How many have you read?
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CandiCame
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57 and fucking hated most of them. Other are like... look there's some good shit on this list but I heartily disagree with a lot of them.
Like... if you're out of your early 20s and still give a shit about Tramalphidorians or however that's spelled then you're just an asshole. You're a pretentious asshole.
And there's a bunch that I had to read for school that absolutely bored me to tears, like War & Peace, like let's introduce a new character every 3 pages and then kill off an old one like that'll really make your reader give a shit about them.
Also like... it's bothering me that their Dorian Grey looks like that when he's described in the book. Like we know what the motherfucker looks like. I get that they were going for hot twink but they failed miserably and that artist should be ashamed. This bothers me because Dorian looks like ME in the book with his long black hair and strong profile and high cheekbones and shit. And it's like, you lose half the fucking point when you don't portray him properly. Like, oh, I wonder why he looks like that? Could it possibly be because he's a FUCKING SELF-INSERT OF THE AUTHOR WHO WAS WORKING THROUGH SOME SHIT!?
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/music/2015-09/23sept/oscar_wilde_3320061k.jpg?imwidth=450
Get your shit together, book cover artist.
MAUS is super good, I heartily suggest it. I love that book.
Also Don Quixote is great, Dracula is on here, Frankenstein, all you classic goth shit that you really will actually enjoy- I love the shit out of Frankensein, but it's kind of amazing how Victor goes through that whole thing and learns both jack AND shit. Also you gotta get past the weird incest, but like... 'fuck it' is the attitude of the book but like his whole blood-family were just really shitty people. There's like 3 decent people in that book and they all die and ALSO- spoiler but like... the ending is just like... so fucking weird? Like when Adam jumps out the window like, "My time is done ADAM OUT!"
I'm a little kid just reading this like, "Oh, ok then. I mean... you're like... fine? There was no reason for you to do that?"
And the other dude, the one who HAD NO STAKE IN ANY OF THIS, that Victor was talking to for the whole book, the seaman, is just like, "Well that was some fucked up shit, right? Like that was fucked up?"
And you're like, "Yeah, dude, that was pretty fucked up. Why the fuck did they make the hot guy green in every movie and also really dumb? This is not a satisfying ending. Idk how to feel about any of this, but like, Fuck Victor, I mean, glad he's dead. My bullet point take away is fuck that guy."
What else did I actually like... Harry Potter is good but Rowling has lost her goddamn mind and that's unfortunate.
Fault in Our Stars is awful and makes you hate the core concept of humanity.
Clockwork Orange is like Vonnegut inasmuch as it's good when you're a teenager but if you're an actual adult who likes Clockwork Orange, you're probably an asshole.
THE GIVER IS THE SHIT! READ ALL FOUR OF THOSE!!
Handmaid's Tale is also the shit, and I keep saying I'm gonna read the rest of Atwood's shit but I just haven't yet.
Anne of Green Gables bored me to tears. I got that because it looked like Little House, which I fucking loved, thinking it would be pretty much the same, but it was just kind of really boring.
Watership Down fucked me right up because I was literally like in kindergarten or first grade and I thought it was gonna be about fluffy little bunnies, and I loved the shit out it, so I got everything that dude wrote. There's a second Watership Down book and it's got sex in it, and that sticks out in my mind because it had sex it in. It was rabbit sex, which is... kinda weird for a first impression. But the thing is, I read it when I was so little that I didn't understand ANYTHING about it, because I was so little that chapter books were like, a big thing for me and it took me like... several months to get through it, and I didn't look words up or anything, I just used context clues, so I went back and reread it as an adult, and realized I was a goddamn idiot when I was a kid. Also, it was the same one, like the same book, so I had all these little kid rabbits I had drawn all over it because I was so little that I still ruined books for no fucking reason.
For context, the reason I thought I would like it, is we had this thing at our school called "Accerlerated Reading", and through that I had read Rats of Nimph or Nimp or however it's spelled, and I liked that. And that is actually a little kid book, like it's 3rd grade level or someshit, and this book put me in mind of that book for some reason. My point is that if you're a little kid, like 6, and you've just started reading chapter books, Watership Down does still hold your attention, even though I'd consider it an adult book, and I feel like that's hard to do and should be commended.
