How To Orgasm

[LargoKitt]

Not everyone orgasms when they have a sexual encounter, even alone. Most men can get to that tipping point and spill with some good stimulation. In fact, men are often challenged not to orgasm so they can spend more time pleasing their female mates. Most women say that being fucked with a penis, or even a dildo isn't a way to a climax. It can help. It can be its own kind of 'ah, yes, that's it'; but it's not an orgasm.

So this question is mostly about women. Perspectives from women members is what I'm curious to see.

From experience with female partners, and watching women please themselves on sites where women aren't faking, like ifeelmyself.com, girlsoutwest.com, yanks.com and so on I get an interesting perspective. Some clichés: Many women need time to get aroused, often a whole day. (Videos are edited to guy climax time.) All parts of the body may be erotic sites. The breasts are tightly linked to feelings down below. Ignore the clit at your peril. Easy does it. All that and it still may not happen, even with the truly amazing variety of toys available now expressly for the purpose of bringing women to orgasm.

Or...

Watch more than one woman masturbate and you realize that getting to the end of the journey is not the height of the ride. In fact, an 'anti-climax', to coin a phrase, is pretty common. Not a disappointed, "Oh shit, I can't get it." More like, "Here I am up on it. Yes, yes, it's feeling real good. Oh! That was a nice spark. Oof! That one grabbed me. Whoa, I'm up so high and tight. Okay, here comes the end. No, not yet. Ride this a while. Now? Nope, oh wait...here comes something. It's building...building...Oh yes, let it go. Wow. Flowing right out of me. oof...oof...oof, those gut clenchers grabbed me on the way out. Now I feel delightfully weak as a kitten."

It seems rarer, and maybe phony, when she is shouting and moaning, hips popping and wide open and very liquid. In fact, that favorite fetish, the squirt, often seems to come before the final release. More often it's an almost silent clenching up, some shuddering. A hands off time when her clit gets too tender, sometimes her nips too. She might cry a little. She might smile with the relief of it.

(Isn't it funny that in videos the guys rarely shout and moan. I suspect this is rarer than IRL.)

So, here's a question for women:

Is the above the way you experience solo orgasm? If you have learned to orgasm with a partner inside you, is it the same? Have you ever had a bucking, shouting, hip flipping, whole body going crazy orgasm. Have you learned to make that happen often? What act or toy, or kind of partner gave you your first or best true O?

 

[thetiesthatbindme]

I don't need a whole day, in fact I edge myself, otherwise with my magic wand it only takes a few minutes. Stimulating the clit is a must. I am more vocal with a partner, especially bc alone I sound very un-sexy. My teeth clenched and a sound like I'm being electrocuted. My legs slam shut (I have to b mindful with a partner not to do that). With my wand I can have multiple orgasms. I will shudder and After I just lay still for awhile.

 

[30bandits]

I don't need a whole day, in fact I edge myself, otherwise with my magic wand it only takes a few minutes. Stimulating the clit is a must. I am more vocal with a partner, especially bc alone I sound very un-sexy. My teeth clenched and a sound like I'm being electrocuted. My legs slam shut (I have to b mindful with a partner not to do that). With my wand I can have multiple orgasms. I will shudder and After I just lay still for awhile.

Like

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

If you think what you're seeing on ifeelmyself.com is real, you're kinda deluded.

 

[SallyIsHere]

I am lucky, I guess, that orgasms come easily for me. In fact, I try to prolong the arousal so as not to cum to fast. Kissing, touching, sexy talk keep me simmering and makes the orgasm more powerful. Erotic massage is a wonderful way to build sexual tension. A quicky is nice at times, but I think I just enjoy getting really really horny. I clears my mind and lets me be more "in the moment."

 

[hdorum104]

I don't need a whole day, in fact I edge myself, otherwise with my magic wand it only takes a few minutes. Stimulating the clit is a must. I am more vocal with a partner, especially bc alone I sound very un-sexy. My teeth clenched and a sound like I'm being electrocuted. My legs slam shut (I have to b mindful with a partner not to do that). With my wand I can have multiple orgasms. I will shudder and After I just lay still for awhile.

I love to hear more you sweetie?

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I had mediocre, silent sex when married.
After a 3some with his best friend, the friend commented about not knowing when I was cumming.

