how do i get wife into role playing.

[hottwife]

well heres my question. how do I get my wife into role playing. I like it and yes she has done it for me a few times, but I think she did it just to make me happy. how can I get her to do it and enjoy it at the same time.

 

[BTK51]

I'd love to take credit for thinking of this but it just sort of happened. I was in the same position as you and what I learned was that I was doing all the suggesting of role play scenerios.

What we do now is she presents 2 scenerios and then I give 2 and she gets to choose. The reason for 2 scenerios is so that I can suggest one with her having power and one one with me.
She has always picked one of my scenerios, but in truth, it usually includes or is very close to one that she previously gave me.

It took me a while to figure out what she liked in role plays but once it clicked, I now know what to include in my scenerios. There are several things that will make it appealing to her and so she's gotten more into it. The key is to make it interesting for her.

My suggestion is to be very explicit in explaining her role because she may feel uncomfortable in an acting situation. Make it one that is attractive to her, and would lead to doing things during the role play that she likes to do.

Listen and think about what she likes. Focus in on only those things when you come up with the scenerio. Ask what she's in the mood for before picking the scenerio.

I make good use of the stories on Lit to propose scenerios. You might want to have her read some or print them off for her to read. I haven't done that yet so I don't know if that will help.

Good luck.

 

[fille]

If you have paid close attention to what turns her on, you should be able to suggest role playing scenarios that will appeal to her. If you don't have ideas already, why not start with getting her to tell you some of her hottest fantasies and then act them out. Once she gets excited about that, she may also be excited about doing the reverse.

 

[Bobmi357]

Why not introduce the idea of role playing in a non-sexual sense? Role Playing isn't something people can just naturally do, so picking up one of those role playing games and playing that will implant a foundation of what its all about without having to add sex to the equation.

My wife and I met on an online RPG, Dungeons and Dragons style. We've played both online and offline, and it can be a lot of fun even without any sex.

 

[hottwife]

I have asked her about her hottest fantasies and she wont tell me any of them she just says she doesnt have any which i find hard to belive. we have been married for 13 years. and I have only gotten her to role play 4 times. I even let her pick out something that she would like to do and she still seams a bit frightened when we start. I also dont try and force her into doing the role playing if I say hey lets go out and try role playing tonight she hits me with I dont want to do that even if I tell her she can pick the scean. I am willing to work with her on it but sometimes I think I may be a bit to wild for her. I used to think it was the other way around.

 

[fille]

Wow. It is pretty hard to believe that she doesn't have any sexual fantasies. It's certainly possible that she feels ashamed or embarrassed about what secretly turns her on. Many women do, particularly if they are sexually inexperienced. You have been married for a long time, and it sounds like your sex life has changed quite a bit - she used to be the wild one and now you are. Could there be some other problems or tensions that are causing her to resist your sexual desires? Frankly, it sounds to me like you need to let the role playing issue drop for a while and address why she's not interested instead.

If you really feel that there's no underlying relationship problem though, you still need to let the role playing issue drop because she is obviously very resistant to it and it may actually hurt your sex life if you continue to press it. Try something else to find your spark again. Romance, porn, whatever would get her revved up again.

 

[hottwife]

Wow. It is pretty hard to believe that she doesn't have any sexual fantasies. It's certainly possible that she feels ashamed or embarrassed about what secretly turns her on. Many women do, particularly if they are sexually inexperienced. You have been married for a long time, and it sounds like your sex life has changed quite a bit - she used to be the wild one and now you are. Could there be some other problems or tensions that are causing her to resist your sexual desires? Frankly, it sounds to me like you need to let the role playing issue drop for a while and address why she's not interested instead.

If you really feel that there's no underlying relationship problem though, you still need to let the role playing issue drop because she is obviously very resistant to it and it may actually hurt your sex life if you continue to press it. Try something else to find your spark again. Romance, porn, whatever would get her revved up again.

yes she used to be the wild one .but now it is me. I love making love to my wife and no there isnt any problems between us. we love each other now as much as we did when we got married. we have 2 sons that are doing well in school so I know she isnt worried about them. we had some money issues about a moth ago but things are picking up. both her job and mine. but it seems that I am way to horney for her to handel and she is just not that interested in sex as she used to be. so I thought the role playing would help out. but when she wont tell you her fantasies or what she would like, it is hard to guess what she wants.

 

[Limbhugger]

Well the two threads you've put up are both about how to get your wife to do something you want her to but she doesn't seem quite all for. You seem like a nice guy, so ask yourself this: What would she post if she were typing? What would she want you to do or not do? How would she respond to these posts if she didn't know they were from you and was applying them to her situation?

I don't know how long you've been married but relax a little bit. A lot of things happen slowly and need time to develop. You know, good things come to those who wait.

But then some things never come and you can't make them.

Love, respect, honesty, and communication. And keep exploring both you and her.

