How would you handle this situation?

[SweetErika]

One of our neighbors went to the Bahamas for the week and has a young lady (and possibly her boyfriend) housesitting and taking care of their dog.

The neighbor between us and the vacationing family emailed me the other day asking us to keep an eye out because the housesitter has been having small parties every night, driving the family's car and is doing *something* in the garage. That *something* involves the garage door being open a couple of feet, lots of coughing, laughing and friends periodically leaving and coming back. We can't get close enough to sniff, but we're almost certain they're smoking pot in there nightly. There are some other signs that the housesitter and her party crew are irresponsible, too.

We've only known the neighbors casually for a few years, but we have a friendly relationship. I told the neighbor who emailed me that we'd keep an eye out and hope for the best. She has a much longer, closer relationship with the vacationing family.

But as we're getting toward the end of the week, I don't really know what to do with the info I have. Should I tell the emailing neighbor what I've seen and let her deal with it? Or mention something to the vacationing neighbor if it comes up? Or stay out of it altogether?

In this situation, I'd want to be given this information so I could make sure everything was in order and be careful about using the same housesitter in the future. But as the person with the info, I want to maintain and grow our good relationships with our neighbors.

How would you handle this situation if you were in my shoes?

 

[sunandshadow]

You don't want to do something that will involve the vactioning neighbor's house being entered by the police, mentioned in police reports, etc. You should email your neighbor back.

 

[hisgypsy]

Oh boy. Where I live, this happened to someone on a larger scale. The partiers caused over $100,000 in damage to the house over the weekend and the girl housesitting went to jail and has to make restitution.

What would you want your neighbor to do if it was your house? These people have entrusted their home to this person, who is abusing that trust.

You can go talk to the girl and tell her you and every other neighbor is aware of what is going on and if it doesn't stop immediately, you will most definitely inform the owners and possibly call the police. You don't have to call them, but the threat of it might stop the partying.

People might call me a rat for saying the homeowner has the right to know, but I would feel so violated if someone treated my place like that.

Good luck. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

[Plainly_Jane]

I agree with the advice to do what you wish your neighbor might do, if you were the vacationing homeowner. With all sorts of people coming and going, the vacationing homeowners are unwittingly becoming liable for anybody who might get injured on their property. That doesn't even take into account the hassle if someone else reports their suspicions to the police and they come out and find drugs on the property.

 

[SpecialKay62]

If it were me, I'd want to know what had happened in my house while I was away. Yet, I'm not sure I'd want to be the one telling the neighbor. I like the idea of confronting the sitter, except what if she's crazy and does something to YOUR house. You just never know. I think I'd tell the vacationing neighbor what I saw and heard (and not what I inferred) and let them draw their own conclusions. I wouldn't consult with the e-mailing neighbor, so that it didn't seem gossip-y. Please let us know what you decide. Are they coming back this weekend?

 

[unregistered]

 

[night&day]

Myob

I suggest!

 

[simplegirl]

I would inform the neighbour also. As SpecialK mentioned, I wouldn't mention what I infer, but stick to the facts. As others mentioned, the owner wouldn't want any nasty surprises as well as trusting this person in the future.

 

[SweetErika]

I didn't think about the homeowners being liable for drugs or whatever on the premises, but that's a very good point. They have young boys who don't need to see the product of irresponsible housesitting or drugs, and quite frankly, I'm a little worried about how well the dog is being cared for since this girl seems more concerned with partying than doing her job.

Today I was walking our foster pups past the house and noticed like 15 Powerade caps on the lawn. They weren't there last night, either. Who drinks that much powerade in one day and then throws caps on the lawn?

You're right, I don't want to confront the housesitter because who knows what she and her friends might do to our property now or in the future? I did ask her if we could bring our puppies over to play with the family's dog this week, so we might do that tonight, make sure the house isn't trashed inside and ask her how everything's going, if she needs anything, etc. Hopefully that'll be enough to let her know we're keeping an eye on things, too.

I guess my concern with talking to the homeowners directly is if our other neighbor also says something, I don't want the homeowners to feel ganged up on or like they caused us any trouble by leaving their home in the care of such an irresponsible person. The dynamics of our relationships make me lean toward pointing the other neighbor toward what we're seeing so she can observe for herself and report her own findings to the homeowners, but maybe my gut feeling on that is wrong or is arising out of a desire to avoid any kind of sticky situation.