Then I had sex with 2 very different men. One was a big grizzly guy, much larger than my ex.
Damn, I came around his cock every time he swelled and came on me.

Then I was with my Master. 5'8" respectable size.
He had me so aroused, and had been edging me blindfolded, that the moment his cock entered me I was screaming, bucking, and cumming. Squeezing him so hard he came pretty fast. Fast, but long enough I had another orgasm as he came.

With good foreplay and a man who appreciates my arousal, I cum 80% of the time we have sex. Sometimes more than once.

That was my first screaming orgasm. It was so raw and organic. It was amazing

 

[MichelleSwan]

Not everyone orgasms when they have a sexual encounter, even alone. Most men can get to that tipping point and spill with some good stimulation. In fact, men are often challenged not to orgasm so they can spend more time pleasing their female mates. Most women say that being fucked with a penis, or even a dildo isn't a way to a climax. It can help. It can be its own kind of 'ah, yes, that's it'; but it's not an orgasm.

So this question is mostly about women. Perspectives from women members is what I'm curious to see.

From experience with female partners, and watching women please themselves on sites where women aren't faking, like ifeelmyself.com, girlsoutwest.com, yanks.com and so on I get an interesting perspective. Some clichés: Many women need time to get aroused, often a whole day. (Videos are edited to guy climax time.) All parts of the body may be erotic sites. The breasts are tightly linked to feelings down below. Ignore the clit at your peril. Easy does it. All that and it still may not happen, even with the truly amazing variety of toys available now expressly for the purpose of bringing women to orgasm.

Or...

Watch more than one woman masturbate and you realize that getting to the end of the journey is not the height of the ride. In fact, an 'anti-climax', to coin a phrase, is pretty common. Not a disappointed, "Oh shit, I can't get it." More like, "Here I am up on it. Yes, yes, it's feeling real good. Oh! That was a nice spark. Oof! That one grabbed me. Whoa, I'm up so high and tight. Okay, here comes the end. No, not yet. Ride this a while. Now? Nope, oh wait...here comes something. It's building...building...Oh yes, let it go. Wow. Flowing right out of me. oof...oof...oof, those gut clenchers grabbed me on the way out. Now I feel delightfully weak as a kitten."

It seems rarer, and maybe phony, when she is shouting and moaning, hips popping and wide open and very liquid. In fact, that favorite fetish, the squirt, often seems to come before the final release. More often it's an almost silent clenching up, some shuddering. A hands off time when her clit gets too tender, sometimes her nips too. She might cry a little. She might smile with the relief of it.

(Isn't it funny that in videos the guys rarely shout and moan. I suspect this is rarer than IRL.)

So, here's a question for women:

Is the above the way you experience solo orgasm? If you have learned to orgasm with a partner inside you, is it the same? Have you ever had a bucking, shouting, hip flipping, whole body going n

Different for everyone. Myself I am randy all the time so I can go right from doing the dishes to a two handed assault on my vagina. Now it does take some time and skill to get there, it's not happening with a flick of the switch. Yes the water works happen prior to along with the bucking and such. When it does happen, it's almost like being numb, I can't move in the beginning, then I start shaking.

 

[LargoKitt]

This is good. One would assume women on Literotica are happy to be horny. But these first few post show there is a lot of variety...

 

[SparkyWalter]

I am lucky, I guess, that orgasms come easily for me. In fact, I try to prolong the arousal so as not to cum to fast. Kissing, touching, sexy talk keep me simmering and makes the orgasm more powerful. Erotic massage is a wonderful way to build sexual tension. A quicky is nice at times, but I think I just enjoy getting really really horny. I clears my mind and lets me be more "in the moment."

You are so lucky that you orgasm easily. Foreplay is the best. Kissing, touching & talking dirty is so arousing. Raises the temperature & an erotic massage feels wonderful. A massage with lots of oil to slide hands all over your partner's body is incredible. Slow massage to tease & avoid erogenous zones & then carefully stroke them & move on. Make your partner ache.

Whew!! I need an erotic massage!!!!

