How to overlook preachy people in a bizzarre sexy forum ?

[pplwatching]

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like marriage vows go both ways, and a promise to 'love' someone until death do you part INCLUDES physical intimacy.

I wholeheartedly agree that each spouse shares equal responsibility for the sexual portion of the marriage, which is very important. It's not just you.

If the arrangement is going to be 'let's be good friends, buy property together, and you can pay my taxes and all the utility bills for the next sixty years," well, that's a perfectly respectable arrangement, but I think BOTH parties should be aware of that going in. Otherwise, SOMEONE is getting ripped off.

If one spouse has this expectation and the other does not, then they may be wise to consider if they're really married other than on paper. If both agree to a marriage of convenience, then there's no reason to divorce if both are willing to accept extramarital sexual outlets.

I think a lot of guys have no idea that the intimacy well is gonna dry up pretty damn quick, but that THEIR obligations under the vows really will last until they're DEAD.

That is one way to view a marriage, and an unfortunately common one. People become complacent. Marriage is hard work, and part of that work is striving to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy.

Another way to look at it is that marriage is a commitment to always strive to meet your spouses needs, including sexual.

And if your wife has made it pretty clear that what she REALLY cares about is not YOU, but the comfort and stability that you provide, then why is it so wrong to continue providing that for her, even though she provides little or nothing in return?

If a spouse makes it clear that (s)he has no interest in your sexuality, then the other spouse has a choice to make. They can either provide for those needs at the expense of your their with her, or leave. For me, I would leave that arrangement and seek out a marriage with someone who wants emotional, sexual, and physical security with me. It would still be important to me to hear in her own words that she doesn't want to meet my sexual needs. I believe that in my case, if I were to go outside of my marriage for sexual intimacy that emotional intimacy would follow and my marriage would suffer a disastrous end anyway. Either way, she would deserve to know if I chose to go outside of the marriage for sex.

Fortunately, my wife has never even hinted that this might be true. Every time that I've made a deliberate effort to work on our marriage, so has she. I am fortunate.

 

[nowiser]

So I think you may be off the mark with your interpretation of your wife's motivation - you may have just become attractive to her once more.

I'd like to believe that, because it would 'feel' good. But believing things that make me 'feel' good is one of the reasons I got married in the first place, and I have become increasingly skeptical since then.

And if so, then it's a bit shallow of her. Hell, she put on weight at the same rate that I did, and has lost none of it. It's never stopped me from wanting -her-. I LEARNED to find her new self sexy. And as she gets older, I'm confident I can continue to learn how to find her sexy. Fat, arthritic, graying. . . she's still gonna be my girl.

What I can't learn, though, is how to be OK with her NOT desiring ME. That's just frickin' painful as hell. And it's made more painful when some woman starts making eyes at you at the DMV, or a coworker starts flirting with you. It just reminds you of what if felt like to NOT be one of the walking dead.

It would still be important to me to hear in her own words that she doesn't want to meet my sexual needs. I believe that in my case, if I were to go outside of my marriage for sexual intimacy that emotional intimacy would follow and my marriage would suffer a disastrous end anyway.

I'm pretty sure the same is true for me. And I'm pretty sure that my wife damn well knows it. Which is PRECISELY why she's NEVER going to honestly say "I'm done having sex. And since we're married, that means that you're done having sex too. Sucks to be you."

I'm with JBJ on this one. Sometimes, violence IS the answer. Sometimes, cheating is the RIGHT thing to do.

I haven't, and I don't think I ever will, but I'm not going to just say I never would 'because it's wrong,' because I just don't think that way anymore. Not sure I'll ever be able to think that way ever again.

And I find this whole thing just immensely depressing. Sort of sorry I even chimed in, so I'll be bowing out of any continuing discussion. Much more comfortable discussing these issues in the abstract, rather than the personal.

 

[lovecraft68]

I am exhausted to a great extent !

all who read , write , share , bizarre fetish and sex desires are preaching about ethics , moral etc etc ?

hahahaha

is it not ironic ?

how to be calm , not upset by them ?

That's funny I was just telling someone how in a certain forum there's a group of people who live an "edgy and risque" lifestyle, yet are the most anal, judgmental people I have ever heard.