Also the other one that same dude wrote I have not gone back and reread and I read it when I finished this one, so like, 6 or 7, and that one was also real fucked up, but spoiler alert at the end instead of everything being fucking horrible the dogs swim out to an island and find some nice dude and just live there and are happy and never have to deal with bullshit again. So... that's cool. But also like, part of me wonders if I made that up because I did later watch the movie and it didn't happen in the movie.
Jane Eyre bored me to fucking tears. I don't get everyone's obsession with this book. Everyone is horrible and there's no sex when the book is clearly leading up to boning Darcy. 0/10 hated it. Was like 14 or someshit and had to read it for English class and hated every single person. All I really remember from this book, it was so fucking boring, is Darcy was apparently hot but also an asshole, and then he wrote some letter like, "Oh, sorry I fucked up. I'm still super hot though." And I'm like, "Dude aren't you like 40? This is fucked up, you're fucked up. I hate all of you, and if I could bluff my way through class without reading the rest of it, I totally would."
Oh god, and then, in that same class, after reading the book, we had to watch the movie and I wanted to fucking die. And I might genuinely hate this book because of my dick- I don't know how that's connected, but in that class every single guy hated it and most of the chicks liked it, and I don't know if that generalization or real, but it is my experience that there was a gender divide, so I'll admit that maybe there's some secret chick shit that I'm just not getting but I hated every character and was bored to fucking death.
I get 1984, Farenheight 51, and Brave New World mixed up because they all seem to be set in the same or similar universes and I had to read them all for the same class in the span of like 3-4 months. I liked them, I just, to this day, can't keep them straight. 84 and BNW especially trip me up. Both of those are just kinda, "Big Brother is Ungood" and you're reading it in the 21st century like, "the cold war is over, bra. Nazis are bad and shit, we get it. We don't really need this. Sorry about your rats or hanging or whatever. I want 3D porn theaters. Some fucking future I'm living in, jacking off to the internet in the privacy of my own home like an ANIMAL."
I don't know why the fuck they gave teenage boys a book about a world with free love, free drugs, and free porn and expected us to think it was bad. I wasn't the only one who didn't get it. I do now, they just really didn't push that Eugenics shit to the forefront to where a teenager could get it.
A lot of the stuff I'm saying about a lot of these books is, "I didn't understand it because I read it too soon".
Animal Farm is another one like that. Read it as a kid and thought it was about animals. Had to read it as an adult to go, "Oooooh, capatalism is baaaaaaad. I thought we were just all, 'Fuck Pigs'! For some reason- HOLY FUCK CAPITALIST PIGS I JUST NOW GOT THAT, I'M A FUCKING GENIUS." Like ten years after I read it the first time.
Douglas Adams is a fucking genius and you should also listen to the radio show because those books and that show have a weird spiraling history of British zaniness.
Lord of the Flies pissed me off because I wasn't told it was a parody. Had I known that I don't think I would have stayed irrationally angry. I had to read this in the same class I had to read Bronte, and we had to do this big-ass paper on it deconstructing the tropes and my anger came through on it and my teacher got mad about it. But no human person is as stupid as these little shits. I don't care how old you are, you're not that fucking stupid. You'd be fucking dead.
Then later, NO THANKS TO THAT SHITTY TEACHER, I found out that it was a parody of books the author hated about competent children, because he thought that English kids at the time were fucking stupid and would die horrible deaths, because they were too coddled. Which is like... THAT MAKES THE BOOK MAKE SENSE. YOU NEED THAT INFORMATION, MRS FUCKING MELTON. YOU FUCKED ME UP. YOU FUCKED UP MY ENJOYMENT OF THIS BOOK. THIS IS LEGIT ON YOU.
Everything Charles Dickens ever wrote was fucking gold. I've never read anything of his I didn't like.