 

[hrdmngd2find]

Not a woman here, but you said "mostly," and I have paid a lot of attention to my partners over the years, and I'm a fan of omgyes.com (the latter item is highly relevant to this conversation)
1) Women vary widely in how they are wired sexually, both in the physical to mind wiring and in the way their neuro-pathways have developed. As I guy who has had an average-ish number for my age, I have noticed that women can be very different from each other. Some women can roll through orgasm after orgasm, others get so hyper-sensitive after one good one, that they have to take a break. Some women can get there pretty fast, others totally need to simmer a while. Some women are just more expressive and demonstrative when they cum, others are quieter, but no one has a calibrated cum-seismometer on the side of their head to say that the louder O's are innately better.
2) Everybody here knows the anatomy: the clit, the crura, g-spot, a-spot, & cervix. Women I have known have been differently wired into these parts. I know one woman who was really, really responsive to a-spot stimulation (a-spot, aka ae-spot). Another has her best O's when both her clit and g-spot are being stimulated. Numerous women told me their most intense orgasms are from anal penetration (my hunch is that this is indirect a-spot stimulation.) Some women do NOT like their cervix stroked, others enjoy it.
3) Squirting. I've been with a few women who squirted and discussed this with others. It doesn't seem to be a universal thing at all. I can say that it was not synonymous with orgasm; it could happen separately. It didn't seem like the squirting was some kind of super-orgasm either (again, no cum-seismometer).

Women masturbating. I discovered that I really like when a woman knows her own body well and can articulate what is working or not in detail. Usually, these women have been frequently savoring the delights of self-pleasure. You still can discover new things together, but you can start at a higher place. I get a lot of feedback during sex that is non-verbal, but it helps if she can also communicate specific things, even if it has to be afterward (because some women get incoherent at a certain level of arousal).

Men. I can only speak for myself. Men vary too. When I was in my 20s and 30s and married, I struggled often with premature ejaculation. I think this was somehow psychological and related to shit in that marriage, but that's speculation. When we got divorced and I was back on the market in my early 40s, the opposite happened. It was only a short time later, but magically I was able delay my orgasm almost indefinitely. The sex was 10x better and much more exciting to me, far more erotic and stimulating, and yet I could delay, and sometimes I couldn't even cum. That was weird because I was very, very aroused. Not cumming was, however, not as horrible as you might think. Those were such rich erotic experiences. I was finding partners who were more compatible and my ability to delay was really a very good thing. I found that I was able to savor and enjoy the entire experience, enjoy all the little spots along the way, and able to learn all the cues and triggers of each partner, so I was generally much better at helping them find pleasure. As a result, I begin to view my orgasm as merely the exclamation point at the end of a chapter in a really good book. Don't get me wrong, not cumming was maybe 5-10%, but occasionally, even with some really good sex, I couldn't cum. Twenty years later, it's a little more often, but now it is more age-related.

 

[LargoKitt]

I don't hear about many men who coach their sons or their friends on how to enjoy sex more. But you have hit the key points,

hrdmngd2find.​

As you note; age changes men too. And sometimes we need to teach our women that we want all the same teasing and warm-ups, and stroking that they often find so essential.

 

[LargoKitt]

If you think what you're seeing on ifeelmyself.com is real, you're kinda deluded.

I hear you. If you are in front of a camera and being paid it has to be a different experience from privately fapping against a bumping washing machine, or cuddling with your honey of lo these many years. That said, those sites seem much more about the woman enjoying herself than the leering, male gaze stuff elsewhere. And that said I would much prefer to see something where women decide what they want.

 

[FlyingThruLife]

Not a woman here, but you said "mostly," and I have paid a lot of attention to my partners over the years, and I'm a fan of omgyes.com

I just found this post and was literally going to say the exact same thing.

Omgyes.com

It is almost like a hack to understanding different ways to get a female to orgasm. There are so many insane things on that website that I never thought of before, and then when I got to use them with my partner I blew her mind as well. It can even be fun to watch the videos with a partner if you have that kind of relationship and openness, and then you can have a discussion about what you like.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I hear you. If you are in front of a camera and being paid it has to be a different experience from privately fapping against a bumping washing machine, or cuddling with your honey of lo these many years. That said, those sites seem much more about the woman enjoying herself than the leering, male gaze stuff elsewhere. And that said I would much prefer to see something where women decide what they want.

They're just girls being paid to go through the motions. Most times if you were to watch me masturbate you'd be disappointed. middle finger tickling my clit, not a lot to see. No tentacles.

 

[MichelleSwan]

This is good. One would assume women on Literotica are happy to be horny. But these first few post show there is a lot of variety...

