How to wait patiently?

[Noor]

I agree fully with what is said here.......Also you will be a much healthier person if you get on with your life instead of waiting for that person. If you wait around you become a clingy person .....not yourself.......
so become that independant person.......that other person may respond to your ability to bounce back and be independent....

good luck in your choices....

My life has not stopped during the time I have known this person and it certainly is not on hold while I am waiting. I am now and always have been an independent person. They said they would be back, I said I would be here and I intend to be.

Right now I see 3 options:
stop waiting-which I will not do, I would not be myself if I did that.
speed up the wait-which I am trying very hard not to do, although this is very much me, it would not be right.
wait patiently- not so much me but the best thing I can do in this situation

They said they would be back, and I have faith in them, so I am looking for ideas on how to be patient while waiting.

 

[sxylegs]

My life has not stopped during the time I have known this person and it certainly is not on hold while I am waiting. I am now and always have been an independent person. They said they would be back, I said I would be here and I intend to be.

Right now I see 3 options:
stop waiting-which I will not do, I would not be myself if I did that.
speed up the wait-which I am trying very hard not to do, although this is very much me, it would not be right.
wait patiently- not so much me but the best thing I can do in this situation

They said they would be back, and I have faith in them, so I am looking for ideas on how to be patient while waiting.

get involved in something you like......like crafts or a cooking class or organize something........that takes a lot of time and energy......then the time will go by a little faster....

good luck in your wait...

 

[Bandit58]

It's much easier to wait knowing there will eventually be an end to it, but if you're waiting for someone to make up their mind or sort out their life and you have no idea how long that will take, that is so hard

I've been involved in both scenarios. The one where I was waiting for someone to sort out his life didn't last. He eventually called things off because of that very thing, because it wasn't fair to me he said. He had been gradually pulling away from me for a few months before he dropped the bombshell but it was still devastating at the time. I also wasn't putting my life on hold but it was quite unsettling in a way not knowing when or even if things would work out

When Gil and I began to get closer I booked a flight 4 months hence to go visit him. That 4 months seemed to crawl but we spent that time chatting and getting to know each other better. When we made the decision to make our relationship official, we had 6 weeks to wait for me to sell up and organise my life to get back to him. Those 6 weeks, which included Xmas and New Year, were harder than anything that had gone before because we knew what we were missing...... But knowing there would eventually be an end to that waiting kept us both going

I hope it all works out for you Noor

 

[Noor]

Thank you Bandit

At the end of my wait, I will be happy just to have my friend back.

 

[sailorswife22]

At the end of my wait, I will be happy just to have my friend back.

I can identify with this statement COMPLETELY. I miss him because I am not myself without him. I too am waiting, but luckily (or unlukily) I have quite a few things to sort out on my own too.

 

[Noor]

I can identify with this statement COMPLETELY. I miss him because I am not myself without him. I too am waiting, but luckily (or unlukily) I have quite a few things to sort out on my own too.

I understand, while I can't say I am not myself without them, life feels so much easier with them. I really don't like it when they are away, I miss them and worry about them.
I have some things I am sorting out too during my wait (besides my passport ) medical stuff, job, car, relationships, money, working more in my studio, the stuff of living.
Sometimes I have doubts and that is hard. Also when things are really bad, and it seems impossible to go on, I wish they were around, so we could smile and laugh with each other.

 

[whatever6869]

I have to agree

I'm not sure how I truly feel about this.

For one thing part of me thinks that it would take a really wise person to wait patiently and most of us hope to attain at least some wisdom eventually.

On the other hand, if I were to be completely 100% patient waiting for someone than I'd have to reevalute my true feelings for that person. Perhaps your impatience should be perceived as a testament to your feelings for that person.

And last, I strongly believe that patience with someone has to have some limits. Showing too much patience with them can sometimes led them to linger and take their time settling whatever they have to settle simply because they feel confident you'll still be there later on. I don't think any of us like to be taken for granted.

Told you I was a bit confused about this one . I'm don't think I was much help here but then again I like to see every side of everything...

I have to agree and add my two cents I seem to have been waiting patiently for sometime only to have him make statements which lead me to believe he is never going to address the issue and why should he have to if I am so patiently waiting for him? Duh never saw that coming so how!

 

[Noor]

How to wait humourously

Bump

I have decided that I want to have a blast while waiting, so any ideas would be welcome.

