How to get past the loneliness?

[sally_sparrow]

I have a pretty strong sense of fulfillment, already, but some research on loneliness is a good idea.

Thank you.

I don't think libraries are quite open yet Not near me anyway. It looks like you've gotten some good suggestions here. I hope you are able to figure something out

 

[bigdaddykingdavid]

a different perspective

I have a different take on this and many may think Im wrong but hear me out. Its great that you are a loving wife of a working man. Its great he has a job he loves, however when the two conflict to the point where you suffer this much, something must change.

Workaholism is just like any addiction or habit , hobby that are either a good thing , a tolerable thing,or a thing that has a negative effect on your life , health, well being .and happiness.

I noticed many of the replies were from women and seemed sincere in wanting to help yet the logical and practical solutions posed were clearly incapable of resolving the issue at hand.

If the situation were tolerable it would not be up for discussion, therefore as an intolerable situation it must be resolved and this requires action.

Llife is way to short to be lonely when not by choice, miserable unless mourning, or not having fulfillment of basic needs, in which companionship qualifies

I for example have a high sex drive and my wife does not. we were able to discuss the issue and compromised with having sex more than she preferred but but less than I did.

This was tolerable for each of us because we were not miserable by it. We each gave a little for the other. This worked for some time until she began menopause which shut off her sex drive completely .

We tried every kind of therapy and visited counselors, doctors , clergy etc and nothing helped. We went back to negotiations and I was offered an open marriage. Knowing she would be unable to handle such a thing and not wanting to hurt her I declined.

Oh it was tempting but I counter offered something less damaging. The pornography I enjoyed when single and let go of when married is now and option for me to use as stimulation to masturbate.

Sex of course isnt an answer to the entire problem. It takes the mind off things temporarily but isnt enough to fit the bill for companionship. I stumbled on sites such as this when bored and surfing the net. I found an avenue to be it reading a hot story or release sexual energy by reading then writing stories.

I have been open and honest with her about everything, even read stories from
the site , mine and others. I began chatting and making friends , some were sexual others just friendly.

My wife and I have sex when she prefers and how she prefers, rarely and vanilla .
I have freedom to engage in whatever activity I choose online as long as i keep it online and do not meet in person for physical sex.

Im given privacy and my phone and computer are never inspected . My passcodes are known by me only. I enjoy online erotica in many ways and find it enjoyable

for the most part. There are many options if you have a creative mind and desire plenty.

My two cents is that you talk to your husband and try to find a job he may not love as much but will travel less thus easing your loneliness. Or he can decide to agree to the terms you require to make the lonely times tolerable .


Such as you may choose to have chat friends online that may or may not involve sexual content, mutual masturbation etc but will never be in person.

Is this cheating? even if emotionally? No because he is aware Will it fulfill your needs while he is away? Yes if you are creative. At the end of the day it sounds wrong but if it saves and perhaps later enhances a marriage then why not do it?

Have a talk with him , then message me . we can share life stories, or have cybersex that rocks your socks. But life is waaaay to short to be so unhappy

 

[littlecordelera]

I have a different take on this and many may think Im wrong but hear me out. Its great that you are a loving wife of a working man. Its great he has a job he loves, however when the two conflict to the point where you suffer this much, something must change.

Workaholism is just like any addiction or habit , hobby that are either a good thing , a tolerable thing,or a thing that has a negative effect on your life , health, well being .and happiness.

I noticed many of the replies were from women and seemed sincere in wanting to help yet the logical and practical solutions posed were clearly incapable of resolving the issue at hand.

If the situation were tolerable it would not be up for discussion, therefore as an intolerable situation it must be resolved and this requires action.

Llife is way to short to be lonely when not by choice, miserable unless mourning, or not having fulfillment of basic needs, in which companionship qualifies

I for example have a high sex drive and my wife does not. we were able to discuss the issue and compromised with having sex more than she preferred but but less than I did.

This was tolerable for each of us because we were not miserable by it. We each gave a little for the other. This worked for some time until she began menopause which shut off her sex drive completely .

We tried every kind of therapy and visited counselors, doctors , clergy etc and nothing helped. We went back to negotiations and I was offered an open marriage. Knowing she would be unable to handle such a thing and not wanting to hurt her I declined.

Oh it was tempting but I counter offered something less damaging. The pornography I enjoyed when single and let go of when married is now and option for me to use as stimulation to masturbate.

Sex of course isnt an answer to the entire problem. It takes the mind off things temporarily but isnt enough to fit the bill for companionship. I stumbled on sites such as this when bored and surfing the net. I found an avenue to be it reading a hot story or release sexual energy by reading then writing stories.

I have been open and honest with her about everything, even read stories from
the site , mine and others. I began chatting and making friends , some were sexual others just friendly.

