish man so i don't really understand this.

Its getting better, though we haven't had much time for messing around lately (late nights, early mornings I'm just completely exhausted)

Oh well that's good to hear. I'm happy to sit corrected. I hope that with a little more communication you two can work things out. Maybe you could arrange a couple of 'date nights' where you can spend time together and not get up at the crack of dawn.

 

[LegsApart]

Ask him what really bother him about going down there... some men in asia doesn't do it coz they have a conception that its dirty..

My tips : Do it in the bath tub...
The 2 of u relaxing in the bath tub rubbing each other, exploring each others. and ask him again...

 

[infinity706]

Oh well that's good to hear. I'm happy to sit corrected. I hope that with a little more communication you two can work things out. Maybe you could arrange a couple of 'date nights' where you can spend time together and not get up at the crack of dawn.

No, if you're really good, you'll still be up to greet the sun...

 

[philos]

similar problem, roles reversed

I have a low sex drive spouse as well. I found the book "sex starved marriage" to help. Lousy title but good book. Can't say that it solved our problems but helped me see that it wasn't just my problem. You can do everything to be more sensual, more seductive, more sexy and still get rejected. And usually the harder you try the worse the results. Try the book or look for the discussion page on-line. If nothing else it might help give you some understanding what is going on and even find a solution or some acceptance.