how to be sexy

[lick_me_there]

i need some advice.
my hair is always ratty, but it has to be up because of my job. i work with 500 degree+ ovens every day, so makeup just melts, not that i put it on very well to begin with. zits, oh yeah. dematologist gave up on me YEARS ago...i'm so out of shape, but i've been going to the gym for almost 3 months now to try to get tighter (so far 2 inches!!). clothes dont fit me right. i'm FLATTER than flat chested....

what can i do to make myself feel attractive when this is all i see when i look at myself?

 

[silverwhisper]

LMT: find features that you think are good and accentuate them. sexy isn't about nice hair, makeup or large breasts. the essence of sexy is confidence. find a way to develop some: the rest will attend to itself.

ed

 

[tumbledown]

Was is Dr.Suess that said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" ? Nobody but you is criticizing your hair or counting how many zits you have, and if they are, they aren't deserving of your sexiness anyhow.

Sexy is not just about external appearance,it's a state of mind. Has little to do with how you style your hair or apply makeup or what size bra you wear.

You can be damn sexy in whatever ratty shape you are, we are always hardest on ourselves and others usually don't see all the horrible flaws as the fatal drawbacks we see in the mirror. I swear my husband thinks of molesting me at times I feel all hideous and he's thinking I look delicious. Your own judgement of your appearance is least reliable.

Ok that said, I hear you about the hair/skin. But if you have an issue with you external appearance, fix it for you, make changes for your own pleasure and not with anyone else's preferences in mind. Don't bother about what you think would attract a partner or look "sexy" to them. If you aren't doing it for yourself you won't be happy with it in the long run anyway.

I think if you go around "trying to be sexy" it's going to come off as insincere or worse.
Be sexy for yourself. Cultivate a sexual relationship with yourself, think about it, plan time for it. Reflect on it and daydream about it. Carry knowledge of your inner sexiness with you like a secret.

And just be. Go out, find something you love to do, get really good at it. Find out the things that nourish your spirit the most, in and out of the bedroom, and surround yourself with them.

When you know yourself intimately, spiritually, sexually, emotionally, or at least are focused on growing towards that goal, you will be developing that confidence and self-assured manner that so many find attractive. That's sexy.

 

[Semler]

I agree with the others, it is a state of mind. Sounds like you work in a work enviroment that nobody can be sexy in, so don't try, it just makes you feel worse when you fail. I can only speak for myself, but I prefer women with less makeup and prefer smaller breasts. I'm sure there are many here that feel the same way as I do.

 

[pinkstarfish]

i need some advice.
my hair is always ratty, but it has to be up because of my job. i work with 500 degree+ ovens every day, so makeup just melts, not that i put it on very well to begin with. zits, oh yeah. dematologist gave up on me YEARS ago...i'm so out of shape, but i've been going to the gym for almost 3 months now to try to get tighter (so far 2 inches!!). clothes dont fit me right. i'm FLATTER than flat chested....

what can i do to make myself feel attractive when this is all i see when i look at myself?

Buy nice sexy lingerie (panties)... masturbate in the bathroom at work.

..flirt...

Take time to dress up, buy a dress, nice make-up, perfume...

Do things to make yourself fell sexy -- EVEN if it feels a little fake at first.

 

[M's girl]

What is sexy anyway?

Oh yeah.... confidence is the key word. Although I'm not at all bad looking myself I sometimes have a confidence issue. You see, I'm not the model all the magazines tell you to be and although I KNOW it's pure nonsense to want to live up to that standard (which is absurd) I sometimes feel like I have to, I should.
I'm a bit overweight but my BF thinks I'm sexy anyway. Sometimes I believe him and think "Hell yeah, I AM damn sexy" .... and at other times I don't... I see too much belly, my hair won't behave the way I want it to... you name it. Then my BF comes up to me and says he wants to fuck me because I'm delicious.... what can I say? It has been said before... most of it is in your mind. So in the end I think the state of your skin (the zits, which you can't help) or the state of your hair (keep it clean and in the best shape you can) have nothing to do with your sexiness.

Having said that.... I noticed another thread in this forum where you are confiding in how your BF makes you feel insecure. I think the source of your problem with your lack of confidence (which I assume is what is "wrong" or at least has something to do with it) is heavily feeded by your BF who does not appreciate you dressing up or dressing sexy for him and those kind of things. Talk to him about it. He chose to be with you in the first place some time ago so there must have been something that he found attractive in you. Beauty is not always on the outside, more often it's on the inside (and if you're really lucky you have a little bit of both!). And this is where your confidence (or lack of) kicks in again. If you are confident your BF loves you for who you are it will reflect on your behaviour and sexiness, believe me.