 

[biggieds]

I'm waiting too...

Hey guys-- I'm in the waiting club too.

After a long hard month of on/off sex and crying and breaks and loving with my girl, we are on an official break.

It's been hard on me, I'm waiting.

I'm in a tough position maybe you can help me out.

My girl is trying to get her life on track. She says I'm the perfect guy, that I'm sexually attractive, that she sees us together in the future...

yet she has kissed another guy and has told me that she wanted sex from him... that she wants sex from other guys (we lost our virginities to each other-- our sex is great; I MEAN-- I give her multiples...)

and guys-- I've said that I'd wait for her.. that I wouldn't date or sleep with any other women...but its hard for me... all I do is think of her.

But I've told her-- I'm not going to communicate with her until she makes up her mind and decides what she wants (I dont want her to give me mixed feelings).

I'm working out hard and training hard with my kick boxing
I've been writing and working on my film
I took a vacation to Hawaii
I've been acting
I've been watching films and eating out

But I miss her and I have such great hope like all of you do that she will come back.

But am I doing the right thing?

I'm young. We're 18 and in college together.
My pals are no help-- they say to dump her to go "fuck around" and I dont feel that. I feel like I should commit to my words and stay loyal through thick and through thin.

I was with her a year and a half and hell, I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman (I know that must sound insane to some of you).

But am I doing the right thing? Have I handeled this well? And is all that there is left to do is wait?

Should I really keep our relashionship and an incommunicado standstill or call her and check up on her?

Thanks so much for all of your previous posts they have helped me understand that I am commited to my girl throughout thick and thin...kisses...and well...sex (which is so hard, so so hard).

Thanks,
Dave

 

[miss_kate]

Sometimes people know that something needs to be fixed- but arent too sure exactly what it is or how to go about fixing it.

 

[Noor]

and guys-- I've said that I'd wait for her.. that I wouldn't date or sleep with any other women...but its hard for me... all I do is think of her.

But I've told her-- I'm not going to communicate with her until she makes up her mind and decides what she wants (I dont want her to give me mixed feelings).

I'm working out hard and training hard with my kick boxing
I've been writing and working on my film
I took a vacation to Hawaii
I've been acting
I've been watching films and eating out

But I miss her and I have such great hope like all of you do that she will come back.

But am I doing the right thing?

I'm young. We're 18 and in college together.
My pals are no help-- they say to dump her to go "fuck around" and I dont feel that. I feel like I should commit to my words and stay loyal through thick and through thin.

I was with her a year and a half and hell, I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman (I know that must sound insane to some of you).

But am I doing the right thing? Have I handeled this well? And is all that there is left to do is wait?

Should I really keep our relashionship and an incommunicado standstill or call her and check up on her?

Thanks so much for all of your previous posts they have helped me understand that I am commited to my girl throughout thick and thin...kisses...and well...sex (which is so hard, so so hard).

Thanks,
Dave

Hmmm I am having some difficulty here.

Waiting should be a two way street. For instance in my case, he said he would be back, and I said I would wait. A variety of things could happen while we are apart, and when he is back we will figure how what happens from there, so in many respects my waiting is keeping a spot for him in my life.

You seem to have an uneven agreement, she sows her wild oats while you remain chaste. I can understand not being interested in anyone else, it happens because no one seems to compare and you don't want to be involved with someone else when you are emotional unavailable, but that is different than making a commitment to be that way.

The problem with what you are doing is that you have all the risk, she has none. Her having no risk, leaves her a longer time when she can linger, not making decisions. She has no incentive to deal withever she needs to deal with in a timely fashion.

I am not and would not be voluntarily be incommunicado from mine, I think when we are, it just makes everything harder. Misunderstandings happen and grow over time, ant hills become mountains, tearing down mountains is hard work and can leave permanent scars that could damage both of us, together and individually.

In your case, I would be friendly and polite, but stay away from being lovers or doing things that lovers do. The way to know if you are doing this, is to stop and ask yourself "would I do this with my best friend?" if not, don't do it.

For myself, I can not understand how a person who cares deeply for another could voluntarily be out of contact, the world does not stop, things happen and friends need to be available just in case. When bad things happen often just knowing someone is there, and will be there if you call, helps enough to deal with things without having to call on them.

