How to do this with my wife

[davion2308]

I hear a lot of "Hey, I want something new to do. Our sex life is the same, it's boring, what can we try?" I hear that followed up by all sorts of suggestions. I'm going to ask the same question but narrow things down a bit. I want to hone in on what may actually occur TONIGHT and not down the road after introduction to lighter stuff.

My wife and I are pretty much vanilla sex people. We don't talk a whole lot during sex, we don't do much of anything except kiss --> kiss each other's bodies ---> Oral -----> sex.

She's orgasmic, she cums easily and we have a happy sex life but she was bitching about things in general being in a rut. I want to break us out and I think she's looking for me to be the one to introduce something, anything, new.

Here are a few things about us:
1. We're in shape and athletic, 29 years old, and we have no kids. All our rooms are pretty much open for sex and we fuck in the living room sometimes, the kitchen a few times. We have no distractions.

2. I'm really into exhibitionism. My wife has been a little more show-offy, has been naked on our balcony at night, been to our local beach topless, but she still believes there is no line between sexy showing off and being slutty.

3. She has expressed a lack of sexual interest because of our money situation. Things are getting tight but we are still well above the waterline with no debt. We can afford our way of life and we've cut back on a few dinners. Things aren't terrible, they just aren't allowing us to spend freely.

4. She has never once suggested a fantasy. I tell her what I'm into (mostly) and she has never once talked about anything she wants to see happen for real. She said once that she'd like to try another girl but only in her mind. I've offered to let her try it for real and she declined.

5. She doesn't do romance. I've tried flowers, candles, and seduction but she rolls her eyes. She likes flowers in that they smell good but they aren't anything special to her.

Any ideas of things that are safe, secure, and not way out there for us? I could use any feedback. Hell, tell me I'm a moron and I need to do X, Y, and Z. Or tell us we're terrible for each other. Or give me some ideas with something that'll work.

Thanks, folks. I know I'll hear some good things!

 

[lissa808]

You say she rolls her eyes at romance? Well i am the same way. I hate that flowere and candles shit. My husband does the same shit, i know its nice and you mean well. I would rather have my husband be a little forceful, just make me do what he wants, not ask, just take.. .because he doesnt i am not comfortable telling him my fantasies
Keep trying, at least you're willing to ask for ideas, thats always good.

 

[Dribble]

if she's an exhibitionist...break out the video cam...let her show you how much of a slut she can be.

 

[SweetErika]

How about some light bondage and sensation play? You should already have everything you need for that, or be able to get a few things for almost nothing. There are lots of great bondage tutorials online, and you can use soft rope, robe ties, scarves, ties (just use things that can be cut in an emergency and/or you don't mind soiled by bodily fluids or whatever). Ideally, you should have EMT/safety shears on hand just in case she needs to be cut out quickly without risking being cut/stabbed by regular scissors.

Then raid the house for things that will produce different sensations. Think ice, licking whipped cream or honey off of her nipples, warm tea bags, kitchen implements (even if she's not into pain, a little slap with a spatula on her butt or inner thighs could enhance pleasure), feathers, fur, silky, bristles from a hairbrush or comb...well, let your imagination do the walking with safety in mind (like since you probably don't know much about safe waxplay, save the hot wax for another time, don't put food in her pussy, etc.).

Agree on a safeword (most people use "red" or "safeword") beforehand, then go to town producing different sensations. Add a blindfold and/or headphones if you think it would enhance her experience. Enjoy her body and reactions. Have really hot sex while she's bound, or wait until after.

Is this kind of thing doable?

 

[meandwife82]

I like to incorporate a little bit of SweetErika's and Lissa808's advice into it and call it a light form of BDSM. If she is compaining that things are to vanilla, then she probably wants you to take a little control and mix it up a bit. Tonight, tell her that she is your slave and will do everything that you tell her to do.

Start by telling her to go put on a sexy/slutty outfit for you. When she gets back, tell her how hot she looks and tell her to get on her knees and unbuckle your belt. Make her blow you. Tell her it's not messy enough and to try harder.

Use your imagination and "make" her do something that she wouldn't ordinarily do. Does she play with herself for you? If not, make her do that. Treat her a little rougher than usual and see how she reacts. If she seems to be enjoying it keep going. If not, change it up and try something else.

Mix in some of SweetErika's ideas. The key is that you are in charge and that this is something different than she is used to. By you being in charge, it gives her permission to act differently than she normally would. It can also help your let go of some of that stress for a couple of hours.

Of course, remember to read her reactions and by all means have a safe word that will immediately stop the action. And by all means, have fun!

 

[PennLady]

I think you need to get her to talk about what she might like, if not what she wants. It's not fair for you to be always trying things, or suggesting, so that she can say no. If she doesn't like conventional romantic things (candles, flowers, etc.), that's fine. But both of you need to find out what she does like. She may not know right away, but I think she should make an effort as well.

As for the outside stresses, that's tough. If she's worried about the financial situation, again, talk to her. If you handle the money more than she does, pull out the bank book and show her how it's going. Prove, if you can, that you are all right, as you said. So many people are in that same situation, and the best part about sex, and jazzing up the sex (as previous posters noted) is that it doesn't have to cost anything.

 

[mywayyourway100]

I hear a lot of "Hey, I want something new to do. Our sex life is the same, it's boring, what can we try?" I hear that followed up by all sorts of suggestions. I'm going to ask the same question but narrow things down a bit. I want to hone in on what may actually occur TONIGHT and not down the road after introduction to lighter stuff.

My wife and I are pretty much vanilla sex people. We don't talk a whole lot during sex, we don't do much of anything except kiss --> kiss each other's bodies ---> Oral -----> sex.