My wife and I have sex when she prefers and how she prefers, rarely and vanilla .
I have freedom to engage in whatever activity I choose online as long as i keep it online and do not meet in person for physical sex.

Im given privacy and my phone and computer are never inspected . My passcodes are known by me only. I enjoy online erotica in many ways and find it enjoyable

for the most part. There are many options if you have a creative mind and desire plenty.

My two cents is that you talk to your husband and try to find a job he may not love as much but will travel less thus easing your loneliness. Or he can decide to agree to the terms you require to make the lonely times tolerable .


Such as you may choose to have chat friends online that may or may not involve sexual content, mutual masturbation etc but will never be in person.

Is this cheating? even if emotionally? No because he is aware Will it fulfill your needs while he is away? Yes if you are creative. At the end of the day it sounds wrong but if it saves and perhaps later enhances a marriage then why not do it?

Have a talk with him , then message me . we can share life stories, or have cybersex that rocks your socks. But life is waaaay to short to be so unhappy

Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I appreciate you taking the time to respond with so much detail. However, let me point out that I have zero interest in cybersex or any kind of online chat or relationship. Maybe I need to add that to my initial post, as I have had several guys contact me about possible chat. I don't mind the PM's, and I always respond, but I'm not interested in chat.

Also, we've been involved in the swing community for many years, so having some other person here to occupy my time is something that happens. But we moved a couple of years ago, and I have not spent much time finding local relationships. Besides, those arrangements only account for a night or two. It helps, but when my husband is gone for a week, there are still several days to go before he returns.

But I like what you said about how I need to consider the "costs" of his travels. You are absolutely right about that. It's a difficult choice, as I can see how much he loves what he does.

And in his defense, if one of us is a workaholic, it would be me.

Given what you have caused me to think about, it seems he and I need to sit down and have an in-depth talk about our work/life balance.

Thanks again.

 

[MariesMaster]

Face Time, Zoom, House Party are all apps that can help connect you, Face to face helps bridge the gap and hopefully ease the loneliness. You can also get a little flirtatious and flash him if that's your thing.
I have found using Duo (for Android phones) during dinner is a nice way to share a meal even though you're miles apart.

 

[littlecordelera]

Face Time, Zoom, House Party are all apps that can help connect you, Face to face helps bridge the gap and hopefully ease the loneliness. You can also get a little flirtatious and flash him if that's your thing.
I have found using Duo (for Android phones) during dinner is a nice way to share a meal even though you're miles apart.

I'd rather not state what my husband does for a living, but when he travels, he has to go into very remote areas. His access to technology is often very limited if he has any access at all. We talked about him getting a satellite phone, and maybe that would work, but so far we haven't made any decisions along those lines.

And so this kinda points out why it's so bad when he travels. He will call me from a hotel room and at the end of that conversation he will say, "OK, so you won't hear from me for a few days." "A few days" might mean a week, it might be two weeks, and I don't hear a single word from him. And if anything happens to him, I won't know until some arbitrary time in the future. It makes me crazy!

 

[Brutal_One]

I love this idea! Thank you so much!

Yes as a writer this is a great idea. Maybe you could start a diary and make it both real and fantasy. The real stuff when he is back and what you do to make up for lost time.

The fantasy when he is away of either you being with him and helping ease his tensions after a hard day. What you’d like him to do and you for him.

Depending on your imagination you could spice this up with others and kinks. Yours, his or both.

I imagine if you can write well, or learn to this journal will give you something to do to occupy your mind and also a lot of fun I imagine in reading and play acting the fantasy stuff when he is home.

Assuming of course he would like the idea. I assume like you he misses you when away so it’s win win if you are up for it.

Brutal One

 

[SimonDoom]

I can't rely on Facetime or anything like that when he is gone. Due to the nature of his work, quite often he is completely unavailable by phone or any kind of social media.

On the other hand, I hadn't really given much thought to my lack of friendships and how that is probably making things worse. A few years ago we moved about a 10-hour drive from where we used to live. I haven't spent much time making new friends where we live now, because I've been so busy working. I guess I need to reconsider my priorities.

This is essential. You have to find sources of happiness in your life beyond time with your husband. Friends and activities go together. Get friends, and you'll do things outside the house. Do things outside the house, and you have more opportunities to meet people and make friends.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I hope you've been able to find something that works for you and is helping!

 

[ElizaBennet33]

Funny how the guys all think you want online company!!!

It’s not a bad idea to get a FEMALE non sexual penpal. Writing emails to people takes up so much time, but also fun. There’s nothing better than having the support of other women.

I believe that the more real life friends and family you have around you, the less lonely you’ll feel. I moved to a new country for 3 months without my husband and had to start all over again. I made friends at work. I asked those friends to introduce me to their friends. I joined classes and gained more friends. Within 3 months, I knew enough people to throw a house party. They weren’t superficial friendships either. I still know them and see most of them now 15 years later.