 

[biggieds]

It seems like it has to be that way -- seing her just sends me mixed signals.

Dave

 

[Noor]

It seems like it has to be that way -- seing her just sends me mixed signals.

Dave

Maybe something less direct like email? or phone calls? email is better because you can have some time and distance to think about replies.

 

[biggieds]

Thanks Noor--

Phone calls. I'll consider making one a month-- but seriously, you don't advocate severing communication?

This is the hardest wait of my life.

Dave

 

[Noor]

Bump, grind, shimmy

swishing swishy skirts

waiting, arrggghhh, is difficult in the best of times.

feel like a waterfall, would prefer a slow lazy river flowing under trees

 

[zerimar1231]

i think we're all waiting for that someone to fix things, and to finally get back to us. It's hard to say "just wait, they'll come around" hopefully they will, but in the meanwhile keep your options open. There's nothing worse than looking back and regretting.

 

[Noor]

Still waiting, still here, wherever here is. Not about much but that doesn't mean I am not still waiting like I said I would.

 

[Bandit58]

Still waiting, still here, wherever here is. Not about much but that doesn't mean I am not still waiting like I said I would.

Hi Noor
I hope you are not letting life pass you by while you are waiting.....sometimes we get caught up in waiting for the person to get their act together and miss the other possibilities that may be out there.

I waited for someone for almost a year, if we were still "together" I would still be waiting because his circumstances have not changed at all two and a half years later, except that he has finished school. During those months of waiting I let myself get caught up in the "one day" scenario...."one day" my life will be better with the one I love, "one day" we will do this, do that.....and it never happened.

If he hadn't done the decent thing and cut me loose I would not be in the very happy relationship I am in now......so please, don't get caught up, get out and have fun and think of other possibilites.....*HUGS*

 

[Rueben80]

Hey guys-- I'm in the waiting club too.

After a long hard month of on/off sex and crying and breaks and loving with my girl, we are on an official break.

It's been hard on me, I'm waiting.

I'm in a tough position maybe you can help me out.

My girl is trying to get her life on track. She says I'm the perfect guy, that I'm sexually attractive, that she sees us together in the future...

yet she has kissed another guy and has told me that she wanted sex from him... that she wants sex from other guys (we lost our virginities to each other-- our sex is great; I MEAN-- I give her multiples...)

and guys-- I've said that I'd wait for her.. that I wouldn't date or sleep with any other women...but its hard for me... all I do is think of her.

But I've told her-- I'm not going to communicate with her until she makes up her mind and decides what she wants (I dont want her to give me mixed feelings).

I'm working out hard and training hard with my kick boxing
I've been writing and working on my film
I took a vacation to Hawaii
I've been acting
I've been watching films and eating out

But I miss her and I have such great hope like all of you do that she will come back.

But am I doing the right thing?

I'm young. We're 18 and in college together.
My pals are no help-- they say to dump her to go "fuck around" and I dont feel that. I feel like I should commit to my words and stay loyal through thick and through thin.

I was with her a year and a half and hell, I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman (I know that must sound insane to some of you).

But am I doing the right thing? Have I handeled this well? And is all that there is left to do is wait?

Should I really keep our relashionship and an incommunicado standstill or call her and check up on her?

Thanks so much for all of your previous posts they have helped me understand that I am commited to my girl throughout thick and thin...kisses...and well...sex (which is so hard, so so hard).

Thanks,
Dave

You're 18 and too young to know when to break up. Things are weird, clingy, and too much emphasis is placed on first kiss, first whatever. And everyone tries to fight their instincts because they can’t accept that they are not really into whoever even though he or she is nice, kind, giving, funny, ect. By the time you are 21, you’ll have went through enough stuff to know when to move on.

The best advice I have ever gotten about breaking up was ‘When you don’t know where you stand in a relationship, you know.”

 

[beingbrave]

how is the wait going, Noor?

 

[Noor]

how is the wait going, Noor?

Still waiting, some days are better than others. There is so much to, new things, changes, I hope the wait is over soon.

 

[Silky_Thighs]

Provocative thoughts

' "I have thoughts like "no, the very last thing i want right now is to bounce up and down on your cock thanks, sod off" which comes out as 'yes sir'." '

Hilarious!