She's orgasmic, she cums easily and we have a happy sex life but she was bitching about things in general being in a rut. I want to break us out and I think she's looking for me to be the one to introduce something, anything, new.

Here are a few things about us:
1. We're in shape and athletic, 29 years old, and we have no kids. All our rooms are pretty much open for sex and we fuck in the living room sometimes, the kitchen a few times. We have no distractions.

2. I'm really into exhibitionism. My wife has been a little more show-offy, has been naked on our balcony at night, been to our local beach topless, but she still believes there is no line between sexy showing off and being slutty.

3. She has expressed a lack of sexual interest because of our money situation. Things are getting tight but we are still well above the waterline with no debt. We can afford our way of life and we've cut back on a few dinners. Things aren't terrible, they just aren't allowing us to spend freely.

4. She has never once suggested a fantasy. I tell her what I'm into (mostly) and she has never once talked about anything she wants to see happen for real. She said once that she'd like to try another girl but only in her mind. I've offered to let her try it for real and she declined.

5. She doesn't do romance. I've tried flowers, candles, and seduction but she rolls her eyes. She likes flowers in that they smell good but they aren't anything special to her.

Any ideas of things that are safe, secure, and not way out there for us? I could use any feedback. Hell, tell me I'm a moron and I need to do X, Y, and Z. Or tell us we're terrible for each other. Or give me some ideas with something that'll work.

Thanks, folks. I know I'll hear some good things!

Hey dude, you basically just described my wife and I to a T. We are a couple years younger than you and yours but up untill a short while ago we were in a similar boat, we still loved each other and our sex life was satisfying but was missing the spark that we had when we first hooked up years ago.

I've always been the open, flamboyant, exhibitionist type, I honestly believe that if it feels good and no one is getting hurt, then all the power to ya. My wife has typically been fairly timid and mousy in bed.

What worked for us what total and 100% honesty about our desires. All it took was a romantic enviroment, a half a bottle of rum, and some straight forward questions and I learned TONS about my wife's sexuality that I had previously been oblivious too.

For example, my wife felt comfortable enough to confess to me that she really gets hot at the thought of being DP'd and the like. The next time we had sex, I made her suck a huge dildo as I fucked her, she LOVED it and I loved seeing her having such a great time.

So ya, for me, honesty (and a bit of liquid courage) sealed the deal and we've never looked back, we both feel so open around each other that I have revealed sexual quirks and desires to my wife that I NEVER thought I would tell to a living soul.

Best of luck man!!

 

[TBKahuna123]

20 questions. Seriously. Sexually topiced 20 questions is not only fun, but can be very informative if your partner doesn't volunteer information. The game makes it a little safe, I think.

 

[subwannabe]

I find it interesting that she is the one who seems vocal that things are in a rut but expects you to be the one to do something about it.

 

[Saucydisher11]

So ya, for me, honesty (and a bit of liquid courage) sealed the deal and we've never looked back, we both feel so open around each other that I have revealed sexual quirks and desires to my wife that I NEVER thought I would tell to a living soul.

I reckon this is probably the best advice, don’t just ply her with the stuff, make sure your both relaxed and having fun then don’t think about it, just bring up the topic. But one piece of advice, you will have to be honest, and not say what you think she might wanna hear.

Some suggested being more aggressive, but this is a big step to take pretty quickly and can backfire fast! I liked the idea with the light bondage, but start off with just a blindfold, should make things interesting.

There are also fairly easy tutorials on how to make her orgasm or ‘squirt’ which are quite easy to perform and work, you might think of looking into these, and maybe take it from there.

No big steps – slowly, slowly!

 

[RexDaddy]

This has been an interesting thread. My wife and I are just at our 50s and we have had a very fun and adventurous sex life. When we were younger, I was fairly sensitive to my wife's tolerances which tended toward exhibitionism and a variety of different positions. She actually surprised me when all of the sudden she's going through the moves of a porn film! Wonderful time, but turns out she found a video I had and watched it. Guess what we did after that?

You do need to get your wife relaxed. Take her out after a long week, get a couple of drinks in her and slowly but surely direct the conversation. Don't go from "how was your week, honey?" to "so, what's your biggest sexual fantasy?"

I like the 20 questions idea. Might try that here. You can either come up with them yourself, go to Adam & Eve or go to a local Hallmark store for a tamer version that might work if she needs some coercing. Would really like to get my wife to revisit a brief bi-sexual story she told me and see if she might want to go through with it.

Tell us what you try and what happened.

 

[Dragonpoet]

I have a bunch. Some mess and some not. For the less messy try these:

1) Figure out roll-play. Sit down at the computer and search porn after porn after porn. Search everything from medical fetish, to hentai, to scatting, to eboney fetish, to 3somes, to orgies, and whatever other webpage you can find. Me and my wife, she is open to a little experimentation. There's this one that we just discovered that she likes but I'll get to that.

2) Foreplay. Just sit down with warming body oil/lube and give eachother FULL body massage. Touch EVERYWEAR. foreheads, to arm pits, to ass cracks, to knees, to feet and everything little bit of skin inbetween. Figure out what works best for you. Me, I personaly like my taint pressed up against while reciving a handy or getting head just to name off one.

3) No restriqutions. Hope I spelled that right, but don't be affraid to try things that are out there. Try to think of really odd stuff like incerting stuff into pee holes. But whatever it is, don't be afraid to try it just once, but also be safe and smart about what you are doing. Myabe research it a little.

And for the messy:

1) I personaly like used tampons and pads and menstration. I think it is such a turn on whenever I pull out I have my wife's bloood all over me and she licks it up. So maybe try this or something else.

2) I also love water sports. My wife is starting to like it. What really does it for her is if she tries to push her pee out while I SLOWLY slide out of her until I am barely at her lips. Drives her insaine!

Well, I hope this helps! I would like to know if it does!