How do I get my girlfriend to experiment?

[fsumusic1981]

Hi...

For the last two years I have been trying to get my girlfriend, who is rather Victorian, to expand our bedroom activities beyond oral sex and regular sex.

A fwe months ago, I began to stimulate her anus while performing oral sex on her. She grew to like that, but wouldn't let me enter her anus with my finger. She also wouldn't let me perform oral sex on her anus.

Well, one day I convinced her to just relax and open up to the sensations, and if she didn't like it after five minutes, I would stop. Well, she took to it and has started asking me to do it.

Tonight, she said to me, "Honey, I'd like to try anal sex tonight." We've tried before, but it hasn't exactly been a success. I'm no John Holmes, but I do have an above-averaged size penis, especially in regards to its thickness. Needless to say, she wasn't relaxed and ended up making me stop before I was in past my head.

So tonight we try it. First I give her a rimming to relax her... then I begin to slowly insert a finger into her anys. After she said she was relaxed, I brought her to orgasm through oral sex...She lays on her back with a pillow under her ass, puts her legs back and I lube us both up with KY jelly. I get about 1/4 of an inch in and she says it hurts too much to continue. So we stop, I rinse off the head to remove any bacteria that could give her an infection, and we have regular sex. It was good

Later, she was very happy we did what we did, and while I am happy she was open to trying this, I honestly feel a little discouraged. She thinks we had anal sex, but we didn't. I told her it would be like me offering her some of my soup and only letting her get a taste with the tip of her tongue.

My question is, how do I get her to keep wanting to experiement with this? This is the first time in nearly 3 years she has let me attempt anal sex with her. I don't want to wait another 3 years.

I know she isn't relaxed enough... that is a no-brainer. She says my dick is too big, but quite honestly, I don't think that is as much of a problem as her inability to relax. By the way, it's during regular sex too... she just tenses us and seems to "fight it."

I wonder sometimes if she has been "warped" by her prudish, ultra-Victorian mother. It seems possible, she thinks it might be the case as well. If this is the case, what can I, as her partner do, to encourage her to relax more and be more willing to experiment with our sex lives? It's pretty vanilla and I wouldn't mind some variety in the bedroom.

She loves being spanked and told she is a naughty girl. But she's opposed to being tied up, etc. Any ideas how to expand on this?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

-Peace

 

[College_geek]

Maybe she should try getting a toy to work herself on. Maybe if she gets relaxed and used to that, it might not be as bad. Don't know if it would work or if she'd be up to it, but it's a suggestion. Good luck.

 

[Meat Whistler]

I agree - purchase a toy or toys of different sizes. Play with them in her ass and it might help her relax. Otherwise, get her drunk and fuck her in the ass.

 

[StokerAce]

Viva Italian Goddess!!! Liquor is quicker, lol.

 

[Lithius]

The best way is her to relax COMPLETELY. then slowly put your head against her hole. don't push at all! just slowly let it slide in.

 

[DuckLover]

As for How To have anal sex, run a search of the threads; there are several with lots of good, detailed information. The biggest keys to success are patience and lube and a LOT of both. Most couples don't have full penetration, long stroke anal sex the first time they try. I sure didn't. It takes a few tries. And there's no such thing as too much lube when attempting anal sex. Read the pre-existing threads and you'll find a lot of information on technique.

If you both agree, having one drink before sex CAN help you relax, but don't overdo it. Being fully aware of yourself and your surroundings is critical. If she's drunk or even tipsy (or if you are), I can virtually guarantee she won't enjoy it. Avoid anything that desensitizes the anus, including both alcohol and creams. Pain is a sign you're doing something wrong and causing physical damage (the tissue in and around the anus is pretty fragile). Anal sex done well doesn't hurt.

You also asked how to get her to be more adventurous. Simple answer: You can't. Or at least shouldn't. If you pressure her to try things, she's almost certainly going to become resentful at you being insensitive. Instead, talk with her explicitly. Tell her what you want to do and why it excites you. Tell her about why you enjoyed the things you've already tried. Ask her what SHE finds interesting and exciting. Be patient and supportive of anything she is willing to try; building trust is critical. Just because something seems vanilla to you, doesn't mean it isn't borderline perverse to her. Building up to new things slowly is always a good idea. (Notice your success so far with anal play-- from surface fingering, to analingus and finger penetration, to now trying anal sex.) Stories, porn, and then toys are often a good way to start. Print some stories from Lit on the topic you want to try, then read them together. Watch a video of people doing it. THEN see about trying it yourselves, with a clear understanding that either of you can say "STOP" at any time. Just because you don't go through with it tonight doesn't mean you won't ever go through with it.

Good luck

 

[Kelstev]

I would suggest that she not have an orgasm before trying anal sex. You want her to be excited and wanting to continue. Have lots of lube and take it slow. Also...you might want to try having her on her knees while u go in from behind. That way, she can rub her clit and keep herself excited, but not letting herself climax until u are in. I find doing it that way, makes it much more enjoyable.

 

[Kelstev]

I would suggest that she not have an orgasm before trying anal sex. You want her to be excited and wanting to continue. Have lots of lube and take it slow. Also...you might want to try having her on her knees while u go in from behind. That way, she can rub her clit and keep herself excited, but not letting herself climax until u are in. I find doing it that way, makes it much more enjoyable.

 

[VSE]

It looks like you are on the right track, you are going to have to be patient though. The biggest mistake guys seem to make with anal is the assumption that they can slap a bit of lube on, finger her for a bit then, pop in the ole fella balls deep and start pumping away like a porn star.