The way I get around it is I realize this is the internet. Half of these people just use these faceless forums to act like idiots and throw themselves around like they're somebody.

 

[Prasa]

I think expecting that one person can (and should!) meet all of your needs for the rest of your life is naive and sets us up for failure.

I've said it before, and have been shot down for it many times but I'm a glutton for punishment, so I'll say it again. There are worse crimes than fucking someone else. I would much prefer my husband fuck another woman than be miserable in his sex life with me. God yes. The very idea that I would hold him back from happiness and being who he is is repulsive to me and a much greater crime than him having sex with another human being.

Rainshine .

your reply just shining like a ray of hope for rational thoughts .
lot of extreme replies , excellent analysis are posted here just bewildered me .

yours is simple . straight !

 

[Prasa]

I wholeheartedly agree that each spouse shares equal responsibility for the sexual portion of the marriage, which is very important. It's not just you.



If one spouse has this expectation and the other does not, then they may be wise to consider if they're really married other than on paper. If both agree to a marriage of convenience, then there's no reason to divorce if both are willing to accept extramarital sexual outlets.



That is one way to view a marriage, and an unfortunately common one. People become complacent. Marriage is hard work, and part of that work is striving to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy.

Another way to look at it is that marriage is a commitment to always strive to meet your spouses needs, including sexual.



If a spouse makes it clear that (s)he has no interest in your sexuality, then the other spouse has a choice to make. They can either provide for those needs at the expense of your their with her, or leave. For me, I would leave that arrangement and seek out a marriage with someone who wants emotional, sexual, and physical security with me. It would still be important to me to hear in her own words that she doesn't want to meet my sexual needs. I believe that in my case, if I were to go outside of my marriage for sexual intimacy that emotional intimacy would follow and my marriage would suffer a disastrous end anyway. Either way, she would deserve to know if I chose to go outside of the marriage for sex.

Fortunately, my wife has never even hinted that this might be true. Every time that I've made a deliberate effort to work on our marriage, so has she. I am fortunate.

finest analysis of life ,
but all may not be as fortunate as you . so let them find their own

 

[Prasa]

I wholeheartedly agree that each spouse shares equal responsibility for the sexual portion of the marriage, which is very important. It's not just you.



If one spouse has this expectation and the other does not, then they may be wise to consider if they're really married other than on paper. If both agree to a marriage of convenience, then there's no reason to divorce if both are willing to accept extramarital sexual outlets.



That is one way to view a marriage, and an unfortunately common one. People become complacent. Marriage is hard work, and part of that work is striving to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy.

Another way to look at it is that marriage is a commitment to always strive to meet your spouses needs, including sexual.



If a spouse makes it clear that (s)he has no interest in your sexuality, then the other spouse has a choice to make. They can either provide for those needs at the expense of your their with her, or leave. For me, I would leave that arrangement and seek out a marriage with someone who wants emotional, sexual, and physical security with me. It would still be important to me to hear in her own words that she doesn't want to meet my sexual needs. I believe that in my case, if I were to go outside of my marriage for sexual intimacy that emotional intimacy would follow and my marriage would suffer a disastrous end anyway. Either way, she would deserve to know if I chose to go outside of the marriage for sex.

Fortunately, my wife has never even hinted that this might be true. Every time that I've made a deliberate effort to work on our marriage, so has she. I am fortunate.

finest analysis of life ,
but all may not be as fortunate as you . so let them find their own

 

[NightL]

Rainshine .

your reply just shining like a ray of hope for rational thoughts .
lot of extreme replies , excellent analysis are posted here just bewildered me .

yours is simple . straight !

So was everyone else's comments

You asked a question and mostly all replies were based around the very sound advice of you just communicating with your wife. Seems simple enough to me.

You mentioned cheating on your wife. Most said words similar to - "not a classy move". Seems simple enough to me.

Then you go on to say how satisfied your wife is as well as your girlfriends. If so, why ask the question on your other thread at all? Of course people will question your motives.

Because you didn't get big long winded detailed stories about cunnilingus you start to whine at everyone. It also appears that you then made an attempt to beef up your self-belief of masculinity by mentioning your extramarital sexual conquests. You did describe yourself as cheating, then in a hasty retreat you attempt to claim your extramarital conquests have the approval of your wife. Really? You are all over the place with your stories.

