how to get over this annoying bed problem

[Salv]

Lately I and my girlfriend have been getting more and more into sexual things. We're as far as oral and fingering. But I know she doesn’t like giving blow-jobs (was told), and because I know it’s kind of always in the back of my head whenever we start doing things and it's a turn off. Feels like I’m the only one getting pleasure for it and knowing she hates it (or guessing). Lately I've been going flaccid right in the middle of it and leaving me feeling horrible, thinking about it its happened every time but like twice, where I had to bring myself to climax and she finished. Usually I just flip her around and focus on her instead. Maybe I’m being self conscious as well.

Starting to feel like something’s wrong with me but I don’t think that’s true (or hope?). During masturbation I can/do stay hard the whole time till done. And have a strong urge to masturbate often (I'm young) and i get extremely turned on before we start doing anything

So am I messed up, is she bad at this, am I, is there anything I can even do? Anyway this is driving me nuts leaving me feel like crap any ideas?

 

[SweetErika]

But I know she doesn’t like giving blow-jobs (was told), and because I know it’s kind of always in the back of my head whenever we start doing things and it's a turn off. Feels like I’m the only one getting pleasure for it and knowing she hates it (or guessing).

So, you think she hates giving blowjobs, but you don't know for sure? Why haven't you asked her how she feels about giving oral? Sex requires a lot of communication; if you can't communicate, you shouldn't be doing it.

Starting to feel like something’s wrong with me but I don’t think that’s true (or hope?). During masturbation I can/do stay hard the whole time till done. And have a strong urge to masturbate often (I'm young) and i get extremely turned on before we start doing anything

When you say you're young and masturbate often, what does that mean (how old are you and how often do you jack off)?

One of your problems is likely feeling guilty about her doing something you don't think she enjoys. You might also have trouble getting off because you're masturbating too much. Both are natural, healthy responses to each situation.

 

[Salv]

So, you think she hates giving blowjobs, but you don't know for sure? Why haven't you asked her how she feels about giving oral? Sex requires a lot of communication; if you can't communicate, you shouldn't be doing it.

When you say you're young and masturbate often, what does that mean (how old are you and how often do you jack off)?

One of your problems is likely feeling guilty about her doing something you don't think she enjoys. You might also have trouble getting off because you're masturbating too much. Both are natural, healthy responses to each situation.

I know she doesnt like it because i do to communicate with her. she said she didnt like it. I'm 18, and like 7+(guess ima horn ball ) times a week depending on how i feel. I also tried stop jacking off before we did anything, i think only like a day though >.> so i suppose i should go for more and jerk less, but sometimes bleh i just dont wanna wait .

thank you for the fast responce

 

[Mazuri]

If she doesn't like it, why does she still do it?

 

[Salv]

she feels guilty i do stuff for her i suppose. but i enjoy it, which i tell her alot ;p and i suppose she doesnt know what else she could do (i donno either) without actually penetrating

 

[SweetErika]

Why does she hate giving oral? Does she go deep? Do you come in her mouth and she doesn't like the taste or texture? There are ways to address specific problems/dislikes.

There ARE lots of alternatives to oral:
- She could give you a handjob with lots of lube (we like silicone because it's silky, ultra-slick, doesn't dry out, and that bottle will last a couple of years of regular use, so it's actually quite inexpensive).

- Rubbing your bodies together, with or without clothes (though pregnancy can occur if you get ANY, even old, semen on her genitals, so be smart about it).

- Use toys; vibrators feel great on the cock, balls and perineum, and there are other toys such as sleeves for men.

- Mutual masturbation.

- Anal play with fingers or toys.

There are other ideas in The Blank Manual sticky at the top of the main How To page.

 

[Salv]

after doing it for awhile it gets boring, just an up down motion basicly

that was what was told. thank you for the ideas ;o ^_^

 

[Lydya_H]

I don't know how she does it or if this advice is any good, but my fiance tells me the most wonderful part of receiving a blow job is just watching me do it, not really the physical aspect, so he prefers it if I just kind of lick it really slowly and enjoy myself, maybe you could say something similar to your girlfriend if you think it would work, try and create that kind of mood, I think it's really flattering to know my fiance gets off more on watching me than what I actually do... I love being encouraged as well, when he runs his hands through my hair or strokes my face or something, just lets me know that he appreciates me and is enjoying it... If she is trying to excite you visually, she can try and use her imagination more and defeat the monotony of that simple head bobbing...

 

[rosebud5446]

i used to hate giving oral when i first became sexually active. this was mostly in part to the fact that i didn't know what the fuck i was doing, and i would get frustrated. i think if you communicate to her what you like, and how good she will make you feel, she will begin to lighten up hopefully. it actually took quite a while until i was with a partner that i trusted and loved and felt comfortable enough to display my weak side, and practice on. after that, it didn't take long at all before i was a seasoned pro.

 

[emap]

Have you tried 69?

I know it involves giving a blowjob, but when your laying there with a cock in your face and a tongue exploring your pussy, sucking on it comes as a second nature and you don't get bored.

 

[rosebud5446]

lol... damnit... can't wait til T gets home...

 

[Salv]

thank you all for the fast advice ^_^

 

[SweetErika]

"after doing it for awhile it gets boring, just an up down motion basicly"

that was what was told. thank you for the ideas ;o ^_^

It sounds like you two need to learn about sexual techniques and communicate more.

Go to The Blank Manual Sticky and find blowjob threads under Male or Oral. You can also do a search - instructions are in the FAQs Before Posting sticky under The Blank Manual.

Here are some How To stories on oral, but there are many more in that category and others on the main site. Use either the search function or Google to find really good stories that show realistic, varied and erotic/romantic oral. Read and experiment with fdifferent techniques together - don't just hand her stories or give instructions (but gentle suggestions are good).

A proper blow job is NOT "just and up and down motion" or "boring" at all; there's kissing, licking, tongue play, ball action and using hands to give pleasure (e.g. she could lick and suck the head while moving her hand up and down or twisting it around, varying speed and pressure), and other things. If all she's basically doing is going up and down with her mouth and she's bored, no wonder you're not getting off!

In short, mature lovers educate themselves and each other, explore and FIND ways to make acts exciting and pleasureable for both people. Experiment and give her tons of encouragement and positive feedback while she's doing things you like. Use whipped cream, chocolate sauce, etc., (on you ONLY though) if that makes it more fun for her. She may not be ready to do oral, or some just don't care for it, and that's fine, too. Like I said, there are tons of other things to do.

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

You really do need to talk more and be more specific about how the situation its effecting you and your performance. If she really doesn't like giving you oral, perhaps you should consider other alternatives.
For instance, a handjob doesn't have to be just stroking, or stroking the exact same way every time. Get her to try different amounts of pressure while stroking up and down. Tapping your shaft with fingertips can be very stimulating and different for you too. Massaging the head of your cock with her thumb, pressing on the front of the head can feel really great. Or just palming the head with her hand.
You both have to experiment. Try out different ways to keep yourself stimulated, just as you try out different techniques with/on her (at least, I'm hoping you do).
I would also ask her what she finds as the turn off when giving you oral. Perhaps she wouldn't mind using her tongue on your shaft more then sucking you. Both of you need to find out what she wouldn't mind doing and start from there.
Good luck.
Dread.