How to ask the wife...

[aquachimera]

I'm a 25 yo guy and I'd really like to ask my wife to fuck me with a strapon but I'm not really sure how to ask her. She's never really done anything that kinky with me and I don't know how to even approach the topic. Does anybody have any suggestions or ideas on how to get her excited about it?

 

[silverwhisper]

while this specific question is less common than most, the general guideline of broaching the subject in a non-sexual setting (IOW: not during sex) in the most non-threatening way possible is probably your best bet.

what precisely that might mean for you specifically might involve forwarding a link to a lit story to her via e-mail, or leaving it up on the home computer when you know she might see it, or perhaps simply screwing up the courage to say, "honey, there's something i find really appealing, and i'd like to try it out."

the big question here, though: do you give her anal? is it something that's ever come up before? b/c if not, then you've got a lot more ground to cover in the context of generally broadening your shared sexual expectations or interests.

ed

 

[aquachimera]

We've tried anal with her but she didn't really like it, hence my nervousness. And I really haven't given her any indication that I'm interested, since I only recently discovered my own interest here on lit.

 

[silverwhisper]

well, it would seem to me that the logical way to broach the subject with her is to say something along the lines of: "the reason i wanted to try anal with you is b/c i'm really, really curious about receiving it myself. if that isn't something you wanna try, that's OK--but i'd really like to share this experience with you, if you're open to it."

just a thought.

ed

 

[coastal-boy]

when you think of it as "kinky" you will always question yourself when broaching a new subject. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you are comfortable with it, it is easier to ask for.

 

[your_vice]

Have you experimented with this alone? If all you have to go on is new found interest, you might go through all this only to discover you don't actually like the physical sensation of being penetrated like that. Also, I'd strongly recommend acclimatising your ass with smaller toys before you beg the Mrs to fuck you. Also, don't try anything without plenty of lubricant to hand or unless you're a closet masochist you won't enjoy yourself.

 

[miiiiike]

Try this - get a vibrator and use it on her, while going down on her.

Have her do the same to you... Ask her to hold the vibrator against your balls, this feels awesome as it is. Then as you are both getting into it either tell her to hold it lower... Against your ass, and instruct her what to do with it, or guide her with your hand and you slowly stick it in your ass then let her take over.

I've had this work before, although not tried it in a year or so because she didn't seem too comfortable with it (but continued as she could see I enjoyed it) Although I may try it again soon because she seems to be trying new things lately!

This is probably for a new topic, but do people think women get more kinky/likely to try new things as they get older?

 

[oldkinky]

I'm a 25 yo guy and I'd really like to ask my wife to fuck me with a strapon but I'm not really sure how to ask her. She's never really done anything that kinky with me and I don't know how to even approach the topic. Does anybody have any suggestions or ideas on how to get her excited about it?

Purchase a vibrating anal toy and ask her to use it to massage your prostate while she gives you a blowjob. When she sees you have fantastic orgasm she will get the idea.

We proceeded from this to strap on sex. It turned out that it had always been one of her fantasies to fuck me with a strap on. We recently purchased a double dildo that she loves to fuck me with.

You could try watching a DVD like Bend Over Boyfriend together.

My wife fucks me with a strap on about once a week. PM me for some details of her fucking me with a strap on.

 

[subwannabe]

People need to open up and communicate. I really don't see what the big deal is unless you are afraid she is going to think you are gay if you ask. This seems pretty common but most enlightened people realize that what you are wanting doesn't really have anything to do with you are gay or not. Women have so many errogenous zones and it seems like men are only expected to have one.

 

[aquachimera]

Thanks all, it's nice to have a few ideas on how to approach things, it certainly makes me much less nervous about asking. Also, don't worry your_vice, I've played around with things enough to at least be comfortable with it myself.

 

[OQueen]

This is probably for a new topic, but do people think women get more kinky/likely to try new things as they get older?

As I got older,I got much more comfortable with my partner, which allowed us to be more "creative". Plus, the kids are older and don't require as much attention, leaving me more time and energy for all things sexual.

 

[tortuou5]

Purchase a vibrating anal toy and ask her to use it to massage your prostate while she gives you a blowjob. When she sees you have fantastic orgasm she will get the idea.

We proceeded from this to strap on sex. It turned out that it had always been one of her fantasies to fuck me with a strap on. We recently purchased a double dildo that she loves to fuck me with.

You could try watching a DVD like Bend Over Boyfriend together.

My wife fucks me with a strap on about once a week. PM me for some details of her fucking me with a strap on.

this sounds like a very good idea. i think it's pretty logical to the wife that she probably won't misunderstood the need of the husband as something else (gay).

 

[seemoreme]

If you are frank with your wife then you should ask her without any hesitation.
Good luck my friend.

 

[~Haze~]

People need to open up and communicate. I really don't see what the big deal is unless you are afraid she is going to think you are gay if you ask. This seems pretty common but most enlightened people realize that what you are wanting doesn't really have anything to do with you are gay or not. Women have so many errogenous zones and it seems like men are only expected to have one.

Ha. Huh? What?

I'm a 25 yo guy and I'd really like to ask my wife to fuck me with a strapon but I'm not really sure how to ask her. She's never really done anything that kinky with me and I don't know how to even approach the topic. Does anybody have any suggestions or ideas on how to get her excited about it?

Communication is the key to an open and rewarding sex life. I get the impression that you're one of those couples that doesn't talk about sex, keep it in the bedroom and every so often just end up having intercourse. Conversations about sex awkward and uncomfortable. Is that correct?