Well we're happy when we're horney

 

[LargoKitt]

They're just girls being paid to go through the motions. Most times if you were to watch me masturbate you'd be disappointed. middle finger tickling my clit, not a lot to see. No tentacles.

Lucy, the reason I give credence to ifeelmyself.com is that many if not most of the women are doing what you do, rubbing it pretty quietly until they get some relief. And that's after it has been edited to 'guy time', those seven minutes most men need to get off. In real time I suspect the high points would be: "Look at that; she shifted from her right to her left middle finger. And, wait, didn't she pinch a nipple there? I think she's done because there's a little perspiration on her upper lip." As an 'outsider' it does make you wonder what those famous '8000 nerve endings in the clitoral region' are actually doing.

 

[LargoKitt]

Well we're happy when we're horney

Makes me think of the old joke: "Women feel horny when they are in love and men feel they are in love when they are horny."

 

[LargoKitt]

Like

Do you have to have 'tender clit down time' especially with the wand, or can you go right from one bang to the next.

 

[bethany_s]

I guess being open some about my experiences… First, my orgasms are almost always tied to stimulation from my clit. There’s been a few rare times of just pure intercourse and a certain mood and angles I was able to orgasm. And I had a ‘lover’ that was able to get me to squirt with inside stimulation and it was very different from my normal orgasms. So to be honest not sure if it was a different kind of response or an actual orgasm. But it did make me act like I was having an intense orgasm and bucking some. Sometimes normal orgasms can make my legs shake if they are more built up and intense. But from your post no it’s not something I have learned to make it happen more. Just happens lol. And the last part of your question, I guess I gave myself my first true O. I don’t remember exactly what made it happen other than it happened when I started thinking more sexually about things and interest in guys.

 

[jehoram]

When Toscanini was living in New York, some tourists asked him how to get to Carnegie Hall. He is said to have replied, "Practice! Practice! Practice!"

I think the same thing is true for learning to orgasm, and learning how to control orgasms.

 

[subdudeme13]

When Toscanini was living in New York, some tourists asked him how to get to Carnegie Hall. He is said to have replied, "Practice! Practice! Practice!"

I think the same thing is true for learning to orgasm, and learning how to control orgasms.

Great advice! I must be close to the top of the class by now.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Interesting observations, I guess? But allow me to tell you (and this is going to be a huge shocker on Lit, of all places) that pornography is rarely, if ever, a good instantiation of what real life human sexuality. The whole point of pornography is that it is performative, and it can be edited easily via handy dandy technology. It doesn't take a genius.

There are still many urban legends about female sexuality in particular. There is certainly, oddly (and historically speaking), not as much scientific research on the female anatomy and its workings, especially in relation to its pleasure. Why it's still a mystery in the 21st century has a lot to do with the misogynistic practices of science in the early modern and modern eras. (And no, the thing about vibrators being invented so that male physicians could induce "hysterical paroxysm" is not true.) As I understand it, for a brief time, the Victorians did perform female genital mutilation (FGM), however. I will not link to that. If you are interested, Google is your friend.

As with most sexuality and sexual practices, female sexual expression is a spectrum, and there is joy in its diversity, because women, like men, are human beings. For myself, I do not need to have an entire day to work myself up to the point where I'd like to masturbate. I do not even need ten minutes, sometimes. I also do not have highly erogenous zones through the entirety of my body. I often get men who, for instance, instruct me to tease my inner thighs, assuming that, since it is near my center, it will be a heightened sensation. I do it, but patiently wait for things to get good.

The matter of squirting, as I understand it from having done it on a handful of (very annoying) occasions, is that it differs from a traditional orgasm in feeling; for me, it does not feel as good, with the added annoyance of having soaked my bedsheets. It takes a lot of specific internal stimulation to achieve, and is one of those things that probably looks better than it feels. I've been able to orgasm through penetration alone, but I can count the times on one hand. Clitoral stimulation is very, very key to my orgasm.

In addition to this, there is also a psychological value to orgasms. If one is aroused enough, it can be easy to produce one or more of them. I know for me, though, if I feel I am performing in some way, or if I get nervous, or if my mind wanders, it can take a while. In a "solo" practice, it can take maybe ten or so minutes if i am not choosing to edge myself.

