How does a bi-newbie guy come out to his wife?

[OralAllOver]

Usually these "how do I say" questions have an unstated motivation behind them.

Like (not putting words in your mouth, just giving examples)
"How do I say it so that the other person doesn't get mad?" or
"How do I say it so that they'll agree to give me something I want?" or
"How do I say it so that..." some other motivation succeeds.

Because the answer to "how do I say it" is trivially simple. I can't tell what your unstated motivation here is. But the answer to that will have a huge role in determining what to say next and how to say it.

Trivially easy? WHAT?

Not a change of subject: have u considered psychotropic medications? Maybe two of everything....
And regular empathy boosters

 

[Britva415]

Trivially easy? WHAT?

I’m assuming you have a tongue in your head and aren’t medically intubated, and have no other condition rendering you functionally mute.

You could do it right this instant if you wanted to.

The reason you don’t isn’t because you can’t talk, it’s because the agenda has other priorities besides just getting away with saying the words out loud, as if one could without any consequences or blowback.

Saying “honey, I’m bi” isn’t any harder than saying “please pass the salt.” That isn’t the hard part. The hard part is having it go the way you want it to, which is why it’s important to know and to say what that looks like instead of just asking “how do I say…” without spelling out what the agenda really is.

(I’m not trying to make this personal. I don’t know you or what your situation is. The “you” I’m referring to here is a generic and impersonal “you,” given some hypothetical person who finds theirself in a situation like what prompted the original question.)

 

[OralAllOver]

1) Emotions r real. This is not for debate.
2) Sexual "morality" can trigger wildly destructive and judgmental reactions. Also not for debate
3) Spouses have great power involving everything and everyone you value
4) Hurting a spouse should be avoided if possible, a sometimes fraught determination
5) Dude, your way, your thoughts r not the only valuable ones. Open your mind and heart

 

[SissyBrandi19]

I’ve read a lot about guys like me here on lit. Sounds like I’m pretty typical for this situation. Mid 60s, 2nd wife of five years is late 50s. As far as that relationship goes, we have what seems like something almost ideal, including fantastic, frequent sex. In this relationship, I am the more dominant and adventurous, she is content to be support staff, as she says. I guess I really shouldn’t complain too much, she’s willing anytime, and enjoys it immensely. She’s just not one to initiate it very much and is happy for me to take the lead in all that we do. I read elsewhere here about men being described as wanting more in the bedroom, that is to be able to be submissive. The description that I’ve read says that we spend our adult lives, careers, being the alpha, the dominant, the breadwinner, the dad, the in-charge, responsible one, and at the end of the day sometimes we need a sexual relationship where we can be submissive, as a respite from all of that. We need someone else who will take charge, and let us enjoy being nurtured, attended to, the submissive in a dominant – submissive role play. Combine that with the fact that seven or eight years ago, I started having bi sexual fantasies… very typical of ones described here so often. I’m not so much attracted to a male/male relationship as I am to wanting a sexual relationship with another male or males. I want to suck cock, I want mine sucked, I want to be fucked in the ass, so badly first, and eventually return that favor. I can see myself making out passionately with another guy in the middle of all of that. I’m not into cross-dressing myself, but I have seen photos of cross-dressed men that really turned me on because they look so much like a sexy woman. Trans girls interest me, but I’ve never been around one, that I know of. Maybe that’s in my future also someday.

I’ve sucked one cock, about seven years ago. It changed my life. Since then, I have fantasized about it daily, but nothing more. My wife of five years and I have found her limits, she’s not really into blowjobs, and is quite uncomfortable with the idea of pegging me. This leaves me desperately wanting to experience cocks in my mouth again, mine in someone else’s, and being fucked in the ass like you can’t imagine.

We have a very private, secluded home in the woods, and I work from home. I spend most days naked after she leaves for work. I think I’ve masturbated in every single room in this house. She knows all of that and is OK with it. She knows I am much more sexual than she is and accepts that. She struggles with her own boundaries and the idea that she’s not enough for me. It’s life, and we both love the relationship we have and each other enough that we are OK with it. Yet I still want so much more. I asked her once, hypothetically, if we were to bring a third person into our bedroom for fun, just purely recreational sex, would she prefer another guy or another girl? I’ve said before here that she dodged that question by saying she guessed my preference would be for another guy, so he could peg me. That leads me to wonder if she might be open to that, to accepting my desires and being OK with letting me play with other guys Just to scratch that itch.

