how to stop thinking about death while trying to sleep?

[Hanon435]

just about every night i'm half asleep and my mind wanders into the idea that people i care about will die. it's going to happen. there's nothing i can do about it. sometimes my mind hits on the idea that i won't exist one day too.

when i'm awake, i think, that's just how it is. that's life, or death. it happens. i have no control over it.

but at night i'm not fully awake and my mind isn't thinking rationally like that, at least not the same as when i'm fully awake.

i don't sleep well. that's my point. i want to sleep better again. it sucks. and i've had two disturbing nightmares related to people around me dying. i had one this morning too but it was only hearing that a relative of mine had died.

there's just this dread feeling. i can't sleep when i feel that. i'm much more alert but still not asleep either. awake enough.

how can i stop these nighttime thoughts about death so i can get some good sleep again?

 

[miss_behave]

Have you tried herbal sleeping remedies or anything to calm you down before you go to sleep??

I used to have similar thoughts but I trained myself to them. E.g actually let the thought play out and then think...how likely is it that this is going to happen? Mostly its very unlikely.

Everyone dies one day but if all we do is dwell on that, what's the point in living? Think happy thoughts

xx

Ps. The reason I can't sleep is because I can't stop thinking about the fact that my recent-ex-boyfriend slept with my friend, in my bed, while I was at work.

Life sucks

 

[Eilan]

I'm sorry that this is still a problem for you. Have you seen a doctor or therapist? You got some good advice from ShyIndependent in your other thread. Did you follow any of it?

I lost both of my grandmothers a year ago in April, a day apart. Although I wasn't that close to my dad's mom and, to be honest, rarely think of her even now, I was hit really, really hard by my other grandma's death. For about nine months or so, I had a really tough time getting to sleep at night because I was replaying those last ten or so days of her life and her calling hours and funeral over and over in my head. I'm prone to replaying events in my head before I go to sleep, anyway, but things escalated. I was fine during the day, but horrible at night, and I don't think anyone in my family, even my husband, knows how bad it was.

I'm sometimes stubborn and horrible about taking care of myself (and I have sucky insurance), so I ended up self-medicating with Valerian root, starting in the early evening and up until bedtime. It did help me. I still have these feelings occasionally, but I feel like I can manage them now, and I'm just using Melatonin at night. Valerian, IIRC, is not something you should use long-term, though, and if it hadn't worked for me I would have sucked up and gone to my doc.

Don't suffer needlessly like I did when there's help available to you. I wish you the best.

 

[fire_breeze]

If you find that these thoughts are having a detrimental effect on your sleep, I would strongly recommend that you go see a therapist or specialist to help you understand why and how you can deal with them.


Good luck

 

[jenniboo]

Exercise would probably help a lot.

 

[RuneBlade]

Exercise would probably help a lot.

+1 to this. I used to dream about myself dying very frequently, sometimes every night. I started pushing myself to get to the gym and began some martial arts classes. Since I have, I've slept better and those dreams have almost completely disappeared.

Also, I have pretty bad sleep apnea. I went to a sleep center to get some tests done, it was recommended by my general doctor and was covered by my insurance. I now sleep with a mask, and it makes a big difference. Something to think about doing for yourself, it could help more than you know.

 

[Hanon435]

i'm not going to see a counselor. i don't want to. i think it's a habit and if i can break it it will go away.

 

[RuneBlade]

It's bothering you enough to post on an internet message board but you're not willing to talk to someone that can assist you? It's okay to accept help to better yourself.

i'm not going to see a counselor. i don't want to. i think it's a habit and if i can break it it will go away.

Read this aloud to yourself a couple of times. How does it sound? Seriously, humor me.

 

[swampydonkey]

I don't think about death that much. because i know i have to die someday. so why should i think about that? if i could get any way to escape the death then i must try to get that.

 

[sensual37]

I know what you mean. I've always considered myself a religious person, but every now and then my thoughts drift to "nothingness" after death. My fears are more centered around myself than those around me. I imagine dying, and then just nothing. The thought of ceasing to exist scares me more than anything else in this world, and the funny thing is I wouldn't even know it if it happened. I haven't come to a point in my religious journey where I am fully confident in my faith. I sometimes shame myself for this. I'm always seeking ways to remedy these thoughts.

Sorry to bring religion into it, I don't know if it plays as big a part in your thoughts as it does mine. I'm just relating as best I can.

Edit: I'd be very appreciative, like the OP, if someone who shared these thoughts and got past them could offer advice.

 

[frisky-leo]

Some say that when you dream of death there is soon to be a pregnancy.
Others say that a dream of death is a message of something that will, or needs to end in your life.

When I would have 'bad' dreams (not going into details, but a lot had death in them) I would sometimes be able to realize it was a dream. Especially if it were a repeating dream, I could almost program my mind to recognize triggers. Then I would change something in it. Either make it funny or erotic.