Start talking to her, man. You've got nothing to lose. Communication is going to open up an entirely new dimension to your sex life, which will open up and entirely new dimension to your relationship. Don't let sex become a chore. I'm not saying it is, but one of you might (eventually) approach it with a chore-like perspective if you're not talking about it.

I know it's a big leap at first and you don't have to jump in all at once. Take it slowly. You don't have to get into the deep dark fantasies right now. Just inch along.

Try to have a fun, playful conversation about sex and fantasies and stimulation. Ask her where she likes to be touched, where she likes to be kissed and ask her when she last masturbated. Tell her that you think she's beautiful and you find yourself thinking about what she looks like when she masturbates. Ask her what she thinks about when she masturbates. What she likes... what she wants... Get into her head and get to know her body.

If she starts to ask you, tell her you think about anal stimulation. Even if she doesn't ask you, this can be a opening to what you want.

Get some toys and scatter them on the bed as you encourage her to let you watch her masturbate. Return the favor and when she's watching you, ask her to use one of the toys on you.

That might be a nice place to start because it's not as 'kinky' (intimidating) for both of you and might be easier for her to process so early on, and doesn't included you two walking into a store - with nervous anticipation building around you (around her) at the thought of buying, being seen, then strapping on a harness with a cock and fucking you with it.


I'm sure you have toys. Instigate a mutual masturbation encounter and work those toys into the mix. For both of you. While you're at it and encouraging this, get to know her body. Get to know what she likes and what she wants.

If you have these fantasies that you're afraid to talk about, imagine what she's thinking... wanting... longing for and just too nervous to ask. Make it easier for her to share.

Have fun and enjoy.

 

[Cajon555]

If you are frank with your wife then you should ask her without any hesitation.
Good luck my friend.

How did you know his wife calls him Frank??

 

[Maxell46]

I almost laughed out my morning coffee with this Frank line


As for asking the wife to penetrate you...
There was a thread I just posted to last night ( early this AM ) from a woman who wanted to start giving her husbands rear opening more lovin ...
Maybe thats your wife posting and you two are strapon ships passing in the night

Go slow and ease into this ( pun sorta kinda intended ). If she has never gone near your anus you can't just bring home a dildo and say " honeybuns...would you lube this up and fuck me with it "
She has to be comfortable playing with your ass and understanding that us men have a fantastic little button called a prostate that LOVES to be massaged and touched.
Start there: teaching her about the prostate and how powerfull our orgasms become when that is brought into play.
If she is willing to slide a finger inside you...
Well...you are on your way!

 

[Pandora73]

Maybe thats your wife posting and you two are strapon ships passing in the night

And that made me laugh out loud!

No additional advice to give to the OP, seems like you've received some great suggestions. It's a hot idea, so I do wish you luck!

 

[smotherman]

I'm a 25 yo guy and I'd really like to ask my wife to fuck me with a strapon but I'm not really sure how to ask her. She's never really done anything that kinky with me and I don't know how to even approach the topic. Does anybody have any suggestions or ideas on how to get her excited about it?

At the end of the day it is all about making each other happy, Communicating and making compromises. Tell your wife that you'll try something she wants to try in exchange for the strapon, Most couples don't realize that.

Anyway, Good luck!

 

[SumLightCat]

You know, this got me started thinking about "problems in communication." We're usually always doing something when we're with someone, even when we talk, and that can make it kind of hard to seriously communicate wishes and desires.

When are you going to go up to your wife, husband, SO, NO, [please insert term], and say, "You know, m'dear, I've just realized, I'd love it if you would fuck me in the arse really hard, it is such a turn on for me." While you're cooking together? Are you going to grab a cucumber and wave it, while you expound on your kink? During sex when you're both having fun? Doesn't seem like the right time. While watching a movie? While eating breakfast? Over coffee?

And it's not just kinks, it's an issue with far more stuff ... life goals and plans, desires, needs, wants of all sorts. Now, it's proven that sharing 'secrets' brings couples closer together, but it's so hard to find a setting where you feel safe enough to do so. Once upon a time you could simply repress the thoughts and confess to your priest once a week or so, and go about your life without wondering, how to go about talking with your partner ... nowadays that's a bit harder, especially if you believe that repressing your desires can be unhealthy (sort of like repressing masturbation).

Anyway ... what about making it a weekly game? Like a truth-or-dare game for couples with kinky bits thrown in, maybe. Make the setting a bit ritualized so you can say what you feel, things that are getting you down or up, and not worry about the consequences. It could work, it might be especially useful for those of us with guilt/embarrassment issues who find it so hard to broach topics we _think_ might upset our SOs ...

 

[Sweet_Carolina]

i think it would be helpful if you be straight with her. be like you really want to explore this possibility and stuff and eventually she would do if for you!

 

[seemoreme]

How did you know his wife calls him Frank??

lol i was told by his wife

 

[sgettoit]

I've followed this thread due to being in a similar situation as the original poster. Thanks to those that have responded. I wonder if the OP applied any of the advice and with what reaction from his wife.

 

[bigcfrombigd]

strap-on challenge

I staight up asked the wife if she would consider fucking my ass with a strap on dildo or vibrator. She waffled, so we went to the local sex shop. The lady we dealt with in the store was so considerate about our needs, showed us the whole line of goods(my wife is bbw and needed extra large harness for her to use)But we found a model that suited both our needs and wife LOVES to fuck my ass dominantly. Makes me feel so used and good and does add to our sex lives. Please get help in these situations as they are glad if you spend $$ for thier products.. bigcfrombigd2004@yahoo.com .