My humble 2 cents.

 

[BTK51]

Good Advice Limbhugger

Well the two threads you've put up are both about how to get your wife to do something you want her to but she doesn't seem quite all for. You seem like a nice guy, so ask yourself this: What would she post if she were typing? What would she want you to do or not do? How would she respond to these posts if she didn't know they were from you and was applying them to her situation?

I don't know how long you've been married but relax a little bit. A lot of things happen slowly and need time to develop. You know, good things come to those who wait.

But then some things never come and you can't make them.

Love, respect, honesty, and communication. And keep exploring both you and her.

My humble 2 cents.

I think that I can idenify with what hottwife is saying. He is trying to do this stuff for the right reasons but I think may be pushing a little too hard or I suspect that his enthusiasm is coming across as pushing the issue.

Hottwife, I can identify with you on several levels. I’ve been married over 30 years and in the beginning, she was much more ‘wild’ than me. Actually, she was just a lot more open about sex than I was. In retrospect, I’d have to say that I was just immature or maybe insecure sexually. The roles now seem to be reversed with us as well. She also said that she didn’t have any real fantasies when I first asked her.

You’re going through a change in your lifestyle and looking to ‘take it up a notch’ I am too. Now that the all the kids are out of the house (the last one went off to college) I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to revitalize our relationship and do the things that we never seemed to find enough time for. Lots more sex and trying new things are two of them. I would rate our sex life as great but that doesn’t mean it can’t be greater. It does take a lot of communication, discussion and patience. Role playing is one those things that we never really were able to make the time for.

We never really shared our fantasies and when I all of a sudden showed this great interest in it, I got the same answers that you did. I knew that what she was saying probably wasn’t true, but compassion and understanding was needed more than pushiness. I backed off and looked for different ways to broach the subject. What I found worked was that I would find surveys and articles about woman’s fantasies (online, Cosmo, etc.) and asked if she agreed with the surveys. I’d bring it up while we were making dinner and say that I read where the second biggest fantasy of married woman is “whatever” and I don’t believe that.

Slowly but surely she started to share her fantasies with me and got more comfortable in doing so. You would think that after being married for 30 years that there isn’t anything that we couldn’t discuss, especially sexual fantasies, and in fact that’s true. There are things that we never did discuss though and it’s funny when we come across them. But now that we are spending time concentrating on just the 2 of us we are discovering new things about each other and things that have changed drastically from when we were younger. It’s awkward at times and something similar might be happening to her.

I hope that this might help. Seconding Limbhugger's thoughts, changing doesn’t contain an on/off switch. It’s even harder after being together a long time. You might think that you know everything about each other but that probably isn’t true. Just keep an open mind. Some things may take time and a softer approach. Some things may just not fly and that’s okay too. Don’t let it lead to any resentment or anger.

 

[Bobmi357]

Sometimes a duck is just a duck no matter how many times you ask it. The simple fact is, your wife may not have any fantasys. It isn't as rare as you might think. My wife claims she has no fantasys, I've asked her dozens of times and every time I get the same answer. Til I was left with no recourse but to assume she really was telling the truth. Since we don't have too much trouble talking about sex, there really isn't any reason for her to hold back on telling me her fantasys.

Some people do not need to have fantasys. Its just the way they are I reckon. Me? I have a few, most of them involving my wife. But they are little more than idle daydreams in my book anyway. I reckon if she doesn't need any, I can do without also.

 

[hottwife]

btk51 and bobmi357 and to all oyhers that have replied. thank you. it could be that my wife doesnt have any fantasys and I thinking it is impossible for her not to have any is probley correct. she may not have any or maybe she is to embarrassed to tell me or maybe they cold be to wild and she may think she would scare me by them. so like everyone has said I will lay off the idea for a bit and she what comes out of it. thank you for your advise.

 

[fille]

Do you mind if I ask your wife's age? Maybe there's a hormonal issue going on that is behind her lack of interest.

 

[Erotisphere]

well heres my question. how do I get my wife into role playing. I like it and yes she has done it for me a few times, but I think she did it just to make me happy. how can I get her to do it and enjoy it at the same time.

Jump out from behind the door in a cowboy or doctor's outfit and go "Ta da!" Naw, just kidding.

Actually I am a guy and was afraid to tell my ex-wife my fantasies as I was afraid of the reactions I would get like I was a freak or something. My ex-wife wasn't very expressive and I don't think she thought she could be allowed to have fun in the bedroom. I think it was because of the way she was brought up by her father and his religious restrictions. I mean she told me that she wasn't allowed to go to the movies when she was a kid as that was supposedly wrong. Oh brother.

I, on the other hand, was brought up in a religious home but not to the extent that "things" were wrong. I was never told that movies or even sex was a bad thing. Thank God.

So sometimes people have reasons no matter what they are, even if unconcious as to why they do or don't do something like roleplay or express fantasies.