It's all in your mind..... but a BF who claims to love you should NOT be putting you down, ignore you and things like that. If he loves you like a BF should you should get enough from that to be confident and feel sexy.

You say you have small tits. Well, I have large ones and I don't like them eighter sometimes. Women are never satisfied with their bodies I guess. It's the whole beauty standard that is forced upon us by all the magazines etc. I try to remember myself that is rediculous. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Just my state of mind at the time. My BF LOVES my tits and more men have stared and make (positive) comments. Still I am insecure sometimes. Why that is? I don't know... I guess you're the same. Try to have the positive feelings the majority of times..... really!

One final note. I have a few friends I do not consider to be beautiful people on the outside (the looks). But they are so much fun to be with... they make me laugh. They are wonderful, smart, well educated people who actually have something to say. That is what I call attractive, and although I have a wonderful BF who I am madly in love with I can see how all the 'features' make these wonderful yet not beautiful (on the outside!!!) people VERY attractive. I love to be their friends and can see how their partners find them very attractive.



Enough said. Hope you find this usefull.

 

[M's girl]

Buy nice sexy lingerie (panties)... masturbate in the bathroom at work.

..flirt...

Take time to dress up, buy a dress, nice make-up, perfume...

Do things to make yourself fell sexy -- EVEN if it feels a little fake at first.

I fully agree! Don't ever try to be sexy for someone else. The most sexy you can be TO someone else is by feeling sexy yourself, from within.... for YOU. The lingerie can actually help. Sometimes I'm wearing something sexy and nobody knows it or can see it. And if my BF didn't watch me dress even he doesn't know I'm wearing sexy underwear. But I know it. I know it and it makes ME feel sexy and act that way. My BF will pick up on THAT (my behaviour and NOT the underware per se) but he will know there is something to look forward to later that evening

And that.... makes me feel very sexy!

 

[pinkstarfish]

Exactly...

 

[mrmgp]

Based upon comments you made in another thread, you seem to have problems feeling that you can be attractive. You are probably more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. There is beauty in every woman.

Your perceived desirability isn't going to change because of a few physical modifications you make. Okay, you have a flat chest. Okay, you have hair styling problems. Okay, maybe you have a few extra pounds.

But after reading your posts here and in another thread, I can honestly say that even if you went out and had a breast enhancement job and a total hair makeover and lost a lot of weight, you are still going to have self-esteem issues. You need to work on this first. Sexy is as sexy does. Try to seduce yourself, and learn to love your body as it is despite any flaws you may perceive. You may not have a perfect body, but you still have breasts, a vagina, an ass and a mouth. They may not be as perfect as you'd like for them to be, but they are yours, and the more you learn to appreciate yourself as you are and not critiquing every flaw you perceive, you've just taken the first step toward building up self-confidence and sexiness which is what really turns a man on.

And I think that finding a new boyfriend isn't out of the question either. If he doesn't appreciate your unique beauty, then find someone who will. He's out there somewhere, and he will love you for who you are as a person, and you will be beautiful in his eyes--besides your own, the only eyes that truly matter.

 

[lick_me_there]

i honestly thank you for your responses. i know beauty is on the inside... blah blah blah... but its on the outside that i want to LOOK good. sexy lingerie is nice and all, but its hard to feel sexy when things are hanging open at the top and WAY to tight else where. cant feel to sexy when your rolls are poking out the sides of things, ya know?

today for example... i went to buy something cute, to take everyone's advice. its like a fake corset style bustier. "A" way too big and the rest WAY too tight. i hated it. but, it was really cheap ($6.50 marked down from $35) so i bought it anyway for my trip tomorrow. we'll see how the BF likes it. if i can make myself wear it..... i dont feel sexy in it, just awkward, but maybe things will be better when i'm drunk and feeling goofy

 

[dollface007]

i honestly thank you for your responses. i know beauty is on the inside... blah blah blah... but its on the outside that i want to LOOK good. sexy lingerie is nice and all, but its hard to feel sexy when things are hanging open at the top and WAY to tight else where. cant feel to sexy when your rolls are poking out the sides of things, ya know?

today for example... i went to buy something cute, to take everyone's advice. its like a fake corset style bustier. "A" way too big and the rest WAY too tight. i hated it. but, it was really cheap ($6.50 marked down from $35) so i bought it anyway for my trip tomorrow. we'll see how the BF likes it. if i can make myself wear it..... i dont feel sexy in it, just awkward, but maybe things will be better when i'm drunk and feeling goofy

I think if you stopped defining "sexy" by how you look in lingerie, you'll be on your way. I really don't think you DO know that beauty is on the inside...at least it's hard to believe that you know it by your flip response.

