How to respond? Legal advice, ya'll.

[Garnate]

I'm no lawyer and I've never been in this situation, so hopefully someone can chime in on this. But if (and this is a very big if), he refuses to pay child support and is looking to have past owings excused (is he involved with the child at all? does he get visitation?) I'd see if it's possible as a stipulation that if he gets out of paying, that he should relinquish all rights to the child, allowing the child to be adopted without contest by your husband, should you marry.

It seems to me that if he's claiming to be always out of work, the court can look and see if he has any assets. You can't claim to be continually unemployed yet drive a new car and have a big house. Depending on the laws, he could be required to liquidate those assets to pay you your back payments. You could also see about his being an unfit parent as it sounds he's into drugs as he could determine that since he's paying, he wants to see the kids more often.

Definitely talk to a lawyer as there are many ins and outs in these situations. They are sure to bring up issues and possibilities that you wouldn't consider on your own. You need to protect yourself and your children #1. Another thing that lawyers love is a journal. If you don't keep one, then start. Keep track of everything. Write down how much he pays you and when. When does he call and talk to his kids? Anything he says to you, etc... Any account with dates is gold to them, rather than saying "he always calls drunk to talk to the kids" ("always", or "often" are very subjective, you could mean twice a year or you could mean 20 times a week), you can say he called on Feb 8th drunk, called on Feb 15th screaming and yelling, he paid $16 on the 16th, etc... it really helps paint a clear picture of the situation.

He tried getting me to sign a document when our son was 2 yrs old that agreed that he could give up all rights with him because he wanted to stop paying support. Unless it's court related, he's only ever contacted me to see if I'd get back together with him. He never asked how our son was and has no contact with him. This is all about money to him and he has absolutely no assets to liquidate or seize.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I'm a little late to the party but, after reading the responses, I have one thing to add.

I have a distant inlaw/relative who never collected a dime of child support. Dad didn't claim much income, dad spent income, dad lost income, etc. Mom was not willing to have dad thrown in jail because child and dad still managed to maintain some sort of a relationship. When dad died, before any other money was dispersed from remaining assists, that child (who had become an adult) was taken care of.
The courts kept track of all past-due payments and they were delivered to the child before any money could be collected for other reasons.
I sometimes consider this when deciding if it's right to just give up because "I'll never see a dime of it anyway."
I probably won't.. but that doesn't mean that my kids won't.. and it's really for the kids.

This particular adult child took the money and began a college fund for his own son.. in a way, it was a way of closing this circle where he felt like his dad never really gave him anything and he now tells his son "that's the money grandpa gave you." As strange as it sounds.. it seems like it was healing for him. It's almost like it allowed him to forgive his dad.. for something that grew to be uglier than it should have been.

 

[Garnate]

I'm a little late to the party but, after reading the responses, I have one thing to add.

I have a distant inlaw/relative who never collected a dime of child support. Dad didn't claim much income, dad spent income, dad lost income, etc. Mom was not willing to have dad thrown in jail because child and dad still managed to maintain some sort of a relationship. When dad died, before any other money was dispersed from remaining assists, that child (who had become an adult) was taken care of.
The courts kept track of all past-due payments and they were delivered to the child before any money could be collected for other reasons.
I sometimes consider this when deciding if it's right to just give up because "I'll never see a dime of it anyway."
I probably won't.. but that doesn't mean that my kids won't.. and it's really for the kids.

This particular adult child took the money and began a college fund for his own son.. in a way, it was a way of closing this circle where he felt like his dad never really gave him anything and he now tells his son "that's the money grandpa gave you." As strange as it sounds.. it seems like it was healing for him. It's almost like it allowed him to forgive his dad.. for something that grew to be uglier than it should have been.

I'm glad he was able to have a relationship with his dad and ended up financially paid back. I've never gone after my ex for child support (I've only ever taken what little he gave without complaint) but it's been made more than clear that he doesn't care to have a relationship with his son either. Which I think is the saddest of all. On the plus side, I tell my son that his dad loves him and he believes it. And he's better off without a redneck druggie dead beat in his life.

 

[albertaboy]

Whew! I knew I could count on you folks. There's so much to consider that talking to a lawyer would be the smartest thing. In 2011 he made over $100,000 under the table, which he stupidly bragged to me about while high on pills in 2012. He never paid a dime in support in 2011 OR 2012. No way I can prove it, though.

Call the IRS, report his tax fraud.

You want him audited, then you can sue to attach his income.

 

[Garnate]

Call the IRS, report his tax fraud.

You want him audited, then you can sue to attach his income.

That would be incredible.

