Hyper-Sensitivity

[Naked Hunny]

damnit jeffie dont fucking yell at me ill come out to the desert and kick your ass!!! I was just saying did you do anything productive i didnt ask if you left the damn house!!

 

[Jeff726]

now a friend of mine all of a sudden stops talking to me. this is just fucking wonderful.

 

[Siren]

Jeff.........

 

[Naked Hunny]

damnit now hes mad at me. I was trying to make a point and he flipped out i just wanted him to see that he should freaken do something other than sit in front of his computer screen all damn day

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Hey Jeff....

What is so cool about being cool, anyways? Try being Jeff and if you don't know how, think about it and figure out who it is you really want to be.

I have a 27 year old son who is full of insecurities. He lives in NYC. He can't understand why everyone else gets all the breaks. I can't tell him differently. He has to find it out for himself. I listen to him and he talks to me. I encourage him and praise him. (He sees a therapist for additional insight). He grows a little more confident every day.

As for you, to begin, begin.

blue

 

[Siren]

It's not yu Naked Hunny

 

[Naked Hunny]

Thanks Siren!!

YA know he asked for our advice and then flips out on us!! Well i dont need that, thats for damn sure!

 

[Weird Harold]

now a friend of mine all of a sudden stops talking to me. this is just fucking wonderful.

I can't say much about anything other than how you interact with the others on this BB, Jeff, so I'm not going to bore you with any advice about what to do in RL.

Strictly in the context of interacting on the BB, you need to realize that you react too quickly. The message I quoted is a good example.

What does it accomplish to actually post this thought?

It's a good thing to yell at your screen while you pelt it with marshmallows, but it doesn't do anything to advance the discussion of how to control your "hypersensitivity."

Any time you see something that upsets you on the BB, let some time pass before you post a reply. The more it upsets you, the longer you should wait before posting a reply.

While you're waiting for the immediate flush of anger to pass, think about what you are going to say in response. Think of the best way to phrase your response to get the reaction you want.

Once you've cooled down, re-read the post that made you angry and ask yourself what might have caused the person to say such a thing. Did they screw up an attempt at a joke? Post in haste or anger? Commit a typo that changed what they meant to say into something insulting? Try to look beyond the words that made you upset and find what they were really trying to say.

Then consider your response. If the post that upset you seems to be a deliberate attempt to get a rise out of you, is rising to the bait the best way to respond? Is your planned response going to make you look silly or petty? Is your response going to dictated by someone else's words, or come from you.

Finally read what others have posted in the meantime. Is your response going to look out of place based on the twists and turns others have woven into the thread in the meantime?

Some one very wise once said "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open once mouth and remove all doubt." Read your own posts carefully before submitting them with this in mind. Try to imagine how others will see your words before deciding to click "submit" or "back".

Seeing both sides of a statement, and trying to look behind the words is not something that's easy. It means making the effort to slow down and think about what the other person said, and seperating that from what they may have meant. It's harder to do in RL, but the same principles apply there. You just don't have the luxury of time to read and re-read other's words before responding.

I've avoided responding to many of your posts and problems, because I see a lot of myself (at age 19/20) in the way you post. I know from personal experience the reaction you are liable to have to anything that starts with "when I was your age" from someone ancient like me. I'd like to keep you from making the same sort of mistakes I made, but life is the only thing that can hit you hard enough to get your attention sometimes.

Therefore, I'll save all of the diatribes and advice I know you aren't ready to hear just yet, and save my fingers for the advice I think you'll listen to. I'll answer direct questions if you pose them, but for the most part, I'll let you learn from the school of hard knocks.