How to... Have a relationship?

[Dorsil]

So for the past month I've been dating this woman. I am 24, and shes 19. but age was not an issue for us.

My thing is that i like staying home. I like tv, cuddling, playing the computer together etc etc.. She was into gaming and liked the same stuff i did, which i thought was great.

So.. tonight she blows up at me, for not taking her out, or doing anything with her.. She was like, you never take me out, the only time we get together is when you want to have sex etc etc..

now, granted, i work 40 hours a week, and am cramped for time, Its a given, but I did enjoy spending time after work hanging out at my house and she was cool with that cause she didnt like her living situation family etc etc..


So here i am wondering.. What do you do? like what do you consider a relationship? Going out places?.. like what?

The other night we went and played pool, and had dinner out. I had a great time, and i thought she did..



im so confused.. its like, im hurt right now because i think its over.. well at least i think so.. 30 min of top of the lungs, me getting yelled at and a swift your an asshole and thats the end of it kinda summed it up for me..

Guess this is one thanksgiving to remeber :/ *sigh* it was nice having the feelings i did... its been way to long .. yet here i am square 1 again.. starting with heartbroken... it hurts even more then the other times..

 

[MichelAngel0]

So for the past month I've been dating this woman. I am 24, and shes 19. but age was not an issue for us.

My thing is that i like staying home. I like tv, cuddling, playing the computer together etc etc.. She was into gaming and liked the same stuff i did, which i thought was great.

So.. tonight she blows up at me, for not taking her out, or doing anything with her.. She was like, you never take me out, the only time we get together is when you want to have sex etc etc..

now, granted, i work 40 hours a week, and am cramped for time, Its a given, but I did enjoy spending time after work hanging out at my house and she was cool with that cause she didnt like her living situation family etc etc..


So here i am wondering.. What do you do? like what do you consider a relationship? Going out places?.. like what?

The other night we went and played pool, and had dinner out. I had a great time, and i thought she did..



im so confused.. its like, im hurt right now because i think its over.. well at least i think so.. 30 min of top of the lungs, me getting yelled at and a swift your an asshole and thats the end of it kinda summed it up for me..

Guess this is one thanksgiving to remeber :/ *sigh* it was nice having the feelings i did... its been way to long .. yet here i am square 1 again.. starting with heartbroken... it hurts even more then the other times..

Take her out. Make her happy. You will get much more in return.
Good luck

 

[massage45678]

How to have a relationship

I think she's massively immature. It doesn't seem that she wanted to or knew how to sit there with you and have voice her concerns without screaming at you and saying things she'll regret in a few days. It also seems like she knew what she was getting into when she started dating you. If you don't like going and and she knows this then she's just being manipulative. She wants you to call her apologize for not taking her out and offer to take her to a nice restaurant and out dancing for the night. I see no reason why you should to bend to her demands. If you do, she'll know she has you wrapped around her finger. Find your self a more mature girl or invite her over and talk to her about what happened that night.

 

[girlygirl_76]

I think she maybe has a little communication problem she needs to deal with.

"If you do, she'll know she has you wrapped around her finger. " Don't let it go there....

 

[jerseyman1963]

You've only been seeing each other a month, and it sounds like the warm glow and excitement of having found someone new is starting to wear off. When you start seeing someone, it's new, it's different, and everything is fresh.

But as you start spending more and more time together, the newness starts wearing off and you start asking yourself, "Is this someone who I am compatible enough with to spend a lot more time with?" Sounds like she might have handled this situation better, but I suspect from what you're told us that that's what's going on.

You've each got to ask yourselves a couple of questions, and then act accordingly. For you, you need to ask yourself if you like this woman enough to start doing some of the things she wants to do, for example, apparently, go out once in a while to dinner or dancing or a show or a movie. She's got to ask herself, "If this is what this guy likes, and this is the way he is, do I like him enough to want to continue spending time with him?"

The two of you have to accept the reality of who you each are, not who you want each other to be, and act accordingly.