Are you eating right and exercising? It sounds like you are, so you are physically healthy. That's great. Celebrate that, but keep in mind that there are lots of 98lb runway models that will tell you how they need to loose weight to look sexier. When does it end?

Oh, wait, let me answer my own question. It ends when you start accepting yourself and being satisfied with who you are, and stop giving a shit how you look in that Fredrick's of Hollywood piece of floss that you bought for your boyfriend that makes fun of you anyway. Give me a break. I don't mean to be harsh, but take a good hard look at what you wrote. It's pretty pathetic.

 

[redfunguy]

i learned everything i know from the video on this page:
http://www.zefrank.com/date_1/navigation.html

confidence and a sense of humor mean a lot more than looks to most guys, even though most dont realize it

 

[M's girl]

today for example... i went to buy something cute, to take everyone's advice. its like a fake corset style bustier. "A" way too big and the rest WAY too tight. i hated it. but, it was really cheap ($6.50 marked down from $35) so i bought it anyway

I'm lost..... you hated it and bought it anyway? What is wrong with you? You buy something you KNOW won't fit right for WHAT purpose? To try it on over and over again to be able to tell yourself over and over again that, oh yes, you do look goofy in it? That will really help!

There's clothes and lingerie I would like to be able to wear.... but I'm not that slim model figure I wouldn't even want to be so there is also always more of ME than fits in those puppetsize lingerie-things. If and when I'm lucky something XL will fit, but that's all. So it does not matter how many times I will try them on, they won't fit. I don't do it, why do you? I'm wondering....

And I'm sorry to say this but..... wearing lingerie that does not fit you, you knowing that so you won't pose sexy eighter PLUS being drunk is the worst combination I can think of.

Without trying or wanting to offend anyone I hope I can say this here: although it's not my thing I think we could learn something from Big Black Women. They seem to be very comfortable with their figures and dress as sexy as they want to. The difference is that they don't care, feel sexy and (thus) act upon that. Think about that.....

 

[cicciolinaicrm]

confidence makes one sexy, hold your head up higher when you walk, dont look down or behind you, start with that and youll be on your way...and dont look in the mirror, you will only see the bad things that you want to see....never the good that anyones else really sees.

 

[5pintshefound]

confidence makes one sexy, hold your head up higher when you walk, dont look down or behind you, start with that and youll be on your way...and dont look in the mirror, you will only see the bad things that you want to see....never the good that anyones else really sees.

oh sweetie! i agree with you completely... the head thing.. that was the biggest thing for me.. i still have a long way to go, but thats neitehr here nor there... oh, and mrmgp, what you were saying about her having breasts , a vagina, an ass, a mouth, i agree with you except one thing... i think becoming confident needs to be more than just sex..

LMT--what he said about your owning your body parts..its the truth. so waht if you dont fit into whoevers model of what a perfect female should be? we're all beautiful in our own ways... it took me 25.5 years to come to this realization {im 26} and to tell the truth, im still reconing with it. realize that you are an important person. that you have worth. THAT lesson there, is one of the most important ive learned..

ok, and now that i sound like a motivational speaker, ill go.

~5phf

 

[tumbledown]

Don't buy clothes that don't fit, you will not feel sexy in them no matter what your bf thinks. See, it's not about what your bf thinks. Don't do this stuff for him. Do it with your personal preferences in mind. Buy what you like, what you get a kick out of, and do not think at all about whether he'll like it. If you like it and feel good in it, he will love it.

If he is giving you a hard time about your rolls, scruffy hair, zits, whatever... he needs to shape up or ship out. You need to shape up too, when he hears you being critical of yourself, it gives him permission to do the same thing!! Stop putting yourself down, verbally or in any other way, and if he puts you down, let him know that is unacceptable and you don't need anyone around who tries to tear you down.

last but not least one more time: it's not about what your bf thinks. Don't do this stuff for him or anyone else. Do it for you.

 

[allphun]

Some advice

Everyone has their own impression of self image. It is a product of many things, including, but not limited to your childhood, all the way up to wherever you are in life. Struggling with these issues is one of the most common human conditions. There is no easy way to get past it. The simple approach would be just to try to like yourself first. Everything else will follow.

You sound like a good person, and believing this would be a good start.....