How to DM first ?

[MasterDarcy]

When someone asks advice about initially DMing someone, often I see responses advising: "Do not start with How are you." And I wonder why. Asking "How are you" is a courtous way of starting a converstaion. What is offensive about being courteous?

Personally, I chat a lot, and usually begin the converstaion with "How are you?" If I get a negative response, or no response at all, this tells me that this is someone I don't want to talk to in the first place.

Because it isn't courteous.

At least, not if the entirety of the initial PM consists of nothing but "How are you?"

The responses will either be:

A: Fine
B: Good
C: Bad

Either way, it's not exactly going to begin a deep, meaningful and thought provoking conversation.

If a person initiates a conversation with a "How are you?" PM, how I react with depend greatly on my mood at the time.

Best case scenario, 'll ignore it. Worst case, I'll give them a thorough dressing down and give them a brief but strict education on the proper etiquette of initiating contact.

If the initial PM begins with "How are you?" Then veers off into 100+ words, then that's a way to get my attention.

Dedicating time and effort to me, that's courteous.

 

[Profligateous]

There’s nothing wrong with “how are you,” but if that’s all the message says, it’s too empty to get anyone’s interest. Either a hella dry response or none at all shouldn’t be any surprise. Why make them do the work? They aren’t the one who wanted to start a conversation.

There’s also a difference between chat and DMs. An empty how-are-you in DMs is just about worthless.

I find that courtesy, coupled with a proflie stating my interests, results in a conversation/connection that is better than initially starting with something blunt or crude. If courtesy offends you, why in the world would anyone ever want to waste their time with you?

 

[Britva415]

I find that courtesy, coupled with a proflie stating my interests, results in a conversation/connection that is better than initially starting with something blunt or crude. If courtesy offends you, why in the world would anyone ever want to waste their time with you?

I can’t tell if you’re deliberately missing the point, or just playing dumb. I also can’t tell if you really think that being crude is the only alternative to offering a trivially performative courtesy and then getting directly to crudeness. You have basically come right out and said you don’t care how they are, asking is just a ploy to improve your chances of getting to the sexts as quickly as possible. Was that how you meant to come off?