How do you feel...

[calypso_21]

about a person you meet having children?

What if the children don't live with them and only visit?

But what if they do live with your new interest?

I am very curious as I am single now and have two children. I'm curious as to what to expect. Is this a turn off? Or a challenge? Or what?

 

[Kitte]

It can mean alot to me. How they treat their children whether they live with them or not is a big indicator of what kind of person they are. My currant SO has 2 kids. The far off dreamy look he gets when he talks about his kiddos melts my heart. I have no problem with a package deal. It can be a challange though when the relationship gets more involved. But anyone who isnt up to the challange is not worth your time.

 

[calypso_21]

It can mean alot to me. How they treat their children whether they live with them or not is a big indicator of what kind of person they are. My currant SO has 2 kids. The far off dreamy look he gets when he talks about his kiddos melts my heart. I have no problem with a package deal. It can be a challange though when the relationship gets more involved. But anyone who isnt up to the challange is not worth your time.

This warms my heart! I am happy for you that you have this. A man who waxes poetic over his children is a huge pull for me. A man who treats my children in the same manner...could have my heart and more.

I just wonder if it is a put off from the start more often than not.

 

[Guest]

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

You ladies are wonderful. Kids are great! Family activities are so much more fun than normal "dating" things. There's nothing better than a day at Disneyland, the local waterpark or even a cookout with a game of kids/adults soccer in the back!

 

[marksgirl]

My husband of 16 years had a 14 year old daughter when I meet him and I had a 3 year old son, we both welcomed the package deal with open arms. I loved the way he accepted my son with open arms, now me on the other hand got the fuck off and die attitude from his 14 year old but I still tried, not that it ever mattered because after 16 years I still get the fuck off and die from her........oh well. We still love each other more and more, I'm glad I kept an open mind on this subject, it has paid off in the end for me.

 

[JazzManJim]

I have absolutely no problem with it. I dig kids anyhow and seem to do well enough with them.

I have two kiddles of my own, though they live with their Mom. I fully expect that as they grow older, they'll spend more time with me and may even decide they want to live with me (and that'll be a completely great thing!!!!). That's just a fact of who and what I am, so I figure any SO would have to handle that.

 

[Needssome]

Okay don't kill me for this.....I wouldn't date a man with kids. Frankly I'm too young and self-absorbed to have to worry about a third (or fourth or fifth) member of a relationship. I still have plenty of growing up to do and I don't really want to deal with that baggage. Someday, it might change. I always say I want to have grandkids eventually.....no kids......just grandkids. I like that idea....you get to have fun with them and spoil them but then they get to go home with their parents. But that's just how I view it...I only hope that if I ever do have kids on my own that all the men out there aren't like me!

 

[calypso_21]

A way through a womans heart is through her children.

I think most men over 30 realize that most women have at least one. Most dont mind.

I tend to agree with the over 30 point. I've met a few who are younger than me and are just not quite there yet. I'm not necessarily looking for someone to settle down with...just someone to enjoy.

Since I'm about to turn 30, I think I may stick with the older guys anyhow, but I'm always open to new opportunities.

 

[calypso_21]

You ladies are wonderful. Kids are great! Family activities are so much more fun than normal "dating" things. There's nothing better than a day at Disneyland, the local waterpark or even a cookout with a game of kids/adults soccer in the back!

Oh I totally agree...but I still want to be wined and dined and romanced too!

 

[lovetoread]

I am a package deal.

If you dont want kids. You dont want me.

Period.

My SO took on 3 kids.

He had no experience whatsoever in kiddie land.

I give him a gold star for making it this long.

 

[calypso_21]

My husband of 16 years had a 14 year old daughter when I meet him and I had a 3 year old son, we both welcomed the package deal with open arms. I loved the way he accepted my son with open arms, now me on the other hand got the fuck off and die attitude from his 14 year old but I still tried, not that it ever mattered because after 16 years I still get the fuck off and die from her........oh well. We still love each other more and more, I'm glad I kept an open mind on this subject, it has paid off in the end for me.

;O) Sounds so awesome (given some bumps). It makes me feel so good to hear that there is love again.

 

[patient1]

Looking at stars is looking back in time. You see the volatile & dazzling light that shined long ago.

Kids are a lot like that, they give you a glimpse into the childhood of the person who lights your life. The more kids, the more perspectives. They are works of art in their own way.

 

[calypso_21]

I have absolutely no problem with it. I dig kids anyhow and seem to do well enough with them.

I have two kiddles of my own, though they live with their Mom. I fully expect that as they grow older, they'll spend more time with me and may even decide they want to live with me (and that'll be a completely great thing!!!!). That's just a fact of who and what I am, so I figure any SO would have to handle that.

I'm sure you are great with them!!

I have to say though that I hope my kids never want to go live with my ex. But that is a choice for them to make and us to work out if that time ever comes.

I'm keeping a postive outlook!