If you like each other enough, make some compromises and do some things the other would like to do once in a while. You'll be better off for it. It's a big world and you're too young not to experience as much of it as you can. if your mate pushes you to do that, so much the better. Look at it as their gift to you.

But if you decide the other one is not really going to change, and they're not exactly the "one you want," time to move on. Life's too short to get stuck in a dysfunctional situation.

 

[Dorsil]

So yeah....

The day after the me getting yelled at... She calls me that night and tries to yell at me for not calling her all day...


Brings us to today... get a text message asking to get together and have some fun with a /wink...


Needless to say.. we got together.. had some amazing fun.. in the bed and out at the mall...



SO once again im but... I suppose its an ok confusion...


*Shrug* I live and learn i suppose

 

[SweetErika]

So yeah....

The day after the me getting yelled at... She calls me that night and tries to yell at me for not calling her all day...


Brings us to today... get a text message asking to get together and have some fun with a /wink...


Needless to say.. we got together.. had some amazing fun.. in the bed and out at the mall...



SO once again im but... I suppose its an ok confusion...


*Shrug* I live and learn i suppose

Ask her if she'd like to take a class or read a book on interpersonal communication with you. You don't have to have a class/book in mind, her answer will tell you all you need to know about the relationship. Just say something like, "I was thinking of taking this class/reading this book someone recommended on communicating effectively. Would you like to do it together?" If she says yes, great; if she says no, in combination with her behavior, you'll want to think about whether or not you want to be in any kind of relationship with someone who:
- Doesn't treat you with the utmost kindness and respect
- Behaves erratically
- Has poor communication skills
- Can't/won't communicate their needs in a clear, calm manner
- Makes rules for the relationship and doesn't share them with you
- Is controlling and/or manipulative
- Doesn't make every effort to recognize, apologize for, and correct their mistakes
- Isn't always trying to better themselves

Now, if your girl-something (sounds like she's more of an unkind friend with benefits right now) has any of the above qualities and you just can't manage to let her go completely, perhaps you could agree to be friends with benefits, fuckbuddies, or keep it platonic. Keep in mind that having sex with someone who's behaved like she has and /or you don't know well is a risky proposition though, for a variety of reasons, including pregnancy.

Bottom line: You're better off single than with the type of girl who's immature and/or disturbed because they're capable of all sorts of shit that will make your life hellish. And you can definitely find someone who will communicate their needs, work out problems calmly and treat you as you deserve.

I'm speaking from experience on this one, unfortunately.

 

[fantasylover]

...........

 

[deliciously_naughty]

So for the past month I've been dating this woman. I am 24, and shes 19. but age was not an issue for us.

My thing is that i like staying home. I like tv, cuddling, playing the computer together etc etc.. She was into gaming and liked the same stuff i did, which i thought was great.

So.. tonight she blows up at me, for not taking her out, or doing anything with her.. She was like, you never take me out, the only time we get together is when you want to have sex etc etc..

now, granted, i work 40 hours a week, and am cramped for time, Its a given, but I did enjoy spending time after work hanging out at my house and she was cool with that cause she didnt like her living situation family etc etc..


So here i am wondering.. What do you do? like what do you consider a relationship? Going out places?.. like what?
.

My first comment is that you work a standard work week. Many of us in the post graduate school arena work 60+ and dated and planned weddings and all sorts of things.

From the perspective of being nine years older than you, my first question was
-how often do you take her out to dinner and when you do, do you pay?
-have you ever bought her flowers?
-have you ever sent her an e-card for the hell of it?

A relationship doesn't require X number of dates per week or Y dollars spent on your partner. What it does require is that you bond beyond the sex. It requires that each of you make an effort to do little things to make your partner happy.

I also wonder if she's being honest with you now for the first time. She may not be a homebody. If you are truly a homebody and she isn't, it may not be a good fit. God knows I pretended to be something I wasn't for a guy plenty in my teens and early twenties. I didn't learn the be yourself completely and honestly right from the start lesson until I was 26/27.

She may also be a spoiled brat/attention whore/whack job. If she's any of those three, I advise you to RUN, not walk away if that is the case.