How do YOU define rape?

[Bandit58]

Inspired by Morcheeba's post in the Anal Timeline thread, I want to ask - what do YOU understand rape to be? She did not consent to having anal sex but apparently everything else was okay.

I was in a marriage for years where I gave in to sex because my husband would make me feel guilty and give me the silent treatment for days if I didn't......is that still rape? He would get impatient and just get his rocks off, while I lay there and hated every minute of it. His emotional abuse had eventually killed off any feelings I might have had for him originally, and I hated him to even touch me. He wasn't violent towards me, but I still remember how it would hurt when he pushed himself into me. My lover called it rape, I had never really thought of it like that......

It's taken a lot of time and patience to get me to be comfortable and to enjoy sex. I realise now that it was sex with HIM that I hated......but with the right partner it's wonderful

 

[CuteJenn]

I'm not sure if I would consider that rape, though I am really glad that you removed yourself from that situation.

 

[Lust Engine]

On the surface, I guess I'd define rape as forcibly seizing or violating.

Having neither been a rapist or been raped, I think that's about as basic of a definiton as I can come up with. The people who've been in such a situation might add more to my definition however.

 

[Weird Harold]

If she says NO, it means NO.

If you go ahead after she says NO, then it's Rape.

 

[matl]

If she says NO, it means NO.

For an opinionated old fart thats a pretty damn good explaination

 

[ReadyOne]

Not that I condone forcing sex on an unwilling person, I thought that I'd mention that many experts say rape is a crime of violence toward woman; a crime of anger like battery.

If we use motivation for definition, then we could use a couple of new words to show the difference in orientation between a rapist who expresses hatred and a rapist who is driven by lust.

I'm not saying that date rape is OK and sexual battery is not. Just like the Greeks had a word for everything, I just think differentiating the two forms might be worthwhile.

 

[KindaKinky]

Re: If she says NO, it means NO.

At least Bandit left that relationship. Could you have pressed charges of some kind for emotional abuse?

As for Weird Harold's statement:

If you go ahead after she says NO, then it's Rape.

What if she drinks too much and she passes out, and you take advantage? That's rape too, isn't it? And no means no is worthless when you're too drunk to say it.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Re: If she says NO, it means NO.

What if she drinks too much and she passes out, and you take advantage? That's rape too, isn't it? And no means no is worthless when you're too drunk to say it.

No, is the default answer.

If you ask and she she doesn't answer because you knocked her on the head with a brick, silence doesn't means consent -- it means NO.

 

[ma_guy]

The word "rape" has been used (and/or misused) in quite a few ways over the years to include things like emotional abuse (which, IMO, is where the author of this thread's commnents probably fit in..).

Is it rape in the legal sense? No. The statement "I was in a marriage for years where I gave in to sex..." precludes the legal definition. There WAS a choice. You could either have not had sex or not have your ex talk to you. A decision was made on your part to opt for the sex even though you didn't enjoy it. The other choice didn't present a danger to you in any way and you were free to accept either option.

Now, I'd say that he was an asshole in the truest sense and emotionally abusive but rape? Nope...

 

[lovechild27]

i think you can have physical rape and an emotional rape. Bandit, you may have said ok to sex but your heart and soul were screaming no. WOuld this hold up in court or get someone convicted? Hell no....but your feelings were violated much like a body can be. Any sex act that is forced on someone unwilling or without their consent it physical rape. Maybe not what you all would agree with, but its how i see things.

 

[Blackbich]

Re: Re: Re: If she says NO, it means NO.

No, is the default answer.

If you ask and she she doesn't answer because you knocked her on the head with a brick, silence doesn't means consent -- it means NO.

Now that I've climbed back into my chair after falling out of it laughing...thank you, WH, for one hell of a laugh this morning.

Originally posted by ReadyOne
Not that I condone forcing sex on an unwilling person, I thought that I'd mention that many experts say rape is a crime of violence toward woman; a crime of anger like battery.

If we use motivation for definition, then we could use a couple of new words to show the difference in orientation between a rapist who expresses hatred and a rapist who is driven by lust.

I'm not saying that date rape is OK and sexual battery is not. Just like the Greeks had a word for everything, I just think differentiating the two forms might be worthwhile.

I, too, agree that we should differentiate between the 'knock you over the head' type of rapist and the 'you said no but I want to anyway' type rapist. The problem, though, ReadyOne, is that most of the times, the second type becomes angry because he's not getting his way, he's being told no, she waited until they were naked to say no, or something along these lines so it turns into a crime of anger. If it was just about lust and not power and anger, the guy would get dressed, leave, go to a bar and pick up some skanky ho who is willing to do whatever he wants. Not that women in bars are skanky but you know what I mean.

