How does one find a dominatrix?

[PervertedLover]

I responded to three different ads on Doublelist and received nearly identical replies from all three, so I feel pretty certain it’s one scammer. What a shame! Cos I’m ready to submit. I’ve been a very, very bad boy and I need to be disciplined.

 

[Dearelliot]

A common problem, I'm old and have been doing this for years, or trying to...My thoughts:
First, if you are single and decent looking, reasonably articulate, and sort of well off financially, I think you have a small chance of finding one...who might work at it for a few years, long term?? Doubtful...but that's better than nothing..I'd start out by not mentioning D/s...unless you found a real life Domme!
I'm married, and normal looking and not wealthy, so I pay for it.
I responded to ladies advertising in AFF and Alts.com, there may be others.

 

[OddLove]

If I were to seek out a dominatrix, I would start by engaging with femdom content creators that have OnlyFans/Fansly accounts.

Be supportive of their content and respectful toward their career choices.

While simultaneously supporting their content, send them a brief messages like "I really enjoy your content."

After remaining casual and enjoying their work for a while, eventually confess that you always wanted to explore your submissive side, but you've been worried about getting scammed. Then ask them if they have any advice for how to connect with a dominatrix in a safe way.

It's a lot of work and might go nowhere, but that's how I'd approach it.

The goal would be to truly connect with the kink world rather than just looking for someone to throw money at.

Earning other people's trust and respect by becoming an authentic and familiar name around the online community.

Staying respectful and curious rather than pushy and desperate.

And accepting 'No' as a common, responsible, and sane answer rather than an insult or rude. Because it's scary and risky connecting with people in this world.

 

[bobb_sledd]

Try FetLife dot com

 

[PervertedLover]

@Dearelliot Thank you for educating me. Reality slaps me in the face.

@OddLove Thank you providing a lot of great info! I will proceed exactly as you prescribe!

@bobb_sledd I took your advice and registered at FetLife. Holy shit! They have so many categories of kinky stuff I was flabbergasted. I don’t even know what half of that stuff is! I have much to learn… Most of the pics of women I saw have to be AI — they’re too perfect.

 

[bobb_sledd]

@bobb_sledd I took your advice and registered at FetLife. Holy shit! They have so many categories of kinky stuff I was flabbergasted. I don’t even know what half of that stuff is! I have much to learn… Most of the pics of women I saw have to be AI — they’re too perfect.

Same user name?

 

[PaxNurgle]

I know they get mad at us for mentioning certain websites, but I know of two right off the bat that I would AVOID:

One of them rhymes with "Backstage" and it's pretty much ALL bots/scammers; go to any city in the country you'll see the exact same ads, or the same text block being re-used over and over again across different ads, the same photo set (typically some tic-tok or fetish model) being used for mulitple different people, and so on.

The other one is that commercial buying/selling site, someones-list (you know the one I mean.) Again, mostly scammers or bots, or worse, you could end up in a dangerous situation responding to an ad there.

Oh and a third one to avoid: Anyone claiming to be a "Mistress" who advertises "Her" services in this forum. ("Her" in quotes because a lot of these scammers are more than likely ran by men.)

 

[Mangakaka]

A common problem, I'm old and have been doing this for years, or trying to...My thoughts:
First, if you are single and decent looking, reasonably articulate, and sort of well off financially, I think you have a small chance of finding one at yallabanana.com ...who might work at it for a few years, long term?? Doubtful...but that's better than nothing..I'd start out by not mentioning D/s...unless you found a real life Domme!
I'm married, and normal looking and not wealthy, so I pay for it.
I responded to ladies advertising in AFF and Alts.com, there may be others.

Refreshing to see some real-talk here. A lot of men feel 'less than' because they have to pay for sessions, but your post highlights that it's actually a practical solution for a specific life stage.

 

[Dearelliot]

My above post has been altered...I dont know that place, and I never mentioned "Yallabanana.com" Never heard of it??? I named a few other sites but not that one??

 

[whenagain]

One does not.

 

[Ad_hominem]

If you're in the states and you have the discretionary income to do so, there are professional Dominatrix's. But the key word is 'professional' so that means you pay for an experience and get to submit to a Dominatrix. It's not a first date situation, it's a business exchange.

I haven't done it, but I've listened to podcasts with professional Dominatrix's and they describe their sessions as mostly non-sexual. Their clients are not cumming, and often they're not even allowed to take their underwear off. They might get collared and maybe some fun pain, humiliation, and getting to be a useful submissive by doing tasks. It sounds fun. But I don't think I want it bad enough to drive to somewhere like Navada and spend money on it.

As far as wanting More, or wanting it for free. I have no idea. I imagine almost all of online advertisement for it is a scam. And I'd never risk meeting up with a complete stranger to have engage in illegal prostitution, because 1. You might just be getting set up to be robbed by a bunch of guys, or 2. You might be getting set up by fun-suckin oinkers who hate happiness.

And as others said, fet life is a thing. But it's kind of become a platform for selling OnlyFans content because it's male-dominated now. There's Personal Ad groups for regions, states, counties, but I also see mostly men posting in them, and the few females I do see posting there are obviously fake catfishers using some random young girls face book photos to scam people. It's a tough world. Human connection feels like a unimaginable miracle at times. I hope you get to have that experience and kinky connection you're looking for. Just be careful about finding it online.

 

[Dearelliot]

If you're in the states and you have the discretionary income to do so, there are professional Dominatrix's. But the key word is 'professional' so that means you pay for an experience and get to submit to a Dominatrix. It's not a first date situation, it's a business exchange.

I haven't done it, but I've listened to podcasts with professional Dominatrix's and they describe their sessions as mostly non-sexual. Their clients are not cumming, and often they're not even allowed to take their underwear off. They might get collared and maybe some fun pain, humiliation, and getting to be a useful submissive by doing tasks. It sounds fun. But I don't think I want it bad enough to drive to somewhere like Navada and spend money on it.

As far as wanting More, or wanting it for free. I have no idea. I imagine almost all of online advertisement for it is a scam. And I'd never risk meeting up with a complete stranger to have engage in illegal prostitution, because 1. You might just be getting set up to be robbed by a bunch of guys, or 2. You might be getting set up by fun-suckin oinkers who hate happiness.

And as others said, fet life is a thing. But it's kind of become a platform for selling OnlyFans content because it's male-dominated now. There's Personal Ad groups for regions, states, counties, but I also see mostly men posting in them, and the few females I do see posting there are obviously fake catfishers using some random young girls face book photos to scam people. It's a tough world. Human connection feels like a unimaginable miracle at times. I hope you get to have that experience and kinky connection you're looking for. Just be careful about finding it online.

I've been seeing pro dommes for 60 years all over NJ and NYC...from the 1960s and I could count on one hand the times they didnt see to it that I would cum...and it almost always involded hands on CBT, face sitting oral anal and pee., my choice of course...at least those that I have seen...Never been to Nevada,I think the prices I've heard are strange...At present I'm paying $300 for the hour. Biggest problem today is many escorts offer Dominance for the bucks and have no idea how to play...they either dont understand the concept or dont care to take the time.

 

[PaxNurgle]

In Idaho it was like $450 per hour, and up to $600. Much bigger demand, perhaps. And that was at least five years back.

Also, you don't really get the intimate, personal connection with a pro that I craved. It's fun and it might fill a short term need, but not any long term soul-mate intimacy.