All Quiet on the Western Front bored the shit out of me. I think war might just bore me, because that's a common theme in my books.
The Bell Jar was decent, I have no strong feelings about it, I was trying to fuck a girl who liked it and that's like... the beginning and end of that story. I was trying to sound fake deep and never really got invested, but it did work, so like... thanks Silvia, sorry about your crippling depression.
Catcher in the Rye was really good, but I think it caught me at the right time. I don't think I would like it now. It's like the Outsiders, kind of? I think that book is called the Outsiders. I mean, it's just dudes being bros. Just bros being dudes. And if you can make yourself give a shit then it's really good, but if you want plot, like again, if you're an adult and not a kid or teenager, I don't think you'll like it. I never reread it, I just remember I liked it.
Charlotte's Web was really good. Good kids book.
Gone with the Wind just KEEPS fucking going, don't it? Just goes on and fucking on and then you think it's gonna end because the movie did but no, fuck you, there's more. And you haven't given a single fuck this whole time, you've just had to read it for school, and you know you should give a fuck, because like, the kid's dead and shit, but let's be real, this is poorly written, everyone is terrible, you own fucking slaves because you're a piece of shit, I don't care. Scarlet you are the worst. You're the fucking worst and I'd leave your ass too. Wouldn't leave my like, 50 other fucking kids that they had in the book for some goddamn reason, but I'd leave her ass.
Also, AGAIN with everyone fucking their cousins, GWTW, we don't need ALL the incest. Like a good 75% of the relationships are incest. Fuck off.
Great Gatsby... Jesus Christ characters I could not give two shits about. This book... I was forced to read this and I just could not give a single fuck. About anyone. I barely remember this. My bullet point was, "Get the fuck over it and get on with your life." My GF loves this shit out of this book, though, for some reason. Idk why she's so invested in rich people bullshit but she can do her and I'll sit through the movie because she wants to watch it. It was as boring as the book.
Really liked Gulliver's Travels, particularly the flappers that just hit you in the face to shut your ass up. That world is never in the movies for some reason, and that pisses me off because it's my favorite of the places he went. I feel like this would make a good movie if you changed the setting to space.
Holy shit I've been writing for half an hour. I've got shit to do and no one is gonna read this. I've obviously got more to say but goddamn I didn't realize I did that. Books are a thing, I guess. Some of these are pretty good. A lot of them aren't kids books even though you could totally be forgiven for thinking they are.
Like... if you're out of your early 20s and still give a shit about Tramalphidorians or however that's spelled then you're just an asshole. You're a pretentious asshole.
And there's a bunch that I had to read for school that absolutely bored me to tears, like War & Peace, like let's introduce a new character every 3 pages and then kill off an old one like that'll really make your reader give a shit about them.
Also like... it's bothering me that their Dorian Grey looks like that when he's described in the book. Like we know what the motherfucker looks like. I get that they were going for hot twink but they failed miserably and that artist should be ashamed. This bothers me because Dorian looks like ME in the book with his long black hair and strong profile and high cheekbones and shit. And it's like, you lose half the fucking point when you don't portray him properly. Like, oh, I wonder why he looks like that? Could it possibly be because he's a FUCKING SELF-INSERT OF THE AUTHOR WHO WAS WORKING THROUGH SOME SHIT!?
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/music/2015-09/23sept/oscar_wilde_3320061k.jpg?imwidth=450
Get your shit together, book cover artist.
MAUS is super good, I heartily suggest it. I love that book.
Also Don Quixote is great, Dracula is on here, Frankenstein, all you classic goth shit that you really will actually enjoy- I love the shit out of Frankensein, but it's kind of amazing how Victor goes through that whole thing and learns both jack AND shit. Also you gotta get past the weird incest, but like... 'fuck it' is the attitude of the book but like his whole blood-family were just really shitty people. There's like 3 decent people in that book and they all die and ALSO- spoiler but like... the ending is just like... so fucking weird? Like when Adam jumps out the window like, "My time is done ADAM OUT!"