 

[calypso_21]

Okay don't kill me for this.....I wouldn't date a man with kids. Frankly I'm too young and self-absorbed to have to worry about a third (or fourth or fifth) member of a relationship. I still have plenty of growing up to do and I don't really want to deal with that baggage. Someday, it might change. I always say I want to have grandkids eventually.....no kids......just grandkids. I like that idea....you get to have fun with them and spoil them but then they get to go home with their parents. But that's just how I view it...I only hope that if I ever do have kids on my own that all the men out there aren't like me!

First, I'd never kill anyone over their opinion, no matter whether I strongly agree or disagree...it is yours not mine.

I do have to say...I think you are very smart to have this already thought out. It is important to know where you stand especially on this issue in a relationship. With kids getting very involved with someone means getting involved with them too.

I did this when I was younger (BC before children). I got involved with a guy who had a beautiful daughter. I fought with him to spend more time with his girl and he did eventually. I couldn't take it though. I fell more for her than I did him and I couldn't be her mom as she already had one and I wanted my own children. I wanted mine to be first with their father...so we ended it.

Everyone is different though and people do change. Now I have no problem with a guy having children or getting involved with the youngins.

 

[patient1]

Sorry, connection broke as I posted . this was a double.

 

[calypso_21]

I am a package deal.

If you dont want kids. You dont want me.

Period.

My SO took on 3 kids.

He had no experience whatsoever in kiddie land.

I give him a gold star for making it this long.

I give him credit too. History (for me) proved that SOME men have difficulties with children that are not theirs (sometimes even their own) when it comes to relationships. I hope the future proves different. You are one lucky lady!

 

[calypso_21]

Looking at stars is looking back in time. You see the volatile & dazzling light that shined long ago.

Kids are a lot like that, they give you a glimpse into the childhood of the person who lights your life. The more kids, the more perspectives. They are works of art in their own way.

How sweet. I am probably going to remember this often today and in the future. A very poetic comment. It fits how I feel about children.

 

[calypso_21]

Sorry, connection broke as I posted . this was a double.

Sure you just wanted to make sure I noticed your post ;P

I did and I loved it! I always adore your posts.

 

[patient1]

Sure you just wanted to make sure I noticed your post ;P

I did and I loved it! I always adore your posts.

I guess I don't have to try so hard now
I always find yours a fascinating read.

Try one of my poems, please.

 

[calypso_21]

I guess I don't have to try so hard now
I always find yours a fascinating read.

Try one of my poems, please.

I will do this momentarily!

 

[calypso_21]

I guess I don't have to try so hard now
I always find yours a fascinating read.

Try one of my poems, please.

WOW!

I love them. I'm pulled by the first one most of all.

 

[Oilpainter]

Having children should not be an impediment to a healthy relationship. I am 35, single and do not have children. I have dated several ladies who have children and found it to be quite pleasant. I love kids and that helps. The point is that there are guys out there who can respect the fact you have children and understand that they come first in your life no matter what. If they can not accept this then they are not really worth the candle.

Like everything else though there are guys who do not enjoy children and are a bit more selfish. This does not make them bad it just means they are in a different place in their lives. In think there are some unscrupulous men who will feign liking kids to get to know you and get in your pants. Call me a skeptic, but I think they are out there. So be careful and sort those with honorable intention out from those who are not so sincere. Good luck.

 

[calypso_21]

Having children should not be an impediment to a healthy relationship. I am 35, single and do not have children. I have dated several ladies who have children and found it to be quite pleasant. I love kids and that helps. The point is that there are guys out there who can respect the fact you have children and understand that they come first in your life no matter what. If they can not accept this then they are not really worth the candle.

Like everything else though there are guys who do not enjoy children and are a bit more selfish. This does not make them bad it just means they are in a different place in their lives. In think there are some unscrupulous men who will feign liking kids to get to know you and get in your pants. Call me a skeptic, but I think they are out there. So be careful and sort those with honorable intention out from those who are not so sincere. Good luck.

Thanks hun...I think you are right. I need to find someone right now who just enjoys being, hanging out, sharing, similar likes (doesn't have to be everything but some). Really I need someone to cook for (my kids are so freaking finicky it is disgusting) I never get to make big meals!!

Thanks for the luck. I'm not too worried about guys trying to get in my pants...that has been happening forever...even when I was married...I learned how to deal with that.

"If they can not accept this then they are not really worth the candle."

I like this comment. It is very true because they do come first in my life...but I am the type of person that makes everyone feel like they are first with me no matter what. But my lights are what brightens my day everyday.

 

[Guest]

this is a subject

that i never thought about till a couple of years ago when my wife was told she has a auto-immune diease that more than likly will shorten her life , to what degree we dont know yet, but back to the question, i am not the type that likes to be alone, i enjoy company, but i have been married so long i dont know how to pick up girls, hopefully i wont have to find out, but i will say if i have to look someday it will not make a differance to me if i find someone with kids ,i would more than likely treat then like my own , and i think most guys if they truley love someone , them having kids wont matter at all!!!