I don't fit in.

[AvaAdore]

What about several different social groups? When you can't completely fit in one, perhaps you can distribute yourself across a few more or less separate groups?

For example, I do physics, and most people who don't do physics don't really want to hear about it. So, I've got a bunch of other physics friends. We sometimes go to the pub on Fridays and have a few drinks. I don't really talk about my personal life that much because these people are more like work mates (though we are all students). I hang out with them when I want to get my normal on

Then there's my other social group. It's kind of a generic "alternative" group. The goths, geeks, and gamers. In this group I can be most unrestrained. There are people into BDSM in the group. I never joined any official BDSM club (though there is one where I live), so I've never dealt with more-submissive-than-thou and such people. I just happen to have friends who are also into it and we sometimes go to events together. Perhaps it's better that way.

I do martial arts, and that social group is quite separate from the others. I don't have a lot in common with most of them, but I don't expect to. Still, it's fun to go on trips to tournaments and things like that. It fulfills some social niche for me. I can't really describe it.

Then there are the closer friends. We live near each other, go to the movies together, go to the gym together, shopping, whatever. There are also friends who I knew from when I was 6. We are all in different parts of the world now, but they feel more like siblings!

I think of myself as a "casual goth" - I like goth music and fashion, but I can't be fucked getting all dressed up every day, but I do for special occasions. I usually wear black, but it's kind of normal black for the most part. I probably wouldn't fit with "goths" my age (who are really mostly just metal heads and just drink and smoke pot) in my town. I also don't fit in with typical students, or typical New Zealanders. I really didn't have much in common with anyone from high school here.

I actively sought out a social group via joining clubs when I started university. It worked great!

 

[h_i_s]

.....

 

[WakoJako]

What about several different social groups? When you can't completely fit in one, perhaps you can distribute yourself across a few more or less separate groups?

For example, I do physics, and most people who don't do physics don't really want to hear about it. So, I've got a bunch of other physics friends. We sometimes go to the pub on Fridays and have a few drinks. I don't really talk about my personal life that much because these people are more like work mates (though we are all students). I hang out with them when I want to get my normal on

Then there's my other social group. It's kind of a generic "alternative" group. The goths, geeks, and gamers. In this group I can be most unrestrained. There are people into BDSM in the group. I never joined any official BDSM club (though there is one where I live), so I've never dealt with more-submissive-than-thou and such people. I just happen to have friends who are also into it and we sometimes go to events together. Perhaps it's better that way.

I do martial arts, and that social group is quite separate from the others. I don't have a lot in common with most of them, but I don't expect to. Still, it's fun to go on trips to tournaments and things like that. It fulfills some social niche for me. I can't really describe it.

Then there are the closer friends. We live near each other, go to the movies together, go to the gym together, shopping, whatever. There are also friends who I knew from when I was 6. We are all in different parts of the world now, but they feel more like siblings!

I think of myself as a "casual goth" - I like goth music and fashion, but I can't be fucked getting all dressed up every day, but I do for special occasions. I usually wear black, but it's kind of normal black for the most part. I probably wouldn't fit with "goths" my age (who are really mostly just metal heads and just drink and smoke pot) in my town. I also don't fit in with typical students, or typical New Zealanders. I really didn't have much in common with anyone from high school here.

I actively sought out a social group via joining clubs when I started university. It worked great!

I am EXACTLY the same except replace 'New Zealanders' with 'Englishmen'. 'martial arts' with 'poker' and 'physics' with 'maths'

Im sure there are people who would be defined as 'normal' on the outside, just a casual look... and yet are seriouly active in a BDSM life.

 

[Homburg]

Then there's my other social group. It's kind of a generic "alternative" group. The goths, geeks, and gamers.

Geeks and gamers represent. It has been my experience that gamers can be some of the most accepting people on the planet. Yes, there's cliques, like anywhere else, but if you roll those dice, at some level, you are My People.

 

[myinnerslut]

Geeks and gamers represent. It has been my experience that gamers can be some of the most accepting people on the planet. Yes, there's cliques, like anywhere else, but if you roll those dice, at some level, you are My People.

nerd

i dont fit in much anywhere to. i dance but im not professional enough to be a dancer. i sing, but not often enough to be in the drama group. i dabble in RPG (very very very dabbled) but not enough to follow whats happening without help. i am a social butterfly, but have never been a "popular girl". even in BDSM, im too young to be accepted in most RL situations.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately there are no groups and stuff ike that at my school or whatever.