Who is being preachy? Who is being simple?

lit forum is a factory of sex fetish .
satindesire has no desire to learn it !
pray for the poor soul

What!!??

 

[Prasa]

Prasa, please don't take my reply as anything other than my own feelings. Everyone else here is entitled to their's also and mine are no more or less "right" or "wrong." I don't condone cheating and I don't think it's an answer to problems that exist in lots of marriages but I do believe there are worse things one can do. This is a complex discussion and not really what this thread was about, so I won't go further.

I would still suggest you still practice on your wife than your other partners as this is what you originally asked about... pleasing her.

Ok rainshine
i am practicing utmost cunnilingus on my wife at her own asking !
what i have asked all is only to better it ?
during the course , i replied one who used the word of cheating that cheating dont lessen the pleasures of my wife and oh hell !
all sorts of accusations flying past my eyes , but one thing is clear !

i too have the right to have my own decisions , desires , opinions as all here has

 

[Bramblethorn]

I think expecting that one person can (and should!) meet all of your needs for the rest of your life is naive and sets us up for failure.

I've said it before, and have been shot down for it many times but I'm a glutton for punishment, so I'll say it again. There are worse crimes than fucking someone else. I would much prefer my husband fuck another woman than be miserable in his sex life with me. God yes. The very idea that I would hold him back from happiness and being who he is is repulsive to me and a much greater crime than him having sex with another human being.

In my ideal world, marriage would be a binding contract (in moral terms, that is - whether to get into legal enforcement is another argument). You negotiate with your partner/s - whatever rules you like - and then you stick to that (or renegotiate). If you think you should be able to find another partner when your spouse is in a coma, or just when the sex dries up, you should include that in the contract from the start.

But that only goes so far with real people. Nobody really knows at twenty what their needs will be at fifty, nobody gets married expecting to fall out of love or have their partner end up in a coma. Occasionally you have to make allowances for people in a horrible situation that nobody anticipated when they were negotiating the rules.

So, yeah. All things in moderation.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

In my ideal world, marriage would be a binding contract (in moral terms, that is - whether to get into legal enforcement is another argument). You negotiate with your partner/s - whatever rules you like - and then you stick to that (or renegotiate). If you think you should be able to find another partner when your spouse is in a coma, or just when the sex dries up, you should include that in the contract from the start.

But that only goes so far with real people. Nobody really knows at twenty what their needs will be at fifty, nobody gets married expecting to fall out of love or have their partner end up in a coma. Occasionally you have to make allowances for people in a horrible situation that nobody anticipated when they were negotiating the rules.

So, yeah. All things in moderation.

True. Till death do us part is no longer our motto, whatcha done for me lately is the new creed.

 

[bailadora]

In my ideal world, marriage would be a binding contract (in moral terms, that is - whether to get into legal enforcement is another argument). You negotiate with your partner/s - whatever rules you like - and then you stick to that (or renegotiate). If you think you should be able to find another partner when your spouse is in a coma, or just when the sex dries up, you should include that in the contract from the start.

But that only goes so far with real people. Nobody really knows at twenty what their needs will be at fifty, nobody gets married expecting to fall out of love or have their partner end up in a coma. Occasionally you have to make allowances for people in a horrible situation that nobody anticipated when they were negotiating the rules.

So, yeah. All things in moderation.

I agree. In reality, I think it's something most people don't stop to think about. I know when my spouse and I got married at 20-something we sure didn't.

One benefit of my participation here is that it raised my awareness and encouraged me to have these "what if" conversations with my husband. For us, we've both agreed that if we're of sound mind, we want to be given the opportunity to either agree to continuance of or to leave the relationship if the other wants to seek outside partners. In the case of something like long term non coherence (dementia, Alzheimer), we'd want each other to go on with their life and seek whatever comfort or support we could find.

 

[amofiga]

This thread seems to have taken on a direction as to whether cheating on a spouse is acceptable or not versus the original post which had more to do with the notion that people tend to feel judged here regarding whatever sort of sexual behavior it is that they chose to post about. I think perhaps many people here may have cheated and have perhaps learned the hard way that it is not necessarily a wise thing to do whether or not one does it. I've indeed one who has learned the hard way. Still, I don't wish to moralize about whether one choses for himself or herself to embark on that path, just as I would not want to moralize about whether one choses to have sex in public, have sex with one's relatives, suck toes, or whatever else is their particular interest.