I still have death dreams now and again that I can't tweak, but its a trick that works more than not. Maybe it will help you.

Good luck, and sexy dreams.

~FL

 

[breezyblue]

hey, I think everyone goes through a time when this happens. I used to end up crying every night terrified of the nothingness that would be me after I died. I definably understand the dread and terror that sort of creeps up on you at night. Luckily I was able to stop these dreams and I think that much of it had to do with getting more sunlight and exercise during the day. I feel a much much greater well being when i get exercise and it allows me to spend some time during the day when my rational brain is in charge to just think about things. Death may be something that perhaps is really troubling you and that because of that you have forced yourself to not think about it during the day when you have a choice. Maybe it would be easier for you to stop letting it consume your subconscious thoughts in your dreams if you would really think about it and try to pinpoint exactly what is the most scary about it. You say that during the day you feel that it is just a natural part of life and that it doesn't bother you so much. Try to relax about it - Its true, it seems so far that everybody dies, but that doesn't mean that it is worth all of the fear and problems it is causing you. If i were you I would get more exercise - go for a run and think more about it. It seems likely that you are letting it stress you out in general and so when you go to sleep it consumes your dreams. Good luck with this.

 

[subwannabe]

You need a shrink, plain and simple.

 

[destinys2sexy]

My mother died recently and it hurts a tiny bit less every day. Today would have been her birthday... so all the pain came back, but I am told, time heals all woulds. So, I will lean on friends and family to try to deal with it, until we are together again some day.

 

[Hanon435]

i still have this. i'm starting to fall asleep and then i think of it. i'm really sick of it. i'm not going to a therapist or anything. there must be a way to get rid of this on my own.

 

[niv78]

I had a similar problem with this, try reading before falling asleep. I found that my mind would wander about what I just read instead, especially if you read something that makes you think.

 

[fire_breeze]

i still have this. i'm starting to fall asleep and then i think of it. i'm really sick of it. i'm not going to a therapist or anything. there must be a way to get rid of this on my own.

Sweet, I'm going to say this as it is, so I do apologise if I sound harsh. It's not my intent.

If you're physically ill for weeks, and months, on end, to the point you can barely move, you go see a doctor. If you can't sleep for months on end because of thoughts that prevents you for doing so, you go see a therapist or psychiatrist. Pointe finale. There's nothing wrong with seeking help. So suck it up, go and see one. You've been struggling with this for about a year. You're sick of it, so why suffer?

I have no idea what your experiences were in the past, but you can't assume that all health care professionals are out to get you and are incompetent nincompoops. Go, do your legwork, take the time to find someone you trust and above all, be patient. Nothing happens in a day - it takes a long while.

Good luck.

 

[cybin]

i still have this. i'm starting to fall asleep and then i think of it. i'm really sick of it. i'm not going to a therapist or anything. there must be a way to get rid of this on my own.

Hanon,

I read your posts and threads and my heart goes out to you. You are getting much too little of what you want and you're experiencing way too much discomfort.

I personally spent at least two decades stubornly insisting that I could do it on my own. But, my life just got progressively worse. It was actually a very enviable life when seen superficially from the outside but, on the inside it was not always so wonderful. And the trend line was becoming steeper at an accelerating rate. You do not want to be there.

Like Eilan, fire breeze and others, I think that you can definitely have a much better quality of life which is best achieved with a lot of personal effort bad the help of therapists and medicine. If what you have been doing is not making things better then you need to try another approach no matter that it seems antithetical to your views of how things "ought" to be.

 

[ryno23]

i still have this. i'm starting to fall asleep and then i think of it. i'm really sick of it. i'm not going to a therapist or anything. there must be a way to get rid of this on my own.

I went through this very same thing. It started when my son was born...prior to that I never really considered dying. But then all of a sudden I couldn't think of anything else when I wanted to sleep. It made me positively sick for any number of reasons...first, the lack of sleep. Second, it's not healthy to continuously be anxious about something as serious as dying. So what did I do? A bunch of things.

I did start seeing a counselor, but I'm not entirely sure how much she helped. One of the things I did on my own is I created a mechanism for putting myself to sleep (something like counting sheep is what you would normally think of). What worked for me was focusing intensely on one, inanimate object that held no meaning to me. For me, it was a flower. I would focus everything I could on that flower, and nothing else...until my brain shut down. I also use melatonin before I go to bed, which is an herbal supplement, that leaves me with no sleep hangover the next day, and is non-addictive.

Now, those were two of the major things for me...but another, I believe was that my counselor prescribed me Zoloft, due to a diagnosed chemical imbalance. I'm not trying to say that's applicable to you...but it's what was causing my problem. I now sleep a nice fully rested night.