I didn’t intend for this to be so long winded, but that’s the situation. The point of this post is to ask how others came out to their wives. I’ve hinted to my wife about some of this, but either too vaguely, or she got the hint but chose not to respond. I want to play with other guys so badly that I’m wanting to know how others have come out to their wives. I don’t like the idea of sneaking around behind her back, that’s probably what’s prevented me from going any further so far. If I just came out and told her, I don’t think it would be the end of our relationship, but she might have a hard time dealing with it, more so because it would add to her feelings of inadequacy that she already struggles with. Or, she may just object to it entirely. I don’t know. Do I hint a little more explicitly? Do I just blurt it out in plain language? Hypothetically, after sex with her, in a sort of “how would you feel if…” way?

I’d love to hear how others did this and how it turned out for you.

How to come out to your wife? Easy. Four words: Honey? This is Gary!

 

[jchtlit]

I’ve read a lot about guys like me here on lit. Sounds like I’m pretty typical for this situation. Mid 60s, 2nd wife of five years is late 50s. As far as that relationship goes, we have what seems like something almost ideal, including fantastic, frequent sex. In this relationship, I am the more dominant and adventurous, she is content to be support staff, as she says. I guess I really shouldn’t complain too much, she’s willing anytime, and enjoys it immensely. She’s just not one to initiate it very much and is happy for me to take the lead in all that we do. I read elsewhere here about men being described as wanting more in the bedroom, that is to be able to be submissive. The description that I’ve read says that we spend our adult lives, careers, being the alpha, the dominant, the breadwinner, the dad, the in-charge, responsible one, and at the end of the day sometimes we need a sexual relationship where we can be submissive, as a respite from all of that. We need someone else who will take charge, and let us enjoy being nurtured, attended to, the submissive in a dominant – submissive role play. Combine that with the fact that seven or eight years ago, I started having bi sexual fantasies… very typical of ones described here so often. I’m not so much attracted to a male/male relationship as I am to wanting a sexual relationship with another male or males. I want to suck cock, I want mine sucked, I want to be fucked in the ass, so badly first, and eventually return that favor. I can see myself making out passionately with another guy in the middle of all of that. I’m not into cross-dressing myself, but I have seen photos of cross-dressed men that really turned me on because they look so much like a sexy woman. Trans girls interest me, but I’ve never been around one, that I know of. Maybe that’s in my future also someday.

I’ve sucked one cock, about seven years ago. It changed my life. Since then, I have fantasized about it daily, but nothing more. My wife of five years and I have found her limits, she’s not really into blowjobs, and is quite uncomfortable with the idea of pegging me. This leaves me desperately wanting to experience cocks in my mouth again, mine in someone else’s, and being fucked in the ass like you can’t imagine.

We have a very private, secluded home in the woods, and I work from home. I spend most days naked after she leaves for work. I think I’ve masturbated in every single room in this house. She knows all of that and is OK with it. She knows I am much more sexual than she is and accepts that. She struggles with her own boundaries and the idea that she’s not enough for me. It’s life, and we both love the relationship we have and each other enough that we are OK with it. Yet I still want so much more. I asked her once, hypothetically, if we were to bring a third person into our bedroom for fun, just purely recreational sex, would she prefer another guy or another girl? I’ve said before here that she dodged that question by saying she guessed my preference would be for another guy, so he could peg me. That leads me to wonder if she might be open to that, to accepting my desires and being OK with letting me play with other guys Just to scratch that itch.

I didn’t intend for this to be so long winded, but that’s the situation. The point of this post is to ask how others came out to their wives. I’ve hinted to my wife about some of this, but either too vaguely, or she got the hint but chose not to respond. I want to play with other guys so badly that I’m wanting to know how others have come out to their wives. I don’t like the idea of sneaking around behind her back, that’s probably what’s prevented me from going any further so far. If I just came out and told her, I don’t think it would be the end of our relationship, but she might have a hard time dealing with it, more so because it would add to her feelings of inadequacy that she already struggles with. Or, she may just object to it entirely. I don’t know. Do I hint a little more explicitly? Do I just blurt it out in plain language? Hypothetically, after sex with her, in a sort of “how would you feel if…” way?

I’d love to hear how others did this and how it turned out for you.

I am in the same situation as you are. I too need some suggestions.

 

[Oshkosh60]

How much do you value the relationship and is it more important than your desire to suck and be fucked by a guy. If she has been backing off the pegging it is probably already wondering where it might lead to. Not everyone is good with their partner being involved in a same sex relationship. So, telling her is fine and good .... and feel free to ask.... but at the risk that the answer will be a hard "NO" and things might go south with the marriage.