Sigh.. I really do wish that for once, I could some -fun- people, who I can discuss everything with. Yes even my sub-side and all that.

 

[00Syd]

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately there are no groups and stuff ike that at my school or whatever.

Sigh.. I really do wish that for once, I could some -fun- people, who I can discuss everything with. Yes even my sub-side and all that.

Oooh! Oooh! *Raises hand*

We're fun people!

 

[Little_Kitten]

Yea You are... But unfortunately there aren't people ike you near me. I have ONE friend that I can discuss just about everything with. But we aren't much in contact anymore.. After I moved city and all that. I miss her She's fun as hell. We used to have so many great, whacky moments together. And weren't afraid discussing sexual stuff.

And lately, she decided to become a mormon(fun).

 

[00Syd]

Yea You are... But unfortunately there aren't people ike you near me. I have ONE friend that I can discuss just about everything with. But we aren't much in contact anymore.. After I moved city and all that. I miss her She's fun as hell. We used to have so many great, whacky moments together. And weren't afraid discussing sexual stuff.

And lately, she decided to become a mormon(fun).

Wow, a mormon. That could possibly put a damper on your discussions of sexual stuff. But either way its too bad that your not in touch anymore. Maybe try writing her a letter, like a real live snail mail one.

And don't give up hope! I'm sure eventually someone will turn up who you find yourself comfortable enough with to be open and talk about this stuff.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Wow, a mormon. That could possibly put a damper on your discussions of sexual stuff. But either way its too bad that your not in touch anymore. Maybe try writing her a letter, like a real live snail mail one.

And don't give up hope! I'm sure eventually someone will turn up who you find yourself comfortable enough with to be open and talk about this stuff.

I dunno if being a mormon is gonna put a damper on anything. Knowing her, she'll changed from anything to anything just like that... She's been goth, punk.. all that sorts of stuff. Which is cool. I like her open mindedness.

But yea. Finding cool people like her is so hard.
But I'm thinking that maybe it is the gothy-type of people I should go after.

 

[WakoJako]

Yea You are... But unfortunately there aren't people ike you near me. I have ONE friend that I can discuss just about everything with. But we aren't much in contact anymore.. After I moved city and all that. I miss her She's fun as hell. We used to have so many great, whacky moments together. And weren't afraid discussing sexual stuff.

And lately, she decided to become a mormon(fun).

Thats one more than me

And if you think thats bad... i live opposite a Jehovah's Witness Kingdom hall, so i regularly get them-a-knocking...

Although maybe i should tell them what i like... that will give them a fright

 

[Little_Kitten]

Thats one more than me

And if you think thats bad... i live opposite a Jehovah's Witness Kingdom hall, so i regularly get them-a-knocking...

Although maybe i should tell them what i like... that will give them a fright

Messing with Jehovah-people is always fun

 

[WakoJako]

Messing with Jehovah-people is always fun

Always... Next time i enter the door in a bonadage kit and tell them that the girl upstairs was just praising the Lord by shouting 'Oh God!' at the top of her voice.

Of course for this plan to work i need a bondage kit... and a girl...

still, gives me time to plan.

 

[Qpet05]

who knew I'd someday type that I agree with Rosco

But it's true. I've felt that way a while and I agree - as I've told nh and others. The only person I ever have to answer to is me. I'm *gulp* 39 years old and only in this last year have I really learned to like me fo rme. A lot of that is in accepting that I'm poly and a submissive and being allowed to fully experience those things.

We've known since grade school that humans are mean. If you're different than the majority, they're worse. Most times, they're downright cruel. The only thing we can do is learn to love ourselves and surround ourselves with others who love us too.

*hugs*

(Bolding mine.).. At least you learned to like yourself for you 6 years sooner than me Isn't great to FINALLY like yourself?!?!

 

[Little_Kitten]

I do like myself. Other people don't though
I'm pretty content with myself. I have the same itnerests as me.. uh... however weird that sounds. But... XD How can I not like me? I'm me.

