How to wait patiently?

[Noor]

Okay, I am getting better at this but how do you wait patiently for someone to fix stuff and come back?

Most of the time it is not hard because I know they will come back and I know it may take a long time, but somedays I have a hard time with it.

Any suggestions?

 

[MissTaken]

I am with you, Noor.

Keep after them. Otherwise, you will find your stuff in their garage sale next year!

 

[Noor]

I am with you, Noor.

Keep after them. Otherwise, you will find your stuff in their garage sale next year!

I didn't mean physical things, just things in their lives

Great advice on physical things though.

 

[Guest]

I wish I knew, patience is one thing I need to work on the most. The lack of it I think has caused me more problems lately then anything else.

 

[exhibitionist4m]

well... that is....

something that you have to decide really..... if you think they really will come back ... in your heart... then you have to decide to wait... but if you have doubts like what i read you need to move on and that stupid cliche ... about let them go and if they comeback they are yours... really is true (even thought I hate to admit it) personally..... I know this is just an oppinion of an older lady... I wouldnt wait.....if he/she cannot have you with them on fixing things...just as a support not getting in and helping but as a shoulder... then I guess you are notpart of their plans in the future.... if you can get ahold of this person talk to that person and straight up ask..... and if you are not comfortable with the answer then say what you think right then... but it is your decision either way.. and I hope you take everything into consideration... and most of all do what is best for YOU and only YOU..... I am far from being a pro... but I have had some experiance with waiting and not waiting.... so I can nly say that you really do have to think of yourself on this type of situation.....

 

[Noor]

Re: well... that is....

something that you have to decide really..... if you think they really will come back ... in your heart... then you have to decide to wait... but if you have doubts like what i read you need to move on and that stupid cliche ... about let them go and if they comeback they are yours... really is true (even thought I hate to admit it) personally..... I know this is just an oppinion of an older lady... I wouldnt wait.....if he/she cannot have you with them on fixing things...just as a support not getting in and helping but as a shoulder... then I guess you are notpart of their plans in the future.... if you can get ahold of this person talk to that person and straight up ask..... and if you are not comfortable with the answer then say what you think right then... but it is your decision either way.. and I hope you take everything into consideration... and most of all do what is best for YOU and only YOU..... I am far from being a pro... but I have had some experiance with waiting and not waiting.... so I can nly say that you really do have to think of yourself on this type of situation.....

Thank you, I hear what you are saying and it is good advice.

I decided awhile ago, I know they will be back and we will find whatever way there is to go then. My life is not stopping while I wait. I think of it as someone of long ago away at sea, who wants to come back, and is trying to come back. My doubts are of me, not them and probably a result of being very tired and stressed at times.
Then there is the up and down of hope, I find myself sometimes up late at night wondering, maybe tomorrow?

If I remember to go and look at what they have said & written, I am calm again, but sometimes I don't think to do that for awhile. Sometimes I just feel an anxious restlessness, like something is wrong, and I worry for them. We are linked, so in many ways we are not apart.

I need to be patient and I am not a very patient person in general. I am looking for ways to make the wait a bit easier.

 

[warrior queen]

Okay, I am getting better at this but how do you wait patiently for someone to fix stuff and come back?

Most of the time it is not hard because I know they will come back and I know it may take a long time, but somedays I have a hard time with it.

Any suggestions?

i wish i knew
i'm in the same kinda situation - in that my own life has been relatively sorted out now, but his has not.
and so i wait, impatiently.

and hope like hell i'm waiting the right way.

but i have a thing you know..... i'm not a patient person, i am not going to put my life on hold forever, and i most certainly am not going to sit and be the dumb bunny who misses out on her life because of the waiting.
and to that end, i am still going to have me some fun, and i am still going to behave as though i really were single, and if that's too hard for him to deal with, then too bad.

if he wanted me badly enough, he'd do whatever it takes to be here NOW.

if i have to wait, then he has to accept.

 

[SXCRgirl]

It's a fine line ... really.

I find myself in this position at times and like you Noor, I've decided that my life isn't going to stop because of someone that I cared about isn't ready to move on with his.

However, I've realized that we all are *waiting* for something aren't we?

Live your life. Love unconditionally. Things always work out the way it's supposed to.

Good luck.

 

[MissTaken]

I didn't mean physical things, just things in their lives

Great advice on physical things though.

Well, I found my heart and my prettiest lingerie in an ex 's garage sale.



Seriously, I am not good with this. If there is "fixing" to be done and he doesn't feel that I can help or be included, it makes me wonder what else we won't share.

In my own experience, the times I have excercised patience have been fruitless. He fixed it and moved on.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Waiting sucks bad. At one point in my life I used to pray for patience. Then that old adage - Be careful what you ask for - reared its ugly head! I quit praying for patience after that. I've waited and had it turn out bad - and I've had it turn out well.

The saying "patience is a virtue" sucks too.

 

[Poussin]

.....

 

[Noor]

I don't see my impatience as any reflection of my feelings regarding this person, I see it as a normal state of affairs.
I am the type of person who can't even suck a jawbreaker without biting to the middle after a bit, I also tend to chew cough drops. After many decades I have gotten to the point of not reading the end of a mystery without reading the entire book first.
My impatience is me.

Also the waiting is legit, I can't really go into it, but it is real, not a con, something I agree with and unavoidable at this point.
I would love to hear other people's ideas for making time fly a bit faster while waiting.