'The best advice I have ever gotten about breaking up was ‘When you don’t know where you stand in a relationship, you know.” '

So true


if he/she cannot have you with them on fixing things...just as a support, not getting in and helping but as a shoulder... then I guess you are not part of their plans in the future

If there is "fixing" to be done and he doesn't feel that I can help or be included, it makes me wonder what else we won't share.

Sometimes people know that something needs to be fixed- but arent too sure exactly what it is or how to go about fixing it.

if you're waiting for someone to make up their mind or sort out their life and you have no idea how long that will take, that is so hard

In my own experience, the times I have excercised patience have been fruitless. He fixed it and moved on

If you wait around you become a clingy person .....not yourself.......

You're 18 and too young to know when to break up. Things are weird, clingy, and too much emphasis is placed on first kiss, first whatever. And everyone tries to fight their instincts because they can’t accept that they are not really into whoever even though he or she is nice, kind, giving, funny, ect. By the time you are 21, you’ll have went through enough stuff to know when to move on.

Wow, does all this advice ever come at an apt time. It's all very true in my situation. I cared about the person, I saw how special they were, and had gotten so caught up in imagining them as part of my future that even when it was made clear that they didn't want me to wait (or for me to be in that future), I couldn't accept it in my heart. Had the option been given to me I really would have waited for them, or I would have happily accepted the physical stuff without the emotional half, or just started back up from the beginning, and been their friend, true and steadfast though this. Or some combination thereof. Instead I was left wondering why they didn't want me as part of their life, why they didn't trust me to be there for them without jugement, and why they didn't see that what I could offer in these capacities would be worth the extra work to maintain some kind of raport, and wondering if there was something I could do to rectify all this. Or if it was simply that their problems were so big that they needed to be in a position where they could think of no one but themselves, and be completely "selfish" and "self-absorbed" (in the good way) and knew that it would just not be fair to me, even just as a friend. (In which case it was a blessing cause, been there, done that with another friend, and come to the conclusion that I have feelings too that need to be considered. I don't want to be treated carelessly and tossed aside, and I don't want to never know if today's a bad day and walk on eggshells, and be held at armslength at their whim.) I guess I have my answer. By them making that choice, deciding to pull away and do things by themselves, it now doesn't matter either way. You can't force your good intentions, your caring and affection (or good ol' healing sex) on anyone. Practically of course, it amounts to pretty much the same thing as an unequivocal "I've decided I don't want to pursue this with you", cause either way you can't have, but somehow it just didn't seem acceptable until I understood the underlying futility of trying *L*

It's odd how these situations make it so easy to think irrationally. Thank God for my wonderful boyfriend, who was maybe the only one to hear all my crazy irrational desperate thoughts that accompanied my very wet and kinda gross meltdown on his chest, and totally get them, and help me understand why I was feeling that way, and not think I was a clingy nutty oversensitive mess - this after being woken up and only having 3 hours of sleep...he said I was the most kind-hearted, loving person he knew...awwww! Then he took me out to cheer me up. What a guy :-D

Still I can't stop fantasizing about my lost lover, moaning and waking up the neighbours, screamer that I am. How do I purge what could easily have been, what I so wanted to be, out of my head? Ahhh!

 

[Noor]

I guess it depends why they left, what they are fixing and past experience with them. Also how you choose to wait.
When I think of the smiles and the goodness of the friend I am waiting for, its easy to wait. When I get caught up in the difficult parts of life, its hard not knowing what is happening with them and not having them around.

For me there is no replacement, as they did not fulfill a position in my life except their own.
Waiting does not stop me from the other aspects of my life and other relationships, although I do carry the fear that they too may get lost someday.

We all pretend to live as though we have control over lives but in many ways we really don't. Twice I have been injured by drunk drivers, once I had a freak fall and ended up not walking for a long time. I have had friends drop dead without warning. Others fall into mental illness, stroke and/or brain injury. Then there is cancer and disease, autoimmune disorders.

In the past year the Asian Tsunami swept away 300,000 people, families of those whose bodies were not recovered are left without closure, other disasters typhoons, earthquakes. bombings, war are things that the individual has little control over.

So all you can really do is to keep your word and believe other people's word. Believe in a person's intentions until you learn for certain that they are otherwise.

He said he'd be back, I said I'd wait, I have no concrete reason to do otherwise.
Time is not some magic thing, he was to be back in weeks to months, now it seems it will be months to years, why should time stop me believing in him?