I would never change myself in order to become "socially accepted".

 

[Qpet05]

I do like myself. Other people don't though
I'm pretty content with myself. I have the same itnerests as me.. uh... however weird that sounds. But... XD How can I not like me? I'm me.

I would never change myself in order to become "socially accepted".

you're one up on me then!! Honestly... it took Master to help SHOW me ... "me" and teach that i was someone worth liking!! That i was a strong, vivacious, confident woman.. who's opinions mattered and "counted"!!..

and no, before Master showed me these things. i would flip - flop to whomever's opinion was "popular" at the time.. i didn't allow myself to HAVE an opinion of my own!

 

[FurryFury]

How can you not like you? Lordy tons of people don't like themselves. I don't always like myself. I like myself more these days than I did a few years ago so I'm getting better. It sounds like you have it ALL OVER me.

 

[satindesire]

One thing I want to stress here is that there's nothing wrong with wanting to fit in. And people's opinions DO hurt, sometimes we can't help that. If someone zeroes in on a sensitive topic we can't always have super masterful control over our emotions, and insults can slip in through the chinks in our armor to hurt us.

What I have to say is going to be a little different from the rest of the posts here, and I may get flamed a little bit for it, but I think it might help you.

If you want to fit in, you don't have to have the arrogant, hateful attitude other 'preppy' or popular clique girls do. Changing little things about yourself will make yourself feel more acceptable in that crowd, and through emulating certain things about 'preppy' girls you actually can begin to feel comfortable and confident around them, and thus they will be more accepting of you, and won't pick you apart or insult you (at least not as much, hopefully).

The biggest thing to remember is that people...human beings, I should say, have a sort of pack mentality that makes us WANT to outcast people that are different. The zebra that's pink and yellow may look individual and cool, but you'll be betting that's the zebra that gets eaten when the lion comes to hunt that herd. If you get my drift.

Emulating 'preppy' clothing and hairstyles can make you look a little more acceptable in school situations to these people and deflect their interest, thus making you feel more secure in their presence. Not only will you look like them, but you will soon have that sort of confidence that you see them have.

Get some pretty highlights, wear your hair straight. Go to Charolette Russe or Rainbow, or Gap and buy a few cute, simple pieces of clothes. Footless tights with denim miniskirts and ballet flats are really in now, as is layering long tank tops under shorter shirts. You don't have to skip out wearing black as long as you dress it up with some cute accessories like stacked bangle bracelets, layered bea necklaces, and earrings.

Preppier styles of clothes don't have to come from the Buckle and be overpriced and ridiculous. So shop around. I go to Ross to get jeans and purses, and there's also some really nice shoes (Tommy Hillfinger, Chinese Laundry, Dollhouse).

Be mindful of changing fashions and try to follow the ones that aren't so weird. I did eventually pick up the footless tights look, but I refuse to wear leg warmers over brightly colored high heels...I want to look cute and trendy, not like I'm a throwback to the 80's.

Let me repeat, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to fit in. My parents were dirt poor, my dad worked in a factory most of his life and we could never afford to pay for cable internet or a cell phone, let alone lots of cute clothes. I was shy and outcast in high school and until I went to modeling school, I had no idea how to apply makeup or style my hair attractively.

When I moved to CA, I had barely enough clothes to pack into a single suitcase, and when I tried to make friends, I was looked at as not socially acceptable because of the way I looked. I was insulted, 'picked apart' and outcast. But by changing a few things about myself that in NO WAY compromised my personality or interests, I can now enter into any social situation comfortable and confident, knowing I look the part of a 'preppy' girl.

I don't drink or smoke pot, nor do I have an obsession over celebrities or shopping. I don't giggle over Cosmo while drinking overpriced coffee at Starbucks. I didn't have to change anything but my outside, and as long as that's all you're changing, you can do whatever you want.

I hope this helps you.

 

[FurryFury]

Learning to fit is not necessarily being untrue to oneself. I just wanted to stay that for the record.

Also, the older you get the easier it is to fit in. I guess some of the shallow crap goes away with maturity. People who never talked to me in high school now act as though we were best buds. I don't even remember them but they remember me, fondly? *shakes head* I find that confusing but whatever.