 

[Harold_Hill]

*IF* you were divorced in Virginia, and your ex-husband moved to West Virginia and filed to reduce his CS payments in West Virginia, the law governing CS payments is under the control of the state/court that granted the divorce and assigned CS payments. When two separate state courts are involved, it is very easy for West Virginia to misinterpret Virginia law governing child support, and create a legal mess for you. You should at least consult attorney before calling the court in West Virginia. If you tell the court in West Virginia, (via phone or mail), that you don't care if they reduce your ex-husband's CS payments, they could easily misinterpret that to mean that you don't care about the welfare of your child. The money, (CS payments), isn't for you, it is money, (required by the court), to be used to raise your ex-husband's child. And if you tell them that you don't care about the support money, that is a red flag to a judge/magistrate. Child support payments are the right of the child, and you must protect the rights of your child. I strongly suggest you at least talk to an attorney before you do anything.

Also as pointed out in another post, (depending on how nasty your ex-husband is and what he tells his attorney, and in turn what his attorney tells the court), it is possible that the judge/magistrate in West Virginia to initiate an investigation in your home town as to where the child is being taken proper care of and whether or not the child should be taken from the home. All it takes is one call to child protective services in your area to start an investigation, and believe me, those people are very single minded. The advice here is good, but get real legal advice.

Another thing to think about, as dead-beat as your ex-husband is now, he may not always be broke. One day he may actually have money, and he will still owe you the money. The debt never goes away. If at any time in the future he comes into money, you can collect all back child support, even after your child is grown.

 

[Garnate]

*IF* you were divorced in Virginia, and your ex-husband moved to West Virginia and filed to reduce his CS payments in West Virginia, the law governing CS payments is under the control of the state/court that granted the divorce and assigned CS payments. When two separate state courts are involved, it is very easy for West Virginia to misinterpret Virginia law governing child support, and create a legal mess for you. You should at least consult attorney before calling the court in West Virginia. If you tell the court in West Virginia, (via phone or mail), that you don't care if they reduce your ex-husband's CS payments, they could easily misinterpret that to mean that you don't care about the welfare of your child. The money, (CS payments), isn't for you, it is money, (required by the court), to be used to raise your ex-husband's child. And if you tell them that you don't care about the support money, that is a red flag to a judge/magistrate. Child support payments are the right of the child, and you must protect the rights of your child. I strongly suggest you at least talk to an attorney before you do anything.

Also as pointed out in another post, (depending on how nasty your ex-husband is and what he tells his attorney, and in turn what his attorney tells the court), it is possible that the judge/magistrate in West Virginia to initiate an investigation in your home town as to where the child is being taken proper care of and whether or not the child should be taken from the home. All it takes is one call to child protective services in your area to start an investigation, and believe me, those people are very single minded. The advice here is good, but get real legal advice.

Another thing to think about, as dead-beat as your ex-husband is now, he may not always be broke. One day he may actually have money, and he will still owe you the money. The debt never goes away. If at any time in the future he comes into money, you can collect all back child support, even after your child is grown.

Not much of this applies to me. We were never married and he doesn't care about his son in any way, let alone what environment he's being raised in. But my op attitude was just my initial thought when I read the letter. I won't be letting him do whatever he wants to do when he hasn't been there for his son personally or monetarily.

 

[Harold_Hill]

Not much of this applies to me. We were never married and he doesn't care about his son in any way, let alone what environment he's being raised in. But my op attitude was just my initial thought when I read the letter. I won't be letting him do whatever he wants to do when he hasn't been there for his son personally or monetarily.

I understand you weren't married, but in the eyes of the court, you are both the child's parents, and being the case, the same laws apply. If he has to go to court to reduce his payments, then a court somewhere assigned those payments, and that court still retains authority over the payments. In the eyes of the court, whether or not he cares about his son is irrelevant as to whether he is required to make the payments.

 

[Garnate]

I understand you weren't married, but in the eyes of the court, you are both the child's parents, and being the case, the same laws apply. If he has to go to court to reduce his payments, then a court somewhere assigned those payments, and that court still retains authority over the payments. In the eyes of the court, whether or not he cares about his son is irrelevant as to whether he is required to make the payments.

With regards to his feelings about his son I was commenting on this:

Also as pointed out in another post, (depending on how nasty your ex-husband is and what he tells his attorney, and in turn what his attorney tells the court), it is possible that the judge/magistrate in West Virginia to initiate an investigation in your home town as to where the child is being taken proper care of and whether or not the child should be taken from the home.

Child support had initially been set up in Ohio. I still go through the CSEA there and will now be transferring my case to the VA CSEA, who are known to go after dead beats tooth and nail, unlike in Ohio apparently. They might even be able to take care of this for me without a lawyer but we shall see.

 

[FGB]

Hire a lawyer locally and he can petition the court in Wear Virginia. This can be handled without you traveling to another state. There is a legal mechanism to handle this. Lawyers handle legal matters across state lines all the time. You should not allow him to lower his payments without challenging his reasons. It can set a bad precedent that could come back to haunt you in the future. Handle it through a lawyer, and ask that he pay the legal bills.

This!

and make dammed sure the Lawyer mentions that the deadbeat fucker doesn't pay you now and have him demand he pay you what he owes!

Hang to his ass!

 

[Garnate]

This!

and make dammed sure the Lawyer mentions that the deadbeat fucker doesn't pay you now and have him demand he pay you what he owes!