I'm a little kid just reading this like, "Oh, ok then. I mean... you're like... fine? There was no reason for you to do that?"
And the other dude, the one who HAD NO STAKE IN ANY OF THIS, that Victor was talking to for the whole book, the seaman, is just like, "Well that was some fucked up shit, right? Like that was fucked up?"
And you're like, "Yeah, dude, that was pretty fucked up. Why the fuck did they make the hot guy green in every movie and also really dumb? This is not a satisfying ending. Idk how to feel about any of this, but like, Fuck Victor, I mean, glad he's dead. My bullet point take away is fuck that guy."
What else did I actually like... Harry Potter is good but Rowling has lost her goddamn mind and that's unfortunate.
Fault in Our Stars is awful and makes you hate the core concept of humanity.
Clockwork Orange is like Vonnegut inasmuch as it's good when you're a teenager but if you're an actual adult who likes Clockwork Orange, you're probably an asshole.
THE GIVER IS THE SHIT! READ ALL FOUR OF THOSE!!
Handmaid's Tale is also the shit, and I keep saying I'm gonna read the rest of Atwood's shit but I just haven't yet.
Anne of Green Gables bored me to tears. I got that because it looked like Little House, which I fucking loved, thinking it would be pretty much the same, but it was just kind of really boring.
Watership Down fucked me right up because I was literally like in kindergarten or first grade and I thought it was gonna be about fluffy little bunnies, and I loved the shit out it, so I got everything that dude wrote. There's a second Watership Down book and it's got sex in it, and that sticks out in my mind because it had sex it in. It was rabbit sex, which is... kinda weird for a first impression. But the thing is, I read it when I was so little that I didn't understand ANYTHING about it, because I was so little that chapter books were like, a big thing for me and it took me like... several months to get through it, and I didn't look words up or anything, I just used context clues, so I went back and reread it as an adult, and realized I was a goddamn idiot when I was a kid. Also, it was the same one, like the same book, so I had all these little kid rabbits I had drawn all over it because I was so little that I still ruined books for no fucking reason.
For context, the reason I thought I would like it, is we had this thing at our school called "Accerlerated Reading", and through that I had read Rats of Nimph or Nimp or however it's spelled, and I liked that. And that is actually a little kid book, like it's 3rd grade level or someshit, and this book put me in mind of that book for some reason. My point is that if you're a little kid, like 6, and you've just started reading chapter books, Watership Down does still hold your attention, even though I'd consider it an adult book, and I feel like that's hard to do and should be commended.
Also the other one that same dude wrote I have not gone back and reread and I read it when I finished this one, so like, 6 or 7, and that one was also real fucked up, but spoiler alert at the end instead of everything being fucking horrible the dogs swim out to an island and find some nice dude and just live there and are happy and never have to deal with bullshit again. So... that's cool. But also like, part of me wonders if I made that up because I did later watch the movie and it didn't happen in the movie.
Jane Eyre bored me to fucking tears. I don't get everyone's obsession with this book. Everyone is horrible and there's no sex when the book is clearly leading up to boning Darcy. 0/10 hated it. Was like 14 or someshit and had to read it for English class and hated every single person. All I really remember from this book, it was so fucking boring, is Darcy was apparently hot but also an asshole, and then he wrote some letter like, "Oh, sorry I fucked up. I'm still super hot though." And I'm like, "Dude aren't you like 40? This is fucked up, you're fucked up. I hate all of you, and if I could bluff my way through class without reading the rest of it, I totally would."
Oh god, and then, in that same class, after reading the book, we had to watch the movie and I wanted to fucking die. And I might genuinely hate this book because of my dick- I don't know how that's connected, but in that class every single guy hated it and most of the chicks liked it, and I don't know if that generalization or real, but it is my experience that there was a gender divide, so I'll admit that maybe there's some secret chick shit that I'm just not getting but I hated every character and was bored to fucking death.