Rape is a crime of violence, regardless of the circumstances. You are forcing someone to give up something they don't want to do. This is going to sound shitty coming from a rape victim but, to me, there is no comparison between someone being forced to give it up versus someone who gives in to emotional coercion unless he is physically forcing you to do it while he's emotionally battering you...then it's physical. Does that make sense? So, based on that description, I'd have to say that...no, Bandit wasn't raped. She was emotionally battered and abused, but no...not physically raped.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Gods_Favorite]

If you are forced into sex under the threat of physical violence that is rape.

 

[Guest]

Coercion

I think the threat of violence transcends just rape and in that rape can be defined in ways unpretaining to sexual intercourse. Anytime you impose your will upon another by the application of force or it's implacation is coercion and that is the broadest heading rape can fall under. All wordgames aside, making someone do something against their will is an act of violence whether physical contact has been made or not. I do hope that anyone whom enjoys such activity limits it to stories here at Lit or takes the action no further than a mental image and a healthy orgasm accomplished alone and in the privacy of their homes.....

 

[Eagle70]

If she says no, and you do it anyways, thats rape.

If she dosent know whats going on, its rape.

If you're that much of a piece of shit that you either have to guilt a woman, or harass her into having sex, then you should be charged with rape.

I hate rapists, along with men who hit women. You do either one of those things, hand in your manhood, because you're no longer a man.

 

[Lust Engine]

I hate rapists, along with men who hit women. You do either one of those things, hand in your manhood, because you're no longer a man.

I too hate HATE rapists. The lingering pain that they leave behind is devastating. At least with murder, the victim is at peace in God's realm. With rape victims, the pain can linger and emotionally cripple someone for a lifetime.

I'm generally not a vindictive person but in my mind, rapists are worse than murderers & should be treated much more harshly.

 

[Amfig]

Just what is this whole thread doing on the "how to" board? Rape is a legal concept, and quite simply means sexual penetration by force and against the will of the victim. Threats, accompanied by any evidence of the ability to carry out such threats, so long as the threat is a threat of force, is sufficient to make the offense rape, at least in some degree.

But to go back to Bandit's original post, why is this thread here? It seems to me that it should be in the General Board, or maybe in Gil's abuse thread, but not here.

 

[sexcandy]

To me rape is basically forced sex. If one partner says no or can not consent (too drunk, passed out, or even too young) then it is rape. It does not matter the reason for not consenting or what was consented to before. If at anytime the one partners say No or Stop then anything beyound that is an act of rape.

 

[curvacious]

rape is when the "victim" (for lack of a better term, although survior is good) is unable to give WILLING consent-----this could be due to age, threat of violence, emotional abuse, or chemicals (drugs, alcohol)

 

[intrigued]

I'm reminded of the way in which Problem Child put it in another thread on the GB. This is the thread, and the post he made around page 5 or 6 says it so well. I particularly like celiaKittens comments, too.

https://forum.literotica.com/showth...141315&perpage=25&highlight=rape&pagenumber=1


His post is as follows:


"I don't know if anyone else supplied a link to this story...I'm too lazy to go back through the whole thread to see, but here it is:

http://more.abcnews.go.com/sections...ape_Ruling.html

The girl asked the boy to stop a total of three times:

***
A few moments after they began engaging in sexual intercourse, the female told the male that she needed to go home.

She says she repeated her request two more times. The young woman said he then asked her to give him a minute and then continued for about 90 seconds. The whole incident lasted four to five minutes, according to the young woman in the case.

***

He denied her request and then continued for another 90 seconds (presumably until he climaxed, but that's just a guess).

Sit at your computer desk and time out 90 seconds. Don't you think that's WAY more than enough time needed to stop having sex?

The defense counsel (Foster) seems to be as much of a neanderthal as Frimost, although that's a pretty tough standard for stupidity to match...

***

Foster says the court's decision doesn't acknowledge the biological responses that sex invokes in a man.

"It is only natural, fair and just that a male be given a reasonable amount of time in which to quell his primal urge," she had argued.

Murphy says Foster's defense argument is outrageous.

"What that amounts to is the right to commit a little bit of rape," Murphy said. "If I invite you into my home and I say you can come in for an hour, and a half-hour later I want you to leave, you have to go. I get to decide whether you stay in my house and I get to decide whether you stay in my body."
_________________________________________________

I agree.