I'll talk to our mutual neighbor (the one I've been emailing with) and see what she thinks, too, since she's the one who has the long-standing relationship with the family. She's very nice and delicate, so hopefully we can come up with some way to tell the homeowners without any hurt feelings or appearance of gossip.

 

[smoochmycooch]

I didn't think about the homeowners being liable for drugs or whatever on the premises, but that's a very good point. They have young boys who don't need to see the product of irresponsible housesitting or drugs, and quite frankly, I'm a little worried about how well the dog is being cared for since this girl seems more concerned with partying than doing her job.

Today I was walking our foster pups past the house and noticed like 15 Powerade caps on the lawn. They weren't there last night, either. Who drinks that much powerade in one day and then throws caps on the lawn?

You're right, I don't want to confront the housesitter because who knows what she and her friends might do to our property now or in the future? I did ask her if we could bring our puppies over to play with the family's dog this week, so we might do that tonight, make sure the house isn't trashed inside and ask her how everything's going, if she needs anything, etc. Hopefully that'll be enough to let her know we're keeping an eye on things, too.
I guess my concern with talking to the homeowners directly is if our other neighbor also says something, I don't want the homeowners to feel ganged up on or like they caused us any trouble by leaving their home in the care of such an irresponsible person. The dynamics of our relationships make me lean toward pointing the other neighbor toward what we're seeing so she can observe for herself and report her own findings to the homeowners, but maybe my gut feeling on that is wrong or is arising out of a desire to avoid any kind of sticky situation.

I'll talk to our mutual neighbor (the one I've been emailing with) and see what she thinks, too, since she's the one who has the long-standing relationship with the family. She's very nice and delicate, so hopefully we can come up with some way to tell the homeowners without any hurt feelings or appearance of gossip.

When you bring the dogs over, ask those questions and don't forget to add, "Hey, I don't want to stand here and be the bitch, but the neighbors are starting to talk about your little getogethers and it might be wise to cool it before the homeowners get home." I know it sounds stupid, but you sort of have to bring yourself down to their level of maturity, plus it makes you look like the nicer person for saying something to her before something bad happens. As for the other neighbor, I wouldn't get myself involved in the chatter more than you already have. If the homeowner says something to you later, you wouldn't be lieing since you did voice some conerns to her/him already. Good luck.

 

[MattWright]

If I were in your position, I would notify the homeowner. They could potentially find themselves in a position of liability if something horrible were to happen. And, like you said, you would want to know if you were in their position. I would, too. Best wishes, Erika.

I agree!

 

[biggysmallz]

The "Golden Rule" part of me says: Let the vacationing family know what happened when they come back and let them handle it as they see fit.

The "Boys will be boys" part of me says: Just ignore it.

The first is probably better advice haha

 

[SweetErika]

Well, we stopped by and she and the dog came out on the front porch. She said the family would be home tomorrow, everything was fine and kind of shooed us away (she had a couple of friends over). I don't know what's going on in that garage at all hours, but I hope she's damn good at getting rid of all of the evidence.

We'll probably talk to the homeowners about their trip this weekend or week, and say something if they ask, but otherwise leave it to the other neighbor to mention something. I will talk to that neighbor about how she plans to deal with it, if she's going to say anything at all.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ask the cops to stop by the house and do a well person check when the partying is happening. I did that to my kids on one occasion, and a couple of their friends went to jail.

 

[simplegirl]

I guess my concern with talking to the homeowners directly is if our other neighbor also says something, I don't want the homeowners to feel ganged up on or like they caused us any trouble by leaving their home in the care of such an irresponsible person.

By the way you word and address things on the board here, I doubt you would make the neighbour feel ganged-up on. You can certainly approach the situation by way of concern for the neighbour. I'm sure they would be thankful for neighbours (more than 1!) who look out for them, IMO.

 

[Aeruditica]

Since your e-mailing neighbor has a much closer relationship with this family, I would tell them what you've seen and let them know that you think this family might want to know what's going on, and let them handle letting them know. Unless the family gave you contact information to get hold of them and specifically asked you to watch their place, I don't feel you have an obligation to inform them before they get home, but I certainly would after they got back. They obviously will not want to trust this young lady with their home again.