I get 1984, Farenheight 51, and Brave New World mixed up because they all seem to be set in the same or similar universes and I had to read them all for the same class in the span of like 3-4 months. I liked them, I just, to this day, can't keep them straight. 84 and BNW especially trip me up. Both of those are just kinda, "Big Brother is Ungood" and you're reading it in the 21st century like, "the cold war is over, bra. Nazis are bad and shit, we get it. We don't really need this. Sorry about your rats or hanging or whatever. I want 3D porn theaters. Some fucking future I'm living in, jacking off to the internet in the privacy of my own home like an ANIMAL."
I don't know why the fuck they gave teenage boys a book about a world with free love, free drugs, and free porn and expected us to think it was bad. I wasn't the only one who didn't get it. I do now, they just really didn't push that Eugenics shit to the forefront to where a teenager could get it.
A lot of the stuff I'm saying about a lot of these books is, "I didn't understand it because I read it too soon".
Animal Farm is another one like that. Read it as a kid and thought it was about animals. Had to read it as an adult to go, "Oooooh, capatalism is baaaaaaad. I thought we were just all, 'Fuck Pigs'! For some reason- HOLY FUCK CAPITALIST PIGS I JUST NOW GOT THAT, I'M A FUCKING GENIUS." Like ten years after I read it the first time.
Douglas Adams is a fucking genius and you should also listen to the radio show because those books and that show have a weird spiraling history of British zaniness.
Lord of the Flies pissed me off because I wasn't told it was a parody. Had I known that I don't think I would have stayed irrationally angry. I had to read this in the same class I had to read Bronte, and we had to do this big-ass paper on it deconstructing the tropes and my anger came through on it and my teacher got mad about it. But no human person is as stupid as these little shits. I don't care how old you are, you're not that fucking stupid. You'd be fucking dead.
Then later, NO THANKS TO THAT SHITTY TEACHER, I found out that it was a parody of books the author hated about competent children, because he thought that English kids at the time were fucking stupid and would die horrible deaths, because they were too coddled. Which is like... THAT MAKES THE BOOK MAKE SENSE. YOU NEED THAT INFORMATION, MRS FUCKING MELTON. YOU FUCKED ME UP. YOU FUCKED UP MY ENJOYMENT OF THIS BOOK. THIS IS LEGIT ON YOU.
Everything Charles Dickens ever wrote was fucking gold. I've never read anything of his I didn't like.
All Quiet on the Western Front bored the shit out of me. I think war might just bore me, because that's a common theme in my books.
The Bell Jar was decent, I have no strong feelings about it, I was trying to fuck a girl who liked it and that's like... the beginning and end of that story. I was trying to sound fake deep and never really got invested, but it did work, so like... thanks Silvia, sorry about your crippling depression.
Catcher in the Rye was really good, but I think it caught me at the right time. I don't think I would like it now. It's like the Outsiders, kind of? I think that book is called the Outsiders. I mean, it's just dudes being bros. Just bros being dudes. And if you can make yourself give a shit then it's really good, but if you want plot, like again, if you're an adult and not a kid or teenager, I don't think you'll like it. I never reread it, I just remember I liked it.
Charlotte's Web was really good. Good kids book.
Gone with the Wind just KEEPS fucking going, don't it? Just goes on and fucking on and then you think it's gonna end because the movie did but no, fuck you, there's more. And you haven't given a single fuck this whole time, you've just had to read it for school, and you know you should give a fuck, because like, the kid's dead and shit, but let's be real, this is poorly written, everyone is terrible, you own fucking slaves because you're a piece of shit, I don't care. Scarlet you are the worst. You're the fucking worst and I'd leave your ass too. Wouldn't leave my like, 50 other fucking kids that they had in the book for some goddamn reason, but I'd leave her ass.
Also, AGAIN with everyone fucking their cousins, GWTW, we don't need ALL the incest. Like a good 75% of the relationships are incest. Fuck off.
Great Gatsby... Jesus Christ characters I could not give two shits about. This book... I was forced to read this and I just could not give a single fuck. About anyone. I barely remember this. My bullet point was, "Get the fuck over it and get on with your life." My GF loves this shit out of this book, though, for some reason. Idk why she's so invested in rich people bullshit but she can do her and I'll sit through the movie because she wants to watch it. It was as boring as the book.