Remember that this is a forum which implies that anyone can make his or her opinions heard with the understanding that they must at least listen to those who respond. Nobody has to agree with anyone else, just as nobody has to agree with anyone's opinions on politics, religion, or style of haircut. When one choses to stand up and express an opinion or ask a question, they should expect to hear a wide range of responses. If all you want to do is hear what you want to hear, then you don't belong in a public form that could result in a debate.

I originally came to this forum from others I had belonged to because of what appeared to be less censorship and fewer restrictions placed on opinion or language. If a member jumps in and expresses an opinion, they should at least expect to be listened to without judgement and listen to other's the same way. Everybody is different. Everybody is an individual entitled to their own opinion. If you don't wish it to be that way, please move to North Korea.

 

[NightL]

This thread seems to have taken on a direction as to whether cheating on a spouse is acceptable or not versus the original post which had more to do with the notion that people tend to feel judged here regarding whatever sort of sexual behavior it is that they chose to post about.

Read his other thread - may put things into perspective.

"I want to satisfy my wife more - I want juicy details"
"Communicate"
"No, I want juicy details"
"Communicate. If you don't communicate you are not paying attention to her desires"
"I don't need to communicate, I am a love stud to my wife and girlfriends I cheat with, they beg for more"
"Communicate with your wife, maybe you can improve things where you don't feel the need to cheat"
"I don't cheat, I don't like you, I am going to call you names, you are all judging me. I am going to start a new thread about how you are all victimising me. I want juicy details"

A familiar theme, now where is that thread...?
Oh, this one
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=846805

 

[unregistered]

 

[Prasa]

Read his other thread - may put things into perspective.

"I want to satisfy my wife more - I want juicy details"
"Communicate"
"No, I want juicy details"
"Communicate. If you don't communicate you are not paying attention to her desires"
"I don't need to communicate, I am a love stud to my wife and girlfriends I cheat with, they beg for more"
"Communicate with your wife, maybe you can improve things where you don't feel the need to cheat"
"I don't cheat, I don't like you, I am going to call you names, you are all judging me. I am going to start a new thread about how you are all victimising me. I want juicy details"

A familiar theme, now where is that thread...?
Oh, this one
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=846805

if one asked anything on any thread , you gave your view.
if that dont fulfill his question , u just retierated it again and casting motive as juicy story .
if that man just let out his own exhaustion ,
you call that wrong too unless he just knelt before you and prayed for mercy or pussy !

if you all are wondering about the adamant poser ,
just read the quoted one

 

[Miles Long]

Ok rainshine
i am practicing utmost cunnilingus on my wife at her own asking !
what i have asked all is only to better it ?
during the course , i replied one who used the word of cheating that cheating dont lessen the pleasures of my wife and oh hell !
all sorts of accusations flying past my eyes , but one thing is clear !

i too have the right to have my own decisions , desires , opinions as all here has

Now I ask the people of Lit: who among us can argue with that?!

 

[satindesire]

What!!??

Something tells me he's "new" here.

 

[pplwatching]

if one asked anything on any thread , you gave your view.
if that dont fulfill his question , u just retierated it again and casting motive as juicy story .
if that man just let out his own exhaustion ,
you call that wrong too unless he just knelt before you and prayed for mercy or pussy !

if you all are wondering about the adamant poser ,
just read the quoted one

Prasa,

Is it safe to assume that English is not your first language? That would certainly explain much of the communication problems and difficult to understand posts. Good English isn't a requirement to post here, but unfortunately if we can't read or understand what is being asked it is very difficult to answer the question.

Language difficulties aside, it's clear that you are enthusiastic about oral sex. You are not alone, and many people here share your passion for it. Just because we love it doesn't mean we want to tell stories about it in this forum. A lot of people asks questions about how to be a better lover, how to have more fun in sex, and how to help their partner enjoy their passion for oral sex more. Those are good questions, and people here will answer them. Many people here will even share personal stories when it helps to answer a question. Some of us who share our personal and intimate stories to help someone don't want to share if the purpose of the question is nothing more than erotic entertainment.