 

[A_Kefka]

I know if it were my house I'd wanna be told, but then I would have told them no big parties, probably no guests at all. that said I probably wouldn't care if they were having one or two friends over and not messing anything up, but that isn't what it sounds like. you should let them know, but make it clear that you you aren't attacking them for what their housesitter did, just making sure they are aware of what went on.

 

[silverwhisper]

erika, i think the golden rule definitely applies here, as was mentioned earlier. and to be honest, the potential legal exposure to the homeowners--or to you as having what in a cop's hands would constitute probable cause--isn't exactly minor. i think plainly jane makes the best point there.

did your mutual neighbor have suspicions about what's been going on there?

ed

 

[banes27]

Personally I'd have a chat with the middle neighbour and then, being with them and making sure no-one else contacts them so they don't get too worried, see if they can contact the vacationing neighbours, hopefully their closer relationship means they would have been given contact details, let them know what you think is going on and see what they think you should do. If you do that they'd probably be grateful you told them and you might be closer to them as a result.

If you can't get in contact with the neighbours then I'd probably wait for them to get back and tell them straight away what you think was going on. I wouldn't get the police involved, the neighbours would probably be annoyed if nothing came of it, and having their house intruded upon wouldn't be good either, even if it was the police.

 

[LittlePenisInPA]

You probably will be living next to these people a long time... no sense having them pissed off at you for not saying anything but stick to the facts as you know them as mentioned in a previous post.

 

[SweetErika]

erika, i think the golden rule definitely applies here, as was mentioned earlier. and to be honest, the potential legal exposure to the homeowners--or to you as having what in a cop's hands would constitute probable cause--isn't exactly minor. i think plainly jane makes the best point there.

did your mutual neighbor have suspicions about what's been going on there?

ed

Yes. The mutual neighbor approached me first with her concerns via email after we had met the housesitter earlier that day and suggested we both keep an eye on things.

I think the homeowners are home now, but I bet they're resting after long flights and the time difference.

I'll try to talk to the mutual neighbor today and see if she's going to say anything to the homeowners, and what, if anything, she thinks we should say if it comes up.

 

[SweetErika]

Alright, well I ended up talking to our mutual neighbor about how to handle relaying our observations, mentioned what we saw and some of the important points you guys brought up (like liability w/ drugs and such), and she talked to the homeowner. I overheard a bit of the conversation, and it sounded like it went well.

The housesitter showed up while all of us were talking about the vacation, and she didn't look happy to see all of us together. It's pretty clear she knew she was irresponsible.

Thanks for your input and advice everyone! It was helpful to get different perspectives and considerations on this one.

 

[fireymatt]

just curious if there was any damage to the house
i know when my parents left me alone, they always knew when i had a party becuase the house was TOO clean when they got home...lol

 

[SweetErika]

just curious if there was any damage to the house
i know when my parents left me alone, they always knew when i had a party becuase the house was TOO clean when they got home...lol

I don't know. We've never been in their house, so even if the housesitter invited us in or we went in now, we'd have nothing to compare it to.

The only things I saw outside was tons of Powerade caps and some little pieces of trash on the lawn. Oh yeah, and tire marks in our cul-de-sac from when the boyfriend drove the family's car (we all heard the car screech, them swearing and yelling about not being good at driving a stick when he almost hit the family's SUV).

The housesitter cleaned for several hours Friday with a friend, so there must have been a good amount of mess.

I housesat when I was a teen in a very nice home. I had a couple of friends over periodically and one or two parties. Even though we drank alcohol and smoked cigs, all of my friends were older, very responsible at heart and we were extremely careful to keep the noise down and everything in good order. So, I totally sympathize with enjoying that freedom, even with friends, when that's not against the rules.

However, this girl must be really irresponsible and/or stupid to not recognize how physically close and protective the neighbors are. We wouldn't have thought anything of it if she had had a few friends over for quiet gatherings and even if they all went outside as a group to smoke. Someone who doesn't think about the potential consequences or how things look is worrisome because they're probably not thinking about the consequences of their actions either, or they just don't care.