Really liked Gulliver's Travels, particularly the flappers that just hit you in the face to shut your ass up. That world is never in the movies for some reason, and that pisses me off because it's my favorite of the places he went. I feel like this would make a good movie if you changed the setting to space.
Holy shit I've been writing for half an hour. I've got shit to do and no one is gonna read this. I've obviously got more to say but goddamn I didn't realize I did that. Books are a thing, I guess. Some of these are pretty good. A lot of them aren't kids books even though you could totally be forgiven for thinking they are.
CandiCame
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BucksMaster
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As expected, that is such an obvious list. Like all these types of lists, from literature to music, they never really come close to even scratching the surface of the really good stuff. Mere 'pot-boilers' in a world full of mediocrity.
RocketLauncher
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51. Lots of good works to put on my reading list tho. Except Bukowski, don't like Bukowski even tho I've read far too much of his poetry.
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CandiCame
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Everyone is giving reasons why this list sucks, and looking at it again I really dislike when lists like these don't limit it to one book per author. Like it could be more than one book per subject, like have both MAUS and that other book about the Jewish German Doctor that I can't remember the name of- but don't have two books by the same author. Pick your favorite.
Edit: A Man's Search for Meaning, I think, is what I'm thinking of.
That's a good book because it perfectly simulates the experience of an old man just telling you a long, rambling story that doesn't go anywhere, like a gramps would do.
But this guy has been through some fucking shit so you're just like, "God damn, papaw, Jesus fucking Christ."
I think that dude is somebody's gramps. He has to be. He has strong grandpa energy.
Edit: A Man's Search for Meaning, I think, is what I'm thinking of.
That's a good book because it perfectly simulates the experience of an old man just telling you a long, rambling story that doesn't go anywhere, like a gramps would do.
But this guy has been through some fucking shit so you're just like, "God damn, papaw, Jesus fucking Christ."
I think that dude is somebody's gramps. He has to be. He has strong grandpa energy.
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Liar
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'bout 35.
I'm guessing some books are more central to some cultures than others.
For instance, I've head that lots of Americans were forced to read To Kill A Mockingbird as essential reading in school or whatnot.
And that's the entiretly of my knowledge about To Kill A Mockingbird.
I'm guessing some books are more central to some cultures than others.
For instance, I've head that lots of Americans were forced to read To Kill A Mockingbird as essential reading in school or whatnot.
And that's the entiretly of my knowledge about To Kill A Mockingbird.
CandiCame
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It's actually pretty good.
Liar
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I'm sure it is. But there are tens of thousands of pretty good books.
Just sayin' it seems to be Important Literature™ over there, whereas it's... just some novel, over here.
CandiCame
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They're trying to learn us about racism.
Sean
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It's a fair bit better than pretty good.
Liar
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Figured it might be something like that. Probably doesn't translate well, since racism narratives are way different in the US v Europe.
ishtat
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CandiCame
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I'm really tense right now and that cracked me up and I appreciate it.
Fun fact: Dorian Gray was banned when it was first published for being too gay, so he had to censor it to take out the super gay scenes where Dorian talks about how gay he is, but Harvard recently released the new version, so if you've read it it might be worth going through again.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2011/apr/27/dorian-gray-oscar-wilde-uncensored
CandiCame
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Wrong book or wrong Janes mate. Mebbe both.
Then what am I thinking of?
Edit: I'm thinking of Pride & Prejudice. Jesus Christ I was way off.
To be fair it was more than a decade ago.
Sean
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Written by Jane Austen.
Feminist_Dazed
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31 for me
CandiCame
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Not even remotely a Bronte. Idk how I made that mistake.
I mean, other than I just am stupid and that natural stupidity absolves me from ever feeling guilt about being wrong ever.
Sean
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Actually the Jane Eyre/ Austen confusion thing is pretty common.
CandiCame
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So are stupid people. I feel like those two facts might be related.
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