Unfortunately when someone posts a question and then also asks for "juicy stories", the people in this forum like me don't know if you are just asking as a way to entertain yourself. You can see what happens when people think you are just trying to hear sexual stories. There are other sections of Literotica for erotic stories and better places to ask people to tell stories about their sex lives. "Fetish and Sexuality Central" is one place where people like to tell stories about sex.

If you are looking for advice then people here will answer you, but it will help if you can try to keep the posts more focused on the question. I'm not a very smart person, and I get confused easily. The more time that you can spend explaining what you want to know, the easier it is for simple people like me to understand and give you an answer. Otherwise I have to guess, and that doesn't work very well because I'm not a smart person.

 

[amofiga]

<<< IMO, he is just looking for juicy stories and not seeking advice at all. And, yep, I'm entitled to my opinion, too. >>>

Yep. I plead guilty. I never read any other thread. Yeah, I can see your point and that of the other person. I suppose a lot of people here are basically phonies or teenagers looking for some "wank" material. It's difficult sometimes to determine whether someone is sincere in asking a question or just looking for some "dirty" feedback. It's just that in many cases, some of the questions cry out for professional help or the answer is obvious, and I wonder why they would post here. If two people in a relationship can't talk to each other about any sort of issue be it sex, what movie they want to see, or where to go on vacation, the long term success of the relationship seems iffy.

PS: Yes, you and everybody else is entitled to their own opinion here. Especially if they are offered respectfully and articulately. I have to be honest, there are sometimes I bite my lip and sit on my fingers trying not to respond to what I personally feel are argument-provoking posts. Sometimes I just don't succeed. I used to work with a guy who intentionally threw crazy comments into the air just to see if he could get a sucker to grab it for an argument.

 

[Emerson40]

You said this little ditty and I was tempted to post something apropos of some recent activity in the HT.

I used to work with a guy who intentionally threw crazy comments into the air just to see if he could get a sucker to grab it for an argument.

But then I did this:

I bite my lip and sit on my fingers trying not to respond ....

This dog is just gonna leave that juicy bone alone.

 

[bailadora]

I'm not a very smart person, ...

I call bullshit!

 

[pplwatching]

I call bullshit!

Are we talking about the same person? My wife is both the brains and the beauty of this outfit.

 

[Bramblethorn]

True. Till death do us part is no longer our motto, whatcha done for me lately is the new creed.

Well, it never really was. People have been breaking their vows for a long time; I suspect the main change is that it's more visible now because they're under less pressure to conceal it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I originally came to this forum from others I had belonged to because of what appeared to be less censorship and fewer restrictions placed on opinion or language. If a member jumps in and expresses an opinion, they should at least expect to be listened to without judgement and listen to other's the same way. Everybody is different. Everybody is an individual entitled to their own opinion. If you don't wish it to be that way, please move to North Korea.

I agree with all of this except the "without judgement". Sometimes our opinion is "what you're suggesting is bad and wrong" (eg: the lady on HT a few months back who wanted advice on how to rape her brother while he was drunk). Sometimes our opinion is "you're not qualified to give advice on this" (eg: a recent poster who was giving a whole heap of advice about subjects where he clearly didn't have much knowledge).

Those are legitimate opinions, and whether we sugar-coat them or not they're also judgemental.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I agree with all of this except the "without judgement". Sometimes our opinion is "what you're suggesting is bad and wrong" (eg: the lady on HT a few months back who wanted advice on how to rape her brother while he was drunk). Sometimes our opinion is "you're not qualified to give advice on this" (eg: a recent poster who was giving a whole heap of advice about subjects where he clearly didn't have much knowledge).

Those are legitimate opinions, and whether we sugar-coat them or not they're also judgemental.

Perhaps the better word is without personal attacks? It is one thing to say "I think what you are doing is wrong" or "I don't think you are qualified to give advice on this". Quite another to say "You are a fuckin' moron" "What are you, stupid?" or something along those lines.

You are right, everybody is going to make a judgment call and have an opinion on what is being said and posted. I may think you are wrong on something. But I don't have to belittle you or attack you to state that.