If you're in my body and I don't want you there, EVEN IF 5 minutes ago I did, and I ask you to stop and you refuse, then you are raping me. It matters not if you're intoxicated, hornier and hotter than you've ever been, or that you're five seconds away from coming...the second I say no, its over.

We're not animals, ya know.

 

[virginleo20]

Rape....

Well i would define it as sexual intercourse or sexual oriented contact without the consent of the other party.
Mind you that this has to be more serious than a "friendly" tap on the ass.
That would be harassment/ abuse and a completely different issue.

In other words... if the other party is passed out, intoxicated etc...
or just simply indicating an unwillingness to participate... any action forced upone them for the gratification of the offending party is considered rape.

Mind you that women can under those conditions rape men as well...
( I have actually seen 2 cases where men have sued women for such behavior and claimed rape.... drugs where involved in 1 and in the other a life threatening incident.)

 

[ullr]

A Problem...

If she says no, and you do it anyways, thats rape.

If she dosent know whats going on, its rape.

If you're that much of a piece of shit that you either have to guilt a woman, or harass her into having sex, then you should be charged with rape.

I hate rapists, along with men who hit women. You do either one of those things, hand in your manhood, because you're no longer a man.

AGREED.

But if you haven't seen Pedro Almodovar's film "Talk To Her," your definitions haven't been truely tested.

In "Talk To Her," the unrequited love of a nurse for his persistently vegetative patient is raped (off screen)--but if one is "brain dead" and there is no "person" there in any possibly meaningful sense, is it really rape?

See the film and think about it. (Deep thoughts.)

--Orson

 

[Xstatic]

Re: A Problem...

AGREED.

But if you haven't seen Pedro Almodovar's film "Talk To Her," your definitions haven't been truely tested.

In "Talk To Her," the unrequited love of a nurse for his persistently vegetative patient is raped (off screen)--but if one is "brain dead" and there is no "person" there in any possibly meaningful sense, is it really rape?

See the film and think about it. (Deep thoughts.)

--Orson

I haven't seen the film, and I'm a total amateur at legal stuff, so this is only my opinion...

<dons flame-retardant suit>

I am not certain such an act could be considered rape (depends on what arguments the prosecution would use), but it could certainly be considered 'unlawful sexual conduct', and I suppose a case could be made that the person's guardian would decide the matter (consent or non-consent).

I recall a recent episode of 'Law & Order: SVU' dealing with a similar matter (long-term coma patient found to be pregnant), but it led off into a different web of problems entirely...

<shed flame-retardant suit>

I'd just like to say that, in my opinion, rapists should be subject to the Law of Hammurabi (i.e. the same thing that they did should be done to them - preferably as soon as possible after the act). There is NO possible excuse for this crime.

 

[Morcheeba]

Inspired by Morcheeba's post in the Anal Timeline thread, I want to ask - what do YOU understand rape to be? She did not consent to having anal sex but apparently everything else was okay.

I was in a marriage for years where I gave in to sex because my husband would make me feel guilty and give me the silent treatment for days if I didn't......is that still rape? He would get impatient and just get his rocks off, while I lay there and hated every minute of it. His emotional abuse had eventually killed off any feelings I might have had for him originally, and I hated him to even touch me. He wasn't violent towards me, but I still remember how it would hurt when he pushed himself into me. My lover called it rape, I had never really thought of it like that......

It's taken a lot of time and patience to get me to be comfortable and to enjoy sex. I realise now that it was sex with HIM that I hated......but with the right partner it's wonderful

First off, I had no idea I inspired a thread such as this until just now.

Not that I'm bothered by such a thing, but I do admit to just having some 'Oh shit, I wonder if this made others go back to that Anal Timeline thread and read my anal sex post' thoughts.

Whoever it was who said that no matter what I corrected in my second post didn't matter and that it was plain rape wasn't there and doesn't know what exactly happened to me that nite.

I was engaged to that man at the time and while we were both majorly inebriated he took liberties with me without my consent. So I initially called it RAPE in my first post because that nite/first anal experience has always left a sour taste in my memory. But my god, he was by all means, NOT A RAPIST. He was just totally fucked up is all.

Then the next day or so I corrected it thinking there might be women (or even men) in here who have endured violent, life-threatening rapes in their pasts. My ordeal wasn't like that. Hence the reason I wanted to sorta clear the air.

Bandit, I am sorry things didn't go well for you in that first marriage but am happy things have improved with the right lover. I'll definitely have to bop back in here (How To section) more often - just seems that even when I do like once a week the same threads (subjects) are always up. Oh well, take care and have a great weekend.

 

[Guest]