Back to pornography. Since much of porn is curated for the male gaze, it makes sense that the female orgasm or pleasure is subjugated to that of the male. I notice, for instance, that the vast majority of videos I've seen on a porn tube type site ends in the man ejaculating, with the fruits of this made visible, be it on the woman's face or seeping out of her. I confess that, for me it's difficult to know when the women in these scenarios (even solo or lesbian scenarios) are meeting their release. But ask yourself, how many takes did it require to get the man to make that perfect cumshot?

In short, you can watch tons of pornography. I mean, I have done this myself, from time to time. But it's important to realize it's for specific entertainment. You're not going to get the Kinsey Report out of it. Also, women are people, so you can't really sum us up as one genre of thing. If you are interacting with a partner, the best thing you can do is be attentive and receptive to what makes her feel good, rather than some secret "key" to the female body and its workings.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

 

[drobert44]

Interesting observations, I guess? But allow me to tell you (and this is going to be a huge shocker on Lit, of all places) that pornography is rarely, if ever, a good instantiation of what real life human sexuality. The whole point of pornography is that it is performative, and it can be edited easily via handy dandy technology. It doesn't take a genius.

There are still many urban legends about female sexuality in particular. There is certainly, oddly (and historically speaking), not as much scientific research on the female anatomy and its workings, especially in relation to its pleasure. Why it's still a mystery in the 21st century has a lot to do with the misogynistic practices of science in the early modern and modern eras. (And no, the thing about vibrators being invented so that male physicians could induce "hysterical paroxysm" is not true.) As I understand it, for a brief time, the Victorians did perform female genital mutilation (FGM), however. I will not link to that. If you are interested, Google is your friend.

As with most sexuality and sexual practices, female sexual expression is a spectrum, and there is joy in its diversity, because women, like men, are human beings. For myself, I do not need to have an entire day to work myself up to the point where I'd like to masturbate. I do not even need ten minutes, sometimes. I also do not have highly erogenous zones through the entirety of my body. I often get men who, for instance, instruct me to tease my inner thighs, assuming that, since it is near my center, it will be a heightened sensation. I do it, but patiently wait for things to get good.

The matter of squirting, as I understand it from having done it on a handful of (very annoying) occasions, is that it differs from a traditional orgasm in feeling; for me, it does not feel as good, with the added annoyance of having soaked my bedsheets. It takes a lot of specific internal stimulation to achieve, and is one of those things that probably looks better than it feels. I've been able to orgasm through penetration alone, but I can count the times on one hand. Clitoral stimulation is very, very key to my orgasm.

In addition to this, there is also a psychological value to orgasms. If one is aroused enough, it can be easy to produce one or more of them. I know for me, though, if I feel I am performing in some way, or if I get nervous, or if my mind wanders, it can take a while. In a "solo" practice, it can take maybe ten or so minutes if i am not choosing to edge myself.

Back to pornography. Since much of porn is curated for the male gaze, it makes sense that the female orgasm or pleasure is subjugated to that of the male. I notice, for instance, that the vast majority of videos I've seen on a porn tube type site ends in the man ejaculating, with the fruits of this made visible, be it on the woman's face or seeping out of her. I confess that, for me it's difficult to know when the women in these scenarios (even solo or lesbian scenarios) are meeting their release. But ask yourself, how many takes did it require to get the man to make that perfect cumshot?

In short, you can watch tons of pornography. I mean, I have done this myself, from time to time. But it's important to realize it's for specific entertainment. You're not going to get the Kinsey Report out of it. Also, women are people, so you can't really sum us up as one genre of thing. If you are interacting with a partner, the best thing you can do is be attentive and receptive to what makes her feel good, rather than some secret "key" to the female body and its workings.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Interesting! I recently dated a granny friend who had never had an orgasm. Never heard of a G spot. But, I did manage to get her to her first orgasm by licking her clit for about 20 minutes. Finding her G spot did not work.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Many women need time to get aroused, often a whole day.

Oh my god you've bought into all the myths.

All people sometimes need time to get aroused. Most people can crack out a quickie if they feel that way inclined. With my new wand I can make myself cum hard in less than 2 minutes. Clit sucker usually 2-3. Fingers 5. That's if I'm in a hurry. If not I can stretch it out, but I never often go more than about 15-20 minutes.

I'm amazed some guys on here aren't virgins, with some of the shit you come up with. Don't watch girls on porn sites masturbate and think it's real. Try talking to women.