How do I become a more respectful person?

[Shima]

I continue to appreciate the advice, and especially the cander (Funny thing about the Dwarf comment, is because of my short stature, beard, general attitude, and love for the game Dwarf Fortress, she actually calls me her dwarf, heheh).

However, I should have explained better. Personally, I've been happy with her, and, as far as I can tell, she's been happy with me. It's only been recently that we've hit problems. I don't know what caused it. Maybe it was us being so long apart (She was gone all December and the start of January; she's been watching her parents' house while THEY go out on vacation - that's where she is right now), maybe it's because she's only lately been getting and nurturing the urge to become dominant. I can't say which, or if there's another factor at play here.

That's one of the reasons I'm so reluctant to even want to leave. It wasn't always like this. Sure, we've had our arguments (Honestly - who hasn't), but we'd always come out of it closer than we were before it. Lately though, if either of us make a mistake, we can't brush it off, so to speak. It's like we're both becoming more combative. Yes, she has her share of problems, but my willfulness and my attitude, always talking back, aren't helping either.

That's what I want to fix. If I can stop being so stubborn and pigheaded, then it might give her time away from stress, enough for her to work on her problems. Obviously, I want to be there to help her, but as it stands, if I tried, we'd just end up fighting.

 

[MisterSir]

I just don't feel that leaving is the best option. Does that make me a bad guy, that I love her no matter what and don't want to leave or something?

It makes you a pillock. I sympathise, I've been in love before, but you're being a pillock. I haven't seen anything in this thread that indicates your relationship is even close to an equal one, and that is not a good thing - yes, she clearly has problems and it's good of you to not want to exacerbate them, but you're bending over backwards and appear to be getting nowhere. Eventually your spine is going to break (and by spine, I mean will).

It might not have always been like this, but it is NOW. From what you've told us, you don't seem happy with this new dynamic, of having to jump through hoops according to how she feels on a day-to-day basis, and trying to change yourself because she has problems is just going to lead to you resenting her. My advice remains the same, get the fuck out of there and let her be somebody else's problem, but since you won't, grow some balls and lay down a fucking ultimatum. Explain to her that she's being a colossal bitch and forcing you to deal with her mental issues isn't fair. Insist she get help.

Alternatively, you could just lay down and let her cut off your balls. Makes no difference to me.

 

[your_vice]

Alternatively, you could just lay down and let her cut off your balls. Makes no difference to me.

That may be nirvana for this guy, who are we to judge?

 

[timothy1238]

To become a respectful person in society is nothing difficult,try to do your work in a proper manner and most important give respect so that you can got it back.
________________
Link Building

 

[silverwhisper]

shima, i have to say that in reading this thread--and yes, i've read the entirety--i concur that you're taking ownership for the problems without any corresponding ownership on her part.

while i wouldn't put it quite as bluntly as mistersir did, i think that he's making sense here.

ed

 

[Noor]

I continue to appreciate the advice, and especially the cander (Funny thing about the Dwarf comment, is because of my short stature, beard, general attitude, and love for the game Dwarf Fortress, she actually calls me her dwarf, heheh).

However, I should have explained better. Personally, I've been happy with her, and, as far as I can tell, she's been happy with me. It's only been recently that we've hit problems. I don't know what caused it. Maybe it was us being so long apart (She was gone all December and the start of January; she's been watching her parents' house while THEY go out on vacation - that's where she is right now), maybe it's because she's only lately been getting and nurturing the urge to become dominant. I can't say which, or if there's another factor at play here.

That's one of the reasons I'm so reluctant to even want to leave. It wasn't always like this. Sure, we've had our arguments (Honestly - who hasn't), but we'd always come out of it closer than we were before it. Lately though, if either of us make a mistake, we can't brush it off, so to speak. It's like we're both becoming more combative. Yes, she has her share of problems, but my willfulness and my attitude, always talking back, aren't helping either.

That's what I want to fix. If I can stop being so stubborn and pigheaded, then it might give her time away from stress, enough for her to work on her problems. Obviously, I want to be there to help her, but as it stands, if I tried, we'd just end up fighting.

Her staying at her parents house may very well make things more stressful for her. Many multiples have very good reason for getting that way, often as a protective reaction to torture or extreme abuse as a child. Parents are supposed to protect their children from such abuse, so it might bring up all sorts of feelings being there. It also sounds like you and perhaps she resent her parents going on vacation which would add to any stress.

If you want to improve yourself fine, but it sounds more like you just need to chill out while she is away at her parents and minimize any conflict that starts to erupt on your end for the time being.