So far, from what you've said you used a single finger, moving up from one finger to your old chap is a big step up for a newcomer to anal sex. Try perhaps building up by using two fingers before you even get close to trying your cock. The toy suggestion if she is open to using toys can also help, again get something fairly gentle and unintimidating to start with, if its bigger than your finger but still smaller than your cock then you've got something else to bridge that gap with. Butt plugs, funnily enough are ideal, and can be left there while you play around doing other stuff, which will help, the graded beads that start small and get bigger are also pretty good for working up taking you on.

Unless she is totally off the idea, go slowly next time, stick some towells down and use a ton of lube. Take a bit of a breather and have a play with something else for a few minutes if she starts to feel pain. Let it subside, relax back into the idea and then try again, repeat as often as necessary.

I would also suggest that you practice on yourself if you dont already. Find out what it feels like to have something in your arse, how quickly or slowly (as is more likely to be the case) you have to work up to something cock size just going into your butt to start with. Theres nothing like a bit of empathy to be able to guage what is going on (you dont have to tell her and its not going to turn you into the newest cast member of Will and Grace).

 

[fsumusic1981]

Thanks for the advice

I want to thank everybody who has posted advice to my questions so far. I saw my girlfriend briefly today, after she came home from work and I went to work. I brought it up with her and she seemed open to further experimentation. We will try with my fingers and see how she likes it.

A question for the ladies: I know when I have had a partner put her finger in my ass, it has always led to more intense orgasms, I guess because it stimulates the prostate. With women, there is no prostate... my questions for the ladies is, what kind of pleasure is it? Is it something that she'll definitely like, like clitoral stimulation, or is it an "acquired taste?" Also, any tips from the ladies on how to make it more pleasurable for her would be greatly appreciated.

I've always considered myself open to discussion with my girlfriend about expanding our bedroom activities and have tried discussing with her what other things we could do in the bedroom to spice things up. Like I said in the original post, she likes being spanked and told she is a "naughty girl." If there are any girls out there that enjoy this kind of thing, are there other things you might think she would enjoy?

Any and all advice is appreciated.

-Peace

PS- Register to Vote

 

[Vixandra]

Well, I'm relatively new to anal sex but will give my side of things.
LUBE LUBE LUBE
Okay, moving along. Personally I like a vibrator teased around the outside first for a bit then slowly inserted (more lube) while either I or hubby strokes my clit and or G spot.
Having him move inside me vaginally while the vib is buzzing away analy is an intense orgasm for me. And, he's rather "girthy" so the toy is easier to accept then he is. Start with the toy then go to the real thing.

 

[lovechild27]

everyone here has given you great advice...

but I have to say...your comment on "its not my dick shes to uptight and Victorian" is...well fucked up.

Anal sex hurts. Maybe you should try putting something the size of your cock up your butt before you try it on her. Its her first time...let her get used to the idea. Lets face it...yes you can relax but she is probably nervous as hell and that will most likely go away with time and patience. Work her a bit more...to me she doesnt sound prude AT ALL. A little aprehensive but thats ok and expected and NORMAL when trying something new. Give her a chance and be a little more understanding of things...what she is allowing you to do is a GIFT she is giving you...learn to be grateful and treat it like that.

 

[ReadyOne]

Re: Thanks for the advice

{snip}

A question for the ladies: I know when I have had a partner put her finger in my ass, it has always led to more intense orgasms, I guess because it stimulates the prostate. With women, there is no prostate... my questions for the ladies is, what kind of pleasure is it? Is it something that she'll definitely like, like clitoral stimulation, or is it an "acquired taste?" Also, any tips from the ladies on how to make it more pleasurable for her would be greatly appreciated.

{snip}

Any and all advice is appreciated.

Tain't a lady, but to answer your question about female prostate -- it's called the G-Spot. See https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70892.

The same nerves are stimulated, though the female does not have a prostate. They do have some spongy material along the urthera which will harden up, giving a rough feel to the vaginal wall around where the G-Spot is. This tissue may also participate in female ejaculation.

There is also another spot ("A-spot") that is often stimulated by anal sex. It, with the G-spot, may be involved in reducing the discomfort of labor (i.e. baby pushing against them feels good, raises natural pain killers).

PS: I've had several ladies who liked anal, and said they got an orgasm from it which was noticably different than one from a clit or G-spot.

One girl said getting used to anal (and she also said she had a very good partner introduce her) was about the same as loosing her virginity.

I had one partner who could start at the point of only very mild arousal ("yes, you could get me interested in sex") and go straight to an anal orgasm in 2 minutes. But she is/was pretty unique, I understand.

 

[Cazper]

Everyone has given you really good advice. Anal is definately not something to rush into. Most women are really nervous about the idea of something going into their ass. Same as men, we generally do not like the idea of anything going into our ass either. Ensure that she does want to continue to experiement and just keep taking it slowly. Anal is fun, and it is a different feel, but it also isn't anything to feel your sex life is a bust if you don't get to do it.

I also agree with what a few have mentioned about toys, they can definately help out... give her the idea to try it by herself alone so that she can go at her own pace and not feel at all presured by you being there. That may help her to become more relaxed with the situation. Also the comment about trying it on yourself isn't necessarily a bad idea either. It doesn't make you any less of a man, and you may enjoy a toy as well. I don't personally have any interest in another man, but a toy can be fun at times too. Hope this was at least somewhat helpful.

 

[Keith36]

You have gotten some good advice about the anal. I agree that you have to let he experiment on you too.

As for the getting kinkier, you may wan to give her a home-made coupon book for Valentines day. Include some non-sexual coupons, some that are basic sexual coupons, and some that add a little more spice. Some examples include: get kissed all over (some areas maybe kissed more than others); one fantasy fulfilled (some notice may be required for some fantasies); tie me up and do what you want; get tied up and enjoy what happens; free couples body painting; and there are many more you can think of.

I have done this for my wife several times, and they are fun to have redeemed.

 

[Ylvie]

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