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[MiloDRemix]

((HUGS)) Tania, I am so sorry, baby. I hated the guy, but I didn't want to see you get hurt so much from this. You really are better off... he was insane. He tried to make it look like you were the unstable one, but you were only rightfully upset from his jerking you around. HE is the one with serious emotional problems. And, besides, you don't need a twenty-six year old loser who works at Wal-Mart and has bad hair. ((MORE HUGS)) You have me. Always.

 

[halkun]

Tania, for what it's worth, I just PMed you with some kind words. By the look of MiloDRemix's avatar I would say that person is a closer friend than I, but my heart goes out to you as well.

It's times like this I wish I can post my avatar so I don't look so faceless...

-halkun

 

[Guest]

Tania, for what it's worth, I just PMed you with some kind words. By the look of MiloDRemix's avatar I would say that person is a closer friend than I, but my heart goes out to you as well.

It's times like this I wish I can post my avatar so I don't look so faceless...

-halkun

Thankyou for the PM, I will reply later when I have more energy... to your yahoo e-mail. I'm lucky to have so many people being supportive... even luckier to have Milo as my best friend.

 

[Guest]

((HUGS)) Tania, I am so sorry, baby. I hated the guy, but I didn't want to see you get hurt so much from this. You really are better off... he was insane. He tried to make it look like you were the unstable one, but you were only rightfully upset from his jerking you around. HE is the one with serious emotional problems. And, besides, you don't need a twenty-six year old loser who works at Wal-Mart and has bad hair. ((MORE HUGS)) You have me. Always.

He called at 4:20 but I didn't answer it... I don't have the energy to talk to him right now. He probably just wanted to check and see if I was dead anyhow (to get rid of some of his guilt), why give him the satisfaction? It would hurt me too much to hear his voice again right now. I feel unstable, I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack... mumbling about killing myself. And he knows that I'm a recovering cutter so that just added fuel to the fire. Maybe I am crazy. Stupid too. I wonder if I will ever stop loving him... and if I do, does that mean I never was really in love with him?

 

[MiloDRemix]

He called at 4:20 but I didn't answer it... I don't have the energy to talk to him right now. He probably just wanted to check and see if I was dead anyhow (to get rid of some of his guilt), why give him the satisfaction? It would hurt me too much to hear his voice again right now. I feel unstable, I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack... mumbling about killing myself. And he knows that I'm a recovering cutter so that just added fuel to the fire. Maybe I am crazy. Stupid too. I wonder if I will ever stop loving him... and if I do, does that mean I never was really in love with him?

Tania, you were with the guy (and often getting hurt by the guy) for three years.. he was your first kiss your first EVERYTHING. You are naturally going to be lost and confused with his very sudden absence, but I'm here to help you through it all.. so is Dez and so is Dry. Don't think that you made a fool of yourself by being upset, you had every right. He just dumps you out of the blue and goes psycho on you.

I think you are doing the right thing... give it time and give it distance... maybe not being with you for a while will be like an ice cold slap in the face. That old saying, you don't know what a good thing you have until it's gone... and you were definitely the best thing he had going for him. By the time he wakes up, hopefully you will have moved on. I'll call you when I get out of that meeting tonight.

 

[MagicFingers]

Huggs

He called at 4:20 but I didn't answer it... I don't have the energy to talk to him right now. He probably just wanted to check and see if I was dead anyhow (to get rid of some of his guilt), why give him the satisfaction? It would hurt me too much to hear his voice again right now. I feel unstable, I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack... mumbling about killing myself. And he knows that I'm a recovering cutter so that just added fuel to the fire. Maybe I am crazy. Stupid too. I wonder if I will ever stop loving him... and if I do, does that mean I never was really in love with him?

Go to your CLOSE friends for support right now. It's important to have the support of people who will watch and protect you while you sort through all those feelings and thoughts running through your head. A supportive girlfriend would be best right now.
Life WILL get better. Time WILL heal the wounds. You DO have a lot going for you and a lot to live for. You HAVE a better future awaiting you. Don't let your thoughts and actions be based on the dead past or an imagined future prevent you from embracing the present and enjoying the good person that you are.

You were/are in love with him, I think, from what I read here.
Does not loving my -ex mean I never did? No or did I never love "Bubbles" from high school? Heck, I think I still love her but they are in the past. We can love more than one person in our lives, even more than one at a time. (I love my boys greatly!)
We just have to let go of the old in order for better people to come into our lives. It's OK and normal to feel crushed and empty inside. Take care of your OWN feelings and be aware that you don't need any more negativity right now, which you know already. Do what you have to do, get through the day, take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time and slowly, things will be clearer to you.
I know you don't know me, but my heart goes out to you.
I care.
Hugggs,

 

[Guest]

Thanks, MagicFingers, your words do make me feel slightly better. I've been leaning on my sister quite a lot through the last few days... I'm surprised at how understanding and, well, perfect she has been. She always manages to say the right thing and get my tears to stop. I love her. Times like these really make me appreciate her and take notice of how lucky I am.

Anyhow... back on the subject of *him*... I'm just taking it all one day at a time. I'm crying a lot but trying to stay occupied. I do hold on to the hope that we'll get back together, but I'm not rushing it. I know I'm not ready to have a conversation with him right now or to see him, and I doubt that he is ready to see me. We both just need a cooling period, I think. He acted like a completely different and insane person the last time we spoke (and I hated that, losing sight of the person I've been in love with for so long)... evidence of the strain. Don't know if I'm making sense here, I'm very much exhausted.

Just wanted to say thankyou to everyone for being so kind and supportive.