So far I have found the following to help:
rereading their words
remembering things that make me smile about them
reminding myself that this is the best for now
taking photos for them to see later
having a new cyber friend to play with
not counting the days, weeks, months, years (well. it just feels that long sometimes)
trying to be the best I can be for when they return
thinking about what we will do later
work on surprises
keep on living and not waste away

 

[blue112]

my SO and I just went through something likes this only it was her that was away. In my heart i knew she still loved me and so despite her telling me not to wait I did, and after some time she did come back. What I found most helpful, was acaully a song I heard at work one day, Im not sure what song it was it may have been Hold her hand by Hootie and the blowfish or some other song by them but there was a line that really made sense to me, the line was something to the effect of if not the actual line of I want to love you the best that I can, and basically I got to thinking that whether that means Im with her or not I can still love her, because loving someone also means wanting whats best for them and if they want time then think of giving them time as an act of love, loving them the best that you can, doing what you can for them when you can and when its not the best thing , realizing that and accepting that but that doesnt mean you cant feel and have love for them.
Im not sure if Im explaining it as soundly as i did to myself when i realized it but I thin theres something to that idea nonetheless.

 

[warrior queen]

*sigh*

and then you find your impatience may have completely fucked everything up anyway.

sometimes i HATE that i am like this

 

[tendril]

So far I have found the following to help:
rereading their words
remembering things that make me smile about them
reminding myself that this is the best for now
taking photos for them to see later
having a new cyber friend to play with
not counting the days, weeks, months, years (well. it just feels that long sometimes)
trying to be the best I can be for when they return
thinking about what we will do later
work on surprises
keep on living and not waste away

Noor, I think you are doing pretty ok with your own advice.

Good luck.

 

[warrior queen]

just to let you know, i have now progressed from 'how to wait patiently' to 'getting over him'.

not working though

 

[crazybbwgirl]

just to let you know, i have now progressed from 'how to wait patiently' to 'getting over him'.
not working though

It will - give it time. It once took me 3 years to get over a guy. I just saw him last weekend and kept thinking to myself "What the hell was wrong with me? I was so despondant over HIM?" lol

 

[Noor]

just to let you know, i have now progressed from 'how to wait patiently' to 'getting over him'.

not working though

I am sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

I am waiting okay at the moment, sleeping is not so good though.

 

[warrior queen]

It will - give it time. It once took me 3 years to get over a guy. I just saw him last weekend and kept thinking to myself "What the hell was wrong with me? I was so despondant over HIM?" lol

no, not in this case

23 years i've loved this man... and every time i see him or hear from him, the feelings that i so severly push down in order to get through life, come flying back to the forefront, and i am in pain all over again.

*sigh*

 

[warrior queen]

I am sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

I am waiting okay at the moment, sleeping is not so good though.

sleep? what is that?
oh, now i remember - it's the thing you do where you close your eyes and relax, and hope like hell you don't dream
(i have drugs to help me sleep - 3 hours max a night is not good.... but they make me dream vividly, and so i avoid taking them.)

should i add not eating to the list?
because i'm not doing that either

 

[Noor]

sleep? what is that?
oh, now i remember - it's the thing you do where you close your eyes and relax, and hope like hell you don't dream
(i have drugs to help me sleep - 3 hours max a night is not good.... but they make me dream vividly, and so i avoid taking them.)

should i add not eating to the list?
because i'm not doing that either

hope you are doing better.

I have been sleeping a bit recently. doing okay on the waiting front for now, making swishy skirts surprise is getting interesting. only taking one of my drugs. Doing lots of chocolate !

BUMP

 

[Noor]

arrggh

bump

need more suggestions

 

[Alsharlan]

Noor.... wake up... you are special!!!

Noor

You are a special person...you are what you are, not what others want you to be.

Believe in what you are, live it that way, and your life will be enhanced.

You then will attract similar folk around you....

Worked for me

Al

 

[Noor]

But I really need to sleep

Noor

You are a special person...you are what you are, not what others want you to be.

Believe in what you are, live it that way, and your life will be enhanced.

You then will attract similar folk around you....

Worked for me

Al

Thank you. I am pretty much being myself, waiting is not my forte. I am much better at being impatience, and hopping a plane but in this case it is more reasonable to wait. I said I would wait and until we have a conversation that leads me to do otherwise, I will try to continue to wait. I have renewed my passport, just in case though
Thanks for the pep talk.

Noor

 

[sxylegs]

something that you have to decide really..... if you think they really will come back ... in your heart... then you have to decide to wait... but if you have doubts like what i read you need to move on and that stupid cliche ... about let them go and if they comeback they are yours... really is true (even thought I hate to admit it) personally..... I know this is just an oppinion of an older lady... I wouldnt wait.....if he/she cannot have you with them on fixing things...just as a support not getting in and helping but as a shoulder... then I guess you are notpart of their plans in the future.... if you can get ahold of this person talk to that person and straight up ask..... and if you are not comfortable with the answer then say what you think right then... but it is your decision either way.. and I hope you take everything into consideration... and most of all do what is best for YOU and only YOU..... I am far from being a pro... but I have had some experiance with waiting and not waiting.... so I can nly say that you really do have to think of yourself on this type of situation.....

I agree fully with what is said here.......Also you will be a much healthier person if you get on with your life instead of waiting for that person. If you wait around you become a clingy person .....not yourself.......
so become that independant person.......that other person may respond to your ability to bounce back and be independent....

good luck in your choices....