Hang to his ass!

Aye aye! Will do, Captain!

 

[juttjaw]

Dude, the only real advice is to go seek out some professional help. Go to your local child support recovery office and ask those ladies for advice. Hell... even if you're too lazy or don't give a fuck enough, call... I assure you, those peoples at any states Child Support Recovery office have a fuck load more knowledge than any swinging dick on this site... Unless their swinging dick (or clit.. sorry ladies) works at a Child Support Recovery office.. I'd start there.. best of all.. It's free advice from people who know the system! Damn the Man..

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hire a lawyer locally and he can petition the court in Wear Virginia. This can be handled without you traveling to another state. There is a legal mechanism to handle this. Lawyers handle legal matters across state lines all the time. You should not allow him to lower his payments without challenging his reasons. It can set a bad precedent that could come back to haunt you in the future. Handle it through a lawyer, and ask that he pay the legal bills.

Good advice (also the suggestions about recouping the money he owes).

I'm curious as to why he's brought this up. If I was a guy who wasn't paying child support, and if my ex was letting me get away with it, bringing it back up would be last thing on my mind. Wondering if there's some change in his circumstances - maybe he's got a new job lined up that would make it harder for him to conceal his earnings? A lawyer might have some ideas about what's going on there.

 

[Bottomlover]

With regards to his feelings about his son I was commenting on this:



Child support had initially been set up in Ohio. I still go through the CSEA there and will now be transferring my case to the VA CSEA, who are known to go after dead beats tooth and nail, unlike in Ohio apparently. They might even be able to take care of this for me without a lawyer but we shall see.

I believe that once you get it sorted out with VA, they will press for enforcement by the WV authorities and you won't need a lawyer.

 

[subwannabe]

Wow. You sound almost exactly like my current wife. Her ex owes over $80,000 in child support and also had out of state issues along with everything else you mentioned. He has never spent one day in jail. Since we didn't go on welfare or any other assistance (had to put money on our charge cards to raise the kids (hoping he would one day pay)) then the courts just didn't seem to care. You have gotten a lot of great advice such as hire a lawyer to represent you and that you can attend the hearing by phone. My best advice is to not just fold and give up because that's exactly what he is trying to intimidate you into, including you agreeing to drop all child support owed. It's funny but my wife's ex purposely worked under the table for two years so that he could show that he earned no money and took her to court to lower the child support and they ruled that he offered no proof as to why he wasn't able to earn his potential and denied his request to lower the support. We still haven't gotten any money and he still works under the table. He drives around with no driver's license but he's ok with that. Best of luck to you.

 

[bob53]

Register with your local VA support agency.
They will follow up with enforcement of the original OH order.

When it comes to modifications to any order most states now use a system that requires the parent that is requesting the change have the case handled by to opposing parents local court.

This was done to prevent people from moving to some crazy place just to get a better ruling.
Your local agency will be happy to handle this and it will be at virtually no charge to you. As I recall it is will be something like $15 to $35 for them to open the case locally.

I have been through it personally ( 3 states involved as it had never been transferred just like in your case ) and have helped several custodial parents get what was long overdue to them.

Feel free to PM if you would like more details and links saved from different situations like yours.

 

[Garnate]

Update: I paid an arm and a leg for a lawyer who is counter-suing my ex on grounds of Contempt of Court. We're asking that my ex pay the back child support he owes, reimburse me for my legal fees and serve jail time for failure to do either. We'll see how it goes. I hate this.

 

[possum123]

If there's one true thing about the HT, it's that people give great advice and I need some right now.

I was just given a registered letter from the courts in West Virginia. My son's father is petitioning to have his child support payments lowered and I'm supposed to be there for the hearing at 9am on March 23rd. I DON'T LIVE IN WV.

Here's my problem: I'm all for them lowering his payments; he doesn't pay his child support to begin with. He owes me thousands, and lowering what he owes me every month won't change things because he just doesn't pay. His last payment to me was $16.
I don't want to drive the 4.5 hrs the day before, pay for gas and a hotel room, in order to sit in court at 9am to listen to a judge lower the CS payments. My boyfriend would also have to take work off for that day to be here with my sons.

Can I write the court a letter telling them that I support any decision made, why I support it, and why I'd rather right an official letter instead of showing up in person?

Just forget about it. If you don't care if they lower his child support payments.
They do not care if you support any decision made anyway.

 

[dutchrain]

Update: I paid an arm and a leg for a lawyer who is counter-suing my ex on grounds of Contempt of Court. We're asking that my ex pay the back child support he owes, reimburse me for my legal fees and serve jail time for failure to do either. We'll see how it goes. I hate this.

(rose)

 

[boomer177]

There's so much to consider that talking to a lawyer would be the smartest thing.

I trust that you followed your own advice and that matters worked out more or less satisfactorily.

Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I only charge Litsters twice the going rate - even lovably notorious ones.

Boomer177, Esq.